-Art by lychlaonly on Reddit-
An eerie noise ringed in my ears. My breathing was heavy and everything hurt. After a few moments, my senses came back to me. The strong smell of blood hit me like a bus, filling my nostrils and making me gag. The ringing was replaced by silence and distant footsteps. I tried to open my eyes but the movement brought me tremendous pain, so much pain, pain with a knife lodged into it. I couldn't see at all. What happened?
I forced my arm to push through and travel to my face where I could feel what was wrong with my eyes. I gritted my teeth as I felt shards of glass sticking out of my eyelids. And then it came back to me. The last conscious bodyguard missed me and instead shot at the vase which smashed and sent it's broken pieces into my face. This would have ended perfectly if that never happened. But alas, I was left blinded and alone with the eyes in my possession but no way to escape while my entire being felt like it was decomposing on the spot.
This was the most pain I had ever experienced, it hurt like hell. I wanted to give up and let myself bleed to death if that was the only way to put an end to this agony. Not only my eyes which burned for relief, but my entire body that felt like it was crumbling from exhaustion. Despite this, I pushed myself off the floor. The mission wasn't over.
It was only a matter of time before their back up arrived, I had to get out. Slowly, I reached out to a nearby pillar to support my trembling legs, the putrid stench of blood almost having me throwing up as I attempted to compose myself. Since I was unable to open my eyes, I used En to sense every object which surrounded me and allowed for my En to guide me across the hall, limping as I walked.
I carefully dragged my body through the building until I felt a cold wind hit my face. It was faint, but I knew that the temperature had changed meaning a window was nearby. I walked closer to the colder area, gripping the jar of eyes tightly in my hand and putting my revolver back into the coat pocket.
With the help of my En, I was able to locate and identify the window and the room I entered. It was a meter high and had a width of half a meter so I knew that I would be able to fit through it. "Melody!" I screamed. "I'm escaping through the window on the second floor, the one in the dining room!" I didn't even know if she was in the area, there were no signs that any of my friends were here at all but despite that I just hoped that they were. If Melody was here then there was no doubt that my message reached her sensitive ears. In reality, I was just relying on her to have heard me.
I inched towards the open window, stopping when I felt the windowsill and the walls with one hand whilst the other held the jar of eyes close to my chest.
"(Y/N)!" A distant voice called from outside. It was Kurapika, meaning my message had reached Melody which led her to inform the others of my location. By the sound of it, Kurapika was standing on the ground, directly below the window. However, the volume of his voice suggested that there was a great distance from me and him, meaning it was a big drop. "Quickly, jump!"
Sitting on the window ledge, I could feel the cold wind slapping my face. My heart quickened at the fear that built up inside of me. I couldn't see anything but could only feel as my bare feet were dangling off the ledge. Suddenly I heard rushing footsteps behind me and then stop. I turned my body to the doorway as if it would help me to see who had entered the room.
I knew who it was from the way they were panting. I couldn't see the expression on his face but I could only imagine how hurt he looked. "Why?" Touma asked quietly. "(Y/N), please... tell me this is all just some kind of joke. Tell me that you didn't gain my trust just so you could steal the scarlet eyes."
The wind blew my face in all directions as I bit my bottom lip. "I..." I didn't know what to say. "I have to, Touma." My voice cracked as I spoke.
"Bullshit." He replied. "Why are you doing this?"
"I have to." I said again, this time with more sadness in my voice.
I heard him sigh. "It's for him, isn't it?" I didn't know how to answer. It suddenly felt like I couldn't speak at all. He must have taken my silence as a yes because he continued, "You were right, I guess. You are a fool." He spat. His words hurt me far more than any of the injuries my body was given.
"I'm sorry." I muttered. He didn't say anything, didn't even try to stop me as I pushed myself off the ledge.
Hugging the eyes tightly to my chest, I prayed that Kurapika was still standing there and ready to catch me. I was terrified. There was nothing scarier than falling in midair without being able to see or having any reassurance that you weren't about to fall to your death. The conversation I just had with Touma didn't help either- he sounded so betrayed, he really did trust me for me to only go and break that trust.
Eventually, I felt my body sink in to a pair of arms. The embrace was so comforting that I could cry. I kept my grip on the eyes and wrapped my other arm around Kurapika's neck, whimpering as he carried me away.
I was rushed into the backseat of a vehicle, Kurapika climbing in after me. "Step on it, Basho!" He yelled and it drove off instantly.
The container from my hands was taken away and I could feel many people talking but I was unable to process anything. So many hands were touching me, touching my face, I couldn't even tell why or by who I was being tended to. All the noises, feelings and pain were so overwhelming that I could no longer take it. My chest tightened with panic.
Hands wrapped around me once more and pulled me in to a hug. Not caring who it was, I hugged back, unable to contain both the physical and emotional pain. From how slim the person I was holding was, I assumed it was Kurapika. "Holy shit- Melody, look at her eyes!" My assumption was correct after I heard him exclaim those words.
Melody, who I hadn't realised was sitting on the other side of me, pulled my face gently to face her direction. "(Y/N)." She said clearly. "Can you try to open your eyes?" My focus was now completely on her, I was able to easily understand her out of all the distorted sounds and feelings going through my head. Slowly, I opened my eyes and kept them open for two seconds before having to close them due to the excruciating pain. I could hear her gasp, probably shocked by how gruesome my eyes were. "Can you see anything?" She asked.
My vision wouldn't focus at all. I was completely blind in one eye and could only faintly make out some light from the other. "I can't." I choked out.
"Shit, shit, shit! This is bad..." Said Basho from the front seat.
I could hear chains clacking against each other from beside me. "I can't use my Holy Chain on her eyes until all the glass is removed." Kurapika said. "I'm sorry, (Y/N). Hold on a little longer." He said. I think it was Melody who wrapped a cloth tightly around my eyes. It helped, slightly. The pressure of the cloth eased the pain a little.
Never once throughout the whole ride did Kurapika let go of my hand. I don't remember at what point he held it but ever since then he kept the same tight grip.
~
As soon as the car stopped, I was carried out and rushed into, what I assumed was, the mansion.
It was the worst feeling in the world. I felt throbbing stabs all through my face as each little shard of glass was extracted from my skin one after the other. It felt like it was going on for hours, whoever was treating me never let me catch a break and instead bombarded me with this pain, refusing to stop even when I screamed and cried out. The only thing which provided me with some sort of tenderness was the hand Kurapika was still holding.
After many minutes of trembling in pain, I was told that all the glass was now gone. I tried to catch my breath while however many other people in the room were talking amongst themselves. The door shut after a while and a cool air hit my face as my body was cradled in Nen. Suddenly the stinging sensation from my eyes left and I felt a lot better. It was all thanks to Kurapika's Holy Chain.
Slowly, I opened my eyes. It took a moment for my vision to come back but after it did I looked around to see I was in my room, alone with Kurapika. He looked at me with worry before closing his mouth and smiling. I smiled back.
"Thank you."
"I'm sorry."
We both spoke at the same time. I looked at him in confusion as to why he apologised, he only looked down shamefully. "I'm sorry." He said again, staring at the patterns on the bedsheets we sat on.
I didn't say anything but waited for him to continue. "I wasn't there to help you. Basho, Melody and I, we got ambushed and we couldn't be there for you because we got caught up and-" He paused and took a shaky breath. "Just like back at Yorknew, I let you down again. I left you in danger. I'm sorry."
His tone broke my heart, I was never used to hearing him so sad. "Don't be sorry. I made it out alive, didn't I?" I smiled. Kurapika only looked up to me sadly. His empathetic eyes made my own tear up as I recalled the events I had just went through. The memory of the woman's corpse from earlier flashed through my head and I let out a sob. "I killed someone, Kurapika." My smile dropped when I broke down as those words left my mouth.
My hands flew to my face as every voice in my head called me a sinner, a killer. The boy didn't hesitate in pulling me into a hug. I didn't understand how he could bare to touch a filthy murderer like me. "(Y/N)..." He muttered into my hair.
How ironic. I was always somebody who disliked the concept of death and yet, here I was, constantly being followed by the Reaper himself. Except only this time I had taken a life by my own hands. I pulled the trigger and killed that woman. Not only her but the other Yoshikage bodyguards too who had died from the use of my manipulation. I hate myself.
"I'm sorry I made you go through this," Kurapika whispered, stroking small circles into my back. "This is all my fault."
Neither of us spoke, I only continued to sob into his shoulder as he held me. "Don't blame yourself." I mumbled after a while.
"Do you hate me?"
"I could never hate you."
"Even though you had to kill somebody for my sake?"
"Don't push it, blondie." I joked in a weak voice, wiping my tears as I tried to remind myself it was an unavoidable action. "I always knew I would have to kill someone eventually, Kurapika. It was only a matter of time." And that was the truth. As a Hunter, there was no use in denying the fact that killing was a huge part of this job. "It's not your fault." I reminded him as I pulled away. He smiled as did I.
"Thank you, (Y/N), for getting my clan's eyes back."
"It was only one pair..."
"Even so, it means the world to me."
"You're welcome, Kurapika."
"And I'm sorry that you had to betray your boyfriend for me."
"He wasn't my boyfriend."
"What? But I thought-"
"No, Touma and I were just friends. Besides, even if he was I still would have done so. I'd do anything for you."
"Anything?"
"Anything."
And then, he leaned in and hugged me again, this time tighter than any hug that night. "Thank you." He said in a tone which made him sound as though he too was about to cry.
Kurapika and I stayed in my room for a while after that and we talked. Nothing to do with what happened that day or anything about the eyes, just a casual conversation between friends. It had been a while since we spoke and laughed with each other like that, it was nice.
An hour passed by quickly. We hadn't realised how late it had gotten until I pointed out how dark the sky was. "I'll go back to my room then," He said, standing up from the bed. "I'll let you get your sleep." But I grabbed his arm, not wanting him to leave.
With pleading eyes I said, "Don't go." It was just like that day in September when I tried to stop him from fighting that Spider. Except this time he nodded and sat back down with me. "I don't want to be alone tonight. Kurapika, please..."
"I'll stay." His sudden words made me look at him in suprise. "I'll stay all night if you want me to." I smiled affectionately.
After a little bit of more talking, I got up to take a shower. I didn't want to sleep without washing away the sins from that day.
I came back after the quick shower to see Kurapika still in my room, just like how I had asked him to stay. He sat on my bed reading a novel as I dried my hair. "Enjoying your book?" I asked.
"Quite." He closed the book and placed it on the bedside table. "I don't have much time to read these days."
I hummed in response and put down the hair dryer. "There isn't much time to do anything when you're involved in this job, really." I walked to the edge of the bed, motioning for him to move over. He did so and lifted the covers for me. I climbed in after him and laid my head down on the pillow.
Kurapika leaned across me and turned off the lamp before snuggling into the bed along with me. "Are you okay with this?" He asked, staring at me.
"I'm okay with this. Are you okay with this?" I didn't have to ask to know he was talking about sharing the bed. Of course, we slept together before but that was when I found out I lost my sister. It wasn't really something either of us thought too deeply about.
With a confiding smile, he replied "I'm okay with this."
Thoughtlessly, I moved forward and pushed my head against Kurapika's chest. I was content.
Noises loomed at all hours of the night. An owl, the sound of my window shutters squeaking against the wind, the music from a distant, all-night discotheque in town, or the light breaths of Kurapika, anything could wake me. Sometimes, though, a mere nothing, like a sense of guilt or shame, would slip it's way out of my sleep and hover around me and watch me sleep and, bending down to my ear, finally whisper, You killed people, (Y/N). You killed people and are trying to sleep like it never happened- while I made every effort to stop myself from breaking down.
And, at one point, I must have woken the boy beside me from my trembling. He held me close to his kind chest, whispering sweet nothings to me in attempt to calm my shaking self. It's okay, he would say, you're okay. And then he would kiss my forehead as I fell asleep in his arms once more.
And at that moment as I was drifting off to sleep, it came to me, a beautiful yet terrifying realisation that no matter how much I tried to get over it, tried to ignore it, tried to bury it deep down in my heart, it would never go away. The fact would never go away:
I'm in love with you, Kurapika. And I think I always will be.
~