For Him...??

For Him...?? (Chapter - 18)

Saanvika's POV

After Vihaan left, ma gave me a small smile to me and went to freshen up and sleep as we have an early morning flight..... We will be meeting babachu and others directly at the airport, Aman chachu will drop them off..... He asked us to stay there too but ma refused politely as bhai and I are against it, we don't want to depend on anyone unless it's an emergency..... If I didn't have a place to stay, then it's okay to stay at Aman chachu's place but that's not the case...

After everyone freshened up, I gave the milkshakes I ordered as we didn't have dinner..... Ahana had an early dinner before going to Vihaan's place so she is fine..... We all sat in the hall talking about random things, mostly about Vihaan and his family..... They are very happy that I got such a good family as my in-laws... Honestly, I too am surprised at my luck, I agree Vandana aunty is a little difficult to handle but the rest all are too good..... I never thought I would be this lucky..... Maybe God is finally giving me my share of happiness...... What am I thinking  ?? Can I ever be happy  ?? Especially without papa  ?? Stop it Saanvi... Don't go there.....
"I never thought you would agree to this proposal Saanvi considering Vihaan is a doctor that too a heart surgeon, I thought you would refuse outright, but thank god you accepted..... Family is very good" Bhai said making my senses alert.....

He is right, I used to dislike doctors, especially heart surgeons, wait I still do, then Why did I agree to marry Vihaan..... Oh God, what did I do  ?? Why didn't I think about it like this till now  ?? When I am with Vihaan I forget about his profession, sometimes I tease him by calling him doc but that's all, I never seriously thought about his profession and how will I deal with my hate towards his profession...... I slapped my head getting damn worried...

"What's wrong," Ma asked getting tensed...

"Nothing.... Leave me alone", I said getting up, I need to clear my mind but bhai pulled me by my wrist harshly...

"You can't walk away without answering us Saanvi, you are not thinking of doing something, right??" He asked angrily... I know what he meant, he really thought I would cancel this wedding now ?? Like really ??

"Wow, you trust me so much.... Thanks, brother", I said sarcasm dripping in my tone..... I can't help it, my mood is already sour, and on above all I can't deal with his sudden mood swings right now..... I stood up to walk away again but I was pulled again by my brother this time more harshly than before, I hate to be manhandled..... And there started our cat fight...... He asked what my problem was and I told him as I knew he won't be leaving me until I say... There he goes...... He said how unworthy I am and it's my pure luck that Vihaan agreed to marry me and all that... How do you deal with when your own family degrades you and discourages you from time to time  ?? My mother as usual supported my brother, she actually didn't support him, she knew if she tried to oppose him, he would get more mad so she doesn't go against his word and that always hurts me, bhabhi opposed them but she was shut by my very own brother..... Happens every time...... But the words that left his mouth now left me shocked, surprised, and broken...

"Don't react as if you really love papa, you don't even care for him, Till two years back I thought you at least loved papa if not anyone else but I was proven wrong the moment you refused to marry then... You swore on papa that you will marry when you hit 24 but you went back on your word, even at the time of his death, you were never really there with us, all you did is play with our cousins, you always proved that you didn't love or care for papa so now stop acting otherwise", He shouted harshly.....

Those words drew daggers at my heart, this is not the first time he is hurting me with his words, for the past 13 years, I have been listening to his hurtful words, whenever we get into some ugly fights he says one or other thing to break me but this is very cruel of him questioning my love for my father, he knew I love papa more than anything in this world. Yes, I played with my cousins during those unfateful days when papa passed away, I cried only for the first two days, later I started playing with my cousins, I started diverting myself because I couldn't handle the pain anymore, I don't want to believe that my papa whom I love more than my own life is no more..... Whenever some relatives came to offer their condolences, my mother used to cry hard and suffer from panic attacks, I used to get so afraid that I stayed at the doorstep and watch her and my Bhai from far away but never went inside the room during that time..... And eventually, I started building a wall around myself that no one can cross it...... I suffered with my pain alone but never let anyone in except for my Nani(maternal grandmother).

Which daughter gets happy and plays with her cousins when it's been days since her father's death  ?? How can he say those cruel words to me..... Yes I did play with my cousins but all that to avoid those thoughts, the pain I felt then is unbearable, I didn't know how to handle it then, I was 13 for crying out loud, so I chose the best way available for me, escaping and avoiding it but who knows that one thing done without much thinking will give me pain enough for my lifetime.....  This is not the first time he is saying this, he said it many times before, and honestly I should get used to it but every time it hurt more than the previous time.....