Te Quiero.
Pagrinig ko nun inalis ko na lang bigla yung pagka yakap niya sa akin. I was dumb found and wala akong idea kung tama ba yung narinig ko or what. Nagkatinginan lang kami nun at wala akong masabi.
Sorry if you were shocked but Jara, I'm serious. Hinawakan nanaman niya yung kamay ko ng mahigpit at natetense ako. I want you like no ones else do, I love you like fire that burnt me to death. Jara, can you be my gi-
Stop! Nangingiyak na ako nun at nanginginig ang boses ko. I-I don't wanna be rude or what but.. but I think I can't be your girl Jamir. His hazel eyes grew big and I took it as a bad sign. I don't wanna hurt you but you said you must be true and this is the truth Jamir. I'm so-
He placed his index finger on my lips and hugged me back. Nung pagyakap niya mas naluha pa ako lalo. Did I really did the right thing for the both of us? Kumawala siya sa yakap at tumayo na siya pero I grabbed his wrist at humarap naman siya.
Don't worry, I'll wait for your answer and I hope the next time I hear it... He gave me a very bright smile pero alam kong dismayado siya. you'll say you love me too.
After nun umalis na siya at heto parin ako naka upo sa sand at nafefeel yung water sa legs ko. Patuloy parin ako sa pagiyak at feeling ko ang unfair ko pero I was just being true to him and myself as well. Kung hindi ko yun ginawa, I'll live in a big pool of lie and me, myself shall drown in it.
Tama nga si Kuya Jun, hindi madali ang magmahal at masaktan. Bakit ba kasi naging ganito ang situation? Bakit kailangan pa maging ganito ka difficult at confusing? Bakit ba hindi madali magmahal? Bakit nga ba?!
Nung tumayo ako, dun ko lang nalaman na may kasama pala ako. Nakatingin siya sa malayo at naka fold ang arms sa harap niya. Pinunasan ko yung face ko and hoping na wala ng tear stain.
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*ZEN's POV*
Nandito kami ni Jamir sa labas ng room ni Diane at Jara, hinihintay sila. It's been days since last kami nagusap ni Jara. Ewan ko pero since nung sa hospital and all those things that happened between us, parang wala na akong guts makipagusap dahil alam ko naman na mutual na si Jara at Jamir.
Zen, can I ask you something? Lumapit naman si Jamir sa akin at nagnod ako as an answer to his question. Do you have... Uhm. Any feelings for Jara?
Nagulat ako sa tanong niya at di ko alam anong isasagot. Bakit niya natanong yun? Is it that obvious? Dinaan ko na lang sa tawa yung sagot ko na sana naman makuha niya as sign for no, kahit na masakit pero I have to sacrifice.
That means you don't have right? Thanks dude! I know I can count on you. Just wish me luck though.
Wish you luck?
I'm about to tell her my true feelings. I can't afford to loose her no more.
Nagnod nalang ako nun at tinago yung totoo. Ano bang laban ko sa kanya kung sasabihin ko pa yung totoo kay Jara na mismo siya pabor kay Jamir dba?
Lumabas naman na si Jara at Diane. Nakakatawa nga eh, pareho pa kami ni Jara na naka yellow. Me and Diane both decided na mag basa na lang ng book dun sa benches malapit parin sa beach and the bad thing is, tanaw na tanaw pa namin ni Diane si Jamir at Jara na naka upo sa sand.
Habang naka upo at malayo sa kanila hindi ko maalis yung tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa. Half of me is happy na mahal ni Jamir si Jara pero the other half wants to go run and punch Jamir and take Jara to neverland. Silly huh? That's the job of what they call "love", to make you silly.
Siguro ilang minutes pa, nakita nalang namin ni Diane na magka yakap si Jamir at Jara. Ni ako, nagulat.
They look great together huh?
Uuhm. Y-yes. O-of course.
Wait, nauuhaw ako, you wanna go sa resto? Nandun sila Karl.
Go ahead, I think Imma stay right here and relax a lil bit more.
Suit yourself.
Umalis na si Diane nun at exactong pagtingin ko kay Jamir at Jara, nakatayo si Jamir at mukhang aalis. Did something went wrong? I felt the urge na lapitan si Jara pero natatakot ako sa isasagot niya. But I still did behind the fear that it all went good and his taking Jamir as his new partner.
I stood there waiting for her to stood up, but she was sitting still and crying. Finally nung tumayo siya naka tingin lang ako sa malayo at alam kong nagulat siya na nandun ako. Sino bang hindi?
So, any problems?
With me and Jamir, none. But with us? Yes. Nagulat ako sa sagot niya. Wala akong ibang magawa kung di umalis cause I really don't wanna talk about this subject no more. Ganyan ka naman parati dba, nagwawalk out pag may problema. Yan ang mali sayo eh, duwag ka! It all started nung Satur-
Bakit tingin mo after telling me na feel mo nahuhulog ka na kay Jamir, I'll act normal? Ha?
Alam kong nagulat siya sa sagot ko nun pero hindi na ako makapag timpi and I just wanted to tell her everything as of this moment. I want her to know the truth even though I'm risking an answer for it!
Since we were 8, kala ko it was only a normal crush dahil ikaw parati yung kalaro ko. Nung pagdating namin dito sa Philippines, it took me two whole weeks to beg my mom na bumalik kami sa states cause I wanna be with you but I failed. Nakatingin lang parin siya sa akin nun at alam kong naguguluhan siya. Kahit ako man na sure with my feelings, nagugulahan parin. Every day of every month of every year umaasa ako na makikita kita ulit at makakasama just like the old times. Finally nung 3rd year tayo, nalaman ko na may new student named Jara. Half of me was hoping na ikaw nga yun but the other half didn't wanted to see you dahil naka move on na ako nun and I have Diane.
You made Diane your life?
Did I really made her my life? I guess yes but the moment me and Jara became close again, my feelings for Diane was washed out by the flood of feelings for Jara.
Yes until we became close again. She looked at me na para bang hindi maintindihan ang mga pinagsasabi ko. When we started being partners for the Holiday Project, sabi ko sa sarili ko it won't be a good idea but I stand corrected. Nung naging close tayo, those afternoon bondings and every single second I'm with you made me full of hope and what the heck? I fell once more for you.
You said you loved Diane like hell?
I did but feelings change Jara, it does.
We went quiet for a long time. Hindi ko alam kung naguguluhan din ba siya sa feelings niya or everything will change between us once more. Gusto ko lang maging totoo sa kanya kasi kung hindi feel ko baka mamatay ako sa pagiging isang malaking sinungaling.
Why Zen? Why did you kept this from me? Nilapitan niya ako at hinawakan sa arms. Ang higpit nung hawak niya pero hindi masakit. Bakit? Sabihin mo sa akin! Bakit hindi mo sinabi dati pa?
Tinangal ko yung pagkahawak niya sa arms ko dahil feeling ko mali ito. Wala akong masagot sa tanong niya kahit na puno ng words ang utak ko. The only thing in my mind right now is to fix this mess, but how?
Ano, aalis ka nanaman? You'll leave me hanging once more like you always did? Do you think it's all easy? Ha?
Bakit Jara, if I went straight to you dati pa at sinabihan kitang I love you. Will I get the answer I love you too?
OO!
I was speechless from what she said. Hindi ko alam na noon pa man...
she loved me too.
