Rebellion

Chapter 30 ~ Forgiveness

Princeps - singular
Principes - plural

Unedited

Chapter 30:  Forgiveness
~

"You want me to feed. . .from you?" Anna asked slowly.

I nodded, her gaze making me feel like I'd suggested we throw a puppy off the roof. Her jaw clicked as if she was chewing over my words, but a peek of fangs from behind her lips revealed her hunger. If she had trouble with control at the mere suggestion of feeding, I was worried about how starving she really was.

Just how much had Padraig managed to force her to drink from whatever poor human he'd found? Not a lot I was guessing.

"Why didn't Padraig suggest I feed from him instead of forcing me to hurt someone?" she nearly sobbed, her eyes brimming with fresh tears.

I sighed, unable to keep eye contact. "Maybe because it's not a permanent solution. You wouldn't be able to survive on feeding from another vampire for long. Your body needs fresh, human blood. I'm afraid that's not something you can escape from."

Anna looked down, fidgeting with the hem of her jumper. I watched her, feeling her own torture. I wished there was something else I could do to make this easier for her, some way to take all this away. There was no point in giving her false hope about what had been revealed with Gideon, that there was a small glimmer of a chance that she could have retained some of her powers. That wouldn't have been fair.

I felt guilt tear away at me again, clawing at my self worth until I was sure all the damage caused in Anna's life was because of me. If Atanas had killed me the night he found me, how different things would be now. Anna wasn't in the right state of mind for such a drastic change. She'd just been holed up in a dungeon for days being psychologically tortured.

Yet, it made me wonder about what she had planned for her future before all of this. Her and Padraig were more than the master and slave they made themselves out to be, I knew this, so it amazed me they'd never talked about Anna becoming a vampire before. She hadn't been prepared for this shock to the system. Or maybe they had talked about it and she'd outirght refused.

I couldn't take the silence any longer, and tried to come at this from another angle.

"You used to feed from Padraig didn't you?" I asked carefully, sitting beside her.

She looked towards the bedroom door, and I was sure she would have blushed if she could. "That was different. That was for. . .pleasure. An intimate act between lovers. This is different. This is survival."

"What if you still did it for pleasure? Eventually the time will come when you need to feed from a mortal but for now, things don't have to be different," I said, having to force my next words out. "Bites during um, well, sex, it's quite enjoyable."

My words were unsure, and I too felt my cheeks heating. I still wasn't used to talking about sex, nor the joys of it. Brown eyes peeked at me uncertainly. I'd seen the bite marks on her neck before, I knew they'd shared blood. Even if she tried to deny it. Trying to convince her the only difference would be she'd be able to bite back seemed to be working.

Her shoulders rolled until she stiffened, the tension growing in the room again.

"It's not just about that though. When I fed last night, I enjoyed it," she spat out, disgust for herself making her shiver. "I wanted more, I wanted to feed until there was nothing left. I wanted to go out and stalk the streets myself next time!"

I knew what she meant. Hunting was exhilarating. It was in our nature, built into our very DNA. We were predators. Nothing could change that.

"You can't blame yourself for that, Anna. You're meant to enjoy it, it's what you're built for. I'm not going to force you to accept this life, I can't. Not after fighting so that others have the right to choose. But I care about you, and it would break my heart to lose you. It's a lot to get used to, believe me I know, but it does get better. It gets easier. Sometimes it can be wonderful, magical even," I said, cringing at my own cheesiness.