Priceless

1st Letter

I stare at the last picture I took with my sister before she committed suicide. Today, it's two years since she chose to end her life.

It's not my fault.

I keep repeating this to myself whenever I think of her. I used to blame myself. I was her older brother. I was meant to protect her, to heal her. But all I did was be oblivious to her pain and suffering.

I should've known.

But the only thing I have left is a photograph. A smile. One last shine in her eyes until they turned numb. Just as my heart did on that day...

I bury the picture deep down in those unused bed sheets in my closet. It's what I do best. Shove it all away. It's what I did with her.

"David! Come on down! It's time for dinner!"

I smile at the sound of my mother's voice. She's been much better this year than the last year. But I'm surprised to hear that she's actually making dinner today.

Just as I make my way to my door, I hear a small notification come in from my laptop. I was just finishing up some notes, so I put these aside and look at the email that just came in. It's from my professor in my Communications class. She had this weird idea to start off the first semester. She said that one way to express ourselves, and can be one of the hardest ways, is through letters. I snorted at this when she gave the assignment of writing to a secret pen pal this whole semester and in the end, guess who it is in our class. Oh. And make a presentation of who you think they are without even meeting them.

I really do not like that professor. She is really odd. But now I see that she matched me up with a random email. It's funny because this email does not have their name like most emails have. All I see in the first part of the email is Don'tClick.

I furrow my brows at this. I knew this assignment was hopeless, but I still sigh and read over the instructions on whether we decide if we want to give names or just go with the flow with it.

I look back at the email and my finger lingers on clicking it.

"David!"

"Coming!" I click my tongue and just leave it open. I guess I'll come back to it.

I smile at my mother as she helps Dad set up the table. "David. Honey. Can you pass me the mashed potatoes please?"

"Mash potatoes?" I playfully say. "What's the special event?"

"Happiness," she gently says. "To leaving the past in the past and only looking towards the future." I look at Dad and see his tired eyes shine with pride at my mother's new way of seeing the world. She was the one that was hit the hardest and now...this is a big step for her.

We quietly dig in our plates and my eyes go over to the empty seat by my mother. That used to be her seat. I'm still not used to seeing it so empty all the time.....

But Mom shoves down her sadness with every swallow. She smiles at me and softly says, "So? How was school today?"

"Good. How was your day?"

"Wonderful. I was able to help out at the Homeless center. I think my project is going so well despite how long I haven't been there."

"You have wonderful ideas, my dear," Dad gently says as he takes a hold of her hand. "We're all so proud of you." My heart melts at the way they lovingly smile at each other. My sister used to do silly faces whenever they'd do this. She was always the clown of the house. Now the house is so quiet without her.

I don't understand what she didn't see in us. She saw love. She saw our happiness. She saw safety. What made her do what she did? She didn't even say goodbye. It was as if it was an accident.

At first, my parents tried to claim this to the police department, but they studied into it. It was official. She took her life away with a rare drug. Just one intake and that was it.

My heart shatters at my parents' laughter. I pretend to be okay. I pretend to be strong for them, but now that they're better...I can break.

I gently stand up and say, "May I be excused?"

Dad furrows his brows at me behind his glasses. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head and swallow to push down my tears. "Nothing, Dad. I'm just tired. I've been studying all day."

Mom's eyes turn sad. "Oh. Okay. Did you not like the food?"

"No no! It was delicious. I'm just...I'm not hungry..."

"Are you in love?" This makes Mom laugh as Dad says this to lighten up the mood. His eyes relax when he sees my mother smile, and I also chuckle so she could feel better.

"I wish."

"Alright, son," Dad says. "Have a good night."

"Thanks, Dad." I give them one last smile and walk back to my room. When I close the door behind me, I break and I take out that photograph again. Angry tears fall out of my eyes as my shaking hands linger on whether I should rip it in two or not. I let out a quiet sob and throw the photograph across the room. It falls in a small corner of the room and I let it be there. I barely see that corner. She can stay there if she decided to leave me alone.

I wipe my tears away and sit at my desk once again. I'm back at the start as I stare into my computer and see the email. I sniffle and angrily click on that email. It sends me to a separate box so I can write this person a message. Now....my vision clears and my head turns silent.

I click on the empty space and think of what to say.

I guess I'll just say something my sister used to tell me every morning. It's the last thing she said to me before she died. Might as well use it for something.

Hey there.