A Gamers Diary (Tags,Rants,And Random Sturf!)

What its like

I dont know why i am writing this. Probably because I feel like writing something, but I dont.

Anyway, this is what its like for me to be depressed.

I always feel like I don't write anything good anymore, and that my friends make up excuses to not hang out with me (Stfu Danielle, they love you you dumbass) 

Im always tired, because I cannot sleep at night. Nightmares always come when I sleep and I cannot prevent them...Unless I somehow die from rainbows or never sleep.

I dont really feel like eating (And gurl i love eating) And I just...Shmur

I never want to get up in the morning, because my day is always the same. The only thing that motivates me is that I might get to talk to @gengrievus and skype with @_UsuallyHighOnCrack_

But sometimes they arent on. And when Lara (@_UsuallyHighOnCrack_) Isnt on, I dont really panic or anything. 

But when Gen is on, sometimes I freak out. Literally he is the ONLY person I tell these things. If I cut, he would be the first person to tell. He knows some of my deepest darkest secrets. (Yet Lara knows my most innapropriate secrets. BUT THATS NOT IMPORTANT)

I like to listen to music that is relatable to me. Like "No Good For You by Meghan Trainor" Or "Just A Dream by Christina Grimmie and Sam Tsui (Originally by Nelly) And I often think about cutting. But the things that keep me from doing it is

1. My crush (s)

2. @gengrievus

3. My family (Ur considered family if ur a close friend but Gen literaly keeps me from cutting by saying he'll send out a helicopter.. >.<)

And I know that some people have a worse life. But sometimes what effects me is that I don't have a Dad anymore. He died 9 years ago. Its something you cannot recover from. School also makes me sad, but I still do that shit anyway because I don't want another family. (I might want to be Lara's sister and move to Australia but THIS ISNT THE TIME )

And the one thing about me, is that im afraid. Of everything. I get anxiety from almost anything. Skyping with people I dont know that well, from Skyping with people I know in real life. Im just not a good person to socialize with or talk to. I worry about every.little.thing. And I know my dreams wont come true. This is what SUCKS about me. I give shitty advice, (Unless its on romance..Sometimes) And I always say I dont want to do anything, because honestly I dont. I just wanna sit at my screen and read sad stories because thats how I roll motherfucker!

But yeah. Thats what its like having depression... (Forme)