꧁ Love and fear ꧂
It had been two weeks since the Dawn Trader had departed from the rocky shores of the island of crystals, but the darkness they had encountered there had not left them.
For fourteen days the crew had known nothing but a tremendous and incessant storm. The sea was black as pitch, the sky was covered by heavy and menacing dark clouds, which did not stop even for a moment to throw down thick and sharp rain. Winds and waves repeatedly hit the ship from both sides, as the two elements were challenging each other for who overthrew the ship first.
The hope of seeing the light of the sun again began to abandon the hearts of men, who yearned to remain lucid and not to be sunk.
Elizabeth was in the King's quarters with Lucy and Gael. The woman watched the flames as they danced in the fireplace, keeping herself at a distance, while dark memories invaded her mind.
When her young friends called her back from her thoughts, she noticed that they were already both dressed for the night. It was probably late enough, but there was no way she could sleep at all in that state. She decided to go out and let them rest in peace, then she headed to the only place where she knew she would have found someone still awake: the Captain's cabin.
She was right, Edmund and Drinian had just closed the doors behind them when she arrived.
"It's good that you're here, it's a rough night," murmured the boy, going towards her.
"Bad news?" she asked in return. He sighed and nodded, and then wished her good night and headed for the hold.
After having lingered for a moment, Elizabeth eventually decided to knock. "May I come in?" she demanded, partly opening the door.
Caspian was sitting on the little sofa in front of the window, with his elbows bent down resting on his knees, and his head abandoned in his hands.
He was surprised to hear her voice at that hour, but he was grateful for it, immediately jumping up and finding the smile again.
"Of course," he replied, "I thought you were sleeping already, it's quite late." he told her, letting her in.
"I'm not tired," she simply said, "I saw Edmund and Drinian leaving," she then added.
"Yes, the Captain was briefing us on the situation," he sighed. "Two weeks of storm, how long can it go on for? We'll run out of supplies in a few weeks, if we don't sink sooner." he explained in a grave voice.
"Cas..." Elizabeth tried to stop that crisis at the beginning, approaching him, but without success.
"Liz, what am I doing? What if I'm completely wrong? Maybe I am the one who's leading us all to our deaths! We're following a trail of men who probably met a horrible end, all because of my desire to prove something. My uncle was right, I'm a terrible King, a man who can't even..." he started raving, becoming delirious.
"Shut up, will you?" she sharply cut him off, "I'm not gonna stand here and listen to your nonsense. You are a good man, Caspian, and that's exactly what makes you a great King. We need you to get us through this, we need your leadership. Your men need you. I need you." she continued in one breath. "Only you can get us out of this hell." she concluded, pointing to his chest and meaning each and every word.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." he replied in a sight, lowering his gaze.
She smiled to see that she had managed to make him come back to his senses, "Just...stop underestimating yourself, that's the job of your enemies not yours. You're stronger than you think, Caspian, and it's time for you to realise it." she softly told him, putting an hand on his heart.
"What would I do without you, Liz?" he chuckled, now looking right into her eyes.
"You don't have to worry about that, I can't go anywhere now, can I?" she joked.
He smirked at her words, "If I'm being honest, I don't think I'd let you go anyway." he then murmured, placing a hand on hers, which was still leaning on his chest.
"Who said I want to go in the first place?" she asked him with a smile.
They stared into each other's eyes for moments that seemed endless. Both knew that what they were about to do was a mistake and, sooner or later, it would have caused them immense pain: they belonged to two different worlds, and one day she would have had to return to her own. Both, however, realised that such a strong heart desire could not be wrong.
Unable to resist a moment longer, Caspian took Elizabeth's face between his hands and cancelled the distance still holding them apart. At first it was a slow and tender kiss, almost as if he didn't really know what he was doing, but soon it became full of heady passion and feeling. They separated only when their lungs began to scream for air, but as soon as they had caught their breath, their lips were joined again, in a new sensual dance.
Caspian ran a hand behind her nape, braiding his fingers between her brown locks, while surrounding her waist, to bring her closer to him. Elizabeth, meanwhile, tied her arms behind his neck, happy to deepen contact.
They eventually broke apart again, needing to breathe. They smile leaning their foreheads against each other.
"As much as I would love to do that forever, I believe you should get some rest," he told her, before moving his face slightly backwards to look her in the eyes.
"We both should," she replied, nodding. "Goodnight, Cas," she said, giving him a last kiss on his cheek and walking towards the door.
"Goodnight, Liz," he murmured, watching her leave the room.
✵✵✵✵
She'd been lying on that mattress for hours, but sleeping seemed impossible. Her mind was assailed by memories, by images of a past that for years Elizabeth had desperately tried to forget. But guilt is a really hard thing to shake off.
Chills repeatedly passed through her tired body, her breathing was fatigued, her lungs in desperate need of oxygen, her eyes ajar because of the smoke. Everything around her was extremely familiar. She recognised the table in the center, dark wood, still set. She recognised all the doors and drawers, she could have told in which there were the cutlery, in which the dishes and in which the products to clean. She recognised the fridge, with the holiday photos attached. She recognised the hob. The pot with the hot milk was still on the stove. She recognised the flames, the fire that now flared throughout the house. A fire that started right in that kitchen. An fire that she had started.
"Liz? Liz is that you? Elizabeth?" It was the feeble voice of a young girl calling her, a terrified child, trapped in the flames, on the verge of death. It was her sister's voice.
The woman looked up and saw her. Her body was entirely covered with burns, her pink pyjamas with white stripes were now ash. Almost nothing remained of her fluffy blond hair and the light had abandoned her green eyes, now dull and empty.
Elizabeth was speechless. She stood still staring at her without answering, while copious tears descended to wet her cheeks.
Suddenly the child's attitude changed, her frightened voice turned into a cry of accusation, full of anger and resentment.
"YOU LEFT ME TO DIE!!!" she screamed, "You should've protected me and you left me to die!!!", she added, her finger pointed at her sister, her teeth clenched and her eyes on fire, as if to burn her soul.
"I'M SORRY!!!" exclaimed Elizabeth in despair, falling to her knees. "I'm sorry," she murmured again, without being able to look back at her.
The silence then descended between them, a heavy silence, full of pain and sorrow, which was broken by the child a few moments later.
"You won't save him." she said, now using a firm and serious tone, "You won't save anyone. Just like you didn't save me." she told her.
"No, no, stop," the woman muttered.
"You are not strong enough." the child continued, as if she hadn't heard.
"Please, Kate, stop," Elizabeth begged her, straining to raise her gaze again. But when she did, she didn't see anyone: her sister was gone. "Kate?" she called her, getting back on her feet. "Kate?" she yelled again, but no one answered.
The woman began to panic. Breathing had become increasingly difficult, seeing almost impossible. Everywhere around her the flames were getting bigger, closer, and hotter. She couldn't stand it anymore. She fell to the ground, unconscious.
Elizabeth woke up gasping a moment later. She was back in her bed in the King's quarters.
"Liz," Lucy called her in a trembling voice, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You had a nightmare, didn't you?" she asked, as if she already knew the answer.
The woman nodded, suspecting that she was awake for her same reason.
"Me too," the girls said, confirming her hypothesis. "I need to see Edmund," she added, slowly getting out of bed.
"I'll come with you," Elizabeth murmured, doing the same.
The two girls quickly left the room, making sure not to wake up Gael, who was still quietly asleep. They then headed for the hold, where they discovered that they were not the only victims of terrible nightmares: even the sleep of the two kings was plagued.
Edmund was the first to wake up. He opened his eyes wide and, in a sudden movement, drew his sword, pointing it at nothing.
"Oh, Lucy." he then murmured, seeing his sister sitting on his hammock with a sad and tired expression on her face.
"We can't sleep," she explained in a feeble voice.
The boy turned his face slightly and noticed that Elizabeth was there as well. She had approached Caspian's bed and was now trying to calm him down: he had probably just woken up from a horrible nightmare, like the rest of them.
"Let me guess, bad dreams?" Edmund then asked his sister, who nodded in response. "So either were all going mad, or something is playing with our minds." he stated.
"Coriakin told us it would've happened," Elizabeth replied, eventually moving her gaze from Caspian to the siblings.
"Liz is right, we must be strong," Lucy said, trying to use a firm voice, not wanting to appear weak or scared in front of her friends.
"Come here, Lu," her brother told her, opening his arms to allow her to curl up there with him.
The woman smiled at the tender scene and began to walk away to return to her room, when a firm but gentle grip on her arm stopped her.
"Where do you think you're going?" Caspian asked her, smirking at the sight of her questioning gaze, then moving slightly into the cot to make room for her.
She smiled in turn and snuggled comfortably in his arms, resting her head on his chest. She chuckled thinking about all the times he had looked at her in a strange way for such requests.
"What is it?" he said, hearing her laughing.
"Since when you've become so bold?" she murmured, looking up at him.
"Since I kissed you." he simply replied, smiling at her.
The woman thanked the darkness that, at that moment, concealed the bright redness that had coloured her cheeks redness after that answer. She let out another slight laugh before clinging even more to him, trying to hide her face in his chest.
Caspian's smile got bigger. The feeling of having her in his arms was intoxicating, to the point that he didn't know if he would ever be able to get out of that cot. Since he managed to regain the throne, he had always wanted to be a good king, the king Narnia needed, but especially the king his father would have been proud of. However, from the beginning of that incredible journey, he realized that all he really desired, all he needed was Elizabeth.