Ashes to Ashes

The Invitation

The compound had never felt so empty. There had been no laughter and sense of joy anywhere in the four and a half years that had followed the snap.

In an effort to try and keep your sanity, which seemed to fade away daily, you sat on the window seat in your room and watched the fog roll in over the Hudson with your headphones in. As you listened to music, you began to drift off to a daydream, vividly remembering another moment with Sam.

—
"So I hear that you're hanging out with us for a while longer," Sam had said as he stood in the doorway of your conjoined hotel room.

Now that Steve and Tony had fallen out, jumping from hotel to hotel was how the team was going to survive until things blew over, especially since you had just helped Steve to break everybody out of prison. Natasha had rejoined Team Cap and she and Steve were in Wakanda with Bucky while Vision and Wanda were exploring the world.

"Steve asked me to stay," you replied, glancing over at Sam and his black eye. "Does it hurt?"

"It isn't anything I can't handle."

"Here, let me help," you said, smiling softly at Sam before using your power to take the small amount of pain that he had away.

"It really wasn't that bad, you know."

"That's an odd way to say thank you," you teased.

"Do you have more stuff that you're bringing with you?"

"Nope. I have this bag and that's it."

"That doesn't seem like a whole lot," Sam replied, almost questioning as to why.

"Picking up and leaving places is a lot easier if you don't have so much weighing you down," you said with a quick shrug.

"So you move around a lot?"

"I'm sorry, is this an interrogation?" You questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"No," Sam chuckled. "Not at all. You just seem like an interesting person that I'd like to learn more about."

"Well that's one of the nicer things that someone has ever said to me," you replied, echoing his laughter.

You couldn't help but smile in Sam's presence— he had seemed like he was good company to keep.

"So what do you do in your down time, Sam?"

"I run. A lot," he replied. "What is this, an interrogation?"

Sam had looked at you with a cheesy grin. Something about that smile of his made your heart skip a beat but you did your best to hide your tiny, hint of a crush on him.

"Oh, so that's why you have a really nice body," you said without thinking, causing your eyes to widen in embarrassment. "Oh my god. I meant to say- Well, no, actually, that's what I meant to say."

Your cheeks turned bright red, as you had clearly not meant to blurt those words out to Sam but there they were. At least you had told him the truth but then again, he probably already knew that he had the body of a Greek god.

"You're really straightforward. I like that," Sam said, his grin getting wider.

"Well what can I say. You're quite a piece of work."

The Falcon couldn't help but laugh at your honesty. True laughter, that's something that, until that point, you hadn't seen much of since joining forces with Cap's team.

--

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Hey, Y/N,"a voice called, causing your concentration to break and turn towards your bedroom door.

After getting up to open it, Steve stood there, offering a small smile.

"Care for some company?"

"Steve," you said, smiling up at him. "I didn't think you would be coming back anytime soon."

It was true. Steve had seemingly given up hope at ever getting anybody back. He had started support groups in the city while you and Natasha still lived at the compound, doing everything in your power to try and get everybody back.

"I thought I'd drop by and say hi," he replied, pulling you into a hug. "Can I come in?"

"Of course!"

You moved to the side, allowing Steve to walk into your room, where he took a seat at your desk.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine," you replied a little too quickly.

"Okay, how are you really?" He repeated, knowing that you were lying to him.

You sighed and looked away from Steve before moving to sit on the edge of your bed.

"Alone."

"But you have Natasha?" Steve questioned. "And you know that you have me."

"I know that," you muttered. "But things just aren't the same. Natasha has been desperate to find Clint and you've been desperate to move on and forget. I'm just...here."

"But moving on is what we all need to do," Steve replied, moving to sit beside you on the bed.

"I can't though, Steve. I had everything. I had the life I never thought I was worthy of having and in the snap of those damn purple fingers, it was all ripped away from me."

"We can't get them back. You need to start thinking of moving on. Natasha told me that you don't ever leave your room except to eat or have your meetings. She tells me that you still wake up screaming from nightmares."

"It's funny how things work sometimes, isn't it? I can control everybody else's dreams and memories but I can't do anything with my own," you mutter, turning your head to face Steve.

"Why don't you come to one of my meetings? I bet that it could help you out."

"Because I'm not ready to move on, Steve. I don't think Sam would have given up on me, I can't give up on him," you replied, your brows pulling together.

"But he would want for you to move on, Y/N. I knew Sam well and the last thing he would have wanted is for you to hit the pause button on your life. It's been over four years. You deserve to try and find happiness."

"But I was happy. I had a life with somebody who I loved that loved me back. I don't think I'll ever find someone who feels the way about me that he did. I didn't ever think that I was worthy of love but somehow, love found me."

"Well the first step to seeing if you can find something like that again is to, you know, actually go within half a mile of this building," Steve replied, trying to get a smile out of you.

"For your information, I've gone an entire mile away from here," you muttered with a smirk. "I do still go for my runs, you know."

"There's the smile that I've been looking for."

"Thank you, Steve," you said softly, a genuine smile forming on your lips.

"Hear me out on this before you say anything, okay?" Steve questioned.

"I'll do my best."

"Come with me to get dinner. You have to get out of this dang building and into the city. You need a break from being around here."

You took a moment to look around before nodding.

"You know what, what the hell. Give me a few minutes and I'll get meet you in the common area."