Jasmine
I lay beside Travis. He falls off to sleep soon enough but I can't sleep. Because...
God, I can't stop thinking.
Me and Travis married? It'd be great. He's be around all the time. And he has his own business so we could both pool our resources and save up and grow it, and while he's not so busy maybe he can stay at home with the—
Baby. Which I still have mixed feelings about.
But I can't keep the thought of us married out of my mind. I also can't stop smiling. When I said yes, I shocked myself.
I meant to say no. In my mind I said, that's ridiculous no.
But then...well it's not what I said. And yet, as I lay here I realize that's what I meant. I meant yes.
I look over at him. He doesn't snore, thank god. I should get him a present. I'm not a good gift giver though.
Married to Travis. Jasmine O'Halley. I kinda like it. It has a rhythm.
Sara O'Halley. That's nice. It's...it's a nice enough name.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't like how much my heart is beating right now. I don't like this feeling. It's almost like happy and when I'm happy things go downhill.
Plus he has the gene. What if he dies? What will I do?
He won't, right? But then Wes—
God. I didn't even know her that's well, but every time I think of her, dead, I wanna throw up. She's—she was awesome. So kind and generous. Hilarious.
I miss her, so I can't imagine how he feels. But his face says it all. He looks like the world is ending. And briefly the look will go away.
But then you can visibly watch him remember her, remember she's gone, and he just looks crushed. I don't love anyone like that, no yet.
The only one close is Travis. With the gene. Do I really wanna start this? Do I really wanna fall in love with someone that I know might just croak one day and break me?
But then, we all could just croak one day, so I guess I shouldn't be so worried. I can't help it.
Travis is such a good person. He's my best friend. It's crazy cause I'm almost thirty and I've had a husband but a never a best friend.
My whole life I was told to marry rich, and live lavish. Travis isn't rich. But I don't care. I make good money, and with some working plans, Travis will too.
He's an excellent artist, and his tattoos and piercings are amazing. He's good with customer service too, everyone likes him.
Yeah. It'd be fine. We'd be fine.
I smile, snuggling into him. I could do this every night. I could sleep next to him. He could do that thing, where he holds me, and I like it for a while but then I fee suffocated.
So I roll away, so I can breathe.
I like that. I like him. I like him everyday. I like him more than anyone else in this world.
And I haven't had a drink for...maybe a couple weeks? For him. Yes the baby. But really for him. And I can keep not drinking. Because he's my wine.
I don't need as much when he's here. He's the support I wanted from wine, the love alcohol can't give you.
It's warm but it burns. He's warm and that's all.
• • •
The next morning I wake up, early as always.
He smiles, kissing my forehead. "Sorry I didn't bring your bonnet."
I snort. "It's fine for one night, but my hairs gonna look crazy for the rest of the day, so don't comment."
"You're gorgeous no matter what," He whispered, getting up and stretching.
And what a sight to behold. So sexy. I'll be able to say, that's my husband.
How fucking cool is that, right?
"Hey, so I was thinking, what if, and this is me spitballing right?"
He nods, telling me he's listening.
"What if, you move in with me, right? Or we could a new place up to you, and while I work full time, and you work at the shop, we like, pool a fund together right, so we can make business plans and put you out there, maybe open another location?"
I told my legs under me.
He nods. "Yeah that sounds awesome."
"Right? Because you're really talented and I know if we can just get you out there, you'd be golden. And while we do that, the saving, cause it will take a while, maybe you could work from home, well technically not home, but I guess work, and maybe keep the baby?"
He freezes. Oh...does he not—
He turns around with a grin. "You wanna keep the baby? I mean you're thinking of it?"
I nod. "Well...well yeah—"
He laughs. "That's perfect! Look I already have a playpen from Roman, so when he's a little older he can sit there, and I can watch him, especially on slow days! And babies sleep a lot, newborns. All they do is sleep and eat. It'd be perfect!"
I smile. Right. I guess I was afraid he wouldn't want to be a stay at home dad. But...it's Travis. So I don't know why I was even worried.
"I'd be like super-dad and you'd be such a cool mom, I know you will." He grins, "Did you even sleep last now, sounds like you really thought about this?"
I shake my head. "No, not really. This marriage thing? I really like it Travis."
He kisses my head. "Me too. It's perfect right?"
It is.
"Hey, I kinda wanna get married before I get fat, and I'll start showing soon."
"You will? How cute, you'll have a little baby bump,"
"No, no I'll be fat. But never mind that. I wanna get in a wedding dress before that. So...like in the next few months."
He paused. "Oh Kay. Do we both agree this wedding shouldn't be too expensive?"
I chuckle. "Oh honey. Don't you know? The father of the bride pays. And my father is rich, dying, and guilty. We're going all out."
