Liam watched Morgan slow dancing with Aiden from the plastic patio chair on the side of the pool.
Who the hell put a slow song on the mix?
Aiden was Morgan's latest guy... He'd been around at least three weeks now -- he'd lasted a while. Liam guessed Morgan really liked him. Aiden was cute, Liam fully admitted it.
They were all having fun dancing together a second ago, the usual group of them, but a stupid slow song came on. He was such a third wheel. He hated these moments.
Their holiday vacation had been full of them so far during these parties.
It was weird seeing Morgan slow dance with someone and...he was feeling really jealous.
He could feel tears welling up in his eyes when he drank the last sip of his drink. He suddenly realized he was probably being super creepy, if they noticed he was watching them like that with a weird look on his face...
He stood up and went back inside.
He wasn't jealous of Aiden... Not necessarily. There was always some guy Morgan was all over. It wasn't a big deal. But Liam was drunk again, and jealous when Morgan had these tender moments with someone that would never be him. Liam was always just a joke.
So he had to leave the pool area.
He grabbed his guitar when he got back inside to the living room and sat down on the couch. He was the only one in there, so he just started playing a little. He had written a lot of songs lately. He had a lot of free time these days.
He had given up, basically... On finding someone. He had decided after he accidentally hit on Chase at Brooke's party a few weeks ago.
He was so done. This was fine.
This was the longest he had ever gone without trying to go on dates or meet new people... He had deleted his stupid dating app weeks ago. It was freeing, but he was lonely.
Ethan and Julian eventually walked through the sliding glass door back into the living room to join him, and started slow dancing together while he played. God, they were adorable. He loved them so much.
Ethan gave him a funny look and a thumbs up behind Julian's back, which made him laugh for probably the first time that night.
Liam snapped out of his deep thoughts and just watched them dance as he played. He wanted what they had.
· · · · ·
Julian's family had a cabin outside of the city, right next to a lake. He was so lucky he had access to this place whenever he wanted. The lake was surrounded by tall grass, a green meadow that stretched for miles. There weren't any flowers though, since it was the end of December. Luckily it was still nice and warm out.
They were spending the New Year there together, all four of them. Well, five of them... 'Cause Aiden was supposed to come the day before New Year's eve. They had just gotten there a few days early to make the most of it.
Liam was living in that third wheel life.
The second morning, Liam walked out to the lake with a book he'd been reading and saw that Morgan was already laying out there in the grass.
He must have not swam in the lake yet that day, because he was still fully dressed in his shorts and t-shirt. His straight blonde hair was dry.
Liam didn't say anything, but laid down next to him and looked up at the sky. Somehow, despite it still being morning, he fell asleep in the warm grass with his book on his chest after only a few minutes.
"Are you asleep?!" he heard Morgan yell next to him, waking him up in surprise.
"Fuck --" Liam whispered in shock at being woken up so loudly. He sat up quickly and his book fell. He didn't remember what page he was even on. "Well... I was." Liam complained, straightening out the pages that had bent when the book fell. Morgan laughed and Liam smacked him on the shoulder.
"Hey," Morgan started, "You could have invited someone over here, you know."
"No... I'm not doing that."
"Doing what?"
"...Dating, and stuff."
"What?"
Morgan leaned back onto an elbow and looked up at him. Liam cradled his knees.
"What, so you're just not going to date now?"
"Yeah, basically." Liam leaned back onto both of his elbows in the grass now, so that he could see Morgan better eye-to-eye. He smiled at Morgan like it was a joke, but it wasn't.
"Well...that's dumb. How are you going to meet someone if you just give up?"
"I don't know, but it's the only thing I haven't tried yet so... I'm doing it."
"Liam..." Morgan was looking at him skeptically. He reached out and held Liam's chin between his fingers, but Liam slapped it away. He hated that. Liam knew his face was red again.
"Don't be dumb," Morgan said, putting his rejected hand back on his lap. "That's not how you're going to find someone."
"I'm hoping someone just finds me."
Morgan moved hand again quickly to poke Liam in the stomach. It tickled so Liam latched onto his arm to stop him, hating that he laughed.
"What do you want, then?" Morgan asked.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm asking you what you want."
Liam paused, because he still didn't really understand the question.
"...I want what Ethan and Julian have."
Morgan laughed. He guessed that wasn't what he meant, or maybe just not what he expected.
"Well good luck with that. That's like once in a lifetime stuff."
Liam laughed then too, "Yeah, I know... Fuck them both."
On the third day at the cabin, he'd planned a prank on Ethan with Morgan but Liam blew it when he started drinking that night and flat out just told Ethan about it at the dining room table.
Liam was supposed to take all of the batteries out of everything and unplug stuff until Ethan noticed, and Morgan was going to try and convince Ethan the house was haunted.
"You were gonna what?!"
"It was just gonna be a joke though, Ethan."
"Liam, what the fuck?" Morgan blurted out now from the kitchen, realizing Liam had ruined it.
They eventually settled down to watch a movie and were just drinking and hanging out in the living room. It had been a good stay at the cabin so far... Liam never liked leaving the cabin. He didn't want the vacation to end.
Ethan and Julian started cuddling on the couch and it was starting to make him uncomfortable. Didn't they notice?!
Liam got up and walked back into his bedroom. He didn't bother turning the lights on, so Morgan nearly scared the shit out of him when he appeared in the room behind him.
"Hey." He heard him say as Liam himself jumped a foot into the air after he grabbed the neck of his guitar.
"Oh, hey," he said, putting the guitar down again.
"...Play something." Morgan directed, pointing to the guitar.
Liam picked it up smoothly and put it into his arms. "Play what?"
"I dunno...something."
He started playing one of his songs. He still had to look at his fingers for this one, he hadn't practiced it enough and he didn't know why he had picked it.
Morgan just watched him and it made him nervous. Like it always did. He was doing well but cringed when his thumb got caught on the wrong string. He giggled and stuck his tongue out before looking back up at Morgan. "I messed up."
Morgan was looking at him so weird.
"...Are you drunk?" Liam asked.
"...No. None of us have even started drinking yet."
"...Why are you looking at me like that then?" He asked as he put his guitar down against his bed. Liam looked back at Morgan again and took a step back, because Morgan was now way too close to him.
Morgan stepped forward again and Liam accidentally knocked his guitar over by stepping to the side so quickly. Now Liam felt awkward. Morgan had done this before.
Normally Liam would have closed his eyes right then, hoping Morgan was going to kiss him, but he didn't. Liam knew Morgan wasn't going to.
He was probably waiting for him to do that so he could smack him or something dumb, and walk away. He didn't want to play that game right now.
So Liam just kind of stood there and looked up at him, not bothering to pick his guitar up off of the floor. He knew his face was probably red but he didn't care right then. He wasn't falling for this. He sighed and looked away from Morgan, walking quickly to his bedroom door.
"Where are you going?" Morgan asked, confused.
"...back to the living room. Where do you think?"
He felt Morgan's hand grab his arm from behind and turned around.
"Quit it," Liam did another one of his fake laughs. This wasn't really funny.
"...Well, you're no fun today..."
Liam scowled, "I don't want to be fun with you like that, Morgan."
Morgan got way too close again and grabbed his hips.
"Yes you do... You always do. What's wrong?"
Liam didn't even look up at him.
He pushed him off off with a hand against his chest and went back into the living room. He sat on the couch away from Ethan and Julian, who were still snuggling on the other side.
He eventually saw Morgan come back out too and he sat on the floor instead of near Liam on the couch. He propped his elbows up on the couch cushion and glued his eyes to the TV.
Morgan didn't so much as look back at him, so Liam figured that might be the end of that.
Oh well. It was good while it lasted.
Morgan was right, it had kind of been fun. Liam admitted he liked his attention... Too much. But he was in a slump and couldn't take the rejection right now. Even as a joke. It was hurting him too much recently. He couldn't laugh it off right now. It just wasn't as much fun.
Aiden was there the next day.
It was third wheel time.
Liam would like to say he was ready, that he had prepared himself for this, that he had this in the bag, but he didn't. He wasn't ready.
It had already started at the table when they where drinking shots. Aiden was on Morgan's lap, Ethan and Julian were leaning against each other in their chairs holding hands. Liam was on the other end of the table. By himself.
"Wanna play never have I ever?" Ethan suddenly asked.
"No, Ethan... We're not in high school," Liam rolled his eyes.
"Let's do it!!" Aiden responded, causing Liam to look over at Julian and Morgan with his eyes as wide as golf balls. Golf balls with big brown irises in the middle.
Julian agreed of course, and Morgan knew they were outnumbered. He also agreed.
Liam sunk in his chair but slowly put his hand up to play.
"Can I start?" Aiden asked.
They all took another shot of whiskey and Ethan held his hand out towards Aiden, encouraging him to continue.
"Never have I ever..." Aiden thought for a second, "kissed a guy."
They all kept their fingers up.
"...I wanted to start with an easy one. Also, just checking..." He said laughing.
"I'll go," said Ethan, "Never have I ever...dated someone for longer than a month." He glared at Morgan when he said it. He scowled back at him and was the only one to put down a finger.
"...For real?!" Aiden looked down at him.
"...Yeah."
Aiden looked around the room, "We're a month next week, am I supposed to be worried?"
Morgan had a weird look on his face. Ethan was laughing now.
"Nah, you're fine Aiden... I'm just making fun. Julian, you go..."
Julian threw his arm around Ethan and kissed the top of his head, thinking.
"Never have I ever...been in love."
"Fuck you guys, I don't like this game. This is bullshit." Morgan had gotten up now, sending Aiden kind of flying off of the side of him.
Liam had just kind of been frozen at the end of the table with his hand lazily hanging in the air, but he put his hand back down into his lap and looked over at Morgan. Why was he getting so upset?
"Morgan, you're being a bitch. Sit down." Julian pointed back to his chair.
Morgan sat back down and put his finger down. Aiden didn't sit back on his lap and Liam wanted to save him from how embarrassed he looked right then.
Liam decided to go next. "Never have I ever been stood up on a date three times in a row." He was making fun of himself now, hoping it would help make Aiden feel better. He was the only one who put a finger down.
Ethan and Julian laughed when Liam smiled his big goofy smile, but Morgan kind of just looked at him with the dead look of unamused stoicism in his eyes. Aiden's eyes shifted all over the place.
"Wait, for real?" Aiden asked.
"It's Morgan's turn." Liam said, changing the subject.
Morgan was still looking at him. He still looked mad.
"Go, Morgan..." Liam whispered.
"...Never have I ever cheated on someone." It was weird, because he was glaring at Julian now but they all kept their remaining fingers up. Julian looked just as mad as Morgan did then.
"What the hell, Morgan?" Ethan laughed. Liam knew his laugh wasn't genuine.
"I'm going to smash your face into itself, if you keep being an asshole." Julian didn't look like he was joking. Liam was kind of scared right now. Julian wasn't a small guy. He was huge.
Ethan looked shocked and leaned over to look up at Julian. He looked like he wanted to ask him something but nothing was coming out of his mouth.
"Oh no!" Morgan yelled out sarcastically, "Julian's going to kick my ass!"
Julian sat up from the table so quickly that Ethan fell onto the floor before he could process what was happening. Liam stood up quickly too, simply out of momentary shock, and watched as Julian ran over to Morgan who was already retreating backwards from his chair.
Morgan was laughing with his hand out in front of him, but Liam had never seen Julian this mad before. Julian tried to hit him, but Morgan kept forcefully pushing him back and walking in circles. He was still laughing and it looked like it just pissed Julian off even more.
"Julian, stop...!" Ethan yelled, grabbing his arm from behind.
Ethan fell backwards again when Julian shook him off and he stormed away, slamming the bedroom door behind him.
Liam ran over and helped Ethan back up, making sure he was okay. He looked really upset. He stormed off then too, into the same bedroom that he shared with Julian, and slammed the door.
"That was the shortest game of Never Have I Ever that I've ever played." Aiden commented.
When they all went to bed Liam could still hear Ethan and Julian arguing, which meant they were yelling really loudly because his room was the furthest away with Morgan's being in the middle.
He had earplugs in his bedroom because his room was right next to Morgan's.
He had worn them earlier because he had guessed he needed them, but Morgan's room was really...quiet. He pulled them out again and put them in his ears. He didn't really want to hear Ethan and Julian argue.
The next day was New Year's Eve. Finally.
Ethan and Julian were acting like nothing happened that night. Aiden had left at some point without Liam noticing, unexpectedly, and all of his stuff was gone. Morgan wouldn't come out of his room. Liam felt awkward.
Morgan finally came out for the first time fifteen minutes before midnight.
They were all outside looking up at the sky and he just walked over to join them. Julian kissed Ethan at midnight and Liam just looked up at the sky.
He was kind of thinking about a lot of things... He hoped next year would be different.