Skin and Bones(Deep Anorexia Poems)

Dear Whoever

Dear Whoever,

Nobody notices the girl with red wrists and painted black eyes. So who would care if she dies? In one hand she holds the blade as in the other she brings up her wrist. That girl is me. My life is at ends peak. It's not that I want to kill myself it's just I want to end the pain an suffering. I'm not writing this to scare you,but my last final wish is for everything to be solved. For everything to turn back to normal an I can finally live a fine life. But it's not like that. Nothing will change. Every pain and limb I feel of guilt will stay haunting me forever. Do you know how badly I hurt? Hurt. I'm fucking hurt. And don't act like you care because if you did you wouldn't have done what you did! You know when you always asked me,"how are you?". I always had the urge to say,"I am sick, crazy, insane, nutcase, suicidal, bad, help me, I want to die", but instead I just said,"I'm fine". The truth is if you could slit my throat and with my last gasping breathe I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt. I can't remember anymore how it feels to not be broken. Maybe it's because if I drown myself enough to die, I'll either be saved. All I ever want now is for the pain to go away and everything to disappear and go back to normal. If that can happen I'd finally be a happy person. The ones that dance in the sun and in meadows of dandelions. But for now I no longer that person. You never realized how lonely I am until I took a step away from the crowd and that nobody cared enough for me too notice. It's like me presence is unnecessary to them, and in that moment I realized how nobody would really care all that much if I decided to kill myself. I have no idea what's wrong with me? All I think about is hurting myself and how terrible my self image is and what I've become? Cause I'm a living monster, I hate myself. It gets worse everyday. I just can't deal with the pain anymore. I just want to die. If I had the chance to kill myself without hurting the people I love, would I? In a heartbeat. I'll always be in a ball,curled up, listening to sad songs an remembering everything, crying. Everyone asks,"Why do you cut?", I'll always answer," why do you breathe?" They respond,"because I won't survive without it"I respond,"exactly". I regret telling anyone anything. Why would you do if I told you that I wanted to die? Because I think I might just break. Because you don't understand how much your words effect me. I don't want to feel anymore. That was my problem. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I had everything bottled up inside me. I acted as if I were the happiest kid on the planet and acted as I had the perfect life. I played the,"happy kid", character so well that even you and everyone else started to believe it. I would be so, " happy", all day and as soon as I laid in my bed at night, the thoughts all came back. Under every scar there's a battle I've lost. So welcome to a world where being myself isn't good enough. I'll always put a smile on, cover up my scars,and say,"I'm tired". And no one will notice a single thing. If you knew I cut myself every night would you still like me? Cause we are all fragile. We only live once. I suppose you could say that I'm in pain. A few cuts over my vein. Keeps me reminded that I'm a terrible mess. Nobody notices or knows of my mental disease. But I can't stop. So thing inside me is dead. No one can hear the abuse in my head. One day I'll stop cutting or perhaps instead I really will stop for good once I'm dead. Cause we all build up a world of magic because your real life is so tragic. Every time you asked me "what was wrong", I just smiled and said "nothing", but you should have known better. I wanted to stop thinking. Forget the pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to be fat anymore. I think too hard and over analyze everything and as a result,I create problems in my head that don't even exist. I'll always be the girl that gives a fuck about everything, yet no one gives a fuck about me........,........

Yukki666

P.S

This is my most recent suicide note. Please don't take this seriously it's what I was feeling.