What do you think?" You asked, crossing your arms across your chest and backing up so that you could look around and take it all in.
"It looks great." Vicrul assured you, putting a hand on your shoulder.
You, Vicrul, and Ushar had just spent the entire morning decorating your apartment with Christmas decorations. After Kylo told you that he had no memory of ever celebrating the holiday, you were determined to give him the best Christmas you possibly could.
You were so thankful that he opened up to you in the way that he had and told you all about his past and childhood. A few days had passed since that day, since the first time you said 'I love you' to each other and you felt closer to him with every moment you spent together since then.
You and Kylo were in love with each other and neither of you were afraid of it anymore.
Kylo was healing up really well from his gunshot wound but he still wasn't ready to leave the apartment. You and him went on walks throughout the building but other than that, he hadn't left the apartment complex. He was too nervous that an enemy would take advantage of his vulnerable state, it didn't happen often that Kylo Ren was weak.
"It looks like Santa's elves threw up all over the fucking place." Ushar called out from the kitchen, taking a big bite of the cookie in his hand.
You rolled your eyes, "That's sort of the point." You yelled back to him.
Vicrul laughed at Ushar's comment but squeezed your shoulder, "It really does look good in here, even Kylo might like it." He assured you.
You sent him a look. "It's not for Kylo, it's for me." You said defensively. You were so excited to surprise Kylo with a full day of holiday celebrations but you knew he'd be so embarrassed if his Knights knew that he was going to spend his day listening to Christmas music and opening presents with you.
Vicrul got the hint. He understood that Kylo was a lot softer with you than he was with anyone else and he tried not to acknowledge it, not wanting to embarrass his boss. "Right, well if Kylo were to hypothetically see it...He might like it?" He said cautiously, giving you a sheepish smile.
"Maybe." You agreed with him but you had a knowing look in your eyes. Both of you were fully aware that this was for Kylo, and for Kylo only, but you were both choosing not to say it out loud.
"Need anything else?" Ushar asked, joining the two of you in the living room. He had his third beer of the afternoon in his hand, taking you seriously when you said to 'help yourself to anything in the fridge'.
You looked around, frowning in thought.
Originally, you sent a text to the two of them last night and asked if they'd help you out in the morning with picking a few things up from the store to get you into the holiday spirit. You really just wanted to buy a small tree with some ornaments, some wrapping paper for presents. But then Vicrul and Ushar got all excited and started putting lights all over the apartment and little decorations everywhere. It was very sweet, honestly.
"No, I think we're good. Thanks for helping." You told them, turning to face them.
You noticed the way that the two of them suddenly looked uncomfortable, sending each other small glances and trying to discreetly nudge each other. You raised your eyebrow, wondering what was up with them. They weren't exactly subtle.
"Go get it." You heard Ushar mutter, elbowing Vicrul's side.
"Ow, fuck, okay I got it." Vicurl pushed him back and listened to his directions, going towards his coat that was hanging from the entrance hook.
You were about to follow him to his coat, not trusting whatever the two of them were up to. Then you saw Vicrul pull something out of his pocket: a small package. Whoever wrapped it up made an attempt but it wasn't a great job. It was all crumpled and there was too much paper in some places, almost like a child did it.
Vicrul walked back over to the two of you and slowly handed you the present. "Merry Christmas." He told you, an almost embarrassed look on his face as he handed it to you.
"What?" You laughed, assuming it was a joke. You stared at the two of them and noticed that they were serious, expectant even as they stared at the gift in your hands. You looked down at it, spotting a tag.
"TO: THE PRINCESS - FROM: THE KNIGHTS"
You blinked as you read it over and over again. The Knights got you a gift.
"You didn't have to do this." You told them, looking up at them, trying to hide how much it touched you that they had been thinking about you.
"Come on, it's a holiday, we had to." Vicrul said then motioned towards it in your hands, eager to see you open it.
You bit your lip, grinning. You couldn't remember the last time you got a gift from a friend. Hux got you gifts all the time over the course of your relationship with him, and now Kylo's gotten you many gifts as well, but you couldn't name the last real friend you had. It was strange to consider this group of men who committed horrible crimes for a living as someone you were close to but you realized you couldn't have gotten through the last couple of weeks without them by your side.
You carefully tore the wrapping paper off, trying to ignore the intent way that the two of them were watching you. Turning the object over in your hand, squinting, it took you a moment to piece together what you were holding. When you realized, you started laughing. "A knife?"
The two men were staring at you with big excited grins on their faces, nodding, looking like puppies.
In all honesty, as far as knives went, this one was actually really impressive. It was matte black, with intricate, engraved designs that almost looked like vines or flowers. You unfolded the blade and were able to see that it was shiny gold metal. Although you weren't sure if you'd ever called a weapon 'pretty' before, now would be a fitting time.
"Do you like it?" Ushar asked, peering over so that he could see that way that it looked in your hand, if it looked the way he remembered.
"I love it." You told them honestly. "Thank you." You were trying not to be emotional and embarrass yourself but really, it meant so much to you that this group of rough mafia men thought about you enough to pick something out for you and to even wrap it.
"Are you crying?" Ushar asked you with a smirk, "Don't get soft on us, you've been such a bad ass lately." He teased you.
Vicrul was about to stand up for you but then you were unfolding the blade on the knife and pointing it in Ushar's direction.
"Watch it." You threatened him, getting back to your normal self, the one that they were more comfortable with seeing.
Ushar and Vicrul slowly grinned at each other, almost sheepish, maybe the knife had been a bad idea. Who knew what kind of trouble you were going to get in with it?
Although your apartment looked festive now, it was the last thing you were feeling. It was Christmas Day and all you wanted to do was crawl into bed and ignore your responsibilities for the day.
Getting dressed up to go to your fake fiancé's family Christmas gathering was a lot less fun than getting dressed up to do something like going to a club with Kylo and the Knights. But, alas, you sighed as you put a spray of perfume on, glancing at the time, ready to go.
Hux wasn't exactly close with his parents but he still insisted that the two of you visit his extended family. You sure he just wanted to show off to them that he was successful, having more money than ever and now being engaged. You understood his need to prove himself to everyone around him and maybe, if you were in love with him, you'd be more willing to indulge him in that. But knowing that he was going to die soon, was going to make being around his family so much more difficult.
It was almost thirty minutes after you finished getting ready, that your phone rang: 'Armie'.
"Hey." You answered, stifling a yawn.
"Are you almost here?" He asked you, getting right to the point. You could hear a lot of people talking in the background, laughing and yelling.
"What do you mean?" You asked, glancing around your apartment, you were still sitting on your couch. You were waiting for his driver to show up so could meet him at his uncle's house (or maybe it was his cousin? Or his aunt? You couldn't remember, it didn't matter).
"I mean," Hux sighed, "That my driver should've picked you up a half hour ago, you should be here by now. You haven't left?"
"Oh, well, no he hasn't called me to say he's here yet." You told him, getting up from your spot on the couch to go over to your large window that looked out over the street. It was snowing really hard. "Maybe there's traffic. It is Christmas, after all."
Hux has had the same driver for years and you weren't sure if he had ever picked you up without calling you to tell you that he arrived.
"One second, let me get a hold of him." Hux told you before hanging up.
You rolled your eyes. You could just imagine how red Hux's face probably was right now as he made excuses to his family about why you were late.
A few minutes later, Hux called you back. He told you that the streets were really bad because of the weather and the city had your entire block closed off because it was too dangerous at the moment. Apparently, Hux had called a few people to see if his driver could get to you a different way but there weren't really any other options. There was no way for you to get to Hux's family's house...Darn.
Hux kept apologizing to you that you were going to have to spend the holiday alone and that he'd send his driver out later if the roads opened back up. You had done a good job pretending to be sad and disappointed but all you could think about was the fact that you were actually able to spend the day with Kylo now.
You hadn't told Kylo yet about how you decorated the apartment or that you planned to give him the celebration he deserved. You wondered if he'd refuse to come over if he knew, you had a feeling he enjoyed being grumpy. He hadn't been over since getting shot, spending all of his time in his apartment when he wasn't walking aimlessly around the building just to make sure he was getting in some movement. You planned to spend tomorrow with him, the day after Christmas but now you were able to celebrate on the actual holiday.
By being unable to pick you up, Hux gave you the best Christmas present possible and he had no idea.
Kylo was standing in his kitchen, relaxed against the edge of his countertop while he ate a bowl of cereal. It was kind of his routine lately, he felt so useless. His eyes were ahead on his television when he heard his phone give him an alert beside him. The contact name on the phone said, 'princess' and he couldn't help the slow grin that formed on his lips as he picked up the phone to read the texts you sent him:
-come over daddy
-I'm all yours today
-(angel emoji)
Kylo's smile only widened as he read that. He barely even remembered that today was a holiday, there was no need for him to know that, it wasn't like he was going to celebrate it. But he knew that you'd be spending the entire day and most of the night with Hux and being stuck inside while you did so had been bothering him all morning.
Finding you more important than his cereal (which was saying a lot), he dumped what was left into the sink so that he could make his way down the hall to your place.
It had only been a few days but Kylo could hardly remember a time where you didn't spend almost all of your time in his apartment with him. It was normal now to not only wake up with you and fall asleep with you, but to also spend his afternoon and evening with you. The two of you hadn't said 'I love you' out loud to each other since the first time you had but there was a different understanding between you two now. You didn't need to say it constantly, you both just felt it.
It was something that Kylo didn't think he'd ever feel, let alone say out loud. Opening up to you about his past left him feeling vulnerable and raw. Hearing you say that you accepted his past and who he was today, made him so grateful. It was what he'd been hungry to hear for years now. He just wanted someone to love him. And although he didn't feel like he deserved you, he was so glad that you were his.
Kylo knocked on your door and you almost instantly opened it, you'd been waiting for him.
His eyebrows raised, looking you over. You were all dressed up since you were planning on going to Hux's family's. "I'm going to choose to pretend you look this good because you knew I was coming over." He said to you, hooking a finger under his chain around your neck for a moment. Although it didn't matter now that he was standing in front of you, a deep part of his stomach twisted at the thought of Hux showing you off to his family, showing them how beautiful you were.
You ignored his comment, opening the door of your apartment wider so that you could let him inside. You both knew why you were dressed up but the last thing you wanted to think about right now was Hux. "Merry Christmas." You grinned. You were cautious, knowing that he wouldn't act exactly happy at first.
Kylo's dark eyes quickly scanned around, taking it in. There were string lights around the perimeter of the entire apartment, a lit up tree in the corner, and other various pieces of decor around the place. It smelled like cookies and he could hear themed music playing faintly in the background. It was a wonderland for a majority of people who celebrated the holiday but for Kylo, his instinct was to hate it.
"Really?" Kylo asked but despite his prickly demeanor you could see the way his eyes were dancing.
It wasn't that Kylo inherently hated the holiday itself. But he grew up resenting everyone who celebrated it, being forced to watch them make memories with their families that he'd never have. Part of that bitterness made its way into adulthood for him, making him hating the celebration all together.
"What do you think?" You asked him with a smirk, taking his hand and pulling him inside. You knew he'd pretend to hate it no matter what.
You looked him over discreetly, taking in all the little ways he was reacting to the apartment. You could see hints of surprise and enthusiasm but as quickly as they flashed across his face, they died off, being replaced with a forced frown. It was going to take a lot for Kylo to admit his excitement.
You took in the ways he looked different ever since he got home from the hospital. His hair was always long but it was even longer now and it was almost unruly. Although he didn't take time to exactly style his hair before, it was always perfectly messy. But now, as he stood there in front of you in his pajamas, you could see bits of it sticking up. He had bed-head in the middle of the afternoon.
Kylo also had been neglecting his normal routine of shaving. You could see his fingers combing through his facial hair on his chin as he took in the appearance of your decorations. He still looked incredibly handsome, it was just a big change from seeing him so put together in his expensive suits and jewelry. A part of you sort of liked this more, it was yet another side of Kylo that he didn't show anyone else.
Kylo said nothing to your question, contemplating what meant more to him: keeping his pride or indulging you.
You sighed, moving closer to him. You took his hands into yours and looked up at him with wide eyes, tangling your small fingers into his large ones. "I know you don't give a shit about holidays and honestly, I'm not the most festive person either. But you said you couldn't remember ever celebrating it and I don't know..." You feigned shyness, putting on the charm for him, "I just wanted to give you a good experience. Besides, you've been in such a funk lately because you're stuck inside...I think you should let yourself have some fun."
Kylo swallowed hard, staring down at you with a frown. You knew exactly how to tug on his heartstrings and get what you wanted. The moment that he felt the need to take care of you, you had him in the palm of your hand.
"It won't be a big deal, okay? I went a little overboard on decorating but I was thinking we could just spend the day together... You can open the gifts I bought you and eat the cookies I made...I don't have any mistletoe but you can still kiss me." You batted your eyelashes, squeezing his hands.
You could see his demeanor starting to soften so you continued, "Don't make me spend Christmas all by myself." You pouted, knowing just how to get to him.
Kylo audibly sighed, knowing that he was going to have to give in to you. He always did, he couldn't help it. He felt the constant need to give you everything you wanted.
Being able to tell that you had him right where you wanted him, you gave him a sweet smile and squeezed his hand again. "Please, daddy." You said, your voice slightly in a whine as you bit your lip, staring up at him.
At that, Kylo groaned, rolling his eyes at the sound of it. There was no way he could turn you down now and you knew it. He bent down and kissed you, removing one of his hands from yours so that he could put it on the side of your face gently. "My girl wants me to celebrate with her?" He hummed, kissing you again briefly.
You nodded eagerly, smiling. It was satisfying to you that you were somehow able to wrap someone as tough as Kylo around your finger. Most people weren't able to even look at him sideways and here you were, pouting and begging him and he barely even questioned giving in to you.
"I'll do that for you, princess." Kylo said to you. Whenever he was nervous about being soft around you, he always made it seem like he was doing it for you, it was how he justified it to himself. But really, deep down, the idea that you decorated and prepared all of this for him just because he shared that he didn't have any Christmas memories, made him so happy even if he'd never admit it out loud.
You grinned smugly into his kiss, pulling him down closer to you.
You always got what you wanted.
After a few minutes of making out right inside your doorway, Kylo told you that he needed to grab a few things from his apartment and he'd be right back. You were taking the time to get a few things ready for him, snacks on your coffee table and a drink for him (you would purposefully leave that fact out to his doctor the next time you saw him).
As he entered your apartment again, you raised an eyebrow at the fact that Kylo had one of his large duffel bags thrown over his shoulder. "What's that? Is it heavy? Don't hurt yourself." You asked him, lighting a candle as you did so.
He set the bag down, by your tree, and glanced over at you. "You know I love to spoil you." He smirked. He then unzipped the bag and started taking various wrapped presents out one by one and setting them below your tree, covering the floor with them. The hottest Santa Claus you'd ever seen.
You didn't realize he bought you any but you supposed you weren't exactly surprised. He did love to spoil you. You made your way over to him, mouth falling open at how many presents there actually were.
"Come here." Kylo requested, patting his lap from his seated position next to the tree.
You took a second to look him over. Kylo was in his pajamas, surrounded by the gifts he bought you, lit up from the lights on the tree. It was the best Christmas you could've asked for, really.
You got on the ground next to him and carefully crawled into his lap. His gunshot wound was healing up really well but you were still so cautious with him, afraid to hurt him.
His arms went around your waist, holding you close to him, his lips on the side of your neck. "Have you been naughty this year?" He murmured, nipping at your skin, "Or have you been a good girl for daddy? What do you think?"
You let out a breathless chuckle, biting your lip as a chill of pleasure ran up your spine. You two had kissed a lot since he was brought home from the hospital but wanting him to rest, the two of you hadn't really been sexual with each other. Hearing him speak to you in this way was making your heart race. The lack of sexual intimacy and the new arrival of emotional intimacy, after admitting your love to each other, made everything feel new again.
"I think I've been good." You said to him with a smile, tilting your head back to grant him more access to your neck.
"Hmmm," Kylo pretended to contemplate, his fingers digging into your waist in a way that made you inhale sharply, a small moan escaping. "There's been a few times that you've been such a brat...But you can be such a good girl. You've been helping me so much, taking care of me...I think you deserve all these nice things." He said, motioning towards the presents that were surrounding you.
You made a soft noise in agreement, unable to stop the big smile on your lips as he trailed his kisses up to your ear from your neck. "Tell daddy 'thank you' and I'll let you open them." He teased you, talking softly in your ear, smirking at the way it caused you tense up.
You rolled your eyes, not wanting to give in to him right away. But then he started kissing your neck again and holding you down against his hips so that you could feel the fact that he was growing hard for you and you couldn't help yourself. "Thank you, daddy, it was so nice of you to buy me all of these."
Kylo grinned, pleased that you obeyed him the way that you did. He reached forward and grabbed one of the giftboxes, handing it to you. "Let's see what you got, hm?" He asked you, hands going to your thighs.
You then continued to open all of the gifts that Kylo got you while sitting on his lap. It was actually adorable, the way that he'd instantly grab the discarded wrapping paper and keep it in a neat pile, the way he'd help you pull off tricky pieces of tape, the way he was staring at you so intently, watching all of your reactions.
Seeing how happy all of this made you, caused a lightness to form in Kylo's chest. Maybe he understood why people liked Christmas, after all.
Kylo bought you pretty typical things that you loved. He really knew you well, he always chose things for you that you would've picked yourself: sets of lingerie, dresses, shoes, jewelry, expensive wine. He also bought you some more art supplies, noticing how happy it made you to receive paint brushes from him before and a few books about specific artists that he knew you liked. It all meant so much to you, even if it was just material items. The fact that he took the time to get them for you was a big deal to you.
You reached for the remaining wrapped gifts, the ones that you bought for him and pulled them closer to the two of you. "I'm sorry you don't have as much as I do." You told him with a frown, picking up one of the smaller ones and handing it to him.
"Shh," Kylo muttered, kissing your cheek, "That doesn't matter." He said to you sincerely. He wasn't expecting anything at all, this was far more than he could've guessed.
"Does it ruin it or make it better that I paid for them with Hux's credit card?" You asked him, watching his hands that were still wrapped around you, tear at the paper.
"Are you kidding?" Kylo laughed, "That makes it so much better." He smirked, enjoying the fact that he was spending that asshole's money.
Kylo then proceeded to unwrap the gifts you bought him. You obviously hadn't gotten him as many as he got you, it would be suspicious to spend that much on Hux's card. But the things you gave him you did take your time picking out. A ring, similar to the ones he wore but unlike anything he owned and a bottle of whiskey that you noticed he usually chose to drink. You also picked out cufflinks for him that were shaped like small crowns, wanting him to think of his princess, when he was out on dangerous deals without you.
Kylo loved them.
The last gift you had for him made you nervous, you were scared to see how he was going to react to it. You handed it to him but didn't let go. "Before you open this, I want to explain." You told him.
Kylo raised an eyebrow, keeping you on his lap but leaning back on his hands so that he could look at you better. The wrapped gift was thin and square, he had a feeling he knew what it was.
"Remember when we first met?" You asked him.
The two of your minds both flashed to that night. It was right when he came back into town after being away for a year. Hux took you out to dinner to welcome him back.
Kylo felt his heart thump at the thought. When he first met you, his goal had been to corrupt you and use you to get to Hux. Really, he accomplished that. Regardless of how much you two loved each other now, it made him feel so guilty. For the first portion of your relationship, Kylo had been just using you, you were a toy to him. It was all so different now.
He tried to cover up the negative feelings he had surrounding the night, not wanting to ruin this moment. He hated to think about how disposable you'd been to him at a certain point in his life, you were everything to him now. He gave you a short nod, indicating that he remembered.
"Well," You sighed, continuing, "That morning I started painting this...And for some reason, I just couldn't finish it...But it wouldn't leave my head, it was all I could think about. Every time I'd go into the studio, I'd set it up and just stare at it and I couldn't figure out why it was so hard for me..." You frowned, thinking about it.
Kylo was staring at you, hanging on your every word.
"It started getting easier to work on, the closer I got to you...The more moments of honesty between us, the more I could paint...Recently, I finished it, after I realized how much I care about you." You couldn't look at him, feeling exposed. When you admitted to yourself that you were in love with Kylo Ren, you had been able to put the finishing touches on it.
"I don't know, maybe it's stupid and maybe I'm not making any sense. But I can't help but feel like this painting is connected to us, like it represents our relationship...The more trust that we created with each other, the more I could accomplish with the painting..." You chuckled, shaking your head. "I know it's cheesy and you probably hate the idea of it but I just felt like you should have it. It's just as much yours as it is mine."
Kylo's eyebrows were knitted together, watching how embarrassed you were growing as you explained yourself. The idea that you had been working on this painting the entire time he'd known you and you felt like it was connected to him somehow, was making his head spin in the best way. It was still so hard for him to believe that you loved him but in moments like this he felt it.
"Can I open it?" He asked you, wanting to see it.
You shrugged, "Sure." You answered, still unable to look at him.
Kylo carefully tore the paper away, not wanting to ruin anything on the painting itself. When it was uncovered, he held it up away from him so that he could take it all in.
It was done in surrealist style, making it more artistic than realistic. It was a gloved hand, black leather, with bits of the glove worn away to show exposed flesh and bone. The hand was gripping a crown, dripping with blood from the open parts of the hand that was holding it.
You hadn't understood why you painted it at the time. But now, looking back on it, it made so much sense. In your mind, it was Kylo's hand wearing the glove and the crown that he was holding represented you. He held your life in his hands constantly and the weight of that was difficult for him, explaining why there were bits of his own flesh missing. The blood dripping on your crown, on you, was all the ways that he'd changed you, ruined you, and made you similar to him.
It had been so tricky to paint before because your relationship with Kylo was surface level. But as you got closer to him and he assimilated you to this mob life more and more, the more progress you were able to make on it. Subconsciously, this painting was the way you made sense of your feelings to Kylo and worked through them. You just didn't realize this until the painting was finished, when you discovered you loved him.
"I don't expect you to hang it up anywhere. You could stick it in the back of your closet if you wanted. But it just felt weird to keep something that I felt like should belong to you." You told him, still unable to look at him. You didn't want to see how he was reacting to it.
Kylo couldn't take his eyes off of it. Even if he had no idea who you were and he saw it hanging in a gallery somewhere, he would like it. You were so talented, it was beautiful and interesting. But knowing that you painted it while thinking of him, made him love it.
He was struck with the realization that he'd never meant so much to someone before. You were the first person who ever truly loved him and somehow, he felt like this was his physical proof of it. If he ever questioned that you were too good to be true, he had something he could hold in his hands that would tell him otherwise.
"It's amazing." Kylo told you honestly, hating the way that his lip was quivering, the idea of all of this making him emotional. "I love it."
You looked over at him with wide eyes. He liked it? You'd been expecting him to brush it off and make a joke out of it, maybe he'd tell you that it was a good painting but he wouldn't understand the full importance of it.
But now you could see the moisture forming in Kylo's eyes and the way he was breathing heavy as he stared at it. Your relationship had grown so much, he wasn't sure what he'd do without you. Even if he didn't fully understand the subtle meanings of what the painting represented, he did understand that symbolized how much the two of you had gone through together and it was overwhelming to him.
He locked eyes with you, quickly trying to blink away the tears that were forming. "I love you." Kylo said to you, not afraid of the feeling in this moment.
You inhaled, the same wetness in your eyes now as you stared at him. You two hadn't said those three words out loud to each other since the first time you said it and you hadn't been expecting to hear it from him again, unprompted.
"I love you too, Kylo." You replied, hand going to his arm where you squeezed him gently there.
There was a beat of silence between the two of you as you let that statement hang in the air, savoring how amazing it felt to be open about it finally.
Then, Kylo was setting the painting on the ground next to him and kissing you hard, his hand on the back of your head to hold you in place against his lips.
You sighed, moving so that you were able to straddle his waist and wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him just as passionately as he was kissing you. It was always so much easier for the two of you to act out your feelings instead of saying them, no matter how open you'd become with each other.
He parted away from you, noses touching, "Do you know how much you mean to me?" He asked you, voice slightly shaking. "I never thought I'd be able to feel this way. I'm so in love with you." Kylo was surprising even himself with his honesty.
After being so close to dying when he was shot, it made him realize how fleeting time was. He didn't want to waste any of the time that he had with you anymore. He needed you to understand how important you were. Not just as a weapon against Hux but to him.
You kissed him for a few moments before pulling away, "I love you." You repeated to him, hands on either side of his face. God, you really loved him.
Kylo kissed you again, moaning against your lips and running his hands up and down the sides of your body, digging into your hips. He bit at your bottom lip, pulling away so that he could look you over. "I don't think we can have sex yet, princess, I'm still hurting." He said with a frown.
It was true, he could barely lift the bag of gifts to bring into your apartment. The thought of exerting himself to have sex with you was almost worth it to him but he was falling behind with his business duties, he needed to heal enough to get himself out there again.
"That's okay." You told him but it was clear you were disappointed, even if you were trying to hide it from him.
Kylo was able to see your frown and it made him feel bad. He wanted to give you everything you wanted, this included.
"I can still make you cum. I wanna make my girl feel good on Christmas." He offered, his fingertips digging into your hips. A slow smirk formed on his face as he stared at you. He noticed the way that you were absentmindedly grinding against him at the thought, skin hot and heart thumping at the idea of it.
"Please." You said to him, desperate already. You hadn't had an orgasm since he'd been shot. You tried to touch yourself a few times but you couldn't finish. You used to be so good at knowing what your body wanted but Kylo ruined it for you, you just wanted him.
Kylo grinned, "Look at you," He breathed out, looking you up and down on his lap, "You're so needy right now." He teased you. He loved it, Kylo loved being reminded that you wanted him. "I bet I could make you cum without even touching you."
You shook your head, ashamed at how much you wanted him. You were about to argue with him and tell him that there was no way you could finish without his touch, but then you felt the way he started moving your hips for you, rocking you against him and you gasped.
You could feel his erection through his pants and from the way that he was leaning his hips up towards you, he was somehow grinding against you at just the right angle, hitting your clit. Even through the layers of your clothes and without using his fingers, Kylo was able to find your perfect spot. He was so in tune with your body and needs.
"See? There you are. There's my good girl." Kylo hummed, moving your hips for you so that you were rubbing against him just like you needed. "Daddy knows what he's doing, doesn't he?" He was practically cooing at you, "What do you say? Do you want to cum?"
Your hands went to his shoulders, using your grip as leverage to start rolling your hips at a quicker pace. "Fuck, it feels so good. I really think I could finish like this." You told him in disbelief, back arching at the pleasure that was coursing through your body.
"I know you can, princess." Kylo groaned, jaw clenching at how much this was turning him on, how good it felt for him to have you like this. It was a big boost to his ego to know that he didn't even have to touch you to make you cum. "Just keep on riding daddy, you'll get there. You're going to cum for me."
"Oh my god." You whined, moving quickly and desperately against him.
Kylo's hands were guiding you, helping you move in the same way that he would be thrusting inside of you if he were able to. He knew just how you like it, he knew just how to get your to your peak.
"Aw, poor baby, it's been so long since you've been fucked, hasn't it? You don't know what to do if daddy isn't breaking you in half every day." He leaned back so he could angle his hips up more, moaning at the feeling of you moving against him. "You're so spoiled, you're used to me making you cum all night, aren't you? You need it so bad."
Your face was burning in shame, knowing that you were already getting closer to your climax from your riding and from his words. You loved when he talked to you like this, you felt like it had been so long. He'd been so hurt before that you two hadn't even attempted something like this.
For the next several minutes, Kylo let you grind against him, smirking smugly at how worked up it was making you, all the noises you were making. He knew he could make you cum but he liked the show you were putting on for him, his perfect little girl.
Taking mercy on you, Kylo leaned forward and wrapped his hand around your throat, making you moan out loud. He knew what he wanted. "Tell me you love me and I'll let you cum." He said to you, locking eyes with you.
You stopped your motions, surprised, breathing heavy. You hadn't been expecting that.
Kylo noticed your hesitance and it made him squeeze your throat tighter. "I want to hear you say it."
You blinked, trying to comprehend what he wanted. It made your heart pound, that he wanted to hear you say something that scared the both of you so much. "I love you, Kylo." You told him, pleading, "I love you so much."
Kylo moaned, shutting his eyes to let himself enjoy the moment. It was unreal to him, he'd never been this happy. As much power as he had over you right now, withholding your pleasure, you had so much power over him as well. "Good girl." He praised you. His hand that had been on your hip now went in between your legs, instantly knowing just where to begin rubbing you through your pants and underwear.
You gasped, hands tightening on his shoulders at the feeling of his fingers almost directly pleasuring you which was a contrast from the dull pleasing feeling you had when you'd been riding him. As much as you'd prefer him to actually touch you without any clothes on, the idea of this was so hot to you. You loved knowing that Kylo could make you feel this good no matter the circumstance.
Kylo's hand around your neck, pulled you in closer against him so that he could whisper in your ear while continuing to stroke your most sensitive spot that was driving you crazy. "I want you to cum for me. Cum right now, princess. Make me proud," He growled softly, his lips brushing against your ear.
His deep voice since a shock of arousal down your spine, making you whimper. His fingers continued to rub quick circles against you, building up the feeling of your climax quickly approaching. "Fuck, oh my god." You were panting and moaning.
Kylo was whispering words of encouragement to you, coaxing you through your orgasm as you let it take over your body. You were a shaky mess on top of him, riding out the feeling against his fingers, saying his name over and over again.
As you came down from your high, Kylo's grip relaxed on your neck, kissing you where he'd been previously squeezing you. "I love you too." He murmured against your skin, feeling the need to tell you since he'd been too caught up in the moment earlier.
After catching your breath, you slowly rolled off of Kylo's lap, settling onto the ground next to him. You couldn't meet his eyes, you could tell that he was staring at you with a self-satisfied smirk and you didn't want to give him the opportunity to gloat about what he'd just done to you.
There was a few moments of silence.
"Oh," Kylo said suddenly, remembering. "I forgot one of your gifts."
You looked over at him with a raised eyebrow, "I don't need anything else." You assured him, "You've given me so much."
He was ignoring you, hand going to his phone that was resting on the coffee table next to the two of you. You watched as he unlocked it and began scrolling through something, you weren't sure.
Kylo then handed you the phone, nodding towards the screen.
You blinked, trying to figure out what you were looking at. On his phone, was a photo of what looked like an empty room. It had cement floors, bare walls. It was honestly a little dirty in some spots, stains on the ground. "What is it?" You asked, not even attempting to hide your confusion.
"It's yours." Kylo told you, looking over your shoulder at it.
You laughed a little, even more confused. Why would you want this? "I don't get it." You admitted.
Kylo chuckled a little, finding your bewilderment amusing. Honestly, he was being vague because he was sort of nervous. When he gave you things like dresses or shoes, he knew you'd like them regardless. Even if he took the time to pick them out for you, there was still a level of shallowness that went along with material items. This was different, it made him feel more vulnerable.
"There's that art studio, right off of thirty-fifth street," Kylo started to explain. "I bought you your own space there." He pointed to the screen. "You can go there whenever you want to paint. I paid for it but it's in your name, it's yours." He told you, not meeting your eyes. As nervous as you'd been to give him your painting, he was almost as nervous to give this to you.
You were speechless, trying to let that sink in. You had your school's art studio, which was nice, but every time you went you were surrounded by other students. You liked your alone time when you painted. And besides, you were graduating soon. You had been dreading the fact that you'd have to start keeping easels and paints in your apartment but Kylo solved that problem for you before you even got to it.
"If you don't need it, you can sell it." Kylo offered, nervous, taking your silence as disapproval. "Like I said, it's in your name so you can keep the money."
You were shocked by how thoughtful this gift was. It was something that you'd never even think to ask for, it was such a big deal to you. You wanted to cry but you didn't want to make Kylo uncomfortable so instead you put your hand on his cheek, turning his face so that you could kiss him.
"I love it, Kylo. I don't even know what to say, I'm shocked... Thank you, holy shit. Thank you." You said to him honestly, taking in a deep shaky breath. You couldn't stop thinking about how much you loved him and how thankful you were for him. You weren't thankful because of the things he could give you, but you were thankful that he wanted to.
"You're welcome." He said to you, relieved.
He scooted back so that he was resting against the wall closest to you two, then he reached forward, wordlessly telling you to join him.
You moved over to him, snuggling up close to his chest on the uninjured side, wiping at your eyes before he could see you becoming emotional.
He held you close and kissed the top of your head, rubbing your back. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for a while, taking in the moment that you two had alone. Soft Christmas music played in the background and the sun was starting to go down outside, causing the string lights in the apartment to give off a comforting glow.
There was so much that you and him needed to deal with in the future, so many things that were threatening to tear you two apart. But there was no reason to think of that now because in this exact moment, you two were safe and you were holding each other.
You loved each other.
"Merry Christmas." Kylo whispered gently, pulling you closer against him with a big smile on his face.
_
(A/N: Hi! Just wanted to remind you to follow my tiktok (@worm...girl) and my twitter/instagram (both @worm_girll) I post memes/updates about my stories. There's some announcements I'll be making in the future about my fics and if you want to stay in the loop, follow me on those sites, as well as here on Wattpad.)