Secret || Chanlix

Chapter nine.

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All too soon, the day I had been dreading for so long finally arrived.

My body was trembling the entire plane trip, knees bouncing and hands quivering regardless of Jisung trying to hold me still. The bags under my eyes were dark enough they almost looked like bruises, caused by not sleeping for a week straight - since we had arrived in Australia. Every time every time I closed my eyes I could see my parents' faces, their cold eyes glaring at me like I'm nothing more than a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of their shoes.

The boys had noticed my uneasiness, but they assumed it was because I was finally going to my hometown after so long and I was just nervous about our performance. They tried to comfort me as much as they could, but, although I appreciated it, nothing helped. I couldn't help but question if they would still care for me like that if they found out, if they would still hold my hands when I was jittery or if they would still let me crawl into their laps like a child when I felt lonely and sad.

The questions lingered in my mind, an obvious answer being no. How could they? If not even my own parents could stand me after they found out, why the hell should the rest of Stray Kids?

They didn't have any legal obligation to love me or take care of me or anything like that - not that that stopped my parents.

I would get kicked out of the company, lose my job, family, home, Stay. I would lose everything that mattered to me, everything that made my world worth being in.

My head shook almost instinctively to make those thoughts go away. I shouldn't be thinking like that. I should be spending as much time as I could with Stray Kids, being happy and spending time with them while they still cared about me.

Tears clouded my vision as I shakily stood from my seat on the plane, but I still knew where I was going as I trudged to my destination at the very back of the plane.

Chan didn't ask anything as I sat on his lap in the cushy plane seat and stuffed my face into the fabric of his jacket, he just held me as I tried to hide from the world in his embrace.

Nothing good lasts forever, though, and soon I had to go back to my seat when we landed Sydney Kingsford Smith Airport.

The second we got off of the plane, people (Stay) surrounded us. They were screaming, crying and freaking out, but I couldn't blame them; I was doing the same thing on the inside. The eight of us were used to it, but that didn't make it any less intimidating.

I glanced back worriedly in concern for my birthday twin, but I sighed softly in relief when I saw that he was safe and as calm as he could be with so many people gawking at him and whatnot. Jisung was safely sandwiched in between Changbin and Minho, keeping his eyes ahead of him and his face expressionless. I could faintly see the anxiety swimming in his eyes and the way his hands shook as they fisted the hem of Minho's shirt, but he was handling himself well.

The crowd of people made panic swell in my chest, but I knew better than to let the fans see it. If my parents were somehow there, waiting, I wouldn't be able to see them until it was too late...

Actually, did they even know I was in the kpop industry? It was doubtful that they had bothered to even check what I was doing with my life, so they probably didn't know... but what if they did? What if they had heard about a kpop band performing, saw a picture, recognised me and then outed me to the whole world? What if they came to our concert and attacked me? What if they hurt one of the members? What if-

My thoughts were interrupted when Chan grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him, snaking an arm around my shoulder as we walked through the crowded airport together. "I know you're nervous, but it's okay. You're gonna do great, Lix."

I nodded and smiled shakily at our Aussie stay, suddenly feeling nauseous again. My hands curled into fists so that I could dig my nails into my palms.

My parents wanted nothing to do with me, it would be fine.

They probably didn't even know I had debuted at all, even if they did know I wanted to be an idol. Why would they bother seeing what I was doing with my life at all?

I could have killed myself already and they probably wouldn't even know.

Everything would be fine... right?

--

After what felt like forever, we finally made it to the hotel. Luckily for me, this one didn't have a pool.

Since it was only 1pm when we got to the hotel and the concert wasn't until the next day, we ended up going to Chan and his family's home almost immediately after putting all our stuff in our rooms. Yeah, Chan was just a little bit excited for us to meet them.

They welcomed us with warm smiles and open arms; it almost made me cry. I wasn't used to people being so kind and welcoming - especially in busy, bustling Sydney, where everyone is always too busy to give anyone a hand - but I guess it made sense that Chan's family would be really kind considering how caring he was.

They made us a feast, Chan cried a little in his old room (which is a secret I just happened to walk in on), Hyunjin tried to steal Berry, Jisung made friends with Hannah (he acts like a teenage girl anyways), I ended up gaming with Lucas for 2 hours, and finally, Mr. and Mrs. Bang thanked us all for taking such good care of their boy (which made Chan tear up again, but everyone pretended not to notice).

By the time we started to leave their lovely home, it was already dark. Everyone was emotional, even if none of the boys would admit it, but the day had been lovely. It had even managed to take my mind off of everything for a while.

Chan and I were the last two to go through the front door, but before either of us could, Mrs. Bang stopped us.

"Dear, could you give me a moment with Felix, please?" She asked her son with a kind hand on my shoulder and a gentle smile on her lips. I felt my chest constrict with worry, eyes widening and face going pale.

"Mum-" Chan's face was as white as mine, his worried gaze flickering between my panicked expression and his mother's serious expression.

"Christopher." The woman's tone became stern, the kind of tone you really don't want to hear from your mother.

"...fine. Don't scare him. Lix, I'll be right outside, okay?"

I nodded silently, feeling like a child that was about to be scolded. Chan hesitantly stepped outside, letting the door swing closed gently behind him.

Instantly, Mrs. Bang got down to business. "Okay, dear. I know your secret."

My stomach dropped.

Before I could even open my mouth, she continued on. "I don't know how you thought you could hide it from an old crone like me, after all, I do have eyes in the back of my head."

"I-I, Mrs. B-bang, ple-"

"Oh, hush dear. Call me mum. Anyways, you don't have to worry about me or my husband, we've both known Chris was a tiny little homosexual since... what was it? Fourth grade?"

I gaped at her.

"Oh, it doesn't matter. Anyways, you're such a lovely boy - much nicer than his last relationship. Boy, was that little rat manipulative. Aish," she clicked her tongue in annoyance, before fixing me with a sweet, almost.. loving? stare, "don't look at me like that. As a mother, it's my job to know when someone is in love with my boy, and you, Felix, have been making heart-eyes at him all day."

My cheeks were burning a bright, bloody red as I spluttered out a jumbled mess of embarrassed babbles, but Mrs. Bang shut me up again with a hug.

"Take care of him, Felix. He may look all tough, but he's fragile. If you break his heart, I'll break your back. Okay?"

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A/N Idk what this is but I wrote it at 3am because I was angry that I missed Episode 91 of Chan's Room last night *sob*