Letters From Alice

Letter Number Fourteen

Dear God,

I think I realize now that I am going to die. The doctors told me that they were concerned about my health today because I hadn't been hurting at all lately. While I thought that this was amazing news, apparently it means that when my tumor does start hurting again that it will be ten times worse and I will most likely not survive. My life sucks right now. It's like a never ending puzzle that I have to figure out in a limited amount of time and everyone thinks that I will fail at this puzzle and give up. I will not give up.

When Trey came back today he told me that he wanted to read to me again. So far I know next to nothing about Trey so I told him that I wanted to do something else. He was confused at first but soon he realized that it must have been odd if a boy just happened to visit you in the hospital every day and talk to you yet you only know their name. He told me that his name was Trey Austin and that he was here to help out at the hospital. He told me in the "nicest way possible" that he was here because he usually helps out the patients in the most critical conditions. That struck deep but I put  it aside as he continued on. He said that he was a senior in high school and that he played basketball and lacrosse. He told me that he loved to read and that so far I was his favorite out of all of the patience he has helped out. That stuck deep too because I have never had someone actually "care" for  me before.

After that he asked about me. I guess it must be awkward to just talk to a cancer patient and he happened to know nothing about her yet he still helped her. I told him basic stuff first. I said that I was a senior in high school just like him but I only know about as much as a junior because I was not very committed to school. I told him that I was here because I had a brain tumor and that before this I was pretty good at diving. He seemed to find it interesting that I liked to dive because he said that he had never met a girl who dove for a sport because at his school there were no divers. I was appalled and he found that funny. His angelic laugh filled the room yet again and I swear it was like I could see the goodness coming out of him.

Shortly after he told me that he needed to go back home. He asked if I could give him my number and slightly embarrassed I told him that I didn't have a phone. He smiled and knelt down so that he was close to my face. His voice that was soft and smooth drifted into my ear and he said that it just gave him more the reason to have to come back more often. I looked down and he left quickly.

Thank you God for my new angle. Please help me with the pain.

-Alice