I left Nick's apartment feeling dirty and guilty. I stumbled my way down the empty hallway to get to the elevator, trying desperately not to trip over my own two feet. My entire body was still on fire and slightly sweaty. My loose hair clung to the frame of my face, and the back of my neck.
I always hated myself most in those moments when I left Nick's apartment.
I often wondered if Nick ever felt the same way after I left. It wasn't love, most definitely not. There were days when Nick drove me to the edge of my sanity. But he wanted to forget about Maria, and I... well, I wanted to forget about everything.
I wondered if he ever felt guilty.
The probability was slim. We weren't using each other for the same reasons. Nick was trying to move on, I on the other hand, was trying to forget. Trying to forget about all the heartache and pain he's caused me. Not Nick, no, Rafael Barba was guilty of that. Not that he was even remotely aware of that fact.
No, he would just keep on prancing around in his two thousand – dollar suits like he didn't know what he was doing.
"Listen, I've been meaning to tell you, I think we should call it quits," he blurted out, watching my reaction with intent. My shoulders dropped, and then my whole body collapsed against the hallway wall and slid down to the floor.
"You forgot this," I jumped when Nick suddenly spoke behind me, my purse in his hand. I took it from him with a heavy sigh.
"Thanks, I'll see you tomorrow," I was about to turn, but Nick stopped me.
"What the hell am I doing with my life?" I asked rhetorically, in an overdramatic way. I threw my head back against the wall, hearing Nick set himself down at my side.
"Having amazing sex with me," I didn't need to open my eyes to know that he was smirking.
There was a moment of silence where I simply sat and regretted every decision I had made that led up to me sitting in the hallway outside of Nick Amaro's apartment.
"I bet my next paycheck he doesn't even know that I exist," I mumbled. Nick scoffed.
"You're being overdramatic."
"I wish I was."
"Have you ever considered making a move on him?" he asked, I opened my eyes at that, giving an audible scoff.
"Yeah, how would that go? Hey, Barba, I've been in love with you for almost six months now. Also, how's that warrant coming along?" Nick chuckled, shaking his head.
There was another uncomfortable pause.
"No, maybe save the 'I love you' for the second date."
"Considering he even wants a first date."
I sighed, pushing myself up to stand.
"What's the worst thing that could happen?" I looked over at him.
"Mortal humiliation," he laughed again.
"Worst thing that could happen, is that he could reject you."
"That's enough to convince me not to do it."
