A Week With Ray Summers

Epilogue

 Jamie,

 Who knew one week could destroy a relationship? Evidently not us. They say there’s no cure for a broken heart, but I know chocolate can do wonders for everything else, so I’ve sent you a box. They’ve got hazelnuts in them. I thought you’d like them.

 But I realise chocolate can’t fix everything. Nothing can fix us. We’d need a lot of superglue to stick us back together, and even then, we’d be trying our hardest to break free.

 I’m not going to ask you to let me come back. Even though I’d probably like to, even if not for the right reasons. I’ll never show my face again in your house. I’m staying with Emma right now. She’ll come by and collect the rest of my things. 

 Do you remember when we met? You were drunk as hell and you told me that I was more beautiful than the stars. And when you woke up the next day, you probably thought you’d jumped in to bed with a pug. Ray was like that. I mean, not right off, but I thought after my week with her, I’d found something beautiful, when really, everything was ugly and wrong. Things didn’t work out, if you didn’t figure that out anyway.

 With her, I fell hard and I fell fast, and I thought that was love just because I felt something I hadn’t felt before.

 But Jamie, love isn’t like that. That’s lust. I was (and still am) in lust with Ray Summers.

 Love is surfing a wave. And when you’re surfing that wave, it’s exhilarating, because you’re defying the sea. You’re arrogant and high on self-confidence. You think you can keep going forever. But love is also the moment where you come crashing down. Something goes wrong. Someone breaks your heart or you break it yourself and you fall and fall, until the waves consume you. The water fills your mouth and ears and eyes. You can’t see, you can’t breathe, you can’t think. When Ray kicked me in the dirt, turned on me for no reason…I was hurt, but I knew I’d survive. It’s different with you. With you, it’s a tsunami. And no matter how I try to swim to the surface, I can’t. Love takes no casualties. It takes all. Ray was a distraction to how much it hurt giving you up. But now I’m feeling it. And I deserve it.

 I think it took me too long to realise just what I had with you. I miss the little things now. Getting up early to make you breakfast so you have something to wake up to other than my bed head and last night’s mascara. I miss watching you dress. I miss when you pick out a tie and you ask me to knot it for you, or you ask whether it looks okay with your blue shirt. But it’s not as simple as loving the little things. There comes a point where the good things don’t outweigh the bad ones. And I know you hate the way I swear a lot. I know you think I work too much and don’t make enough time for you. I know that you hate that I’ve been with girls, and I hate that about you. Those little things on their own don’t seem enough, but together, it was killing me. Killing me, and you, and us, as a pair.

 We fell apart slowly, Jamie. And then Ray came along and she severed the final fringes of what we were hanging on to. She just sped things up a little. And now I don’t have you, and I don’t have her. I don’t think I have anything much. But I’m glad she turned out the way I thought she was from the start. It saved us dragging this out further. Because I love you, but that’s not enough anymore.

 I’ll never forgive myself for ending the way we did. I cheated on you, and I lied to you. I humiliated you and I let that Ray in when I should have run when I had the chance. But I guess we both learnt what sort of a person I really am. At least now I can work on changing that. And you can move on.

 Don’t you worry, Jamie. Our three years, five months and fifteen days together may seem significant now. But I’m a fallen star. You need to grab one that’s still in the sky. And give her, or him, all your love the way you did with me. God knows, when you find them, they’ll deserve it. They’ll be good enough for you. They’ll give it all back and more.

 Freya

A.N: It's not over yet, guys! Freya and Ray's story will continue in the next installment, Three Years Without Freya Sherman! It will be from Ray's point of view, and will explore what happened between them and maybe, just maybe, will see her fix everything! Thanks for reading, I'll do a proper Author's Note when I have time! I hope you've enjoyed it, and will continue to follow their story! xxx