OUT OF THE RED ↝ dave grohl

eighty-one.

FEBRUARY, 1993, OLYMPIA, WA

"YOU SOUND TIRED," were the first words out of Reagan's mouth as she heard Dave's voice over the phone.

"Yeah?" Dave laughed. The laugh was ragged, nothing like it usually sounded to Reagan's ears. She noted that it melded into a tired sigh.

"Yeah," she said. "Everything okay at the studio?"

"As good as it can be. How's G?"

As soon as Dave mentioned their daughter, Reagan watched as Gracie tottered by the kitchen with Kody and RaeLynn chasing behind her. She had finally gotten the hang of walking without losing her balance and now, it was impossible to catch her once she got going. Her feet were capable of carrying her at lightning speed, or at least that's what it felt like to Reagan when she was running after her.

"She's good. The twins are keeping her entertained right now. It's a nice break for me."

"You at your parents' house?"

"Yeah. The whole family is here. Chris is going to stop by later too."

"That's nice, baby. I'm glad you're not alone."

Reagan tightened her fingers around the phone. It felt imperative that she pressure him more into talking, to revealing the truth of how he felt. She needed to know if he was okay, really okay, after the messy start of the new year that he and the band had been through.

As much as it hurt her to admit, everyone's fingers were pointed at Kurt when it came to assigning blame for those tumultuous last few weeks. Even Reagan was nearing the end of her rope with her once-good friend. They had hardly spoken, if not at all, and any information that she got on Kurt came from Dave. None of it was ever positive.

"Are you having fun?" Reagan pressed, knowing that she must have sounded stricken.

"Sure I am. We're about to finish this record and then I'm coming home. That's the most fun part of it all."

"Shouldn't the recording part be the fun part?"

Dave lowered his voice. "Reags, I don't know what to tell you. You know how it is."

"Yeah," Reagan said, her throat locking. Why the idea of Nirvana being on the rocks hurt her so much, she didn't know. Maybe it was because she dwelled on the past too much. "I do."

"Remember what we said. It doesn't affect us. This doesn't involve you and me."

"How can it not involve us when I'm worried about you?"

"There's nothing to worry about. I'm doing the record with Kurt and Krist, it's gonna' be great, and then I'm coming home to you and Gracie."

"You make it sound like such a job," Reagan whispered.

"It is my job, babe."

"It's not supposed to feel like one."

A muffled voice crackled in the background, probably Krist's by the booming sound of it. Reagan thought she heard him heckling Dave.

"I've got to go. I'll call back tonight. Are you staying in Olympia?" Dave asked.

"Maybe, I don't know, there's really nowhere for Gracie and I to sleep . . ."

Another voice popped in. This one sounded like Kurt's, clipped and irritated though Reagan couldn't make out what he was saying. She felt a cold chain of ice cinch at her heart.

"I'll just call your parents' house," Dave insisted. "I'll talk to you later. I love you."

"Wait," Reagan said in protest. "Let me put Gracie on. She'll wanna' hear your voice."