(WARNING. MOST HEARTBREAKING CHAPTER. SWEAR)
A lot of things are much more scarier in a relationship when you aren’t blinded by the infatuation anymore.
Kapag madalas na kayong nag-aaway, kapag unti-unti ng sinasakop ng takot ang utak mo, sometimes love isn’t enough.
Derrick: Lex… gising ka pa ba?
It’s been at least a month after the Baguio escapade… and soon magpapasukan na ulit. From one date to another, masasabi ni Lexi na enjoy naman tong…--kung anong meron sila ni Derrick.
This day was a bit special… Ito ang same date na unang nagkita sina Derrick at Lexi, (eto yung day na nagkita sila sa enchanted kingdom. At kung hindi niyo naaalala ang moment na yun, shame on you! Refer to the prologue! Haha!) So… anniversary ng crush ni Derrick? Pero syempre hindi niya sinabi yun kay Lexi. Ang sinabi niya lang, gusto niyang gawing special ang araw na to kasi Lexi deserves the best… yeah, right.
Nasa rooftop sila ng isang building na pinag-shooting-an nina derrick. At since gabi yun nung nagshooting sila, narealize niya na ang ganda pala ng view dun. So with all the kulit and pa-cute to his manager, nakapasok sila dun without the public knowing. At dun sila nag-dinner. Eto sila. Nakahiga. Magkatabi, naka-stare sa stars.
Lexi mumbled ‘mhmmm’. So Derrick took this moment to ask what he needs to say.
Derrick: Bakit mo ko mahal?
Naramdaman ni Derrick na parang nag-shift si Lexi so hinigpitan niya ang hawak sa kanya.
No, I need to hear this. He thought.
After a while of complete silence, Derrick almost regrets asking but he hears Lexi clears her throat.
Lexi: Mahal kita kasi…
Lexi’s voice was a but shaky so she inhales deeply trying to make herself strong enough to get the out but it wasn't working.
Lexi: basta mahal kita, okay.
Lexi shifted uncomfortably. She had so much to say but she couldn’t say it out loud. Si Derrick lang siguro yung minahal niya ng ganto, pero hindi niya ma put into words yung nararamdaman niya. Kasi naman. hello. No relationship in high school. Man of few words naman si Alden. At since naging puro words pa ang relationship ng dalawang ito? Ni hindi pa nga nasasabi ni Derrick yung totoo kay Kylie eh… yeah. let’s kill him now.
Regardless of her sometimes feeling like Derrick’s dirty little secret, she loves Derrick for the little things… for everything.
The problem was Lexi’s answer wasn't enough for derrick. Gusto niyong malaman kung bakit.
Why she was worth losing everything for. Why Lexi could go against everyone else she cared about to be with him. Why Lexi loved him enough that Derrick would risk the safety kylie provides…
Derrick shook his head and tried to stop the familiar feeling forming in his chest.
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June. Mas simple sana kung makapagdesisyon na si Derrick. makakamove on na silang lahat sa buhay nila. Pero hindi naman kasi ganung kasimple ang mga bagay-bagay.
Actually. Mas complicated na lahat kasi yung youngest Tito ni Derrick ay ikakasal na. at… well… invited sila syempre. Invited din ang barkada since… family na sila according kay Lola. The thing is. Pinakilala ni Derrick si Kylie as her girlfriend. So expected na… uhmm… sila yung magkasama. typical.
Pero hindi sa Baguio ang venue. Sa Boracay. Kasi dun unang nagmeet ang couple. So more likely, dun din nila gustong simulant ang buhay nila as a couple. Cheesy.
It’s a week before classes was about to start so game ang lahat kasi baka eto na lang ang free silang lahat dahil hectic ang sched nila. Syempre. Magiging busy na sila sa mga bagay-bagay pag nagstart ang school. Wala ng tournament ang magko-connect sa kanila at magiging dahilan para magkita-kita lahat.
So, with everyone on board. Andito sila sa Boracay.
Here we go again….
=================
Once again, the group was divided into two. Derrick’s and Lexi’s side.
Team-Derrick-is-nothing-but-a-two-timing-jerk. (leader) YASSI. Members? Jake, Kris
Team-against-all-odds-derlex-forever. (leader) BARBIE. Members? Josh, Japs, Elmo
Let’s just say, na sina Kylie at joyce lang ang walang alam sa tensyon sa dalawa. At hinayaan na ng grupo na ganun. Dahil it wasn't their story to tell.
DAY 1.
Warm welcome as usual ang nadatnan nila.
Bukas pa kasi yung Wedding so more or less… happy-happy muna sila. Everyone was trying to adjust to the atmosphere. ‘cause, DUH. Boracay kaya ito.
So habang nasa beach sila. Syempre. Si Yassi at Kylie lang ang may guts na mag bikini without a shirt over… Enjoy ang lahat… Aside from Lexi siguro na kailangan tiisin na hawak ni Derrick ang waist ni Kylie.
At sa favorite nating pamilya, mawawala ba naman ang twins?
Jude: YASSI!!!
Josef: I miss you!!!
Jude: I miss you more!!!
Josef: I miss you the most!!!
Jude: I miss you kahit anong mangyari! Kahit madapa pa si Josef! (insert pushing Josef here) See? Sabi ko naman sayo eh! Miss talaga kita!
At dun nagtawanan lahat. Sino ba namang makakalimot sa dalawa.
But shit happens.
Alam niyo yung dahil 1 week lang naman nagtagal ang KriSsi (yep. HAHAHA. Naaalala ko and banana Split dito. Yung segment nina Angelica at… nakalimutan ko ang naman niya :( ), ay hindi na sinabi ni Kris and tungkol doon kay Joyce. It wouldn’t hurt her if she doesn’t know it, right? Boys and your secrets.
Jude: Ang ganda mo!
Yassi: I know.
Josef: Ang sexy mooo!
Yassi: I know…
Habang nagtatawanan lahat. Napansin nina jude and Josef ang new face,
Jude: sabi ko na nga ba. Birds of the same feather, fly together eh.
Barbie: anong pick-up line naman yan?
Jude: tingnan mo oh! May bago nanaman kayong kasama! Siguro naman single na siya. Knowing na may asungot na naman dito… hindi nanaman kami makakapoints kay Yassi
Yassi: May asungot man o wala. Hindi pa rin kayo makakapoints. Wait. Sinong—
At pag tingin ni yassi… nakalapit na si Josef kay Joyce.
josef: Hi. Josef nga pala.
At that time. Pabalik pa lang sina Kris, Japs, Elmo at Lexi… na umalis para bumili ng ice cream.
Joyce: Hi. Joyce nga pala.
Sabi naman ni Joyce na mini-meet ang enthusiasm ni josef
Jude: Ayos! Dahil siguradong maraming maraming JOYS ang ibibigay mo samin!
At natawa naman si joyce.
Jude: Please. Sabihin mong single ka. Taken na silang lahat dito eh… Please. Please. Please.
Nanlaki ang mata ni Kris.
Joyce: (giggles) taken na ko eh.
Josef: Awwwwwwwww! NOO!!!! (kneels dramatically) hindi ba pwedeng maging masaya naman akoooo?! Sinong asungot yan?
Joyce: Si Kris.
At nagtinginan sina jude at josef in confusion.
Kris: Joyce—
Jude: (smiles widely) Kelan naging kayo?
Joyce: Uhmmm… matagal na? Haha. Sorry guys.
Josef: gano katagal yung matagal na?
Joyce: huh?
Jude: (nudge josef) Hayaan mo na! Basta ang mahalaga. Break na sina Kris at yassi. At may chance na ulit tayo kay Yassi! Thank you Lord!
At nagtakbuhan ulit sina Jude at Josef papunta kay Yassi. At nahulog ni Kris and hawak niyang ice cream.
Joyce: Nagbreak? Kelan naging kayo ni Yassi?
Tanong ni joyce with a hint of unreadably explanation.
Jude: uhmm… Nung bumisita sila nung nasa Baguio… sila na diba… so—
Yassi looked at Kris as if saying, You didn’t tell her?
SHIT.
===========
Nasa Boracay sila pero ang tension… grabe.
And now. another group was formed.
Joyce: Wow. And here I thought everything was perfect between us.
Kris: Tinulungan ko lang si Yassi.—
Joyce: So bakit hindi mo sinabi sakin?
Kris: Kasi hindi naman seryoso kaya—
Joyce: Hindi naman pala seryoso bakit nga hindi mo sinabi sakin?! Siguro na-fall ka na no?
Kris: Ano bang sinasabi mo?
Joyce: Matatanggap ko kung sa iba… pero wag kay Yassi!
Joyce wasn't a violent person. But she can’t filter her words anymore.
Joyce: (walks towards Yassi) Ang hilig mo lang paglaruan lahat ng mga lalaki no?
Yassi: Oh. Don’t include me in this. I’m very much encouraging him to tell you what happened during Day 1. Pero siya yung walang ginawa.
Yassi tried to step back pero tuloy tuloy si Joyce.
Joyce: siguro plano mo lang talaga to no? Since naisip mong sikat na si Kris, kaya kinailangan mo to.
Yassi: Excuse me?
Sinubukan ng lumapit ni Lexi.
Lexi: joyce—
Joyce: alam mo ba ang tungkol dito Lex?
Lexi: uhhh---
Joyce: You knew! And you didn’t tell me! hinayaan mong akitin ng babaeng to si Kris at wala kang ginawa! Bakit? Kasi maganda siya? Kasi sikat siya? Don’t tell me—
Kris: Wala silang kasalanan dito. Please don’t make a big deal out of this…
Joyce: Shut up! I’m done with you!
Yassi: Okay. I’m gonna ignore all those statements about me and say, will you please chill out?! Wala namang naganap na kung ano samin. It was all an act. Swear hanggang holding hands lang ang naabot niya. Ano bang problema mo?
Joyce: I don’t trust you! Alam naman ng lahat na marami ka ng sinirang relasyon. And all you care is the popularity that comes with it. thtat every guy will go after you!
Yassi: (clearly angry this time) Hindi ko alam kung compliment yun, pero I’d take that and say thank you. Siguro naiinggit ka no?
And that is it.
SLAP!
And if you thought things wouldn’t go worst,
Joyce: bestfriend mo si Kim diba? Tama sina Jude and Josef. Birds of the same feather, fly together. Flirt. Mang-aagaw.
Kris: Joyce, tama na ano ba!
Joyce: sige. Kampihan mo siya—
Yassi: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
And everyone turned to her.
Yassi: Hindi mo ko kilala. at you don’t have the right to say those words. Fine. It was MY idea to ask your boyfriend’s help. And I’d take the blame. Pero kung maghihiwalay man kayo ngayon. I don’t care. It’s not about the not-telling-you part, right? It’s about the Yassi-part. Insecure ka kasi sakin. Alam mo na kayang kaya ko agawin sayo si Kris. PEro no worries. Wala akong balak. Sayong-sayo na siya. But wait. Gusto mo nga palang itapon lahat ng pinagdaanan niyo because of your petty insecurities. So suit yourself. Pero I’m out of that.
And Yassi just rolled her eyes when Joyce stormed out sobbing.
O-O-O-O
And that was the first fight of the day. The second was more private. Was more emotional.
Derrick and Lexi argues a lot more now and had way more fights. During summer, all Derrick does is go cheesy on Lexi but goes back to kylie. Honestly, Lexi has still been 100% faithful but she was reaching her breaking point.
They knew… they knew this wasn't working well anymore.
Derrick was getting fed up; Lexi was getting fed up…
Everything just sucked.
Lexi: Pwede bang makipagbreak ka na sakin! Wala kang ginagawa… and t’s just plain stupid! Mamili ka na Derrick… Wala na kong pakialam, tapusin mo na to… Please…
Lexi screams out angry tears flowing from her eyes.
Lexi: Mamili ka na, kasi hindi ko na kaya tong sharing na to. Anlakas ng loob mong sabihing masakit na makita ako kasama ni Jake… Ano sa tingin mo nararamdaman ko pag kasama mo si Kylie? And I know na enjoy mo yun! It’s not fair to anyone – none of this is fair.
Derrick but his lip to stop from slipping out again; this was another one of their huge fights. He needed to control his own temper because Lexi was clearly unable of doing so anymore. He tried to calm his nerved. But damn it wasn't working. All he could see was jake trying to play his moves on Lexi—well that was what the green-eyed monster inside him is telling him. And this just sucks now that the media knows about Kylie.
Derrick: Lexi, I’m trying to make everything okay! Mahirap din to sakin! Hindi lahat ng bagay tungkol sayo! I’m the one risking everything to be with you and honestly, I don’t know if I made the right choice by even trying to do this with you!
Remember when I told you that Derrick could go out of line if his ego is being hurt? Everything is like a déjà vu. This was exactly the same situation the first time they fight—something about the kiss. (refer to tigress slap chap ata yun)
Derrick’s words slip out and the hurt was evident on Lexi’s face. Derrick puet his hand over his mouth but it was too late. Words are already out and did their damage. He watches as Lexi wipes her tears away with the back of her hand, Lexi smiles and starts to chuckle. That scared Derrick even more.
Lexi: Okay… Ayaw ko ng magpatuloy ka pa sa pagpili ng mga maling desisyon… tapos na ko derrick. sorry kung tumagal pa ng ganto.
Lexi starts walking away when Derrick pulled her, wraps his arms around her and buries his head into the Lexi’s neck.
Lexi: Bitawan mo ko Derrick. This was stupid… pakawalan mo na ko… at magmove on na tayo sa mga buhay natin.
Derrick didn’t know he would cry without a camera shooting this scene. He was crying. He really is.
Derrick: Baby, wag… Please. I’m sorry. Wag na nating pag-usapan to. Hindi ko sinasadya… Please…
Lexi: tama ka derrick. you’re risking too much to be with me. We tried… 2 months, Derrick. at andito pa din tayo sa kung san tayo nagsimula… Kayo pa din ni Kylie… siguro naman sign na yun…
Lexi couldn’t take it. It was heartbreaking to see Derrick like this.
Tinaas niya ang kamay niya para i-pat si Derrick sa likod. Tumingin si Derrick sa kanya at hinalikan ni Lexi ang noo ni Derrick.
================
DAY 2.
Lexi spent the rest of the day busying herself with her friends and trying to be torn to which side she should go. Galit pa din sa kanya si joyce kasi pero anong magagawa niya. Nangyari na. Kasama ni joyce si Julie anne so hindi siya masyadong nagaalala… So nagstay siya sa tabi ni Yassi madalas. Hindi dahil sa kailangan ni yassi ng comfort—seriously, parang wala lang kay Yassi to. Pero dahil alam niya na alam ni Yassi na baka darating ang point na siya naman ang nasa posisyon ni Yassi. They didn’t talk about Derrick at all. Nope. As much as possible, yassi tries to drift Lexi away from that thought.
At 6:30 pm, matatapos na yung kasal. Actually picture taking na lang tas didiretso na sila sa reception. She wasn't surprise to see that Derrick kept trying to contact her all afternoon.
DERRICK MONASTERIO – 6 missed calls.
Derrick: hi. Nabasa mob a yung text ko kanina? Sabi ko Soryy. :( Sana maintindihan mo. See you tonight. I love you.
Derrick: pansinin mo na ko. Replyan mo na ko…
Derrick: LEXIIIIII :( baby please.
Derrick: Sorry baby, I love you. Mahal kita. Sana alam mo yan.
Derrick: Kita na lang tayo mamaya, please usap tayo. Mahal na mahal kita.
Lexi tossed her phone inside her bag. She didn’t want to reply. Ganto naman lagi. Magso-sorry si Derrick at papatawarin siya ni Lexi. No. Not this time… It won’t be that simple.
Kailangan malaman ni Derrick, sometimes SORRY wouldn’t just cut in.
Yassi dragged her in a long table prepared for their group. Katabi siya nina yassi at jake. Lexi kept her eyes away from the pleading black ones. No. not tonight.
Medyo bata pa kasi yung couple. So party-like yung reception nila. Pero expected na yun kasi boracay nga yung venue diba?
As usual… may ceremony na magaganap. Yung normal sa mga wedding. While that was happening, Lexi was still barely paying attention to Derrick and it just really annoyed the matiny idol. The girl would just nod or shake her head if ever Derrick would say something to her and it was just so frustrating. They began texting even if it was stupid to text the person right in front of you. (have you tried that? Ganun kami ng bestfriend ko eh. =)) pag may kaaway kami na kasama sa grupo… binabackstab namin thru text kahit magkakatabi kami. =)) )
Derrick: Hawak mo yung phone mo… Replyan mo naman ako kung hindi mo ko kakausapin :|
Lexi: hey?
Derrick: ‘hey?’? Yan lang makukuha ko? Lexi… alam kong galit ko, ilang beses na ko nagsorry :(
Lexi: Ha. this reminds me of something. ‘forgiveness is earned, not given away freely.’ ‘thought you’d learn… ‘guess not. Nga pala… sasama na ko kay Yassi bukas pabalik ng Manila. Umaga siya aalis. Oops. Baka magalit ka nanaman sakin kasi hindi ko sinabi agad. Lol.
Derrick: Wow. Kailangan ba talagang umaalis ka pag hindi nasusunod yung gusto mo? ‘lol’ ka jan. hindi to nakakatuwa, Lex.
Lexi: K
Huminga muna ng malalim si Derrick at nag-isip ng kung anong irereply kay Lexi. After ilang minutes… nagtext na siya at nagdasal na sana maayos nun ang problema nila.
Derrick: Mahal na mahal kita… wag na tayo mag-away, please.
Naghintay siya na tumingin si Lexi sa phone niya pero mukang masyadong busy ang dalaga sa kung ano mang sinasabi na Jake sa kanya. Tinawag ng emcee lahat ng mga single ladies para sa pagsambot ng bouquet, so nilagay lang ni Lexi ang phone niya sa bag niya nang hindi nababasa ang text ni Derrick.
Si Kylie yung nakasambot ng bouquet… siguro kasi bukod sa kanya, si Julie anne lang yung thrilled sa ‘segment’ na yun. Syempre. Yung makakasambot ng ‘girdle’(hindi ko sure kung yung yung tawag dun. =)) pero nagegets niyo naman diba?) si Derrick kasi nga naman, hinayaan na siya ng guys kasi Hello. Awkward. =))
So hindi alam ni Derrick kung dapat siyang matuwa. Rough road sila ni Lexi ngayon pero kailangan niyang ipakita na masaya din siya kasi nga masaya si Kylie ngayon.
Kailangan nilang magkiss kasi future couple nga daw sila eh. No choice. Bigyan na natin ng award si Derrick, galing umarte eh.
Habang nagsisimula na yung party… Lumapit na si Derrick kay Lexi.
Derrick: Pwede na ba tayong mag-usap ngayon?
Sinubukan ni Derrick hawakan yung kamay ni Lexi pero hindi pumayag si Lexi… Pinilit na lang ni Derrick tumingin sa kanya si Lexi.
Derrick: I’m sorry for messing up again, I really am.
Lexi: You’re always sorry, Derrick. Yeah. maybe sometimes you’d mean it.
Lexi says sadly, her eye stop looking at Derrick’s as she tries to will away the disappointment and pain.
Lexi: Hayaan mo na okay? Ganto naman tayo lagi eh… Makakaya ko to, lagi naman diba?
Gusto pa sanang kausapin ni Derrick si Lexi, mag-sorry pa… kaso dumating na sina Kylie at Yassi. Ugghhh. Now he hates how Yassi never leaves Lexi’s side. He noticed that her girlfriend is a bit tipsy. Kylie hugged Derrick and kissed him… They kissed in front of Lexi.
Medyo nilayo ni Derrick si Kylie, kasi gentleman siya. Tipsy si girl. No taking advantage. Yep. He desperately wanted to say something to Lexi but he couldn’t, Lexi just stared at them wide-eyed and silent.
Syempre, Yassi to the rescue. She’s done with Derrick’s shit.
Yassi: Tara sayaw?
Hinila na ni Yassi si Lexi sa dance floor – or sa sand? =))
Lexi was clearly thankful of Yassi. She just knew that Yassi would understand her better than anyone else. Sino bang mag-aakalang ang babaeng sumampal sa kanya for Kylie ang babaeng kakampi niya ngayon. This is not about Lexi versus Kylie. Because if that’s the case, Yassi wouldn’t choose any side. She loves her girls.
Wala ng pakielam si Lexi kung may 2 guys na lumapit sa kanila ni Yassi para makisayaw.
Derrick was dancing with Kylie and he just wanted to go wherever Lexi is and let her know how much she meant to him but that couldn’t happen. Not when Kylie’s being like this.
Lexi’s eyes find their way back to Derrick and they share some intense eye contact before Derrick spun around. Lexi had to watch as Kylie connected their lips together… and the worst part is? Derrick’s returning the kiss… Lexi’s sober and it was clear from where she was – okay. Galit si Lexi… pero pagod na siya lumaban. this is wrong in the first place. Sinabi niya kay Yassi na masama ang pakiramdam niya.
Yassi: Lex?
Lexi: Matutulog na ko…
She just needed to get out of there.
Yassi: What did he do now?
Derrick forced herself to kiss Kylie, he wanted to see if all the feeling he had for the girl when they first met was still there… Nothing. Ibang-iba yung feeling pag si Lexi young hinahalikan niya…
Shit. Lexi.
Hindi sure ni Derrick kung gano katagal sila nag-kiss pero nung pagtingin ni Derrick sa kung nasan si Lexi. Wala na siya. At saktong naabutan niya ang murder glare ni yassi.
Panic. Sobrang bilis ng takbo ng puso niya.
Syempre nakita yun ni Lexi. Fuck.
Never talagang nag PDA si Derrick sa harap ni Lexi…Pero ngayon… dalawang beses silang nagkiss ni Kylie…
shit.
Inexcuse niya ang sarili niya kay Kylie… Tinawagan niya si Lexi pero walang nasagot. Wala na siyang gana. Gusto niya lang matulog at ayusin lahat sa umaga.
They were going to be okay, right? We were always okay… malayo na narating namin…
================
DAY 3.
Derrick’s head was pounding the next day. Hindi dahil sa uminom siya… sobrang nag-iisp kasi siya. Lahat. Si Kylie. Si Lexi. Ang mga nararamdaman niya. Hindi siya makatulog kasi alam niyang galit sa kanya si Lexi. Sinubukan niyang tumawag kay Lexi pero wala. Naka 1 million na atang flood si Derrick kay Lex pero wala pa din, baka nga nasira na niya eh.He knew better than to ask Yassi’s help. Fuck, fuck, fuck
Derrick: May karapatan kang magalit sakin. Just please let me know that you’re safe. I’m so sorry hindi ko na alam kung pano ipakita. Sobrang tanga ko at hindi ko alam kung pano ko nagawa yun. Alam kong nakakasawa na. pero please. I need you. I love you. Last talk na, please. I really need to tell you something. I love you.
Nagready na si Derrick para sa breakfast. Tiningnan niya ang mga kasama niya. Sabog din sila. Hindi niya alam kung hangover. O dahil sa away. Ughhh…
Napansin niyang nakatingin sa kanya si Kylie so nagsmile siya sa kanya.
Derrick: Good morning
Kylie;(smiles) good morning.
Kylie hugged Derrick from behind
Derrick: Babe… bakit mahal mo ko?
Kylie: Madali lang yan… I love you because of your smile, your eyes, your personality, your corny joke, and your kind heart. Mahal kita kasi napapasaya mo ko kahit sobrang galit ako sayo. Pero higit sa lahat… mahal kita kasi kapag sinasara ko yung mata ko at iniimagine ko ang future ko… ikaw ang nakikita ko.
Derrick knew he was about to cry. Since when did he become touchy?
He knew those words were perfectly honest… Pero bakit hindi siya namove? Bakit bukod s aguilt wala na siyang ibang naramdaman?
Difference between Kylie’s words and Lexi’s words? Kahit ano pang sabihin ni Lexi, kahit simpleng K sobrang maapektuhan si Derrick…
Niyakap na lang ni Derrick si Kylie ng sobrang higpit.
0-0-0-0-0-0
Magla-lunch na nun at nagre-ready na si Derrick ng gamit niya kasi magswi-swimming sila ng barkada.
May kumatok sa pinto niya. He was relieved to see Lexi standing outside his door. The girl looked like she hasn’t slept yet. She just looked so damn defeated.
Derrick let her in and they stayed in the couch. The silence between them was just defeaning. Gusto sanang makipag-usap ni Derrick pero hindi niya alam kung san magsisimula. Ibang-iba na si Lexi ngayon at parang ayaw na niyang lumaban at sobrang natakot si Derrick.
Derrick: I’m sorry
It was simple but Lexi needed to hear those two words. Lexi nodded but Derrick saw the tears that were starting to form those eyes. Derrick tried to hold her but Lexi didn’t allow it. Lexi pulled out a paper from her pocket and handed it to Derrick.
Derrick held the crumpled piece of paper in her hand; he couldn’t unfold it and read what was written. She was afraid to. They never acted this way after a fight, no matter how big. It was clear that this time was different and that made her want to just rip the paper up and pretend that none of this was happening.
No, please… no
Lexi: basahin mo yan… please
She was trying her best to calm herself but this was painful. She just wanted to get over with,
Lexi: basahin mo, Derrick…
Derrick: Ayaw ko… please… no… pwede bang—
Lexi: No. please. Kailangan natin to. Kailangan ko to. Basahin mo, please.
Derrick nods… There was no use in arguing anymore. He slowly unfolded the paper revealing Lexi’s penmanship. If the mere sight of the words scared him, what more when he actually starts reading them. He swallowed the lump in her throat and began…
Derrick,
Alam kong duwag ako kung sinusulat ko imbes na sinasabi ko, kaso kung sasabihin ko… hindi ko sure kung masasabi ko na gusto ko ng itigil to. you deserve so much more than jast the paper, pero kailangan mong malaman na hindi ko na kayang gawin to. Hindi ko kayang makitang nasisira yung buhay mo… Mahal kita… mahal ka ni Kylie. Kaya hindi na to pwedeng magpatuloy, unfair sa lahat.
Salamat sa lahat… I owe you so much Derrick – you’re the reason why I’m so much better now. the past couple of months were the best, even if they weren;t exactly perfect. They were amazing because I spent them with you Ayan, naging corny na din ako. Iba yung naramdaman ko sayo at kay Alden. At alam kong may parte sakin na mamahalin ka pa din. pero matututo akong magmove ng wala ka.
Kailangan na kitang pakawalan at kailangan kang mapunta sa taong deserve mo. The fact na hindi ka pa nakakapili samin ni Kylie means na importante talaga siya sayo. So mas magiging madali ang lahat para say okay aginagawa ko to—dahil mahal kita. I love you. Mahal kita kaya kaya kong tiisin to. Tiniis mo yung nararamdaman mo sakin for a year just to make me happy. And now I’m doing the same. Siguro ganun yun. I love you enough to endure all the pain of letting you go. Tinanong mo ko last month kung bakit kita mahal at hindi kita nasagot ng ayos…
So eto—you deserve to know.
Mahal kita kasi kahit naiinis ka kay Kris, inaalagan mo siya kasi importante sakin si Kris,
Mahal kita kasi kahit naging masama sayo si Josh, tinanggap mo pa rin siya.
Mahal kita kasi hindi kami yung mga taong makakasama sa barkada mo, pero pinapasok mo kami.
Mahal kita kasi alam mong masakit makita na kasama ako ni Jake, pero alam mong masaya si Jake, kaya ayos lang sayo.
Mahal kita kasi pag pagod ako, hinahalikan mo yung noo ko at sinasabi mo kung gano ka-worth it magexert ng effort, those simple things na nagsasabing naappreciate mo yung mga ginagawa ko
Mahal kita dahil sa kung pano ka mag-iisip. Nakakapag-usap tayo ng mga bagay na kung anu-ano. Walang dull moment pag kasama kita. Hindi ka boring kasama. You challenge me mentally and that’s important.
Mahal kita dahil sa kung pano ka magsalita. I just love hearing you talk
Mahal kita lalo na pag kumakanta ka. Pero ang totoo? Mas mahal kita pag wala ka sa tono pero pinipilit mo na yung tono mo yang tama. You’re cute that way.
Mahal kita dahil sa mga yakap mo. hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero pag malapit ka, feeling ko safe ako. Ilang beses mo na ba kong niligtas? Alam ko pag andiyan ka… hindi ako masasaktan.
Mahal kita dahil sa mga halik mo. Wala naman yun sa kung gano katagal or kahit simpleng peck lang sa cheeks. Feeling ko lagi akong magbla-blush pag malapiy ka.
Mahal kita kasi hindi ka tumitigil pag medyo matigas yung ulo ko. I love you because you made me a better person by just being you. I love you for takinga achance on me and giving me so much. There’s not enough paper or words in the world to truly express to you how much I love you.
So bottomline, mahal kita kasi ikaw si Derrick Monasterio. Salamat at sana wag mong isipin na sumusuko ako sayo-sa atin. I’m just growing up, making hard decisions and thinking about other people instead of just myself. Eto yung time na dapat hindi maging makasarili, na dapat iniisip yung iba. Siguro… ang hindi ko lang kakayanin ay yung pagsisihan mo ang kung anong meron tayo. So sana wag mong gawin yun. I hope that you always see what we had as something beautiful, something out of this world. It was a dream and now we both have to come down. I love you.
Lexi
Umiiyak si Derrick. for real. Everything sounded so final… Lexi was ending it and he was losing the girl for good. Derrick felt empty like someone took a away a huge chunk of heart and she found it hard to breathe without it. he looked at Lexi with tears flowing freely from his eyes. He didn’t even try to stop it. And is it weird that Lexi still find that beautiful?
Derrick: Lex… Ayaw… ayaw kong tapusin to. ayaw kong mawala ka. Alam kong sobrang sabog ako.
Lexi: Derrick… wag kang ganyan… Alam mo bang dapat ipapabigay ko lang yan kay Barbie? Pero hindi ko kayang gawin yun. hindi ko kayang tapusin to ng ganun lang. Masyado kang mahalaga sakin.
Derrick: So bakit mo pa to ginawa?
Lexi: Kasi mahal kita. Pero may mas bagay pa sayong iba
Derrick: Ikaw ang gusto ko… Nakapagdesisyon na ko. Wag mo kong iwan.
Those words broke Lexi’s heart even more. The fact that Derrick was only speaking them now… No. She knew Derrick was just scared but he was going to be okay. She shook her head then stoo dup and knelt in front of Derrick and kissed him. Kissed him with such passion and so much love. When they finally broke apart, Lexi wiped away her tears.
Lexi: Mahal kita pero hindi natin to pwede gawin… okay? (deep breath) sorry kung masyado kitang nasaktan. Mas magiging madali na satin to. Swear. I won’t cause you anymore pain. Love isn’t enough…
Derrick: anong isn’t enough? It’s more than enough!
She groaned out in frustration, Derrick didn’t understand what she was trying to say…
Lexi: masisira nito ang buhay natin at ayaw kong dumating sa point na magalit ka sakin.
Derrick: hindi… hindi ako magagalit sayo…--
Lexi: oo, nagalit ako nung nakita kong hinalikan mo si Kylie… Pero naisip ko, mali lahat eh. masakit lahat…
Derrick kissed her on the forehead, she looked so scared.
So unlike- my Lexi.
Lexi was near the door. And she knew her legs would give in. but she needed to be strong.
Lexi: Mahal ka niya Derrick, Mapapasaya ka niya.
Tears finally fell and she cried hard. She thought she wouldn’t be able to cry this much after last night… It hurt so much – she felt empty. She just needed to get away. She rushed towards Yassi’s car. Yassi was waiting for her, leaning into her car. As soon as Yassi saw Lexi, she swears it feels like she’s about to cry too. Her girl was just too broken. Yassi hugged her tightly and lead her inside her car.
Derrick: Pero ikaw ang mahal ko… at sayo lang ako magiging masaya…
It was too late though. Lexi was gone… He just let the love of his life walk out of the door and that’s the only thing he fucking regrets.
You know this would happen.
Hindi pa kayo nun, pero masakit na.
Nainlove sa kanya ang bestfriend mo, mas masakit.
Naging kayo, pero masakit pa din.
The world’s against you, Derrick.
Whatever… She’s gone, and now I just forget how to breathe. I’m falling apart… and I don’t know how to fix myself.