CHAPTER EIGHTEEN | LOST IN THE LIGHTS
Charlotte Hastings
The cold air wisped around us, but I was too happy to care about getting frostbite. My fingers were toasty warm in my mittens, one even more so as it was fused with Eli's. It was crazy how much heat he gave off and I welcomed it with open arms, letting it radiate through me. The Christmas lights scattered perfectly over the houses were truly amazing. I knew now why Eli wanted me to see it.
I stared in awe at the reindeer that were suspended on the roof of someone's grand home. This was Christmas. This was magic. My heart was so full it felt like it could explode right there, my smile so wide that it physically hurt my cheeks. Though, what made it so special was the man standing beside me.
It felt like a dream. I still couldn't believe that he'd taken me in, asking nothing in return and gave me the Christmas of my dreams. If he'd let me, I'd stay here forever. Finding my birth mother was a pipe dream, but this was real. Could I really give that up? Did I even want to anymore?
My heart was torn, but I pushed it aside. One more night. That was tomorrow's problem.
"Oh Eli, this is just as amazing as you said and then some," I said under my breath, as the lights twinkled.
His eyes crinkled with his smile when he looked down at me. "I knew you'd love it." He followed my gaze to the giant blow up Santa upside down in someone's chimney. "That Santa's older than I am. He's kind of a big deal around here."
"Wow, that's crazy to me. People keep a blow up Santa longer than a child." I chuckled at the thought. How much care they must have given that silly blow up figure.
"Old Mr. Sanders is pretty serious about his Christmas decorations. I think his whole garage is basically a Santa repair shop at this point. But his wife used to take Christmas pretty seriously. I think he does it for her," he trailed off, but continued to watch me.
"That's sweet. Something to keep her spirit alive. I feel it, you know?" I met his gaze and smiled as we came to the next house. It was decorated from head to toe with lights of every color. Candy canes lined the driveway, twinkling while a Charlie Brown Christmas played on the projector. "What about this one?"
"Mr. Sanders would like that. You should tell him sometime," he said softly before gesturing to the house I had indicated. "And this... This is a bet that was lost." He laughed heartily at the story he hadn't told me yet.
"Guy who lives here, Ryan, went to school with me. He and a buddy were racing their cars on an old track outside of town -- bad idea, by the way, I love cars but the place is a pit. Anyway, he bet he would beat his friend in a five lap race. Ended up stuck in a mud puddle. So, as a result, the kids at the school got to plan the decorations for Ryan here. As you can see, they had a really good time!"
If I thought I couldn't smile wider, I was wrong. "That's...awesome."
"Yeah, he's a good guy. Keeps us in business down at the shop, too, because he's got no skills fixing cars." He turned to face me as we stood in the middle of the road. This wouldn't have been possible in the city. Cars would have ran us down without thinking twice. Here, there wasn't a car to be found, except for the ones that were parked to look at the lights.
"Thank you for this, Eli," I muttered as my eyes flickered down to his lips.
"You're welcome." He took a step closer and wrapped his arms around my back. "I'm glad I got to show you."
I stood on my tiptoes, so we were so close I could feel his breath against my cheek. His hand trailed up my arm and sat at the nape of my neck. The gesture sent shivers down my spine as the urge to kiss him doubled by the second. As our lips touched, I made my decision. This was it. I was meant to be right here, with Eli, for the rest of my life. I knew right then, I loved him.
As we parted, both out of breath, I muttered, "It's perfect." All of the thoughts in my mind that were swirling around came out as those two little words.
"Yeah," Eli sighed. "A perfect last night. With Christmas lights and stars and maybe later some hot chocolate." He smoothed my hair down with his hand and kissed the top of my head.
My stomach churned as my thoughts began to spiral. Deep down I knew that he didn't say anything wrong, but for some reason it just made my heart ache. The reminder that this was my last night here, my last night with Eli was not welcomed. It brought tears to my eyes as I let my mind run wild. The fear that I'd never see him again was too much to bear. As his words echoed in my head, I couldn't help but wonder if it was his way of saying that he didn't want me around anymore.
Maybe I was nothing but a burden to him and his family. Maybe he was just too kind to tell me. My hands fell from his waist and I turned back toward the lights, the colors all melting together.
I forced myself to smile. "Yeah... perfect."
"You okay?" he asked. When I didn't respond he added, "What's wrong?"
I shrugged it off, trying to ignore the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. "It's nothing. Everything's fine, Eli." Though, I couldn't meet his gaze as I crossed my arms over my chest. The cool air was beginning to seep in through my jacket.
"Well, I can tell it's not nothing," he started. Curse his perception. He turned me around to look in my eyes. "Is it about finding your family? Are you afraid you won't find them or something? Lottie, I'm—"
"I said, everything's fine!" I repeated, more harshly than I wanted. I bit my lip, trying to hide my guilt.
"Okay. It's fine then," he said, turning toward another nearby house. "And this is the Baylors'. As you can see they have a ... unique opinion about Christmas decorations." He swept his hand across the yard and my eyes didn't know what to take in first, but I welcomed the distraction.
On the front lawn were an insane amount of blow up characters. Kids TV characters all with creepy smiles and santa hats. I could hear the hum of the fans from here. A chill ran down my spine and I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep warm.
"Can we go, please?" I muttered. The magic that I felt earlier was gone and now all I wanted to do was crawl into bed.
"How about we get some hot chocolate first to warm you up on the way home?" His eyes were searching my face, probably trying to figure out what I wouldn't let him see. But he didn't press me further. He simply waited for me to answer his question.
I sighed, trying to think of a reason not to. When I came up empty handed, I nodded. "Yeah, sure."
Eli led the way to a small coffee cart at the end of the street, a small line already forming. We stood in silence as we waited. Thankfully, within minutes, we were at the front of the line.
"Two hot chocolates, please," he asked the woman. She quickly poured the dark chocolatey liquid into two styrofoam cups as Eli fished a five dollar bill from his wallet. "Keep the change."
My hand grazed his as he handed me my cup, the warmth immediately rushing through my body. "Thanks," I whispered to him and we headed down the cleared sidewalk.
We walked most of the way in silence. I turned every corner as though it were second nature, focusing on my hot chocolate to keep from looking at Eli.
He cleared his throat as the house came into view. "You know, my sister used to always melt peanut butter into hot chocolate. It sounded so gross I never wanted to try it, but now I kind of miss it." He paused. "And her."
"I wish I had the chance to meet your sister, she sounds great, but I have to admit that combination sounds absolutely disgusting," I said with a chuckle.
"Yeah, well lucky she wasn't your sister then, right?" he snapped back at me. "You don't have to try any gross hot chocolate combinations."
"That's a bit harsh, don't you think?" I halted and waited for him to apologize, but it never came.
"I don't know," he said. "I can't figure you out."
"What? Can't figure me out? What about you and your cryptic comments?" I shook my head, feeling like my heart was being ripped in half. I finally remembered why I didn't get involved. Everyone hurt me eventually, it was inevitable.
"Yeah. I can't figure you out. One second you're kissing me and we're having a good time and the next second you freeze me out and I'm not allowed to hold your hand. Why won't you tell me what's going on, Lottie?"
His reply made my blood boil. If he couldn't see it, maybe he never would. "I don't know what you want me to say. There's nothing to say, actually. I think I'll take my own car to work tomorrow."
"Maybe that's a good idea. It'll give us both a little time to think and cool off." He unlocked the door and held it open for me to go inside. "I'll see you after work tomorrow?"
I nodded, even though I wasn't sure what I wanted and I got the feeling that he didn't either. It felt like we were just prolonging the pain. He made it perfectly clear that I wasn't going to stay here forever, this wasn't my family. So sooner or later I was going to leave.
I brushed past his shoulder and didn't wait for him before closing myself in the bedroom. As the door shut behind me, the tears finally fell. They cascaded down my cheeks in rapid fire. Sooner or later I was going to leave and I was starting to think that sooner was better. I had a choice to make. Take a bearable amount of pain now or stay and deal with the unbearable pain later.
There was a clear, logical winner.
I didn't get a wink of sleep. Even though I knew what I wanted to do, it didn't make it any easier. I must have went over my plan a hundred times and still, there was a voice in the back of my head that begged me to rethink things.
I sat on the edge of the bed as I heard Eli puttering around, getting ready for work. As I closed my eyes, I could picture him pouring himself a cup of coffee and smiling at me as he pulled a piece of toast from the toaster. Gosh, I was going to miss this. Miss him. But I just didn't belong here.
My family was somewhere out there and now it was time to go find them. Reaching toward the door knob, I pulled it open gently, but only a crack. As I peered through, Eli came into view and he walked toward the front door. He quickly disappeared from my line of sight and I bit down my lip to keep from crying all over again. This was it, the last time I'd ever see him.
I heard the door close behind him and the familiar rumble of his truck. He was gone.
Everything was so quiet, I felt like I had to tiptoe through the apartment. With my bag in hand, I slowly made my way into the kitchen. The plate from his toast was still sitting on the counter. I tidied up and took a piece of note paper from the drawer. I couldn't help the tears from filling my eyes as I wrote.
Eli,
Thank you for everything, but I have to finish what I started.
Goodbye,
Lottie
From my back pocket, I took out my earnings from the cafe. It would cover the part for my car and then some, but it put my stomach at ease knowing that after this, I didn't owe him anything.
I took one last look around as I backed toward the door and wiped away my tears. This was it, the ending that I'd been dreading. It left a bitter taste in my mouth as my heart longed for Eli to come barging back in and tell me to stay. Of course, that was nothing but a pipe dream.
Closing the door behind me, I muttered to myself, "Goodbye Eli."
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Thanks for reading!
We hope you enjoyed this chapter of The Road to Christmas! Lottie decided to leave Eli's after their big fight, but what will happen next? Will Eli go after her? Will she find her birth mother? Guess you'll just have to keep reading to find out! But don't forget to let us know your predictions in the comments down below. We love hearing your thoughts on the story so far!
From the authors, Elizabeth & Allie