Sebs POV // summer 17 // 6:30 pm //
Y/n was over at my house while her friends were in the city for grocery's as the farmer finally got a kitchen in her household.
She insisted on going herself but with the hard work she's been doing for the kitchen, they made her stay.
Abby and Sam had gone as well, leaving the two of us alone.
Y/n hasn't spoken to me ever since the secret woods, but I think she's getting more comfortable.
I sighed in relief, stretching my arms above my head.
I had finished the last module for the night.
Y/n laid on my bed, reading the new book from the cave saga x series.
She glanced to me when hearing my desk chair roll over to my bed.
"How is it?" I asked her, staring at the unkept locks of hair that sat on my bed frame.
"Good, I just finished"
"That's good-"
I backtracked to her words, not even realizing she spoke to me.
Her voice was soft and quiet.
It was almost inaudible.
We stared at each other, even Y/n seemed surprised.
"P-please don't look so shocked-"
"No no! I-it's just I don't usually get to hear your voice so I was just surprised for a second!"
Y/n stared at me for a while before getting under the blankets and rolling over to the wall.
"Is it really cold in here?"
"Yeah.. a little.." she smiled awkwardly, hiding half her face in the covers.
Y/n closed her eyes.
Without thinking I got into bed with her.
Her eyes instantly shot open at the feeling of another body beside hers.
"I-it'll be warmer like this.." I muttered, Y/n just nodded, moving closer to the wall so we could both fit.
I hope I'm not making her uncomfortable.
"Is it warmer now?"
"N-not really.."
My face burned up as I moved closer to her.
"How about now..?"
"Still a little cold"
Soon enough we were inches apart, arms and legs touching one another.
"T-this good?" I asked, feeling my face burn up as she looked up at me sheepishly.
"Um.."
"Y-y/n you know your killing me right?" I admitted, groaning a bit, she looked down, her face a bright red.
Out of sudden confidence, I wanted to see how much I could fluster her.
"Then.." I wrapped my arms around her, her head resting on the crook of my neck.
"Is this good now?"
"Y-yeah.."
Y/n's voice was quiet and muffled considering she buried her face into my chest to prevent me from seeing the very obvious blush.
It made me smile a bit, watching the farmer nuzzle herself into my neck, her eyes closed, not wanting to see what kind of expression I had been wearing.
She opened her eyes and looked up at me, panicking as I was staring right at her, she went back into hiding.
I chuckled at her, earning a small whine.
Y/n sat back, staring at me angrily.
"Stop that!" She yelled quietly.
"I'm not doing anything"
She huffed and wrapped her arms around my chest.
One of my hands were rested on her waist while the other was occupied as a pillow for her head.
Y/n stared down at my chest, avoiding any sort of eye contact.
I don't blame her..
"Have you spoken to Abby or Sam?"
She shook her head, a look of guilt painting her face as if she's done something wrong.
"I just don't know.. how.. I.. I don't know.."
Y/n seemed to get lost in her words, not being able to speak to others probably took a toll on her wording.
I couldn't blame her, though I frowned as she grew quieter, a sign that the girl was getting uncomfortable with the situation and topic.
"That's okay.. they're more than willing to wait for you" I smiled down at her, caressing her cheek gently.
Y/n looked up at me with eyes brighter than the sun itself.
"You think so..?"
"I know so"
There was a minute of staring before she finally smiled.
The smile she always wore seemed to stab at my heart at every second, Y/n looked down, seeming bashful.
I pulled her in closer and rested my head above hers, closing my eyes.
"Sebastian?"
I mumbled in response.
"Do I deserve this?"
Huh?
I looked back down at her to see tears dripping down her face.
I began to panic at the sight, it probably wasn't the best timing ever but even when crying did she seem so pretty.
Not the time Sebastian.
"W-what do you mean?" I sputtered, mentally face palming at the stutter.
"It was my fault, I don't deserve any of this"
What does she mean?
"It was my fault he died, my fault he committed suicide, it was my fault Sebastian" Y/n sobbed into my hoodie, suddenly it hit.
She was talking about her ex.
"Why would you say that?" I pulled her away from me, furrowing my brows as I stared at her in pity.
"I told him to do it Sebastian!"
Y/n choked on her tears, sobbing even more than before.
My eyes went wide at her words, she wouldn't..
_______________________________
After a good ten minutes of sobbing, Y/n had calmed down.
I held out a glass of water to her as she sat on my bed, she took it and took a big gulp.
Y/n sighed and I sat kneeling in front of her.
"Now explain.." I held her knee, squeezing it for comfort.
Y/n looked down at me before finding her words.
Her sad expression only seemed to make my heart ache even more.
"We had a really big fight, we were both just in a bad place so something was bound to happen to one of us.."
"He took more pills than recommended and nearly died, I got scared and really angry that he would even think about it"
She wiped her tears as she spoke.
"He said something on the lines of 'I would do anything for you' and out of anger I just snapped at him.."
"Would you die for me then? I remember saying that to him.. "
It all seemed unbelievable to me, Y/n was always so sweet, I never thought she'd be one to argue.
"We went our different ways and later that night I went to his house to apologize, when I got to his room he was just.."
Knowing what was coming, I squeezed her knee for comfort.
"It keeps coming back to me Sebastian, every time I look at the keyboard, every time I see you, my mind just takes me back to his body just- hanging there.. it keeps reminding me that I don't deserve it Sebastian!"
"Don't deserve what?"
Y/n's eyes shot towards me in surprise.
"What does he have to do with me Y/n? What don't you deserve?"
Her tears fell slowly down her cheeks.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, waiting for the words to come out her mouth.
Was I hoping for too much? Am I overstepping boundaries here?
"I don't deserve to love again Sebastian, not after that.."
My eyes watered a bit, tears daring to fall.
My chest ached at the thought of her words.
Her figure shifted and my gaze followed to her.
She turned her face away from mine.
"Every time I see you I see him.. I'm tired of it, I just wanna forget it all"
Overthinking was a power of mine, not the greatest power but the sentence made it feel like she didn't wanna see me.
But something told me that wasn't the case.
"But Y/n I'm not him"
She stared back at me in surprise.
I stood up, pulling her up into a hug.
"I'm not Elijah, I'm Sebastian"
"I know.."
"It's not your fault ok? It was never your fault"
My hoodie felt damp again, I looked down as Y/n was crying softly.
"Thank you.." a soft mutter came from the girl, she wiped her tears after a minute and looked up at me.
"Sorry.. I really hate crying in front of people" She smiled sheepishly, looking down at her shoes.
"Its okay"
Y/n glowed in a different way.
Something told me everything was gone get better..