Freak

// 8 //

I sat in my room and listened to the extremely loud music coming from Alana's room that was directly across the hall from me. Pierce the veil. It was always pierce the veil that was blaring loudly from the fifteen dollar speakers I had bought her a couple years ago for her birthday. I seriously regretted buying them when we would come home from school and she'd lock herself in her room and play her music at the absolute maximum volume. My parents and I got tired of trying to get her to turn it down, she never listened anyway.  After a couple of months of lying on my bed in my room and being practically forced to the spiteful music, I began to love it. I started to love coming home from school to hear what song Alana was going to put on. The lyrics of the songs were so beautiful and relatable, I didn't know if I wanted to smile, cry or kill myself. It wasn't always the words, the guitar and the drums also made me feel a way I couldn't explain. I started memorizing the words and I banged my pencils against my desk to imitate the drums. I was a very different person due to my new music taste. Rock was the only thing I ever wanted to listen to, talk about, sing along to and read about. I bought hundreds of rock history books. Freddie mercury, Elvis Presley, Jimi Hendrix, Bon Jovi and Kurt Cobain were some of my favourites. I had at least five hundred books for my favourite rock legends. After some time, they didn't all fit stacked on my bedroom floor. So I built a shelf in front of my bed so I could look at all the names before I went to bed. I spent a couple months saving up for wood which was hard because I really wanted to spend it on more books. My parents didn't want to chip in a single dollar because well they're assholes of course. So I got a couple of my friends to help me set it up and even though it was a little lopsided and each shelf was a different colour, I didn't mind. Sometimes Alana would come in and we'd read them together. Amidst the rock legend books, there were also many current rock and punk band books or magazines. I had discovered a new love for Bring Me the Horizon, Mayday Parade, Fall Out Boy and of course Pierce the Veil. I read them all hundreds of times over and every time I picked up on something new that I had missed before. I could tell you anything you wanted to know about just about any rock band out there. Even the super weird creepy things that most normal fans don't really know like Vic Fuentes, the lead singer of pierce the veil, was born on February 10th, 1983 at 11:06pm. Yes I know the exact minute. Why? I have no idea.  Also Joe Trohman, the guitarist of fall out boy is the tallest member of the band. He's 5'10" and he's the youngest in the band. Here's a fact you didn't know about Kurt Cobain; Kurt Cobain auditioned to be in the Melvin's but they rejected him. Here's a fact you probably all know about his wife; she's a lying bitch who just wanted his money and fame. Of all the terrible people in the world that I hate with a fiery passion, Courtney Love tops them all. Even my dad, who beats me, yells at me and makes me feel like a piece of shit. I've read thousands of articles, watched hundreds of videos, listened to countless audio recordings and spent hours of research on Cobain's death and the conspiracy that Courtney killed him. Everything just makes sense and I hate it. I can't believe someone would have the audacity to take possibly the most amazing man in the universe away from world and away from me. He's one of my greatest heroes and because of her greed; I will never ever get to meet him. I will never get to tell him how much he's changed me, how much he means to me. He's gone. It hurts me so much to think about it that way so I try to push those thoughts out of my head. It was hard not to think about Kurt when Alana was playing "In Bloom" really fucking loud I thought her speakers were going to just explode. So I began to cry. Without even noticing, I stained the Jimi Hendrix book I was reading with my grief-stricken tears. I wish I would've died instead of him sometimes, I honestly think if he was still here the world would be extremely different. Kurt Cobain's existence left a beautiful mark on the world. I always thought about Kurt. I always cried about him too. But today was different because today was February 20th. Today was his birthday. I calculated that he would be 48 today. I went on my computer and read every single random fact, listened to so many audio recordings of his voice and watched biographies and interviews like it was my fucking job. It sort of was my job. I always thought it was my job to keep rock and the 80's and 90's alive. I realised my cheeks were once again tear stained before long which wasn't much of a surprise for me but it seemed like one to Alana because when she burst into my room. She gave me a concerned yet vaguely disgusted look.