The Wonderful World Of Laughter

Happy New Year's!

Today i lost my mood ring, i wonder how i felt about that

I wonder if people could actually taste the bullshit when it comes out of there mouth.?

Why the hell is Friday so close to Monday and Monday so far from Friday..?

If you tickle me i am not responsible for your injures.

Rule 1: during arguments if your losing start correcting there grammar

Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes

We all have that friend that has no clue whats going on in the worst situations...

If tomato is a fruit then is ketchup a smoothie..?

Pretending to die in front of your pet to see if it saves you..

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans but i cant find my boots with the fur..

Sometimes I sneak up on my alarm when it's sleeping and yell "How does it feel!?"

Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one...what's your plan?

The first time I had a Mcflurry, I thought the spoon was a straw too.

Your as sluty as a bowling ball, you get picked up, fingered, thrown down an alley and still come back for more.

I almost got raped in jail. My family takes monopoly very seriously.

Why do people in Horror Movies yell out "Hello?" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah, I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"

The awkward moment when its quiet in class and your stomache decides to make that dying whale sound.

Walking around the kitchen like pac-man when Im hungry.

1.Open fridge. Nothing to eat. 2. Open cabinets. Nothing to eat. 3. Lower standards and repeat.

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason i have trust issues.

School is pointless! English? We speak it. History? They're dead, get over it. Math? We have calculators. Spanish? We have Dora.

The awkward moment when a film syas, "based on a true story" and it automatically becomes 100 times scarier.

I swear Mario is such a hobo. He wakes up everyday in the same clothes, runs around in sewers, and collects coins. To buy what? Mushrooms!

Ghost hunters: "Can you communicate with us?" *Door creeks* Ghost hunters: "Oh so your name is William?"

Oh so you took 20 minutes to text me back? K, cool I'll take 30.

********Vote and Comment and tell me what you think :) i hope these jokes / awkward moments and randoms make you laugh :) if you comment maybe ill give you a shout out!!! Come on guys lets try to make it 1,000 reads ! Were almost there!!!!***********