After two weeks of alternating between writing at home and writing in Teddy's suite, I decided I much preferred his place. Working there could easily become an everyday habit, and if anyone knew anything about forming harmful habits, it was me.
I should have been pleased that he messaged me whenever we weren't together, but instead it made me nervous. And his latest suggestion downright filled me with dread.
Teddy: So I was joking when I said about you joining me on my Europe interview tour, but I've thought about it and maybe it's not such a bad idea? Content for your blog posts?
How would Becca react? Would she be happy that Teddy was falling for this, or would she hate the concept of us essentially going on holiday together?
It was too fast, too soon. We'd only known each other a month. He had to be playing games with me. Or perhaps the guy really was so full of himself that he thought I'd drop everything for a last-minute trip with him.
"And what exactly would you be dropping?" Gabby asked when I mentioned it to her.
Becca was in the shower, and I needed Gabby's opinion on how it might go down. Despite sometimes misspeaking, Gabby had a sensible head on her shoulders, and through their (former) mutual love of the singer, she had spent plenty of Teddy-related time with Becca over the years.
"Does it matter? The point is that I could have plans, and he thinks I'll cancel them all for him."
She nodded towards my phone. "Pry a little more, then. But"-she grabbed my wrist when I started to reply-"try to be chill about it. Don't let him know that you think it's weird."
Me: Free holiday? Certainly tempting
Teddy: Ha, I feel like you're joking, but it actually would be free
Me: I was joking. You can't pay for my holiday. That's ridiculous.
Gabby tutted from beside me at that, and I opened my mouth to defend myself just as Teddy replied.
Teddy: I'm not paying for you. The plane is booked, the hotels are booked. You just take up a seat nobody is sitting in and a room nobody is sleeping in.
Me: Please don't tell me you're booking out a whole plane and a whole hotel? That's excessive even for you.
Teddy: Yes to the plane, but if it makes you feel better, it's a private jet. Only booking the top floor of the hotel. Security reasons. Privacy reasons. Blah blah blah...
"Even if he is inviting you there under false pretences," Gabby said, "he's still made a valid point. It would be good content for your blog. Monetising something that has cost you nothing. It's ideal, right?"
It was ideal, I had to admit. Other people in my financial position wouldn't turn it down.
"Do you think Becca will be cool with it?" I asked, my eyes flickering towards the bathroom door.
Gabby's shoulders slumped, and she squeezed my hand. "Soph, she has to be cool with it. If she wants this plan to work, she has to be all in."
My phone buzzed again, another message from Teddy lighting up the screen.
Teddy: You do realise I'm only asking because we're friends? If we were romantically involved, I'd think it was too much too soon. But I figured friends do stuff like this all the time. 😊
"Damn, the guy is keen," Gabby said, reading over my shoulder.
"If he wasn't famous, it'd be fucking creepy."
"I know. But he is famous, and let's face it, nothing's going to happen to you when you've got fifty bodyguards swimming around."
"There's not quite fifty..."
The sound of gushing water from the bathroom stopped, and Gabby clicked to lock my phone.
"What I said earlier about Becca needing to be okay with it... I meant that. But don't show her how eager Teddy is. That won't make her feel any better."
"Agreed," I said.
I kept Teddy waiting until later that evening. Credit to him, he didn't send any more follow-up messages, so perhaps he'd also cottoned on to his desperation.
Me: Almost sounds too good to be true.
Within seconds, the ticks turned blue and Teddy's status changed to show him typing.
Teddy: Maybe this is the part where I admit I have an ulterior motive. It's going to be an intense few weeks for me, and I'd love some moral support from a person who's not involved in the industry.
Manipulation or vulnerability? Impossible to tell over a text. It didn't matter, though. It didn't change anything. Taking a deep breath, I sent my response.
Me: Count me in.
*
Gabby and I chose not to tell Becca that night, knowing that if the conversation ended badly, then she'd only lie in bed upset about it, unable to sleep. If there was one thing I hated, it was seeing Becca upset.
Instead, we waited until the following morning to discuss it over breakfast. If she didn't take it well, at least she had a day of work to distract her.
I set my alarm half an hour early, then skipped my workout to eat with them both. Gabby and I had bickered over who would broach the subject. I thought it would be better coming from her-she'd encouraged me to do it, after all-but Gabby insisted that her knack of saying the wrong thing risked making the situation worse.
"Teddy messaged me last night," I said as I poured milk into my cereal.
If I busied myself with breakfast while bringing it up, then it wouldn't seem like such an intense conversation or such a big deal. That way, Becca might not read into it too much.
"Oh?" She lifted her head from her phone, eyes blooming with interest.
"Yeah. He wants me to join him on this European tour of interviews."
I slotted the milk into the fridge door, then scooped up my bowl and tea. Becca's eyes glazed over as I sat down opposite her, making me wish I could read her mind.
"Hm," she said eventually, lowering her gaze back to her phone. "He's keen. You're obviously doing a good job."
"Yeah." I glanced across at Gabby, whose fists clenched together as she observed the conversation from her chair. "The best part is that everything has already been paid for, so I'd get a free seat on the plane and a free room."
Although she still stared at her phone, Becca's eyes no longer moved with the scrolling screen. I had her attention and so ploughed on.
"I wasn't going to do it. But free travel and free accommodation? Essentially a free tour of Europe? That would be amazing for my blog. Making money from something that hasn't cost me anything is perfect, right? And it gives me more of an opportunity to dig up stories about him, too."
At that, Becca met my eyes again, releasing a sigh, her lips curling upwards in what seemed like genuine support.
"Absolutely, Soph. Why would you pass up on that?" She leaned back in her chair and let out a shaky laugh. "God, for a second there, I thought you were going to tell me that things with Teddy are so great that he asked for you to join him as a friend."
I resisted the urge to look at Gabby. The last thing I wanted to do was upset Becca, but I couldn't lie to her. I owed her that much.
"Well, he did. But that's not why I'm going. This is all about looking out for you. Looking out for any other girls who get swept under his spell. If I'm doing this, I'm doing it for my interests-and yours-only."
Her previous relief wavered as she stared at me, no doubt trying to work out if I was telling the truth. Who could blame her? I was currently leading two lives, and despite my best efforts, Becca would never fully trust me.
"Sure," she said, her tone lighter-forcefully light. "We've got to move this thing along one way or another, haven't we? Besides, if you don't go, that might set us back several weeks."
Of course. What Becca wanted even less than me spending lots of time with Teddy was me spending lots of time with Teddy over a longer period.
"Exactly," I said.
I hated this. Fucking hated it. We weren't being real with each other, and we both realised that. I'd damaged our friendship by waking up next to Grant last year. This was my one chance to redeem myself. To prove she could trust me.
When the girls disappeared to get ready for work, I opened my Kindle app in an attempt to escape from my troubled thoughts. My morning workout usually did that, but I couldn't face an intense session after a bowl of cereal. It would have to wait until later.
"I'm going to head off a bit early."
Becca's voice startled me. I looked up to say bye, noticing her red eyes, despite the make-up around them.
"Bec..." I said, my stomach clenching as I stood up from the table.
"It's fine, Soph. Honestly." She held up a hand to stop me coming closer, then took a noticeable deep breath, her shoulders dropping.
"I promise you can trust me. I fucked up with Grant, and I know me getting with Mike hurt you, but-"
"Soph, I don't resent you for Mike. I didn't have any claim on him. If I'd got together with him, then that would have hurt you, right? As for Grant... Nothing was ever going to happen between me and him. He never saw me in that way."
"I know. I know. But as your friend-"
"Look, I don't want to talk about Mike or Grant. But Teddy, you can't go there, Soph. I mean it. If you do go there, our friendship is over."
She wasn't joking. The pain in her eyes proved she hadn't wanted to say it. Honesty. It was what she wanted between us.
Perhaps she felt like she'd never told me not to go out with Mike, and she'd never told me not to fuck Grant, but we both knew that was ridiculous. You shouldn't have to tell a friend not to stab you in the back. Becca just wanted to make sure I was absolutely clear on where we stood on this particular man.
And me? How could I hurt her a third time when she'd been so forgiving on the last two occasions?
Softening my voice, I met her bloodshot eyes. "Bec, I know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I'm not drinking anymore, and I've set boundaries with him-"
"I don't care about the boundaries. Flirt with him. Lead him on. Do whatever you want. But don't fuck him. Okay? For your sake, as well as mine."
I didn't deserve her. Even when she knew it would hurt if I slept with him, part of her still wanted to look out for my interests, too.
"I promise I won't sleep with him."
With a swallow, she nodded. Then she tilted her head back to stare up at the ceiling, the tears threatening to fall again. My own eyes burned in sympathy. And shame.
"Thank you," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
When I took another step towards her, she held up a hand to stop me again.
"Don't. If you hug me, then I really will cry." Her lips twisted into an attempt at a smile. "Have a good day, Soph."
A few seconds later, the door clicked shut behind her, and my tears eventually fell.
***
Thank you for reading :) xx
***