Blood Bound

Chapter 10 - Epistola

The first month of classes dragged by in a liquor induced haze for Draco. He spent most of his days nursing a pounding hangover and his nights cuddling with whatever bottle he pulled out of his trunk first. It was easier to pretend that the world wasn't completely upside down if his head was never fully clear. Half in a bottle of firewhiskey he could pretend that he wasn't one misstep away from Azkaban or from being disowned by his own father. Half in the bottle he could pretend he didn't know what Granger's lips tasted like.

Fully in the bottle was more of a problem, while he couldn't manage to slip into unconsciousness without the aid of an unholy amount of alcohol, it was more frequently problematic. When he found the bottom of the bottle of whatever he was drinking, Draco allowed himself to think about Granger and how her hair smelled like tobacco smoke and vanilla -which he'd learned in their shared bathroom was from her shampoo- and how her lips felt pressed against his. When he finally rolled the empty bottle to his bedroom floor, he drifted to sleep thinking about how she tasted like honey from her tea and the bitterness of an alcohol he'd never tried before.

The worst part of the cycle was when he woke up the next morning, but it was the most useful. Waking up to a pounding behind his eyes reminded Draco that the kiss was a mistake; Granger was a war hero who was too busy being a know-it-all to linger on secret hallway kisses, and he was an ex-death eater who hated muggle-borns. The kiss was a fluke accident that neither of them ever chose to acknowledge even over a week later. For ten days the two of them pretended that it had never happened; co-existing in a tense silence, the two never acknowledged what happened in the hallway.

He'd received two letters this morning at breakfast, both sealed with the Malfoy crest. He hurried back to his room as soon as they fell onto the table beside his plate, not wanting to open either in front of curious eyes.

The first was from his mother, he recognized her elegant scrawl that read his name on the front of the envelope. He opened it with a deep breath, reinforcing his occlumency walls before he started to read.

My Dearest Draco,

I hope that the first month of your final year at Hogwarts has been delightful and you are enjoying your studies. Although the responsibility of Head Boy had been cast on you as a term of your probation, I encourage you to also remember to view it as the prestige that it is. Malfoy men have always held authoritative positions, and you are no exception.

With both you and your father away from home, I fear the manor has grown most lonely for me with only the elves to keep me company. I wait with bated breath for your return at Christmas time, your letters I'm sure will do wonderfully to keep me sane in the meantime. I urge you not to worry about me my dear; in the wake of your absence I have taken up a project alongside the ministry to purge Malfoy manor of some of the more unsavory cursed objects that were left behind in the aftermath of the Dark Lord's residence.

I so look forward to your response darling, please do me the satisfaction of providing me with as many details regarding your time in the castle as one can fit in a letter. I wish to know everything even if you were to consider it not relevant, it would bring me great happiness to experience the world beyond the Malfoy property through your letters if I cannot live it for myself.

I know you do not like when I bring this up but as your mother it is my responsibility to worry about you. Have you considered my suggestion of seeing a mind-healer at all? I truly believe that it would be in your best interest to speak to someone; you cannot hide behind your occlumency walls forever. I know you're scared darling even if you've repressed the fear so much that you forget sometimes, it's alright to be afraid. Fear does not make you less of a man -one of the many things your father is wrong about- it simply makes you human. I do not wish for you to remain closed off to the world out of shame or anxiety.