// warning for some het action and subdrop //
October comes in a flurry, the last remains of summer being pulled away from him. Jungkook couldn't help but enjoy it, always a sucker for the coziness and colors that Autumn brought along.
He couldn't deny that the past few weeks since his interaction with Jimin that he had been desperate to stay busy. He threw himself into his studies, taking up Minji on her offers to study. Though, he had denied every request to hangout with her outside of things of that nature. Any free time he had he spent at the gym, it was easy to forget about Jimin when he was focused on a physical goal.
Him and Taehyung hadn't exactly been distant towards one another but the gap between them that Jungkook felt before trying out Persona was back. He was busy exploring the BDSM realm without him, he'd actually had a few scenes with some more experienced subs in the community. Jungkook was happy for him, but he couldn't deny missing their movie nights.
They still happened of course, sometimes with Namjoon and Seokjin, the only Persona employees he had seen since the night of Hoseok's scene. But it was a rarity that Taehyung was home and Jungkook wasn't exhausted.
Today was one of the occasions where Taehyung was home, but this time he had a guest. It was a girl from Persona, a foreigner in Seoul for an internship. Jungkook didn't know her name, long forgotten even despite the detailed description of her curvy body and the way she sounded from Taehyung. She was nice, and her korean was good, having briefly talked to Jungkook before she was pulled into the other man's room.
Jungkook didn't have much interest in meeting any new people from Persona, all of them just being reminders of what had happened. At least Taehyung kept her quiet during their scene.
He didn't even notice them until he left his room.
They were sitting on the couch together, her feet in Taehyung's lap, being massaged by his hands. One of her own was cradling a bowl of soup, lifting the broth to her lips. Her makeup was smeared across her face but he looked more than happy, curled up underneath what Jungkook recognized as his best friend's favorite blanket.
"That tickles!" She squealed, Taehyung only grinning before he pressed his thumb into the arch of her foot harder.
"Oh, I'm sorry princess. How will I ever make it up to you?" He replied, causing her to roll her eyes and lightly kick him in the chest.
"Watch it, I might have you bend you over my knee next time-" He started only for Jungkook to interrupt with a clear of his throat.
"Oh hey!"
"Hi.." Jungkook trailed off. She looked bashful but Taehyung was as at ease as ever.
It was obvious that he cared for her a lot, his hands often going to cover her more with the blanket, the careful eyes he kept on her to make sure she ate enough of her soup. Taehyung had always been a caring person but it was rare that Jungkook ever saw him actually take care of anyone. He knew that he helped his grandmother a lot before he started college, and he always made sure Jungkook ate and showered when he was in a depressive episode, but it was always in a 'bro no offense but you look sick' kind of way. It was more of Jungkook's role to make sure everyone was healthy and happy and unstressed in their house. Which of course led to Jungkook not being any of those things. It was nice to see his friend be so accountable for another person, but he couldn't ignore the hint of jealousy that ran through him.
If he asked Taehyung to feed him soup, or give him an extra cuddle, he probably would. He would definitely tease him for it, but he'd probably do it. Jungkook didn't want to ask though. He wanted someone to want to care for him, look out for him. He wanted someone to take a look at his life and make him relax, to let go, because his pride and responsibility certainly wouldn't let him do that unprompted.
"Don't worry about him, I've taken him to the club before," He told her, causing her eyes to light up with joy when she looked over to the younger man.
"That's so cool! Are you in the scene?"
"No," He answered abruptly, not wanting to continue any conversation that could turn into them reminding him of Jimin any more than they were. "I'm heading out."
They both looked slightly disappointed, but there was a level of understanding in Taehyung's gaze. He wished them both a goodbye before he took off, his chest feeling heavy as he drove to the cafe.
"I don't know how you drink that stuff," Minji commented, her nose wrinkling at the sight of Jungkook's coffee mug. One of her delicate hands was curled around a mug of her own, only it was filled with tea. He merely rolled his eyes, used to her teasing by now.
"I think I'm just used to it." He shrugged, finishing his last note. "I think that's all, unless you have anything else we should work on?"
Minji reached over, grabbing his wrist causing his head to snap up.
"Are you seriously all business all the time? We never just, you know, talk."
"Sure we do," He stated defensively, his brows furrowed. "We've talked about how we both have divorced parents and hate it when the professor keeps the lecture hall hot."
"Wow." She deadpanned, setting her mug down before she leaned in with her chin propped on her palm. "I know two things about you after sitting next to you for two months."
Jungkook let out a sigh, stuffing his notebook in his bag with his laptop, leaning back in his seat. "Fine, what would you like to know?"
His obvious reluctance didn't deter her interest at all, in fact it seemed to amplify it. Her eyes lit up with curiosity, obviously thinking over her options of how to pounce on Jungkook's new-found openness. He never considered himself mysterious by any means, but he was definitely private.
"Well.." She trailed off, her confident nature giving in to shyness. "Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No." Jungkook replied, the quirk of amusement on the side of his lips.
"Boyfriend?" She questioned, her round eyes narrowing.
Her add on was quiet but it made the smirk drop from Jungkook's face instantly.
"No, and keep your voice down!"
"So you are gay!" She replied, a wide grin painted on her lips. At least she lowered her words further into a whisper.
"Bisexual," He corrected her. "What gives it away?"
"Nothing!" Minji's tone was genuine, taking another sip of her coffee. "I just didn't want to assume you were into girls."
"Oh. Thanks, then. Maybe we can keep that between us though? I'm not in the closet but-"
"Yeah." She winced. "I get it. People can be really..mean."
Mean was an understatement. Jungkook hadn't ever formally come out, and no one really suspected him so he had been safe from the bullying but he knew others weren't so lucky. He could remember hearing the slurs traded around like pokemon cards and seeing boys come to school with black eyes because they were caught kissing in the choir room. Things were getting better of course, especially in Seoul. But still, it wasn't the type of thing he felt safe revealing to just anyone, when if not his safety, his reputation was at risk.
He wasn't sure how homophobia impacted the technology industry, but he'd rather not find out.
Jungkook shook himself out of his thoughts when he heard the tell-tale sound of a text.
FROM: Taehyungie
Don't forget to grab dinner for urself on ur way home! I already ate.
...
Can u pick up more pain killers too?
Jungkook locked his phone again without a thought and ran his fingers through his hair messily.
He didn't mind doing him any favors, of course. But even the small question triggered the unhappiness deep in his gut. Of course she was still there, and knowing Taehyung's new habits, she would be there until tomorrow morning. He had told Jungkook the importance of keeping aftercare up with a sub well after the 24-hour mark. He was happy that he was being so responsible with her, especially considering what could go wrong. Jungkook had only briefly researched sub drop but it sounded like a depressive phase straight from hell, no one should have to go through that. So sure, he was happy his friend wasn't an asshole and was clearly finding his dominant reigns with ease, but still filled him with the preview of sadness that he would feel when he is going to hear his kind words and bonding while he's in bed alone, once again.
His stressed expression was enough to garner attention. Minji's brows drew together in concern.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm good, that was just my roommate."
"Oh," she replied, sounding surprised and even more confused. "I thought you guys got along."
"We do!" He reassured, the confusion on her expression deepening even more. So on top of being perfect in every area of her life, she also didn't ever get frustrated with her friends? Lovely.
"He has this girl he has been seeing over. She's nice and all, but I just don't like having strangers over. Makes it hard to relax at home." He explained, narrowly avoiding 'also they're into BDSM which I want to be but I can't because rejection traumatizes me'.
"That's understandable, why don't they just go to her house?"
"I don't know, but I think it's impolite of me to ask that when he pays bills and rent, it's his place too."
"You're so thoughtful, Jungkookie," Minji gushed and Jungkook resisted the urge to cringe. He didn't mind the nickname but ever since he heard it fall from Jimin's lips, it hadn't sounded quite right coming from anyone else.
"You could come over and spend the night at my house. I know it's not home but at least you know me, and I live alone," She offered.
Had anyone else heard her offer, they would have been scandalized. Even Jungkook had only been to a few women's houses and it was always to hook up. The red blush that covered her cheeks and the way her eyes avoided his hinted that she knew what she was insinuating, too.
"Nothing has to happen," She added. "We can just have some ramen and watch a drama."
Jungkook knew that he shouldn't, even if nothing did happen. He didn't want to lead her on, or make her think that he wanted anything other than a casual friendship from her. Minji was a nice girl, there was a reason everyone loved her.
But he couldn't deny how it felt to have someone who wasn't Taehyung want him around. Even Jimin didn't want him because it was too much of a commitment. But going to her house and hanging out? That wasn't a commitment, there was no pressure there. She was putting herself out there, to get him. She wasn't taunting him with stares or words before saying it was going to be too much work, too much commitment to have him around. That felt good, and it felt a lot better than the sadness he would inevitably feel when he went home to Taehyung and his play partner of the week. Maybe it would be okay to do it as long as he made it clear that he only wanted to be friends.
"I'll come over," He replied, unable to help the smile that grows on his face when her expression lights up. "But, I don't want to date."
She waves him off with a laugh and packs up her own things, standing up. Her long hair falls over her shoulder and she levels him with an amused look when he stands.
"I'll keep these to myself, don't worry," She teased, wiggling her fingers before she grabbed his wrist confidently and led them out of the cafe.
As it turned out, Minji didn't drive, but she did an excellent job at giving Jungkook directions. She lived in one of the more wealthy areas near campus, her apartment building being a neat property, a perfectly groomed garden in the front.
It was all pastel, something that fit her perfectly. She looked like she was meant to own some sort of flower shop or anything else inexplicably feminine and aesthetically pleasing instead of going after something in computers. It was the inside of her apartment that caught jungkook off guard.
It was a cute little studio, her bed pressed against the large window overlooking the city, plants covering every surface. But what surprised him were the dozens of anime and video game posters covering her walls.
"Wow." Jungkook breathed out with a laugh when he came face to face with a giant Haikyuu!! poster.
"It's a little nerdy, I know." She grinned, looking not even the least bit sorry. Jungkook wishes he could obtain some of her confidence.
They both slipped off their shoes, her brow raising at the sight of his socks. He blushed before he even looked down, already knowing they were his yellow ones with the birds all over them. It was a little habit he had, having colored socks. He didn't know why but he enjoyed them, they unlocked a little something childish in himself. Something that he didn't get to embrace very often. He knew it had to be odd though, in comparison to the rest of his wardrobe.
"You can make yourself comfortable, I'll start on the ramen," She offered, tying her silky hair into a ponytail before she walked into the kitchen, the only area other than the bathroom that was cut off from the rest of the studio.
He couldn't help but scroll his eyes over the posters on the walls as he made his way to her couch that sat in front of the TV. He resisted the urge to scold her when he realized it was already on, she clearly had left it on while she was gone. Taehyung did the same thing and it drove him crazy, though by the looks of her place alone, she didn't seem to need to worry over any electric bills.
Minji came back with two steaming bowls, handing one to Jungkook as she sat down, tucking her feet underneath herself. Their smiles matched as they began to eat their food, Jungkook noting the way she scooted closer a couple minutes into the drama.
Jungkook ignored the texts that rolled in from Taehyung throughout the night. He didn't seem concerned so he figured there was no harm in waiting to reply later. He couldn't help but feel like he was finally getting a break from constantly thinking about Jimin. Everyday something happened that reminded him of how safe, how taken care of the man made him feel. He knew it wasn't Jimin's responsibility to keep him feeling that way, but it hurt to think of how he wouldn't ever feel that way again. There hadn't been anyone who made him feel like he didn't have to be perfect, didn't have to keep it all together. For once he could be "too much", he could cry and feel and not be ashamed for it. But apparently once was all he could have. Because Jungkook could be "too much", curious and emotional, but only if there was no commitment, only if there was no expectation for them to stay. Jungkook figured maybe that was fair, before he couldn't do any of those things at all without being eaten alive by guilt.
He knew part of his sadness was self-inflicted. He knew that Jimin was holding out an olive branch that day in the hall when he wanted to talk things out. Jungkook knew that had he said yes, they could have been friends by now, with the harsh past as nothing but a funny memory. But Jungkook didn't know how to navigate that, at the time being alone sounded far more appealing than being reminded that he wasn't wanted, not really wanted at least.
With the ramen bowls in the sink and the sun setting on the city, Minji became bolder, scooting in even closer and resting her head on the boy's shoulder. Jungkook kept his hands on his thighs, not daring to reach out and touch her despite her doing it herself.
He didn't have a long list of people on his track record for sex, but it was enough you wouldn't think him to be nervous over a head on his shoulder. Yet, of course, here he was.
She reached over, her nimble fingers rubbing up and down the inside of his arm. He couldn't help but shiver at the sensation. He had always been sensitive, emotionally and physically. His body reacted to the smallest of touches, another reason why half his wardrobe was twice his size. He could see her smirk from the side of his eye.
Her hand trailed up to his shoulder as she lifted her head, instead moving in to press her dainty lips to his neck. She brushed feather light kisses on the skin, causing him to squirm despite her hand on his shoulder attempting to keep him in place.
"Is this okay?" She whispered between the kisses. He couldn't deny that it felt good, being far too long since someone touched him in the way she did. But he still couldn't give her the wrong impression.
"I don't want to date," he choked out, and he could hear her breathy giggle against his skin.
"I don't either," she replied, straddling his lap and curling her hands in his hair.
"I asked if this was okay," she reminded him and he instantly nodded.
"Yeah, yes. Fuck, this is okay." Minji had hardly touched him but he still felt like he was on fire, heat pooling at the lower half of his stomach.
"Then kiss me," she demanded, not waiting for him to fulfill it before she kissed him harshly. Her nails dug into his scalp, causing him to let out a low groan.
The noise woke up something in Minji, her hips rolling up against his. Jungkook's hands grasped them desperately before she smacked them away. He instantly dropped them, instead grabbing for purchase at the couch cushions. His heart pounded in his chest as she pulled away, her eyes narrowed but curious.
"You wrinkled my skirt." She admonished him.
"I'm sorry," he wheezed out, his voice little more than a whine.
Had the blood been flowing in the opposite direction, Jungkook would be able to realize that with how she straddled his hips, the chances of her actually caring about the wrinkles on her skirt were actually low.
"I don't think you are.." She trailed off, clearly testing the waters. It seemed she caught onto the submissive streak that ran through the boy.
It was surprising how easily she fell into the role with him. Any hook up Jungkook had, man or woman expected him to take charge. They had always been very obviously vanilla but it was still more in his hands as to how everything went down. He didn't blame them, he was muscular, traditionally dressed in all black and generally didn't ever seem overly eager to get on his knees and beg.
Maybe after he realized what he wanted, it made it more obvious to other people. Or maybe Minji was just even more of a genius than he thought that she was.
"I am, I swear." Jungkook gasped out, his knuckles turning white where they gripped the couch cushion.
She seemed to think it over, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. Jungkook could feel the heat between her thighs press against his jeans, her hips still gyrating over him. The desperate need to feel her wetness himself overtaking him as he squirmed, only growing harder by the minute.
"In that case, guess how you're going to make it up to me," she replied, her tone playful. All the hesitation had left her expression as she suddenly wrenched his head back by his hair and landed a flat palmed smack across his cheek.
"Tonight, you're going to be my toy."
Jungkook woke up cold. It was still dark out when his eyes opened, the only lights being from the buildings and street lights surrounding the apartment.
Minji was fast asleep, only she wasn't on the bed, she was on the couch. He knew he should have expected that, her telling him that she didn't like sleeping next to people or even cuddle after sex but still wanted him to spend the night. He'd offered to take the couch instead but she refused, stating he was a guest.
His head pounded, despite having no reason for a headache and his eyes felt almost too heavy to open. The nausea quickly set it, his symptoms making him feel like he had the worst hangover anyone could possible have.
He stood up and searched for his t-shirt, hissing when he slid it over his torso. He looked down to see long, red marks of nails down his chest. His muscles ached as he put on the rest of his clothes. He had been used to occasionally being sore after sex, he even looked forward to it, but this was a whole other level. The pain itself didn't affect him that badly but with each movement, the wave of soreness would make him feel even dizzier.
He looked over to the girl, who looked perfectly at peace until her blankets on the couch. He felt a pang of guilt at the idea of allowing her to stay that way. He walked over, mustering all of strength to lift her. Normally what would have been an easy thing to do, proved difficult. His muscles screamed at him but he carried her over to the bed still. She sniffled, wiggling slightly when she reached the bed.
"Are you leaving?" She asked, her eyes still closed as she got comfortable once again.
"Yeah." He breathed out, even his voice sounding foreign to his own ears.
"Okay," she replied sleepily before she turned to face away from where he stood, covering herself with her duvet. "Lock my door, key is in the plant."
He put on his shoes, going to exit before he heard her tired voice ring out again.
"Don't worry, by the way. This was just a fuck."
He exited without replying, locking the door behind him and tucking the key under back into her apartment.
He knew that he should be relieved by that, that her words should reassure him. He definitely didn't have any serious romantic feelings for her, after all. He should be happy that she knew it was just a hookup.
The sex itself had been good, definetely more aggressive than he was used to but hadn't that been what he wanted? It should have been enough to fix how he had been feeling lately.
He could recall the pain of her pinches and prods. The slaps and tugs at his hair. Her voice still rang loud as a bell through his ears, her mean words. In the moment he enjoyed them, even after he still thought it was hot. But there was something missing. Something that made it feel unfulfilled.
The moment it ended he went for a kiss, only for her to turn her head after a few seconds of it.
"I'm sorry," she had said. "After I don't like being touched."
She did sound apologetic, and of course he respected her wishes, instantly backing up to give her space. She appeared grateful, granting him a gentle peck on the cheek before she went to the bathroom and ended up making a bed on the couch.
She had done near everything that he wanted from Jimin, so why was he feeling unsatisfied? It couldn't be over something as small as a post-sex cuddle. He wasn't even that affectionate outside of a relationship.
As he climbed into his car, the cold wind whipping around him, his aches and nausea persisted. He rolled down the window to provide himself with fresh air, praying his dizziness would leave him as he pulled out onto the road.
Her last words to him curled around him like a cold chill. This was just a fuck.
He told her himself that he didn't want to date, twice. Even now the idea of being in a relationship with her sounded less than appealing. But the sadness persisted, poking at every soft part of his heart. Once again he was wanted until he wasn't. For most people he was too much. For Jimin he wasn't too much until he asked for commitment apparently. And for Minji, he wasn't too much until he made her orgasm. Then it was obvious that the idea of being close to him repulsed her.
Jungkook knew that she couldn't help what she disliked, and that he shouldn't take it personally but he couldn't help it. What was meant to cure his sadness, but reinforce his rejection. Jungkook knew it probably wasn't healthy to be stuck in self pity like this, He knew he could be a good partner, a good friend, a good son. But it was hard to one hundred percent believe that when everyone showed him otherwise.
He slowly pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex, unashamed to say that he went half the speed limit the entire way home. He had to practically pull himself out of his car, legs shaking as they carried him up to his apartment.
Stumbling into it, he slipped off his shoes, trying his best to keep his volume down so that he didn't wake up Taehyung or the girl from earlier. He was just happy he didn't hear the sound of moans, which could have been a very unfortunate possibility.
Jungkook threw himself into bed, his jeans sitting uncomfortably on his hips but him not caring regardless. He was chilled to the bone but he still couldn't bring himself to cover himself up. The nausea still swirled around in his stomach, forcing himself to breath in harshly, hoping to will away the feeling.
His eyes squinted at the clock beside his bed, already feeling dread filling his system. The numbers read 5:16. Which meant his alarm would ring in less than an hour to wake him up for the gym. It had been a long time since he missed a gym session, but he already knew the persisting pain he felt wouldn't allow him to go.
His room, like Minji's bed, was cold. He felt the ghost of Minji's hands drag over his body and he couldn't gather the strength to even wiggle in discomfort.
He could also feel the ghost of Jimin. He could feel the hand grabbing his arm, the gentle massage of his fingers over Jungkook's palm, his chest beneath the younger's head and his heartbeat so steady that it sounded like Jungkook's own personal lullaby.
Everything was cold but Jungkook's tears stung with heat as the tears fell down his cheek to his pillow.
Jungkook woke up to the sound of Taehyung knocking on his door.
"Jungkook-ah, are you okay?" He voiced out, by the tone of it, it wasn't the first thing he had said.
Despite not wanting to worry his best friend, he couldn't make himself respond. His limbs felt too heavy to move, too. His eyes moved over to look at the clock, a bright 11:56 shining back at him. So he was right, he did sleep through his alarm. And his three others apparently.
"Kookie, I'm coming in." Was the only warning he received before Taehyung walked in. He was still in his pajamas but he was alone, meaning the girl must have just left.
Taehyung's eyes darted all over Jungkook's body, looking both relieved but also a million times more concerned. He instantly rushed over to the boy, sitting on the edge of his bed before he took his hand in his. He hissed quietly, taking away one of his hands to brush away Jungkook's hair.
"Your hands are like ice, and you look so out of it.. Jungkook-ah what happened?"
He didn't wait for a response before he went to Jungkook's dresser, pulling out a baggy shirt and the man's softest pair of joggers. He began to undress his friend, Jungkook not having the energy to do anything except allow him to.
"What the fuck?" Taehyung gasped once his shirt was off. Jungkook could see the cogs already turning in his head.
"It's not what you think." Jungkook was able to choke out, effectively shocking his best friend before he seemed to be comforted by the reassurance.
Taehyung silently redressed him before he pulled him into his chest, crawling up to rest against the younger's headboard.
"I just need to make sure that this was consensual," his best friend whispered and Jungkook nodded.
"It was, I promise."
"How did you feel during it?" He asked, his voice careful. It seemed he was scared saying the wrong thing would cause him to go nonverbal once again.
Jungkook merely shrugged, the memories coming back in flashes. In the moment everything feels so different.
"I felt good, I guess."
"Okay, how did you feel after it?" Taehyung asked, his voice a million times more gentle than his already caring tone from before.
Even with the heat of Taehyung and the blanket around him, the cold, the sadness, it all comes rushing back after the question. His words are locked in his throat, raising his head to peer at his friend with the downward tilt of his lips and tears instantly filling his eyes.
"Hyung-"
"Oh Jungkookie." Taehyung breathed out, grabbing him fiercely and pulling him into a tight embrace. Jungkook couldn't reel in the sobs that wracked through his body. He still felt cold and alone, even in Taehyung's arms. His hand gently pet the back of the younger's head as the other slipped down to his pocket.
"It's gonna be okay, Jungkook-ah. He can fix it." Taehyung whispered, trying not to let the panic set in as he reassured his best friend. His thumb typed out a text as fast as he could.
TO: Jimin
I think Jungkook is dropping
Or has dropped
Idk what happened and idk what to do
FROM: Jimin
I'm on my way.