"So, is there no chance left now?" I heard Shabnam speak from beside me as we sat on an empty swing in the park.
I shrugged carelessly, the words getting caught in my throat, owing to the whirlwind of emotions I was experiencing.
She placed her hand on my shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. I smiled, she was here. She was there for me every time I felt like giving up, crying my heart out, or just sharing the little joys I experienced while living here, in this city so strange yet so close to my heart.
Not the climate, infrastructure, or technological advancements, the actual elements which make a place feel like home is the people living in it, and truthfully, Mumbai offered all of that to me in so little a time.
"We will stay in contact," she assured me but it felt more like she was assuring herself more than me. I knew she would do that and didn't need any confirmation regarding that. I pulled her into a long hug, the warmth healing the broken fragments of me little by little.
"Even if tomorrow's my last day here, I would still make the most of it," she smiled back, the twinkle in her eyes growing more evident by the minute.
"I am proud of you Mitika." Unknowingly, tears started rolling down my eyes, one after another. Shabnam supported me by securing her hands around my shoulders. No matter how hard I tried to stay positive, I knew there was no chance left now.
"How much I wished to hear this from my parents. It's just that...I" my voice faltered by the end as I answered her unasked question.
"They will come around Mitika," she paused to look at me before continuing, "Something tells me that they will." I smiled lightly at her, may her words come true soon.
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Peace, the auditorium is filled with this chaotic peace, resembling my inner turmoil perfectly.
My hands were shaking. How I wished for it to be the effect of the low temperature but alas, it was the result of the sadness eating away my insides. Soon it would be replaced with a hollow shell, the organ thumping rapidly against my bosom right now.
'Why couldn't I get some more time here?' A part of me questioned while the other just said that it was in my best interest to not get attached to the things you could never get. Sin, sin, sin. What a sin.
Looking at my reflection staring back at me through the grand mirror placed before me, I could not help but lower my eyes which, unfortunately, took the freedom to trail around the place for one last time. Breaking, breaking away from everything.
The ornaments, which on days before this day today, were a joyous wonder which would set my heart in a beautiful frizzy. Today, it felt as if the metal was cutting through my fragile skin while I sat there helplessly. Grow tighter, lead me to the scaffold.
I stood up from the seat as they led us backstage. The dropped chiffon separating me from the stage, would it part away today? The spotlights which would be anyone's dream were blinding me with their resilience today, burning away the charred remains of my dream. Kill a dead wish, I give up.
Fear gripped my heart as it sunk in a little corner, dark and desolate. These things would still be there tomorrow. Would I be there? End it, end the story now. End me with it.
*'I told him, yes. He said it wasn't true. If the black clouds of Sravana are dubbed chandal, he said, what of it? It doesn't change their nature, or destroy the virtue of their water. Don't humiliate yourself, he said: self-humiliation is a sin, worse than self-murder.'*Last dialogues. I closed my eyes.
The curtains fell but the sounds of thunderous claps filled the void. What good was it? I laughed wryly and made my way towards my rented apartment, one more realisation of not being a part of this world. When was I ever a part of it?
"Mitika?" I stopped in my tracks to come face-to-face to them. Time flies, I understood today. My time here was cut even shorter if that was possible.
Angel engulfed me into a warm hug which I reciprocated. Cupping my cheeks, she said, "You did a great job there, Guddu." I could not find it in myself to reply to her and locked my eyes with that of my mom's. The usual tiredness wiped out of her orbs, a slight trail of tears glistened her cheeks.
I ran to her, "What happened?" She placed a hand on my head and breathed out the words my ears were dying to welcome. She was proud of me. 'We are proud of you,' both of them had said and it kept playing in my mind over and over like a broken record.
"How?" I managed to choke out the words. Looking at them, their eyes shining with pride was the most beautiful dream for me. Was it one?
"How could we not see it, your love for acting? The smile on your face when you were on the stage, your dedication. If it wasn't for your friend Shabnam, we would have most probably committed a huge mistake." My mother confessed, stilling me to the ground.
I felt a light tap on my shoulder and as I turned around, I was engulfed in a long hug. "Shabnam," I breathed. "Thank you so much for everything," she shook her head and replied, "If you wish to thank someone, it should be your Angel and most importantly, you. All of it as possible only because you had the strength to not give up on your dreams."
I smiled wholeheartedly, I did it.
|Let me sleep if it's a dream, Let me fight if it's not. Dreams do come true, Only if you have the spirit to fight for them. It had been a long journey, tiring even. But I knew I had to do it, for my dreams had extended their hands towards me at the end of the dark tunnel. |
The Beginning Of A New Start.
*:- The lines are taken from 'Chandalika', a play written by Rabindranath Tagore.
