*THIS HAPPENED IN THE MODERN LIFE.*
"Fuck..."
You stared at the small little rectangle thing with a pointy end in front of me... that has two red lines on it while you're sitting in the toilet, whole body stiffened as your sweats starts to show up.
How can I say this to him?
My God, I'm so fucked up right now.
He had no idea that you're pregnant three weeks ago. You honestly didn't even know it was going to happen.
These past few days you two have not been able to deal well with each other just because of small things, Didn't realized that it became this big that you still aren't talking up until now. Then suddenly, tears shed your eyes at the thought of him, not wanting to have a child with you.
What if he ignores you? If he kicked you out of our house? Disgust you? Or worst, he found someone new and leave you here, with his child?
You tugged your own chest for overthinking these things. It hurts for you, because in the first place you don't want those things to happen. You absolutely cannot deal with that.
Muffled cries became louder, making you into a sobbing mess. What should you do? You want to tell him this but you're scared of his reaction.
But then you heard a faint knock that made you startled.
"Why are you taking so long? Are you okay?"
Sanemi's voice coated with concern and a hint of irritation as your hands made their way up to your mouth for him not to hear my cries, too scared to let him know what state you're in. Will he beat you up to death if he knows that you're having his baby earlier than expected?
"Y-yeah, I'm alright..."
"Well hurry up 'cause the food's gonna be cold,"
You breathe heavily to calm yourself. You don't want him to suspect you in any ways so you washed your face before hiding the pregnancy test in your pocket and stole a glance in the mirror.
Despite of the fact that you've already calmed yourself, why does the tears in your eyes won't stop?
Quiet. It's too quiet it makes you uncomfortable and awkward toward him. You see him glancing at you but you can't even raise your head nor stare at him because if you did any of those, your tears will surely fall.
You bit your inner cheeks.
Do you want this way? This silent therapy you two both giving to each other? Usually at this time you're loud and blabbering something and he will just listen to you so this is new experience for the both of you, and it starts to feel that he's slowly moving far away from you, making it hard to breathe properly.
You didn't even notice that he's feeling the same thing.
sighing at these terrifying thoughts, it stresses you out and that's not good for your baby.
Our baby.
"(Y/N), are you alright? What happened?"
You was surprised at his sudden words and it made you look in his eyes as you two stopped eating as he just stares at your face. Ever since you laid your eyes on his, your sight became blurry, making it more difficult to see his astonished face.
Because of the tears that landed on your face down to your chin, you just now realize that you're crying in front of him and before he could get his body before you, you already stood up and wiped the tears that incessantly from falling.
"I'm... I'm fine Sanemi I--"
"No you're not. Now tell me, what's... wrong? Is it because of what happened the other day? Are you hurt or--"
You panicked when his figure starts to approach you, making you flinch as you looked at him, surprised at your strange move. You're not like that when he's approaching you. It's like you're afraid of him though he didn't even do anything for you to scared.
This is the first time he saw you flinched like that.
"I... I said I'm fine! Can you not understand that?! This has nothing to do with you!" You exclaimed in anger.
The pain in your chest didn't go away, it just grew more as you said something that you didn't intend to. It's just that... you're afraid what his next move about when he knew what's going on with you and his soon-to-be child.
Seeing the pain and sadness in his eyes turned into annoyed and pissed off look. Being Sanemi himself, we all know that he doesn't hold back when someone's about to argue with him.
... Even you, his lover.
"Well damn I didn't knew that we would solve our problems on our own now! I'm asking you nicely because I'm fucking worried! Knowing how to comfort your crying ass all the time!"
"Just stop. Just this once..."
"No. You're always like this and I'm fucking sick of it! It feels like I entered this worthless relationship to babysit you! I'm so fucking tired of your fucking whines! I'M SO SICK OF YOU!"
Your jaw dropped at his sudden outburst, making you fall into pieces. You knew it, you always knew it that one day he will give up and leave you alone because of you two's always opposite. the attitude, beliefs and even small things that makes him irritates, you always saying something that makes him more trigger.
Yet he still loves you.
He can't hold back anymore. He doesn't want to by his side anymore.
Despite of your tired eyes from always crying because of what he said, your tears has no plan to stop and it come out even more it just kept on falling from your eyes like river.
His eyes widened and all of his anger brushed out when he saw you crying because of him and stepped back but he still managed to be near you.
The next thing you knew, he hugged you so tight that you sense his regret and confusion.
I, too was in confusion.
So many things runs inside your mind at the things he just said to you.
For now, his warm hugs are not working.
"I-I'm sorry... I didn't mean to say such things."
He called your relationship with him is worthless.
Does that mean that I'm also worthless? Not enough to be loved by someone?
He thinks that you're a baby that knows nothing than cry, he feel like a babysitter because of your whines and your good-for-nothing arguments, spitting nonsense.
You thought that if you only didn't do that things, you two are happy right now, announcing your pregnancy and wants nothing but a healthy child.
Am I really that worthless?
"(Y-Y/N)..?"
You found yourself letting go on his tight grip, not stealing a glance at him like your face just stuck at the floor with your emotionless face while your thoughts already eating your sanity.
You need to let go, he doesn't want your presence at this house. Guess it's better this way, if he don't want you anymore, then you'll leave without a trace.
He deserve someone better than my crying ass, right?
"You're right," chuckling at him as you wiped your own tears, making him feel more guilty than he ever was.
"I uh... w-we don't have to stay in this worthless relationship, right?" Your eyes shoot at his directly and all you can see is widened eyes just darting at you. Can't do nothing but to smile at him as if you were happy that this happened.
Though your heart already broke from the start.
"If you really don't want me that bad, why didn't you tell me right away? You suffered for a few more days because of that. Maybe these things are difficult for you, that's why you grew tired of me."
As you're about to turn your back on him, he yanked your arms causing you to fall back in his arms as you felt his soft lips pressed against yours, not wanting to let go of his grip on yours.
"I love you, please don't leave! I... I didn't mean to say that things to you. Please (Y/N), I don't want you to leave,"
"You're all I need in my life..."
You smiled at the thought, as you saw him having fun with his child. Hearing them laugh while playing outside makes your heart leap because of joy.
He's finally enjoying himself...
He stopped when he saw you just standing not too far from them and he gave you the smile that you've been yearning for.
"(Y/N)!!" He held his child in his arms as he made his way up to you. "Hi..." You shyly said in front of these two identical young men. The younger one just stared at you with his pale purple eyes as you saw him tightening his grip at Sanemi's collar.
"Dad... who is she?"
Before Sanemi's about to answer his question, a beautiful woman appeared in front of you, yanking the child out of Sanemi's grip before smiling at me widely.
"Ah! Yui, Haruki, this is (Y/N) my friend! (Y/N), this is my wife and our child." He excitedly said as he make his arms snaked in his wife's waist, making her giggle at his move.
The pain in your chest grew more at it become a burden.
You fake a smile while bowing at his wife.
"Nice to meet you..." You've never felt so awkward in you life until these three came up on your face like it slapped you
Just to make things clear, both of you didn't really work your relationship out. At the end, you miscarried when you're having your first baby in six months and it made you so depressed to the point that you locked yourself in your room, starving yourself and shouting at him whenever he's making his way up to you.
You know that he didn't want to give up because he loved you more than anything yet you did anything just to leave you.
You're the one who gave up on him.
Because from the very beginning, you're not the woman who will fill up what he wants.
You two are just not meant for each other...