Pillow thoughts

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Alvin

Rory's lips leave me before I can react to the desperate kiss. What the-

His eyes are wide. His face is pale. Drawing in a soft breath he turns around and runs away. Hell. 

Above me is the hateful sun, shining upon me as he leaves. Around me the barren trees creak malicely. The whole world is dried and void of life. Something hurts, something new, something I didn't know could hurt. 

I know pain. I know how and where it hurts. Imagine... that Rory could teatch me a new pain. He's one of the bullies, one of the tormentors... He doesn't give me this kind of pain. 

This is real. This is strinking. This hits me with a shuddering force and pierces me, flashing through my whole body. Not this. No. It's not fair. 

Out of all the things he could have done... 

I know this pain. I'm very clever. I catch on too fast. Always to smart for my own good. 

This hurt... will be a whole new way of suffering. 

When my feet finally carry me home I see my father's figure in the window. They are fighting in the kitchen again. He's pointing with his angry finger at the outside where his eyes catch me. 

No return. 

I drag myself up the steps to my judgement. The door is soo heavy yet it flies open as if eager to see what's coming. The eyes of my father are cold with freezing rage. He's so still, so quiet. Just like me. 

His white hand grab my shoulder and I fall in into myself, curling into the tinest me I can be. The fingers dig into my skin, pressing like claws to hurt me down to the bone. Nothing like me. 

That night my pillow is wet. I try to be still, to not make any noise but my chest heaves making the bead creak. So cruel. So hateful. Why? I must be uglier and more unsightful than a rat if this is how they feel about me. 

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