Kata sat at the end of her lunch table, looking down and avoiding the conversation. Kate sat with two of her friends, all three of them hunched over the screen of an iPhone, laughing at something or other, and two people next to Kata were playing an intense game of kiss marry kill, which Kata had always found rather unnerving. The kissing part was fine, but Kata didn't understand why you would go to the extremes of killing or marrying a person. Especially if you are forced to choose between three people you're friends with, then someone ends up having their feelings hurt. The whole thing was just a recipe for disaster in her opinion.
Kata scooted farther down the bench, trying to block out all the noise around her. She had forgotten to bring her earbuds to lunch which was always a mistake seeing as she never felt the urge to try and make conversation and really just wanted to tune everyone out most of the time.
Kata didn't hate conversation or anything. She actually quite enjoyed talking to people, but during lunch, she usually had to force her way into the conversation, and then it was just awkward for everyone, so she opted to stay out of it.
Kata closed her eyes and tried to come up with the next part of the dance she was still in the process of choreographing to Fight Song. She just had the last chorus left to choreograph and she was really proud of herself. This dance was, by far, her most complex and interesting dance yet, she just couldn't figure out a way to end it. Her fingers itched for a pencil so she could write down ideas and her legs were bursting with energy, wanting to try out different things.
Finally, she gave up, not being able to concentrate. She began tapping her fingers absentmindedly, itching for lunch to be over. The bell eventually rang, and Kata walked off by herself, not waiting to see if anyone would walk with her because she knew no one would.
Kata walked past the fine arts hallway, where she saw Alex coming out of the double doors holding her lunch box. Kata walked over to her.
"What were you doing in there?" she asked curiously. Kata then realized she probably sounded creepy, like she wanted to know Alex's every move or something like that. "Sorry that was a weird question, you don't have to answer that. I guess I was just wondering why you weren't at lunch. Sorry, that was kind of weird too." Kata rambled, only stopping when she heard a soft laugh come from Alex.
"It's fine Kata," she said. "I was just eating lunch with Mr. Benj is all."
"Why?" Kata asked, then mentally face palmed herself, but decided against trying to cover up the question. Alex hesitated then shrugged stiffly.
"It's noisy in the cafeteria," she replied simply.
"Oh," Kata said. "Do you normally eat lunch with him then?" Goodness, why was she asking so many questions? Alex just shrugged again.
"Yeah, I guess." she looked slightly uncomfortable, so Kata decided not to push the matter.
"Mind if I maybe come eat with you sometime?" she asked carefully. Alex's face lit up.
"Sure!" she answered. Kata smiled. Now maybe she would actually be able to enjoy her free period.
The two girls rounded the corner into the eighth-grade hall and Kata stopped at her locker. She expected Alex to go to her locker, but she turned back around and bit her lip.
"Hey Kata?"
"Hm?"
"By any chance would you maybe want to come over to my house this weekend?" she rushed.
Kata stopped what she was doing.
Kata wanted badly to say yes to Alex, but she knew her mother wouldn't let her, and she didn't know if she would get a chance to ask her dad. She remembered him saying that he had several late shifts at the hospital this week.
"Alex I would love to..." Alex's face lit up again, and Kata almost couldn't continue her sentence. She looked so happy that Kata wanted to spend time with her, and Kata couldn't remember the last time she made someone look like that. "...but I can't." Alex's face fell and Kata immediately felt guilt rising within her. "My mother wants me to be home this weekend, and I really would like to, I just can't." Kata felt herself spiraling into another ramble, so she took a breath. "Maybe another time?" Kata said before she could stop herself.
"Okay!" Alex said excitedly. Why would Kata suggest that?
I can't even remember the last time I had a playdate. She thought, then paused, considering. I guess that statement proves how long it's been. She rolled her eyes, then headed off to Spanish.
***
What the hell is that? Kata's mind screamed as she looked at the monstrosity that was before her. Horror was written all over her face. Ms. Adams stood in front of her daughter with a big smile displayed upon her lips, holding up a dress made for stick figures.
The sleeves of the dress looked like they were supposed to go down to right above Kata's elbows, but they were so narrow that Kata was almost certain she wouldn't be able to fit her arms through. The top portion of the dress was made of white lace done in a floral pattern, while the bottom of the dress was a navy see-through material trimmed with ribbon and layered so you wouldn't be able to see through the skirt itself. Separating the two parts was a thin black belt that Kata assumed would fall in the area of her belly button. The whole thing was tied off with a jean jacket that Kata wasn't even sure could be called a jacket considering it had no sleeves and didn't even come down to the belt of the dress.
"Do you like it?" Ms. Adams asked eagerly. Kata hated it, but she stiffly nodded yes anyway, knowing that was how her mother wanted her to answer. "Wonderful!" Ms. Adams clapped with excitement. "Then you can go try it on and wear it to school tomorrow!"
"What?" Kata exclaimed, desperately not wanting to wear the piece of clothing to school. "Mom," Kata stated calmly, trying to keep her annoyance in check. "It really is a beautiful dress," No it's not. Also, there's no way I'm going to fit into that thing. "But I would really prefer not to wear it to school."
"Kata Lillian Adams!" Kata braced herself. "I went out of my way to do something nice for you," Have you met me? This isn't nice, this is fucking torture. "And you don't even say thank you? You just say that you're not going to wear it! You are going to go try this dress on and then wear it to school tomorrow, end of story."
Kata dutifully went into her room to try on the dress, and as she suspected, it didn't fit. It was too tight everywhere. She couldn't even get into the sleeves. Whoever made the dress Kata held in her hands clearly made it for someone with no arm muscle, no breasts, and the smallest rib cage known to mankind.
"Mom," said Kata, after coming out of her room and going down the stairs.
"What?" her mother snapped when she saw that Kata wasn't in the dress. Kata cowered back and spoke softly.
"It doesn't fit." Ms. Adams looked her daughter up and down.
"Sure it does, you just have to squeeze into it."
"Mom-"
"Kata, don't argue with me. Go get into that dress," said Ms. Adams sternly. Kata went back up the stairs to her room like a dog with its tail between its legs.
Kata laid the dress down on her bed and unbuttoned it. She knew she really had no choice but to somehow get into the dress, even if it meant she couldn't breathe.
She could go without breathing for a day right?
Kata managed to get her arms into the article of clothing, but it was extremely hard to move them. She also managed to button three out of five of the buttons before she was sure that the dress would snap at any moment. She loosely put the belt around her stomach. Kata descended the stairs, the hem of the skirt pooling around the top of her kneecaps.
"Mom, could you help me with the buttons?" she requested with embarrassment.
"Of course." Her mother signaled for her to turn around. As the last two buttons of the dress were done, Kata felt like she would barely make it through two minutes wearing it, much less an entire day.
"Oh Kata," her mother tsked, messing with the strip of leather around her stomach. "This belt is much too loose. You don't want any rolls of fat hanging out." Kata's mother went to hit her daughter's stomach to prove her point, but Kata tightened her abs so when Ms. Adams' fist collided, it hurt her. Well, she didn't say it hurt her, but she shut up after that so Kata assumed it worked. She wasn't fat, was she? No, she wasn't. She was in good shape and she maintained a healthy BMI, which she knew from her strength and conditioning class. Nevertheless, Ms. Adams felt the need to tighten the strap around Kata's stomach, making the task of breathing even harder. "Okay, now why don't you head into my bathroom and I'll do your hair?" Ms. Adams cooed.
Kata sighed softly. She hated when her mother tried to do anything to her hair. Because of its natural composition, it was tangled most of the time and stray curls always seemed to get in her face, which is why she kept it up in a ponytail. When her mother tried to do anything to it, it hurt and never stayed in long. When Kata complained about the pain, her mother always replied with the simple phrase: "Beauty is pain."
"Okay done." Kata's mother said as Kata dug her nails into her flesh to keep from grimacing in pain. "Oh sweety," Ms. Adams said in a voice like honey. Kata stood up to look at herself in the mirror. "I'm sorry for snapping earlier, but you just look so pretty, and I hate to see you waste all your beauty by dressing like a hobo all the time." She paused, playing with her daughter's hair. "We both know that you're not all the smart, even with all the studying you do." Kata dug her nails farther into her hand to keep her anger contained.
She knew she had a below-average IQ. Her mother wouldn't stop reminding her of it since she took a test to determine her IQ around a year and a half ago. So what if her IQ wasn't as high as some people's? She studied harder than anyone she knew and almost always had grades higher than everyone in the class. She may not be "smarter" than the people in her classes, but she was most definitely more knowledgeable. Still, it bothered her more than she cared to admit. It made her feel dumb.
"Because of your lack of brains you're going to have to rely more on your looks to get you by." Wow, Mother, great advice. What a feminist you're being. "I want you to start dressing nicely from now on." Nope, no way. I'll just talk to Dad when he gets home and he'll make sure I can wear whatever the hell I want.
"Okay, Mom." Kata finally replied, still containing her rage.
"Alright then!" said Ms. Adams enthusiastically. "Lana will do your hair in the mornings until you learn how to do it. Sound good?" Kata opened her mouth to speak. "Okay good." With that Ms. Adams exited the bathroom, leaving Kata to stare at whoever the girl in the mirror was.
Her mother was right, she did look pretty, but Kata could care less about that because of the extreme discomfort she was experiencing.
She didn't recognize the person she was looking at.
What was the point of being pretty if Kata didn't look like herself? She could be pretty and still be herself, but her mother didn't seem to want to take that into consideration.
Kata sighed and peeled the dress off once she got to her room. She knew she had no control over the situation, like always, so she didn't try to fight it, she just dreaded the coming school day.
~
11/9/16
Dear Sky,
"These boots were made for walking
And that's just what they'll do"
Who's the girl I see in the mirror?
Who's the face I see in the stars?
Am I her?
Or is she me?
Or are we two different beings-
Separately?
"And all your life I let you down...
We're all just drowning"
You wrote my name in the sky
The jet streams address me as they fly
So now I can no longer leave
They all know me
They go faster than the speed of sound
Yet they only seem to slow me down
"[You] fell in love with her again...
'Cause I'm not that kind of girl"
I see your eyes
They reflect the clouds
Are those my eyes too?
The ones that are grey and angry
Yet never seem to rain
I could dance through the rain
"One of these days these boots are
Gonna walk all over you"
But you took them away from me.
***
A/N: Sorry this chapter was kinda long. I had a lot of fun writing the poem in this chapter and I really like it. I hope y'all did too
Thank you so much for reading, it really means a lot! If you liked this chapter please consider leaving a vote or a comment before you click onto the next part!
-Sunny <3