Eve

Part I

eve

The large cathedral stood tall and glorious before the edge of the cliff that led to the sea below. A beautiful sanctuary of gothic inspiration; to the grand rib vaults, the divine glass windows portraying scenes from the Holy Bible, scenes representing The Holy Son and his disciples, to the neatly aligned, dark oak benches and the large, magnificent golden altar standing at the front of the room, like a podium for the men of God to give their sermons. There, for hundreds of years, parishioners had worship the Lord, priests and religious had served Him. Amongst them was Eve. All her life, as far as she could remember, had been devoted to the servitude of God. And there she was scrubbing the bench with a ball of straw in her hand. Some of the strands were pocking her skin but her hands were used to it now. She had done this task many times before. It was part of her routine. She burnished faster, harder, every time, her knuckles rubbing against the wood, bruising her hands in the process. All pain is good pain. The more you suffer, the wider the doors to Heaven open. And she loved God. She was His devoted servant. So she scrubbed the hardest she could. She would earn her way into the Pearly Gates. She knew it; she knew it because that is what she had been taught. This is what the sisters had told her since she had arrived at the convent as a little child. Eve was a very hard worker, always giving her all to everything she did. She had always strived for excellence. This was perhaps caused by the utter lack of responsibility her parents had shown by leaving her at the doorstep of the Holy Temple when she was a child, a form of rebellion against them. Or perhaps she was the way she was because she loved Jesus that much. She did not dally around with these kinds of reflections. To waste your mind on futile reflections was frowned upon by the other sisters, Mother Superior and Father Roberto. Most of all Father Roberto. He had been so caring towards her. Ever since she had been a little girl, he has acted as a father would with his child. Now, he was very sick. The sisters had wanted to call the Doctor but priest had told them he did not wish to see him. "It is the will of God", he had said feebly. And Mother Superior had complied with his will. They had not contacted the doctor. Now, Father Roberto's life was fleeing from his grip further away each day.
-Poor Father Roberto. Eve whispered silently, holding back a sob.
She never wanted to let him down. He had been so generous to her, offering her a roof over her head, teaching her the ways of the Holy One, the path to God.
She lifted her head from her work, wiping off pearls of sweat from her forehead, and looked up at Him. She starred at the white clay face, the sadden eyes, the disenchantment of the human race on His shoulders. A mist of tears veiled her eyes as she bowed her head in ignominy. She looked at bench beneath her hands a moment before continuing to scrub. A moment later, as beads of blood started to form on her knuckles, her tranquil self-punishment was broken by the sound of the large wooden door opening on the side of the chapel. Eve lifted her head to see who has interrupted her worship chastening and saw Sister Kathrin walking her way, her face pure gloom, tears rolling down her cheeks. Without a word, Eve understood. She stood up slowly from the bench, her pale blue eyes remaining on the other young woman.
-I have to go to him. She said in a feeble voice, tears now rolling down her face.
The other woman shook her head negatively. Eve understood. She was too late, Father Roberto had already passed. She bowed her head in desolation, unable to hold back the flood of tears. How mindless she had been, scouring benches when he needed her by his side during his last moments. How utterly selfish she was.
-I am but an imbecile. Eve whispered voicelessly. A damned imbecile.
Kathrin reached out to touch her shoulder gently, looking at her. Eve lifted her eyes to her.
-No Evie. You are the best of us. He knew that. You were always his most cherished. Kathrin replied silently. None of us knew it would happen this quickly.
-It was not unexpected. Eve sobbed remorsefully.
-It always is. Kathrin corrected her silently.
Eve remained silent. Later that night, erstwhile in her small, stone bedroom, she remained kneeled in front of her crucifix until her feet were numb and her knees bled. She prayed for forgiveness for her egoism and her thoughtlessness. Looking up at the crucifix, she could see the disapproval in His eyes. She could feel the infamy upon her. She was inferior, simply not good enough. She should have been there for Father Roberto, she should have been there to witness his last breathe. However, her selfishness had brought her to the chapel while he was dying in his room. Tears streaming down her pale, white cheeks, Eve slowly rose and made her way to her nightstand where she found, inside the first drawer a cilice garter. She reached inside and grabbed it, slowly lifted her long, black dress and wrapped the garter around her thigh. She fastened the buckle tightly; small streaks of blood rolled down her leg. She winced, and then looked up at Him once more.
-Forgive me Lord, for I am just a sinful, lost sheep. Eve whispered voicelessly, kneeling back down, the spikes on her cilice burrowing deeper into her skin.