Christmas with the Calvins

Chapter Twenty-Six

Scott left for his meeting with the Legendary Council which gave Bernard, Curtis and Jessie the ability to return to their usual work. Immediately Bernard abandoned his wife and friend to return to his office. Curtis said he had some ideas to improve the toy replicator and Jess asked if she could tag along with him.

"You actually want to hang out with me?" Curtis asked as they walked towards the pantograph room.

"Well we never really find time to talk to each other." Jess shrugged. While over exposure to Curtis could make any elf crazy, he wasn't so bad in small doses. She followed him into the pantograph room that was empty of all other elves. Curtis explained that the toy copying elves were on their lunch break and Jess half-listened as he described the various improvements he'd made to the machine over time whenever the room was empty. At some point Curtis looked away from his tinkering to find Jessica watching him with her face resting on her fist.

"I'm sorry, you must think this is boring." He frowned. Jess could tell he was used to people telling him off because of his constant rambling.

"I was trying to listen really I was Curtis, I'm just...distracted." She sighed.

"You and Barnard still aren't getting along?" He questioned carefully.

"Like you haven't noticed." She snorted. "You're around us more than anyone! I just don't understand what his problem is."

"This isn't really my place to say," Curtis told her. Normally Curtis wouldn't interfere with the Head Elf's personal life, but something Bernard had said other day bugged him. The number two elf was just trying to think of a good way to bring it up."But I think Bernard's afraid you're going to hate him."

"He's being rude to me because he doesn't want me to hate...Curtis that doesn't make any sense!" Jess insisted exasperatedly.

"Jessica, think about it, his mood swings started right around the same time I reminded him about the Mrs. Clause." Curtis recollected. "I think he's worried that if we get a new Santa...you won't love him anymore."

"What? Curtis that's ridiculous!" Jess laughed. "Where would you get an idea like that?"

"Like I said, it's not my place to say. You should talk to Bernard about it."

"Talk to Bernard about what?" The disgruntled head elf demanded from the door of the room.

"Nothing!" Curtis insisted. The number two elf turned back to his work. Bernard stared at his wife, waiting for her to answer.

"We'll talk about it later." Jess told him. "What are we going to do about Dad?"

"I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. We can't force him to marry someone." Bernard frowned.

"What about Charlie?" Jess suggested. "Maybe I can help with that."

"Santa seemed pretty mad that you tried to deal with Charlie before." Curtis piped up.

"He was only mad because I didn't mention it sooner." The youngest elf explained. "Maybe I can go with him and help this time."

"Jessie, even if you went with Santa you wouldn't be able to stay very long." Bernard sighed. "Elves aren't meant to stray far from the pole. You'll get sick after a few days."

"Then I won't stay for very long." Jess shrugged.

"What about your work here?" Her husband questioned impatiently. "Even if you're father's no longer Santa, you'll still be an elf. You have responsibilities."

"Fortunately, I'm married to the elf who assigns my workload." Jessie teased. "C'mon Bernard you said it yourself I can't stay away for more than a few days at a time. I'll go down with Dad, help him with Charlie, and after a few days I'll be back at work."

"I don't know about this Jessica..." Curtis warned skeptically.

"You two worry too much." Jess waved him off.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Scott asked his three favorite elves as he entered the pantograph room. Santa just left his legendary figures meeting when he'd passed by the room where Jessie, Bernard and Curtis were arguing.

"Jessica wants to go with you to visit Charlie." The number two elf explained.

"Well here's the thing guys," Scott sighed. "I don't know If can even go visit Charlie. I can't be in two places at once!"

"Maybe you can..."Curtis grinned mischievously. Scott looked down his daughter and son-in-law for an explanation. Jessie and Bernard both shrugged, having no idea what the third elf was talking about. "I've tripled the RAM and reconfigured the circuitry paths." Curtis explained as he walked towards the control panel .

"I see you've externalized the power source..." Santa observed. "to make better use of the electromagnetic energy."

"Nah," Curtis shrugged, turning various knobs on the control panel. "It's just because it looks really cool." Jess watch him maneuver around the pantographs controls and she wished she'd paid more attention to what he'd said about them all earlier.

"Wait a minute..." Santa had a sudden realization. "You tripled the RAM? Curtis, I see where this is going and I am not getting in that thing!"

"Right!" Bernard agreed at once. "Besides creating a copy of Santa Claus won't solve our problems, it would be a toy."

"And the elves would know!" Jess snorted.

"But this would be a very special toy!" Curtis promised.

"How's that Curtis?" Scott asked the Keeper of the Christmas Handbook.

"I added a fuzzy logic circuit to the pantograph this morning. The duplicate will look and think just like you. So when you're with your family, dealing with Charlie, and looking for a wife..."

"The toy Santa will be up here melting in front of my fireplace." Santa concluded with feigned enthusiasm.

"No, the toy Santa will be dealing with business up here!" Curtis argued.

"I can deal with business up here!" Bernard insisted.

"You?!" Scott laughed. "You can't even handle your domestic problems! You two thought I didn't notice, you've been fighting nonstop? I may be de-santafying but I'm still you're father-in-law."

"Dad!" Jess hissed. "That's not really relevant to this discussion." Scott would have loved to argue the point with her but he knew there really wasn't anytime. He needed to figure out a plan and Curtis' seemed to be a pretty good one. There'd be plenty of time to argue later.

"Santa, hmm, sir," Bernard coughed. "With all due respect, if the elves ever found out that we made a switch..." The head elf gasped dramatically. "No! No! This machine is not the answer!"

"Is it safe Curtis?" Jessica asked, ignoring her husband's protests and her father's watchful gaze. Cutis was about to explain that he didn't know for sure, but in that exact moment a mouse jumped onto the entrance conveyer belt of the toy replicator. The entrance conveyer belt began to move and the mouse was trapped inside before anyone could stop it. Bernard, Curtis, Jess and Scott all rushed to the exit conveyer belt and waited, with baited breath, for the mouse to reemerge. After a minute or two the mouse finally reappeared followed closely by its lifelike toy counterpart.

"You can't get much better than that!" Cutis grinned. He was speaking about the quality of the toy and not the safety of the machine but the others didn't really need to know that. After debating for beat, Santa began to smile himself.

"I'm going in!"

"Oh I can't watch this!" Bernard whined, covering his eyes with his hand. Curtis took up his position at the control panel and made a few adjustments for Santa's size. Jessie stood by the exit conveyer belt, nervously biting her thumb nail.

"It's perfect!" Curtis shouted as a stiff Santa-esque creature emerged from the pantograph.

"That's because it's me!" Scott laughed.

"Santa, are you alright?"Bernard questioned, taking his hand off his face.

"Daddy, are you okay?" Jessie asked at the same time.

"Yeah, yeah." Scott rushed to assure them before whispering to Curtis, "I felt a shock in there, was I suppose to feel a shock?" He didn't get his answer as Bernard and Curtis began to scream.