♜
"i broke your heart, didn't i?" mercer crosses his arms over his chest, almost seeming to protect himself, as he processes his own words with a simple nod.
more than you'll ever understand, i whispered in my head.
i glance up shortly, meeting his eyes for a moment before pulling away. again.
"why didn't you give up?" his voice is barely a whisper, as he clears his throat, the king of the north suddenly gone. who stands back is mercer wilson, a boy i hadn't seen for years at this point. "if i really hurt you that bad, why do you not hate me?"
"because everyone will hurt you eventually. the hardest thing would be to find the ones worth hurting for."
"and i'm worth hurting for?"
"am i?"
coast sits opposite of me, watching my every move closely. he chews his food slowly, as if fearing him looking away for a second to cut out another piece of food would give me enough time to set the entire table on fire.
the memory replays in my mind like it has no end; the conversation mercer and i had had before i fell asleep in his arms.
it had been the night where he had slept in my room, the last time i had actually spoken to him up until now. i hadn't even gotten a single word to him after i saw their fight. he had ushered me off towards aeston before i had the chance to kill him. the fight was clearly not fair in any way. there wasn't even a doubt in my mind about whether or not wes had chosen to initiate the fight, but mercer, - north should have stopped him instantly.
the travel to aeston could not have been more than an hour or two, but i still felt worlds away.
the memory, the faints sounds of his words spoken felt like a rock in my stomach that was pushing down every bite i had managed to force down so far. i was not hungry, not even interested in the conversation being carried over the dinner.
"i believe, the point where the situation was pulled out of my hands were when the lower mountains began to forget to ask for what they took." mayor reyes has spoken ninety-nine out of a hundred words that has been said since sitting down to eat. coast is distracted, trying to prevent me from messing up. "the new comers began breaking into lofts, barns, wherever they could spend the night. people woke up with strangers sleeping on their couches, in their guest bedroom, even in their own bedroom."
i glance upwards towards coast, meeting his eyes. they flicker a lighter colour than normal, a pale silver for the shortest moment i've ever seen, before going back to their normal colour. he instantly drops his gaze down to his plate, shaking his head as if attempting to shake off a bug.
"i sent out guards to remove the intruders, but it only made everything worse. riots began spreading. markets were robbed, decorations, windows, stands, lampposts, everything in sight was broken, ruined, even burned. they did not feel welcome here, and they weren't."
i frown, chewing a piece of chicken i've just pulled off of my fork with my teeth. coast had been acting strange this entire trip, but now, he seemed to be watching me. almost like did he have to be a foot from me at all times, scared i would mess up on my own.
"the storms have laid off, and they should all be gone by now, but they refuse to leave, all of them. they want that last lost day. they want to meet their king, they want what they travelled days to experience, and in some ways, i get it."
north could have sent anyone to accompany his noble, but he chose me. he could have chosen many others more suitable and ready for a task like this, but he had chosen me. and somehow, it seemed like coast was terrified to lose sight of me, not believing i could help in any way.
"not everyone is placed safely on the mountain. on the other side of the wall, people are not protected by the king. living here, i think i, along with many others, have forgotten that despite living in the northern kingdom, we don't all share the privileges it comes with. i would not feel safe letting my children sleep in a town where there are no runners in the surrounding forest."
the mayors pauses for a moment, before glancing in my direction. i'm still chewing the same bite as before, as he directs a question towards me; "you must have grown up on this safe of the wall being mated to noble coast, or am i completely out in the woods?" he jokes, his wife laughing with him.
awful question, reyes, i think to myself, and i see a glance of a smile spreading on coasts lips as he hears it.
"no, actually-" i begin, but a quick, yet powerful kick to my thigh, stops me.
you're from northon. do not give him any actual information about you, coast says in my mind while taking a bite.
"actually," i begin again, stumbled by the information i have just been given. "you're completely correct. i'm from northon," i smile, trying to hide the lie that is making its way off my lips. i had never even heard of the town northon.
why could i not tell the truth? being from the other side of the mountain did not make me any less of a person than either of the table i currently sat with. in fact, it had somehow made me the up-coming queen of the northern kingdom to be from the un-protected side of the wall. despite it being put to shame, growing up on the so-called 'wrong' side, i could not have been more proud of it. i did not grow up with protection from the king's army, which included runners in the forest, guards in towns, and patrols at every border. even the current king had not grown up with it.
"wonderful. i've never been there myself, but nia has," mayor reyes gestures to his wife, sitting next to him.
the woman is a few years younger than her husband, beautiful to say the least. her hair is short but wavy, making her face appear slim and structured. her eyes are a bit too small for her face, but they almost make up for their size by sparkling a light brown colour. she hadn't said much to any of us, but she seemed very welcoming and polite.
"it's a beautiful town, just a little lower than aeston, actually. in my younger years, we would always visit it to see some distant family." nia begins, and it's clear in her eyes that she is replaying the memories she is talking about. "but northon is far from the castle, so how did you even meet?"
i swallow some spit, every other lie i can think off stuck in my throat, as it dries up. i hated lying, despite being quite impressive at it, i truly hated it. why were we even lying? could i not just be the person i was, but pretend to be mated to another man for a day or two? why change up the entire story?
"i was visiting her town for a day to settle some new security on the east side before the festival was opening the week after." coast replies, seemingly calm and focused. i would not even guess that he was lying through his teeth, if i hadn't known already. "i saw her at a market on the last day, and i just could not take my eyes off of her,"
my head perks up. i had met mercer at a smaller market back in norbery.
a wide, clear smile spreads on my face, copying the exact one coast is wearing himself as he continues telling our story; "at first, she quite hated me."
i had hated mercer when i first met him. he had moved in with his grandparents and started at my school the week after. he seemed shut off, almost like he was too good for any of us lower mountain citizens.
he looks to me, and i pick up where he left off; "he seemed like any other person of authority, believing they were much more than reality. that even the gods would not challenge them. he expected me to jump straight into his arms without a second thought,"
"but she didn't," coast laughs, followed suit by the mayor couple. nia seems to enjoy our story, nodding along with every word. "she told me off. told me to go back to the castle and pick any other girl,"
i do believe that our first conversation had been me telling him off. it was so long ago by now, i couldn't remember exactly what for. it felt strange to recall such old memories. if i was having a difficult time remembering this, how did coast know this story so well? it wasn't even his.
"but of course, he stayed put. he even prolonged his stay for a few days to get to know me," i smile, meeting coast's eyes for a moment, before nodding towards him. he caught the hint, and continued; "i ended up returning to the castle when six days had passed, and i cursed myself for weeks after."
"so, not having heard a single word from him, i had lost most of my hope." i say, feeling something turn in my stomach. every memory of mercer and i was turning in my mind. falling madly in love, me hating him for the first while, and despite it being him fighting for me in the beginning, it was still him that left. me and north's story ended quite differently than that, however.
i pause, not knowing how to continue the story, but coast does not hesitate. "but before a month had passed, i went back. i could not get her out of my head, i knew i had made a mistake, despite not having a choice. i had a responsibility at the castle, and despite wanting nothing else than staying with her, i had to leave,"
i glance away, wondering where the hell he is getting all of this. he sounds genuinely in love with me, like he was finally allowed to speak what had been weighing him down for centuries. he is telling my story like was it ours.
"why did you wait a month?" nia questions, her eyes wide. she is completely swallowed up in the story.
this question catches my attention. the only person that coast could have gotten this story from was mercer. so, i wouldn't wanna miss the answer to this question.
"because of the fear. i was the one who had messed up. i was the one who had broken something that would have never even gotten a scratch if i had just been careful. so, i was pulled back by the possibility of her turning me down. rejecting me, which she should have done the second i left, perhaps even before that." coast speaks, looking at me.
"but he came back," i finish, my voice shaky. mercer is playing in my mind as i compare the person i had met once, and the person i had met now. was all of this truly worth it?
the last conversation we had had i had told him that the reason why i had waited was that he was worth hurting for. i had asked him the exact same thing back and he had hesitated. he had pulled me closer, whispering three words i had begun hating.
i don't know.
he didn't know, and i had gotten too good at 'forgetting' the things he said, the things he did and even the things he didn't do, that made him seem like a person not worth hurting for.
"our story do not even come close to anything like that," nia speaks as we both quiet down, watching the couple opposite of us. "we lived in neighbour towns, and one..." she begins, and i lean back, trying to seem interested.
what the hell was that? i ask, smilling towards the mayor as he picks up their story.
our love story, i suppose, coast says back.
we do not have a love story, coast, i say.
i know. the idea just makes you sick, doesn't it? i glance in his direction, watching a chuckle leave his lips.
you were telling them my love story. mine, i say.
it isn't just your story, maire-grace.
it still sounded like you were recalling a sappy fairytale you once read, i reply.
"it was not until the night of the bonfire that i even..." nia's speech seems to blure in the background as i await an answer that makes my entire mind quiet.
after hearing north repeat the stories between you two, it does seem like a sappy fairytale, but it turned out to be useful, did it not? i could almost just repeat it, word for word at some points.