The next morning Tallie opened the music store and worked the first shift. The first days after Christmas she had planned for Lauren and the other store employees to pick up extra shifts so she could have time off but she hadn't found anyone for that morning so she had to work.
It hadn't made any difference because Case had shown up mid-morning with her second dose of coffee and spent the rest of her shift hanging out at the front counter or playing guitars in the back.
Just like they had both understood they wanted to keep their relationship quiet the first two days without discussing it, by the third day they both understood they were over worrying if the town knew about them. They didn't go as far as holding hands in public but they didn't mind the curious looks they got from people as they went everywhere together.
Lauren showed up midday to take over and Case and Tallie stopped by the deli to pick up sandwiches for his whole family. It had felt like a second Christmas when they had arrived at his house with lunch. His mom was thrilled not to cook and his sister had missed the deli sandwiches since moving away.
After lunch, they retreated to his furnished basement to play guitar. They played until his sister asked them to quiet down so Janie could nap. They obliged and turned on a Christmas movie, but the movie was only background noise as they talked.
The first two days together there had been an urgency to know everything they had missed in the last two years. Once they felt caught up they had slipped into more relaxed conversations about everything, except the deadline on their time together.
They had managed to dance around the fact that Case was heading back to New York before New Year's Eve until this point. But as the day neared, Tallie started to think about it but wasn't sure how or if she wanted to bring it up. She was grateful when Case did.
"So..." he started. Tallie could hear the shift in his tone and she sat up from where she had been resting against him. "New Years."
She nodded solemnly. The last few days had felt like a dream. They both knew it couldn't stay like that, but Tallie wouldn't mind staying in their little bubble longer. Even helping her mom take care of her dad had felt easier with Case around to tell a story and make her dad smile.
"The reason I have to get back to New York is that my law firm has an annual New Year's Eve party and they invite some of the most important people in New York," he said, talking so fast and excitedly he almost tripped over his worlds. "They don't usually don't invite interns like me, but they did invite me."
He paused and looked at her expectantly. She tried to read his face, confused by what reaction he was hoping for. She knew he must know she could care less about a fancy New York party. She would rather have him in Holly Oaks with her.
"I know it's not great timing for us," he continued, "but it's a big deal that and a chance to meet people that could further my career."
Tallie sat back further, for the first time seeing the lawyer side of Case. He didn't let her get far before he reached out and grabbed her hands.
"But I am allowed to bring a date..." He let the last word hang in the air, waiting for her reaction. It took her a moment to realize what he was saying.
"Tallie, will you come to the New Year's Eve party with me?"
"Oh..." was all she managed to say in her surprised state.
"The train ride into the city is less than two hours. I looked at the schedule and there is one that will get you to the city right on time for the party. And I already hinted at the idea of taking you away for a night to your parents and they said they would be fine."
"You talked to my parents?" She couldn't believe how much thought he had put into the idea.
"Yeah. I kept it vague but your mom said they would be fine." His words tumbled over each other and she knew he was nervous. "And there is a late train out that..."
"Yes," she said. "I would love to be your date to the New Year's Eve party."
"Really?" he asked. She would have said yes sooner if she had known how bright his smile would be when she said yes.
"Yeah," she said, feeling her smile grow.
He let out a huge sigh of relief and they both laughed. He pulled her closer and laced his fingers through hers.
"This will give you a chance to see my world in New York. Most of the time we will be at the party, but I figure this is just the first visit." He looked at her and she could see he was trying to gauge her reaction.
"The last two days have been amazing and I don't want this to stop just because I'm back in New York," he continued. "This last semester will be insanely busy but I know I can make time to talk and for a few weekend visits. I can come back to Holly Oaks, or you could come to New York."
"I would like that," she smiled. "And I understand you will be busy. I won't take it personally if you have times you can't talk as much."
"I will try to make time..." he rushed to add.
She put her hand on his arm. "Case, this is a huge semester for you. If there are weeks we don't talk, that's okay."
He relaxed as she reassured him. "Come summer I will have a lot more time," he promised.
"Let's just take it one week at a time. Deal?"
"Deal. Now, let's figure out what you are doing this semester."
"Well..." she said, "Pastor Daniel asked if I would be interested in joining the worship team. I was also talking to Mrs. Ellis about running the Sunday School Music Program, and after the Christmas Eve Service I had two parents talk to me about their kids taking music lessons at the store."
Case nodded like he already knew all of that. "I mean school wise. What's the plan?"
"School?" she laughed.
"Yeah," he said, nodding vigorously. "Berklee offers online classes, and if Berklee is too much right now, the Stamford Community College has online classes."
Tallie pulled back, confused where he had gotten the idea that she was going back to school this semester.
"I looked at the Stamford Community College site and they have a lot of music classes," he continued, "and the class will transfer to Berklee when you go back."
"Case, I..." she started the sentence but wasn't sure how she wanted to end it. There were so many reasons going back to college was out of the question. He had been around her dad, how did he not understand?
"You don't have to go back full-time right away. But you could do one or two classes. Plus, online is flexible with watching the class and homework. It would be easy to fit it in with running the store and teaching lessons." He kept talking excitedly and she sat in dumb-silence.
He finished with a proud smile but she wasn't even sure what he had been saying. Her confusion had turned to disbelief than anger when she realized he had created a whole plan for her life.
She wasn't sure what offended her more, the fact that he thought she needed to figure out her life and she wasn't capable of doing it herself, or the fact that he thought a plan like his was even possible.
He looked at her expectantly. All she could do was stare back at him. A million questions were running through her mind and she didn't know which one she wanted to be answered first.
Had he not noticed her dad's deteriorated health? Had he somehow missed all the work she and her mom did to take care of her dad? How could he not understand how much of her life was dedicated to taking care of her dad?
When she didn't say anything, she could see his expression fall but it didn't stop him from pulling out some papers.
"I printed out some of the classes I thought you might like." He tried to offer them to her and she could feel everything coming to a boil as she looked down at the paper.
"Really?" was all she could say.
"Yeah," he said, misreading her tone and some of his excitement returning.
"They have a huge selection of music classes and you might have already taken some of them but..."
"Stop!" she said firmly. He looked at her in surprise. "Stop talking like you have a clue what I need. Stop talking like my life is broken and you know how to fix it."
"Tallie that's not..."
"...what you meant?" she guessed. "So you don't think I should be going back to college?"
"No, that's not..."
"You're not saying that I'm wasting my time in Holly Oaks?"
"Tallie, that's not fair," he snapped. She could see the hurt look on his face but it was nothing compared to how she felt.
"I'll tell you what's not fair Case," she said, her anger propelling her to stand and look down at him. "It isn't fair that my dad got cancer! It isn't fair that I had to drop out of college to run his store and take care of him!"
"I know that," he said loudly, trying to make her hear him.
"It isn't fair that my other sibling's lives continued like nothing happened when I gave up everything!" she said speaking over him. "It isn't fair that my mom doesn't get to direct the Christmas pageant or that my dad has to miss all the Christmas events!"
"Tallie, I know that," he said, standing to meet her eyes. "I know it's been hard..."
But she didn't hear anything he said, her mind spiraling through everything she had dealt with in the last two years.
"There are a lot of things that aren't fair! But what is fair is that I am deeply offended that you have been in my life for all of five days and think you have all the answers to my problems."
"That's not what I meant," he said.
"Really? Why do I need to go back to school then?"
He opened his mouth but nothing came out and she knew he had no answer. She nodded slowly, realizing that more than being angry, she was hurt.
She had decided to trust him and let him into her new life. She had trusted that, although he might not understand it, at least he would give her the benefit of the doubt that she was doing her best.
But he had done the opposite. He had come into her life, seen what it had become, assumed it needed fixing, assumed she wanted help, and taken it upon himself to be the one to fix it.
"I might not have a fancy life in New York and a fancy law firm," she said, "but I've worked hard to build some semblance of a life in Holly Oaks while I have to be here."
"Is this is because I have a life in New York?" he asked, confused and hurt. "If there was something I could have done back then... but I didn't know."
"I didn't need you to do anything!" she said, her hurt bursting out through her words. "And I don't need you to do anything now, except stop judging my life because it doesn't look like yours."
"I wasn't judging..." he started to say but Tallie didn't want to hear anything more he had to say. He had already said enough. She was ready to leave.
"Tallie," he reached for her arm to stop her but she pulled free and threw him a glare, daring him to try and stop her again.
She got to the base of the stairs, and paused, her hand on the banister. Suddenly, all her fight was gone. All that was left was a sad, hollow feeling.
"The worst part is that it's not like you don't know," she said softly. "You've seen my dad and watched my mom and me take care of him. You've seen it."
She looked at him. His confusion and hurt were written clearly on his face but all she saw was the hope he had given her and how it had come crashing down.
"You've been to the store and seen me work and teach," she continued. "And instead of asking me what my life is like, or imagining for a moment that maybe this isn't what I want but what I have had to accept, you decided you know best."
She nodded as she finally said what she wanted to. "That's what hurts the most."
She headed up the stairs hoping to make a quick exit but found no such luck as she was greeted by Case's mom in the kitchen.
"Tallie, just the person I was looking for," his mom said. "Are you staying for dinner?"
If she had asked half an hour ago Tallie would have said yes. Now, all Tallie wanted to do was get home.
"I can't. I have to get home," she said, plastering on the best smile she could muster.
Case's mom nodded understanding. Of course, she understood. As soon as she had found out about Tallie's dad, she had gone into action, calling on the families of Grace Church to bring meals to Tallie's family. For the first five months, fresh dinners were delivered to Tallie's house every Tuesday and Thursday and it had all been because of Case's mom.
"Okay, darling. Tell your parents I say hi," his mom said.
Tallie nodded and slipped outside. It had started to snow while she had been down in the basement. The flakes floated down turning the world into a dream, but she barely noticed. She could hear shouts of joy from kids throwing snowballs in their front yards, but she could barely manage a smile as she passed.
As she trudged through the slushy snow, her mind unpacked the fight with Case, and by the time she reached her house, her final realization hit her.
More than being upset with Case, she was mad at herself. She had let herself hope that maybe she could feel like herself again when she was around Case and she knew hope was one of the most dangerous feelings. Hope set expectations that inevitably couldn't be reached and then the disappointment came. The hope was never worth the disappointment.
With that heavy feeling on her shoulders, all she wanted to do was bury herself in her bed and not talk to anyone. She was grateful to find her parents in the back room when she entered the house.
She sneaked upstairs and fell into her bed. She lost track of time as she tried to sleep so she could keep all the thoughts from running around her head.
At one point her mom knocked on her door, telling her Case was there to see her, but she told her mom to send him away.
She was too tired and didn't want to see anyone. She listened to her mom relay the message downstairs and heard Case's slow footsteps down their front steps.
The slow trudge of his feet pulled on something in her chest, but she ignored it and went back to sleep.
————————————————————
OMG 😱
What just happened???
Where did the love go?