Finding the memories 『𝙱𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜』

Chapter Twelve

*One Week Later*

Bucky POV: 

Since there was only five days left till Christmas, Y/n had suggested Christmas Shopping. I had no experience in that area and was confused as to why she wanted me to come. Some of the rest of the team joined us, along with George. I guess you could call it our first, kind of, family outing.

When I was inside the mall, there was this pain in my head. At first as we walked round it was just a headache, but then we stopped at Starbucks, and a shooting pain shot through my brain. I stumbled back against the wall, closing my eyes as I started to hear faint voices.

"Hey," said y/n, "Do you have anywhere else you want to go?"

"Um, yes actually, I have to get you a hot chocolate right?" I said, dragging y/n into a coffee shop, "Because it's like winter and google said it was very aesthetic,"

I opened my eyes again, a memory had come back. Here. We'd been here together, before this. Y/n was at my side, "Buck," she whispered quietly, as I tried to recall the memory, "Are you okay? What happened?" she sounded so concerned. I couldn't believe she was doing this for me. How had she just walked in here, knowing all the memories of us from before were here, and not be heartbroken because I was such a pathetic mess that I didn't even know anything.

I looked over to where George was talking to Steve and Sam, as they distracted him from...me. "Bucky talk to me," said Y/n, I'd completely forgotten she was there. She looked so worried about me. I was fine, wasn't I? I mean I could hardly remember anything. I just didn't even know where to start to find all my memories. I did. I just didn't want to.

"Yeah, sorry," I responded quietly, taking her hand as I regained my posture, "We've been here before, right?" I asked her. She nodded, glancing away from me, "So why isn't this weird for you then?"

"Why would it be weird?" she responded, linking my arm. When i didn't respond with an answer, because I honestly didn't know what to say, she continued, "Look Bucky I can't just force you to remember, because you don't and that's not your fault," she turned and locked eyes with me. Her eyes were glistening but she continued without stuttering, "It's not fair that I remember and you don't, so I'm making new memories with you, because that's all I can do, and yes I love it when you remember something, but I don't know if you're gonna remember everything, I know that I love you, and that you love me. So, we're just gonna go from there, okay?"

"I love you," I whispered quietly, pulling her closer into me.

"I love you too," she responded.

Y/n POV:

You spent the rest of the trip, walking round holding Bucky's hand. You knew that this mall held some cherished memories for you. And you could partly still hear and feel them as you walked round. But Bucky didn't remember them, and although it broke your heart, everything you had said to him earlier was true. You couldn't force him to remember. You just had to try and make new memories.

It was when you walked past the jewellers, that you remembered the gift you had bought Bucky almost two years ago. The locket. You glanced over to where Bucky was laughing with George. Did he still have the locket? Did he wear it? Or had it been taken from him along with the rest of his memories? "What you thinking about?" asked Sam, as he came up next to you. Nat had disappeared and Steve was stood next to Bucky.

"Nothing," you responded quickly, glancing away from where you were watching Bucky.

"Well that's a lie," said Sam, "Come on tell me," you didn't respond. It felt selfish, it felt mean to worry about a gift you got Bucky when it was nothing. He didn't have his memories, he didn't even know who he was. And you're just sat there worrying if he still has some stupid locket. "Don't tell me Barnes knocked you up again?" said Sam, jokingly.

"What? No." you responded quickly, "Stop jumping to conclusions," you said, slightly annoyed. "I'm just thinking,"

Sam laughed before walking over to the rest, and you followed. "Everything okay doll?" asked Bucky, "What was with you and Sam over there? You can tell me you know?" you knew. Bucky looked so worried, "Are you okay? Yeah?"

"I'm fine," you said, kissing his cheek. You turned to the others, "Okay so who's gifts are we missing?" you felt Bucky take your hand and smiled to yourself. It felt unreal most days, how he was actually here. He'd been here for like two weeks already, and you felt happier than you had ever before. Bucky was your soulmate. You knew it.

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Once you were back home, you ended up sitting in your room wrapping gifts again. Bucky was sat on your bed, flicking through Netflix movies to find something to watch. "Bucky?" you asked quietly, as you put Pepper's gift in a gift bag. "Do you have a locket? Or remember one at least?"

When no response came from you looked at the floor, cursing yourself for asking him. "This?" said Bucky from behind you. When you turned around, Bucky was holding a now slightly faded golden locket, and when he opened it the picture of you and him that you'd put inside all that time ago, was still there. He'd kept it. You felt tears in your eyes and blinked them back.

"You kept it?" you whispered pathetically.

"Of course," said Bucky, getting up off the bed so he could sit next to you on the floor, "I wouldn't not keep it, there was a reason I kept it, it's also kind of how I found you in a way," he said. Wait what? You had found him, hadn't you? You were sure that he hadn't recognised you that first night. He definitely didn't.

"Bucky?" you whispered, his face inches from yours as he studied your face.

"Who the hell is Bucky?" he said.

"You don't remember me?" you managed to stammer out

"I.." he started, "Am sorry, I didn't mean to scare you,"

You tried to remember, "So you knew me?" you asked, slightly confused. If Bucky had known you why had he left? Why had he pretended you were just a stranger? "Did you, remember me before that" you asked.

"Not really," responded Bucky, "Your face was familiar, I couldn't place why though," you nodded. "But I kept the locket, and it made me realise there was something different about being the Winter Soldier, this time around," you looked at him, telling him that it was okay to go on, "that someone was disappointed in me, that everytime I killed someone, I should be ashamed," he looked at the floor, "before that had never happened,"

You took his hands in yours, "I would never, ever, blame you for what they forced you to do," you said, "It wasn't you,"

"I still did it,"

"The winter soldier did," you said, "You're Bucky, and i love you, all of you,"

Bucky kissed you, "I love you too," 

Authors Note ❤️: I guess we kinda got some flashback memories in this chapter, which is cute. I swear everytime I watch the new wandavision episode i get more confused? Thanks for reading, I love you all! 💞