retuning back from jisung's shared dorm room, the red haired chinese male threw his phone onto jaemin's bed and plopped down onto his bed on the floor, letting out an obnoxiously loud sigh that caught jeno's attention, who happened to be in the room at the time. the brown haired male was scrolling through his phone and minding his own business, but he couldn't help but get worried about his roommate, who seems to be upset to some extent.
putting his phone away, jeno shut his device off and turned his attention towards the chinese male, who's face was still buried deep into his pillow, almost as if he was becoming the object itself.
"are you okay?" the brown haired male asked, catching renjun's attention and causing him to lift his head from his pillow.
"do i look okay to you?" the chinese male replied, not wanting answer his friends's question at the moment. jisung had just revealed to him something that the chinese male never thought was possible, and this caused him to be confused with his own feelings and what he thought he knew.
"i don't know, that's why i asked."
letting out a frustrated breath, renjun just stood up from his spot and faced his brown haired friend, not wanting to deal with him at the moment. he suddenly lost all of his will power to hold a conversation with the other male and this was only making him frustrated. he needed to get out of there before something accidentally blows over.
"i'm doing just fine, thanks for asking," the chinese male replied to the other's question from earlier, not intentionally being rude but accidentally sounding like it, and made his way to the door to put his shoes on and leave.
however, the brown haired male stopped the shorter from proceeding with his plans and continued the conversation that renjun was not wanting to continue.
"you don't seem like it," jeno said, stating the obvious but not knowing what he got himself into. "you've been acting weird ever since we... you know..."
"kissed, i know. no need to bring it up. it's in the past and it was an accident," the chinese male replied.
letting out a sigh, jeno moved closer towards his roommate while the shorter kept backing up, it wanting to know what the other was planning to do.
"plus, w-we already talked about i-it," the chinese male added, cursing himself for stuttering in front of the brown haired male.
renjun didn't know why the other was suddenly bringing up their unfortunate event that occurred almost a week ago. maybe because even though the two talked it out, the shorter was still acting kind of weird around the other, although this action has gone unnoticed by others since it was mainly a thing to happen when the two were alone.
maybe this had to do with the newfound feeling of renjun's that he was persistent in denying even though jisung had also mentioned it to him earlier that day. it was stressing the chinese male out and it isn't even supposed to be that big of a deal.
"then why are you still acting weird around me?" jeno couldn't help himself but ask. he was curious as to why the chinese male was still acting strange around him even though the event was a long time ago (at least to everyone else it was) and didn't think it was necessary for him to act that way.
"because jaemin saw us, okay? that's why i'm acting weird!" the red haired male exclaimed, wanting the conversation to end abruptly. however, luck was not on his side when the other roommate continued to ask questions about his usual behavior.
"and jaemin seeing us accidentally kiss is a reason for you to act distant?" the brown haired male asked, getting upset.
maybe he could accept it if the chinese male had enjoyed the kiss but was to stubborn to admit it to himself. maybe he could accept it if renjun hadn't fully come to terms that the two of them had kissed. but the taller of the two knew that he definitely wouldn't be able to accept it if the whole reason for renjun's behavior was if it was because jaemin, the chinese male's crush, had witnessed that event.
and since that was the root of renjun's behavior these past several days, the brown haired male knew he couldn't accept that as a reason. "what about jaemin accidentally seeing us kiss is the cause of your behavior?"
there it was again, the feeling of loneliness. renjun's actions were powered by jaemin's position as a witness, and even jaemin's actions were powered by renjun's role as a best friend. the brown haired male in the room knew that jaemin had only talked to him about the dare the two korean boy's had to do because the chinese talked the other into it. they were influencing each other and where was jeno? nowhere.
the brown haired male knew that he shouldn't be holding grudges, but it made him feel upset that all the actions of his best friends were powered by someone else other than him when it clearly involved the korean male. call him selfish, but he wished he would be the one to influence his friend's actions.
and this was probably the reason that caused the said male to be enraged upon hearing the reason why renjun was being distant towards him.
"it's because i like him. i don't want him to hate me because i accidentally kissed hi-" the chinese male realized what he was about to say just in time to catch himself and stop. "-his... best friend. imagine how weird it would be to be around your best friends who kissed each other."
"but jaemin and i kissed and you're still around us," jeno countered. he still couldn't find a reason why any of this was valid. even if it hurt him, the brown haired male knew that the two of them would always be just friends, and he wasn't getting his hopes up for any of it.
"your situation is different. it was a dare," the chinese male said. maybe it would've been better if renjun hadn't said anything at all because he just fueled jeno's anger and frustration with the entire situation.
"oh, so that makes our accident different? both times, neither of us wanted it to happen. neither of us expected it to happen. so the fact that me and jaemin kissed because of a dare and everyone, including you, witnessed it makes it more of a valid reason for you to act this way because of jaemin, only jaemin, witnessing an accident?"
this was getting too out of hand. now this time, it was renjun who didn't know what he had gotten himself into. he didn't mean what jeno had taken his words for, and he didn't realize that that was what they implied. maybe it was the chinese male who had provoked the other, but now, he was trying to remain calm in a situation that he didn't intend to happen.
"that's not what i mean-" the red haired male was cut off from his words with another outburst from the korean.
"then what did you mean, huh? what were you trying to say that it came out wrong and caused me to misunderstand or twist the words that came out of your mouth?"
the brown haired male knew he was being too harsh and rude, but he couldn't help it. when jeno gets angry, it gets difficult for him to control his emotions, just like when he's talking about his feelings, which is a very sensitive topic to him. jeno isn't one to get mad easily, and when he does, he has no control over himself. that's one of the reasons why he becomes so scary when he is enraged or angry.
renjun didn't have any words for several reasons, actually. first, jeno was scary to him. in the five years that he's known the korean male, he's never seen him angry before, this angry, at least. second, because of the reason that jeno was scary, it made renjun scared that his words would fuel the brown haired boy's anger further, which would also not be a good thing because it would only cause their misunderstanding to become more twisted. third, the chinese male didn't know what to say, so he remained silent.
this silence between the two of them continued on for several minutes, only looking into each other's eyes to try and communicate that way since neither of them wanted to talk. renjun was scared of accidentally provoking jeno further and jeno was scared of lashing out to the older again.
after a few moments, the brown haired male broke the silence. however, his tone was different than before. it seemed as if jeno was able to get his emotions under control and continue the conversation in a more soft and calm manner.
"seriously, renjun. you've liked jaemin since the beginning, nearly five years now. don't you think it's time for you to confess?"
renjun wanted to do that. he wanted to do that so badly, but the fear of losing someone so important to him overtook his confidence every time. no matter how many opportunities the chinese male got, he always chickened out in the end.
taking a deep breath, the red haired boy followed jeno along, keeping the conversation intact in a calm manner. "you don't think i've tried?"
"well, what's keeping you from it?" the korean male asked. no reply came from renjun, so the taller asked again.
"what's stopping you?"
no reply came again. jeno was getting impatient. he wanted an answer from the chinese male, but the other was providing him with nothing. so the younger asked again, and this time, it wasn't a question, but more of a demand.
"tell me what was stopping you!"
"i don't want to confess because i don't want to lose our friendship!" renjun blurted out to satisfy jeno and stop his emotions from rising again and lead the two back to where they were before this moment. the brown haired male's tone of voice showed that he was losing control over his emotions again and the chinese male didn't want to see the other's angry side again.
but his answer only seemed to fuel the flame inside of jeno once again.
"lose your friendship? how bad can a confession be that you lose your friendship?" jeno asked aggressively. yes, the korean male was being hypocritical, and he knew that. but his situation was different, for real this time. as far as jeno knew, the other brown haired male returned renjun's feelings, and since both of them like each other, it would've been a good thing for them to confess to each other.
however, the next words that came from the older's mouth changed the thoughts of the brown haired male and caused him to become confused.
"i don't know, but he likes someone else, so that's another reason."
realizing what had been said, jeno couldn't help but ask a question. "jaemin likes someone else?"
the chinese male had revealed too much. just like earlier when he was about to reveal to jeno that jaemin's crush was him, he had revealed that the other brown haired boy already liked someone else, and that alone is already revealing too much.
but he couldn't go back now. jeno had heard what he said, and taking his words back would seem way to suspicious and obvious. so renjun did the only thing he could do at the moment, and it was to agree. "yeah, he does."
jeno felt the feeling of being left out again. a secret shared between renjun and jaemin that he had no idea about. it was the same feeling as all the other times, specifically when jisung had asked the brown haired male to imagine his two best friends kissing.
jeno couldn't hide his disappointment that his two best friends were keeping a secret from him. he had every right to know, and maybe with that thought, jeno was abusing his power as a best friend, but it was true. he was a best friend of jaemin and he had the right to know.
"and you knew but i didn't...?"
hearing those words come from the younger's mouth and the disappointment that was in it, renjun couldn't help but feel bad keeping this a secret from the other. but the chinese male had no right to tell the brown haired male about jaemin's crush since it wasn't his, and he didn't want to betray the trust of his best friend. the red haired boy didn't know what to say; he didn't want to accidentally reveal more.
jeno felt the disappointment in himself grow as his anger died down. the only thing he knew at that moment was that he needed to get out of there before he accidentally says or does something he regrets. disappointment can grow into anger really quickly, especially for the brown haired boy, so without another word, the younger of the two quickly went to put his shoes on, not bothering to grab his keys from his desk.
"where are you going?" the older asked, wanting to know where the korean male was suddenly leaving to.
"somewhere," was the only thing that jeno said as a response. he didn't want the chinese male to know where he was headed so that no one could find him and he could be alone to calm himself down and take control of his emotions again. he had reached for the doorknob to unlock the door and exit the room, but the chinese male asked again, causing the korean male to stop his action and turn back towards the other.
"that wasn't a question," the red haired boy replied. "it was a command. tell me where you are going."
"somewhere. that's all you need to know," jeno said, growing frustrated.
"somewhere isn't a location, jeno."
"but you don't need to know my location," jeno's voice was beginning to rise again with each new sentence that came from his mouth. if he didn't leave the dorm room immediately, he may accidentally blow a casket and lash out at the chinese again, and that was something that the brown haired male wanted to avoid.
"yes i do. what if something happens to you? then i know where you are," the chinese male reasoned, desperately wanting to get a location from jeno's mouth but not showing it.
"well i don't know where i'm going!" jeno was now at his peak. he was no longer able to keep control of himself and had to seriously get out of there. "all i know is that i have to get out of here before i do something i regret."
"then let me go with you!" renjun exclaimed, reaching for his phone that he had thrown upon jaemin's bed when he returned back to the room. but jeno just shook his head.
"i want to be alone."
"but-" renjun's words were cut off, and he suddenly wished he had just ended the conversation there.
"there is no 'but'! what part of 'i want to be alone' do you not understand? can't you just let me go out and cool myself down? do you really want to see me yell at you again? i really don't want to do something i regret, so before i do, just let me be alone!"
"but being alone may not solve anything-" and just as renjun was about to convince jeno to let him go too, the door to the dorm room opened, revealing the other brown haired male.
jaemin had no idea what he had walked into. he returned back to the room to hear his two roommates yelling at each other loud enough to be heard from outside and walked in to see both of their heads whipping towards the door so fast that he was scared their heads would fall off their neck.
"what's... going on in here? i could hear you from outside," jaemin said, curious as to why they were yelling.
"nothing, just a disagreement," renjun said, not wanting to explain to jaemin about what happened.
"it sounded like something. you guys were so loud-"
jaemin's words were cut off by jeno giving him a glare. it caused the other brown haired male to close his mouth and stop his words from continuing to come out as the taller snatched the keys from jaemin's hands and opened the already opened door further for him to exit.
before continuing to leave the room, jeno turned towards both of his friends. "don't follow me," he said quickly before leaving the shared dorm room and slamming the door behind him, causing jaemin to jump and renjun to just let out a defeated sigh.
the chinese male turned back around to grab his phone and head out to follow after the younger, but jaemin grabbed his arm and prevented him from going further. "you heard what he said. don't follow him. if anything, you might make whatever happened worse. he probably just needs time to cool down."
"but i'm worried and i care," renjun countered, wanting to give a good enough reason for jaemin to let him follow out after his friend. but after trying to continue on, jaemin's grip on the red haired boy's arm tightened, pulling him back again.
"i'm worried, too. but the only way he can gain control over himself is if he is alone and allows himself time to calm down and think. if you care about him, just let him go," jaemin said, letting go of renjun's arm after saying his cogent words.
jaemin had witnessed jeno being mad several times before. the brown haired boys have known each other since forever, so of course jaemin has witnessed it before. and just as many times as the korean male had witnessed his best friend's rage, he knew exactly what jeno needed to calm down and gain control over himself again. his experience gave him enough credibility for renjun to trust his words.
"when he's ready to talk, he'll come back," jaemin said, ending the conversation there and heading over to his bed to lay down. sure, he was worried about his friends since their argument seemed like a pretty big deal, considering the fact that they could be heard from the hallway through the somewhat soundproof door and walls of the dorm room, but jaemin knew that all they needed was time to calm down.
renjun finally capitulated towards his friend and headed back to his bed, but passing by jeno's bed caused the chinese male to change routes and he went to lay in the brown haired male's bed. jumping onto his friend's sleeping area, renjun rolled around to find a comfortable position to lay in, but he felt something weird under his back. it was flat and rectangular in shape, based on what he could feel, and digging through the covers he was laying on, the chinese male just let out a sigh upon laying his eyes on the object.
"he didn't even take his fucking phone."