Rekindled

Do I Love Him?

Phoebe's POV

I laid down on my bed, and I let my mind go over all of tonight's events. Tonight was just so amazing. I couldn't ask for a more perfect date. Even though it wasn't my first date, it was still the best date I've ever had. The feeling of Finn's lips on mine fills my stomach with butterflies. I want to capture that moment, and bottle it up. That way, I can feel that feeling whenever I want to. The way his lips moved with mine. We were in perfect harmony. It was like we were meant to be. I didn't realize Finn was such a great kisser. I've only kissed him two times before tonight. My first kiss with him literally caused an explosion between the two of us. I hadn't planned on kissing him on his birthday.

Well, it was more of his fault for kissing me on his birthday. I was being polite and dancing with him because it was his birthday after all. I know I wanted my hero and all, but I came to his birthday as a friend. Well, that's at least what I tell myself. I may have flirted with him, but he kissed me, but I didn't pull away. It's my fault that I didn't refuse, but at the same time I secretly wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to claim me as his. I've been contemplating this for a long time. I needed Finn, but is it just my body craving for skin-to-skin contact? I have been alone for so long, maybe my body just needed someone or anyone to respond to that longing.

A feeling of guilt immediately passed over me. Oh Glob what have I done? I used Finn. Who am I kidding, I was just using him to feel that touch. I shouldn't have agreed to that date. I'm still not sure if I'm in love with him or not. All these emotions are clouding my brain; I'm switching moods left and right. I accepted those kisses tonight; I had kissed him hungrily. I wanted him all to myself. Am I just jealous of the idea of Finn being with a girl that's not me? I want him to be in love with me, and I'm sure he is. The way he kissed me so gently and with such passion shows me there is no doubt that Finn loves me. He's ready for another try with me. He's fully mature to start over, and go out on a date with me.

The real question is, am I ready to have another try with Finn? I know he has grown and matured. Both of us have grown, and become fully functional people in society. It's not the fact that we were exes. That doesn't matter because we had buried that hatchet, and we had become really close friends. I remember how he would occasionally stop by the kingdom to say hi. Both of us became closer than we ever were before, even sharing secrets and swapping stories. The kingdom had even come to respect him. He has been so kind with them. After all, he is the hero of Ooo. He has protected them multiple times from harm when I couldn't.

Then a thought crept its way into my mind. What about my kingdom? Even if Finn and I became an item again, I can't forget my kingdom. I don't think Finn would want to lead the kingdom with me. If he didn't, the only rational person I could leave the kingdom to is Cinnamon Bun. Unfortunately, I can't even leave it to him now. He had gone off to the other sides of Ooo looking for something. The day after I had got back, he had packed up his stuff and left. He left me with a goodbye hug, but that was it. He said that he loved being my champion, but greater adventure awaited him.

He went off searching for an answer to his own life. I had given him the time for him to become independent. I had given him the purpose to become his own person. I don't think I'll ever see him again. I was sad to see him go, but he was determined, so I let him go. We had both helped each other; he even helped me become the confident ruler that I am now. I guess it was my time to help him find his own calling. The question still remains then, who will be there to take care of my people?

I decided that it was getting late, and I needed my rest. Until tomorrow I mused. I changed into something more comfortable, and I climbed into the sheets of my bed. I closed my heavy eyelids, and fell into a deep and rhythmic sleep. I dreamed of Finn. It was vague, but I remember I saw him crying. Why was he crying? Was I the cause of his pain?

I woke up the next morning with great difficulty. I sat up and rubbed the rocks out of my eyes. It was a brand new day; I have some thinking to do. I changed into a simple red dress, and grabbed a coal while I walked down to the throne room. The day seemed to drag both of its feet. Every minute seemed to be excruciating. The citizens had their monotonous problems, while they drabbled on, my mind wandered back to Finn. It's wrong of me to be leading him on like this. I need to stop, but I find that I'm not able to. The feeling I get around him is addicting. I just want to hold on to him forever. I don't want to let go. Finn is mine, and there is no way he should have any other girl.

Sure, it was selfish, but I want Finn for myself. I felt disgusted with my behavior. First, I don't want Finn, but now I want him more than ever? This is all so confusing. I did say that I would give it a few dates to figure out my feelings for him. I'm sure I feel something, but I'm still not sure that I love him. I can't break his heart though, It occurs to me that I can't just leave him. I would leave him broken, and I couldn't bear to break his heart. He may have broken mine, but his heart broke too. I couldn't dare put him through that again.

I would be some monster to him. Someone who was toying with his feelings. He would accuse me of using him for love. He would say that he loved me, but I didn't love him. He would argue, then he would run away heartbroken. I mentally slapped myself. I needed to snap out of it. I then realized I was been crying. I quickly wiped my face. Fortunately, there was no one around to witness my weakness. I don't know where everyone went. I guess I must have dazed through most of the day.

I couldn't break Finn's heart. It would hurt me to see him broken again. I knew I liked him. I need to prove my love for not only him but for me as well. I know deep in my heart I want to be in his arms once again. My skin longs for the soft touch of his hands. My lips feel empty without his. My soul feels empty without him. I was sure that he loves me. I need to prove that I'm ready. I guess the only way to find out is another date. I picked up my phone and called Finn. I waited in anticipation for Finn to answer. The tone continued to buzz throughout my entire brain. I then heard Finn pick up.

"Phoebe! How are you? I hope you're having a wonderful day today. Listen, I'm in a bit of a rush today, so I'm going to cut to the chase. I had an amazing time last night with you, so that being said, do you want to go on a second date sometime?"

He literally read my mind. It was amazing. He had stolen the words right from underneath me.

"I would love that Finn. What do you have in mind?"

"I was thinking we do something more personal. It'll be more of a surprise. Come over to my penthouse next Friday. "

"...Okay Finn, that sounds great. I'll see you next Friday."

"I will see you then. Goodbye."

Well, I guess I have another date. I hope this works out. I honestly can't wait to see his handsome face again. Just the thought of him brings butterflies to my stomach. I never want to get used to that feeling.