Chapter 4: Jenn
What did I just do? He has a girlfriend. But he said he loves me. Oh my god the way he felt against me. I’ve never felt so safe in my whole life. Niall’s sweet touch, his soft lips pushed up against mine, his hot breath breathing down my neck… I felt so guilty to admit it, but that was the best 10 minutes of my entire life.
I was standing at the entrance of Niall’s flat. Looking out into the cold London air, smelling all the smoke and seeing all the life. I don’t know why I was so concerned about this. I’m so uptight. If I want Niall, and he wants me why am I so worried about what is going to happen and just live in this moment with him?
I took a deep breath and started back up the steep steps back to Niall’s door. I wanted to see him again, but was that a bad idea? Did it make me seem weak? Vulnerable? Like a whore? I didn’t wanna come off as any of those because I wanted Niall to want me.
I ran up the flight of steps so fast, I found myself gasping for air. Once I finally got myself together and took a deep breath I looked up and staring at me was the boy that put the butterflies in my stomach. Niall’s faded blue eyes were just looking right at me.
“Well I guess this makes two of us..” I insecurely mumbled to him.
In that moment I felt a huge weight lifted on my shoulders. Niall looked at my a way I have never been looked at. He looked at my like we were the only people in the entire world, (true we were the only one’s outside his flat but that’s beside the point), and I loved that. I just realized I loved every single little thing about Niall. I loved the way he smells like a mixture between cold coffee and laundry detergent with a little bit of cologne. I loved the way his house wasn’t perfectly put, the way I had imagined, the way he leaves little piles of clothing around his house. When he throws his head back laughing, no one has ever made me laugh as much as he does. That’s all we did, we laughed and loved. In these shorts days, hours, I realized what I really wanted, what I really needed in my life, was something different and spontaneous, and that was.. Niall.
He caressed the side of my cheek with him warm palm and looked straight to my eyes. He tilted my chin up and kissed me. Not just a normal kiss, it was so short, yet so amazing and passionate. I have never been kissed the way Niall kisses. His kisses are sweet and loving. You can a lot about a person with the way they kiss, and I instantly fell in love with NIall’s kisses.
We pulled back and looked at each other. We didn’t need to say anything. We both knew what was happening. We were going to “hang out”, but really fall in love. We were going to “watch tv”, but really just enjoy our passionate kisses. We were going to “go to dinner”, yeah I guess we would actually go to dinner.
No words were needed, I swear in that moment, I felt like I was floating on air. I smiled at him, not giving too much away, and walked off.
“I’m a shitty person” I said as Maya opened her front door.
“I thought we had established that.” Maya joking said, I punched her arm. She slapped me. I guess that’s kind of how we worked. She was my best friend, my sarcastic, bitchy, best friend, and I loved her.
“I kissed him, I kissed Niall.”
“Wait that guy in that band that took you to dInner? When the hell did you kiss him???”
“Tonight..”
“Alright Jenn!!!!!” Maya held her hand up gesturing a high five but I just stared at her and then threw my head down and began to cry. “Wait what not good Jenn? Bad girl, bad Jenn? I’m so confused. What’s happening?”
“I really, really like him.” I wiped my cheek with a tissue Maya gave me, “I mean I really do. He makes me feel important and wanted and needed and-”
“Wait the guy you met THREE days ago?”
“Yes but-”
“Um okay. No wonder you’re crying. Kidding! But doesn’t he have a girlfriend? Oh well, screw that.”
“Yes!! He does!! And we can’t “be” together. Uh I want him so badly.”
“So get him.. You’re hot..”
“No I’m not, and it’s not about that anymore. It’s so complicated. Uh. Uh why do I keep saying “uh”!!”
“I don’t know but I do know that this is good. Jenn, this is really fucking good.”
