His Obsession

Chapter Two - Personal Trials

!WARNING! Depression and mention of suicide

I wake with a start. Sweat covering my body, another nightmare. I'm honestly over them, I'm over these stupid trials, I'm over the constant death, I over how death doesn't feel like dying anymore. I've been in this place for 3 years now and after finding out that death is no longer an escape from this torture, I've honestly just given up on life.

If I thought I was quiet and to myself before, I'm now even more so. Every day is almost exactly the same. Four survivors are chosen for the trial and they all often come back screaming. Just like waking from a horrible nightmare. But the thing is, it's not just me and the original three anymore. Over the 3 years, more survivors were 'Chosen' to be apart of this game. But now everyone here are like family. We look out for each other and try to cheer each other up, especially when some of the trials were particularly unforgiving.

I swung myself out of my sleeping bag and started to put on my boots. I creep out of the campsite trying not to wake anyone. I don't really want to be a burden. That's all I feel like these days, but I tend to keep those thoughts to myself. I make my way towards the small creek just at the edge of the camp. I stare into the dark murky waters and start to strip off my sweat-ridden clothing. I wade into the below-freezing water, I relish the feeling of the water making my skin prickle with sharp pinpricks of pain.

This is a usual thing for me, like a confession. After having a nightmare, I usually come here and submerge my body in the icy waters to feel something that might be real. Something that could feel almost like death. But never close enough. I once drowned myself in this creek, only to wake up later on the creek bed, cold and wet. Now I know no one saved me because the other survivors would always be watching to make sure I don't do it again. But I walked back into camp that day and no one acted any different. They all hadn't known that I just drowned myself. So I knew that the only thing that was keeping me alive was the thing that was keeping us here. We like to call it the Entity.

So instead of drowning myself, I just like to float in the waters and wait till my body goes numb. At least I'm a little cleaner afterward. But still, after I tried to commit suicide, I've noticed some ravens following me around. Probably the Entity's eyes and ears, but it doesn't really bother me as much as I thought it would. I've always had a thing for birds and small animals, better company than people. Even if they're spies for the thing upstairs.

I swim back to shore and wriggle into my dry clothes; now semi-wet. The walk back to camp is always quiet, always gives me time to think, and sometimes I don't feel as numb as I did the other day. As I set foot into camp, I instantly freeze. There sitting by the fire is Ace Visconti. An Italian with gambling issues, but a good man at heart. The man raises his eyes towards the frozen boy, he lowers them and places another log on the fire to keep it going.

"So, are you just going to stand there, or are you gonna come take a seat?" The Italian looks back up at Jake. I unstick my feet and made my way towards him, I sat down cautious, unsure of what he would say. I stare into the fire, practically curling in on myself. Ace observes my body language, then adverts his eyes back to the fire. He releases a breath.

"Look kid, I don't really care what you do in your spare time. But just remember you're not the only one who's going through shit. I know you've been here longer and experienced more but you don't have to take it upon yourself to go through it by yourself. We're all here for you." I face him to see Ace already looking back. Ace is a general dick most of the time but I've always seen him as a father figure.

Suddenly his hand cups the back of my neck and he pulls my face closer to his, intimate. But in a fatherly way, Ace smiles a tad and whispers.

"Cheer up kid, you're not alone." I didn't understand what he had meant until I realised I was crying. I laid my head on his shoulder and cried silently, all the while Ace still had his hand clasped to his neck.

'So, this is what home feels like.'

- - - - -

Omg, I hated writing this chapter. I'm not fond of writing depressive shit but I felt it was needed to explain that it's not always easy to get out of that type of headspace. But to end it with someone he trusts and sees as a father figure brightens the mood. Just goes to show that family doesn't always have to be blood-related. I hope you lovelies are enjoying the story so far, I'm going to try and update a chapter after about 3 days. It takes time to come up with the next chapter. But that's enough from me, until next time.

From your non-binary_psycho