-Art by ajkk on zerochan-
I groaned exceptionally loud as soon as I heard the gentle knocking on my door. Throwing the covers off me, I waddled over to the creaky door and opened it slightly to see a fully dressed Kurapika staring back at me.
His eyes trailed down to the unkept and somewhat revealing clothes that I slept in. Embrassed, I hid half of myself behind the door and was grateful when he didn't say anything except look away respectfully. "Good morning. Sorry, I thought you would have been awake by now." He mumbled, looking everywhere except at me. "I made some food for us."
"Thank you." I grumbled, more pissed off about having my sleep interrupted. "I'll be out in a second." I said, closing the door to get dressed.
I put on an off-the-shoulder dress. The outfit was tight but not too tight, the skirt ending at only my knees, which I'll admit, was a little short for my own comfort but the dress made up for it as it was a beautiful rose gold colour and had little strawberries imprinted onto it. I was given this dress as a gift many years ago, it was given to me on my sixteenth birthday by Kotori's mother.
Picking up my phone, I checked the time. It was past twelve o'clock, I would usually wake up on my own before this time but I suppose yesterday was very tiring. Kurapika and I strolled through the village again, just like the day before that and the day before that. Over our time here we pretty much covered the whole town, visited many people and old friends of mine, I even went to Enri's grave once more. And now, here we were, two weeks after our arrival, getting ready to share another morning together.
We would be leaving tomorrow. This was our last day in the village. I called Melody at one point, letting her know that we'd be back soon. She informed me on everything going on at the Nostrade estate; Neon still unable to use Nen, Basho working hard as the temporary head bodyguard, Light being incredibly busy, etc. The situation wasn't particularly good but not horrific either.
I told Kurapika this as we ate. He nodded understandingly as he took a bite from his quesadilla. He had made them, as stated before. Over our short break from work, I only ever tried his cooking a few times. When I spent the first few days locked in my room, he would deliver me a small meal everyday, sometimes I would eat, other times I would not. I was too upset to. "Sorry." I mumbled, looking down at the delicately made food on my plate.
"For what?" The man across me asked, voice muffled through his chewing.
I picked up my fork and poked at the contents of the plate. "You made food for me everyday, but I rarely ate and never thanked you. Sorry."
My depressing tone was interrupted when he began laughing. I looked up to see him shaking his head lightly, "Don't be sorry," He said. "You were going through a lot, I understand, and I don't hate you for it." Never once did Kurapika tear his gaze away from mine. We sat there, staring at each other for ages, neither speaking. I looked away, trying to stop myself from tearing up. Nobody had ever treated me with that sort of kindness before. I was touched.
And, for a moment, Leorio's words crossed my mind. I never forgot what he told me all those nights ago. The man almost convinced me that maybe Kurapika did hold the same feelings of admiration. But I shouldn't be thinking of things like that at the moment. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I smiled back at Kurapika.
Later that day, after we had finished eating and all, we left the cottage and went down the hill for our daily walk. Although, this time, we had gone out a little later than usual as I had woken up late. We never really had any destination in mind, it was always just casual chitchat between us as our legs guided us to wherever. This routine started after the day we visited multiple areas in the small town, we would leave after breakfast everyday and walk the same path, sometimes taking occasional detours and such.
This time was no different. Kurapika and I were discussing theories of Nen and possible ways to get Neon's ability back as we walked. During our deep analysis, we must have absent-mindedly taken a turn at one point because we started for a path neither of us had been down before. Or at least I didn't think we had.
"Hmm... we would need an experienced Nen exorcist to lift the curse off Neon-Sama if it were given to her by Chrollo, who we have no information about his Nen abilities. But considering-" I stopped talking when I saw a familiar bush of cardinal flowers.
The tall boy beside me halted as did I. "Is something wrong?" He asked. I didn't respond but walked towards the bush beside the river. In those moments, it all came back to me. I smiled.
Kurapika stood beside me, staring at the beautiful glowing river, hidden behind the tall grass with flowers and other plants. He looked at it and then at me. "It's the Isle of Youth," I told him.
"You mentioned it before." He said. He was right. I had. On the same day that I had realised that I was in love with him and everything he did, only to fall farther and farther into this infatuation. I sat down at the riverbed, so close to it that my feet grazed over the top of the flowing water. Kurapika sat down next to me. "This is nice."
It is, I replied. We sat in a comforting silence for a while, just staring and listening to the water running down the stream as birds chirped in the trees around us.
"I like it here," Kurapika suddenly said. "In the village, I mean. Sometimes, it reminds me of my own home." He hugged his knees to his chest, mumbling into them as he stared nonchalantly at the river.
I turned my gaze back to the river, "Tell me about it." He hadn't ever told me about his clan. Sure, I knew about the massacre, the significance of their eyes and all that, but I had never heard directly from Kurapika anything about what it was like living with them.
He didn't hesitate to reveal his memories. "Our tribe was small, we had little huts and cottages, a bit like you do here, but different." He paused. "Everyone was cheerful and happy. My mother, for example, was always extremely energetic, very unlike my father and I, who were more reserved. I tended to my studies and kept to books. I would often read to Pairo too."
"Who's Pairo?"
Kurapika closed his eyes. "He was my best friend. He had an illness, he was unable to see clearly and his legs were paralysed. A day never went by where we weren't together. We even went to the outside world together, it was scary and a lot of things happened but we made it in the end and returned back to the clan safely. And then one day I set off on a quest to find a doctor to heal him, and when I returned..." Kurapika's eyes darkened as he trailed off.
I placed a hand on his shoulder gently, jumping back when he flinched. "You don't have to talk about it anymore." He closed his mouth after I said those words and focused his gaze to the river.
I was even more suprised when he continued, "I was alone, (Y/N). I came back and everyone- everyone was gone and I-" The tremble in his voice broke my heart. I couldn't bear hearing his choked words any longer so I sat up, the grass tickling my knees as I kneeled and I took the boy's left arm, pulling his body into mine softly.
He didn't fight it, didn't even complain. He just gave in and let me hold him. He hugged back after a while, his bony hands reaching up to my back and gripping my clothes tightly- just like how he did after facing the Phantom Troupe. "You're not alone anymore." I whispered. "Because you have me."
The blonde pulled away from me, holding a look of bewilderment after I repeated the similar words I said to him a few nights ago, only this time letting the confirmation sink in that neither of us were alone; we had each other. "(Y/N)..." He mumbled and I only smiled in response.
I sucked in a breath and stared at the orange sky. "I don't want you to feel like you're by yourself in this world, I'm here and I've been here with you for a long time. I don't have any family left, Kurapika, and because of that I don't mean anything to anyone anymore. But that feeling goes away when I'm with you. You make me feel like someone. And I want you to feel like a person too." The words left my mouth without any thought. The boy beside me remained silent. I didn't look at him. I was scared, scared of how he might respond.
As soon as I turned my head to him, Kurapika pressed his soft lips onto mine.
My body froze instantly and my eyes widened at the sudden contact. I practically stopped breathing as I stared at the gentle expression on his face, especially the way his eyes were closed so calmly. It was so sudden, so unexpected, my mind raced with all sorts of thoughts, my chest getting tighter each second with all my emotions. Worst of all my face felt so incredibly hot. I felt like my entire body was on fire.
I was disappointed when he pulled away.
My brain still refused to let myself move even after he had parted from me. My face, as red as a tomato, sat gawking at the boy as he stared back. I had no idea what to say or do. The man I loved just kissed me. He kissed me. I was truly at a loss for words.
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach while my lips tingled from the sensation I had just felt. Kurapika kept his stare on me, face unreadable. He looked down solemnly and then away from me. "I... I'm sorry." He muttered. Don't apologise, is what I would to tell him if I wasn't still trying to grasp the fact that he initiated such an action. Those brown eyes of his met with mine, a rather distorted expression on his face. "Don't look at me like that." He mumbled sadly, turning away so he could no longer see me. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight- I regret it."
And just like that, all the astonishment I felt only moments before had vanished. He regretted it. He didn't mean it. Does he hate me?
I looked at him and slowly asked, "Why?"
"You know why." He murmured coldly.
"Because you don't like me."
"No."
"Because you never liked me."
"No." He said again more firmly. The boy turned his face to look at me seriously. A mixture of sadness and loneliness which I had never seen before lay in his extinguished eyes. "Because I'm not good for you."
Silence.
Kurapika pursed his lips and looked at me with pleading eyes. Eyes that I knew too well. They said: I'm dying to, but may not be able to hold back once I start, so I'd rather not start.
I didn't respond after that. We continued staring at the flowing river, except now I was overcome with a new feeling; dissatisfaction.
After a long minute of silence, he finally spoke. "We can't do this." And somewhere, deep down, I knew he was right. His only goals were reclaiming his clan's eyes, he didn't have time for relationships or me.
"I know." I tried convince myself that he really hadn't meant to, it was just in the heat of the moment. And I think he was thinking the same as me. Silence again.
And silence for the rest of the night. Silence for tomorrow. Silence for the journey back. Silence for the upcoming weeks. Silence for even more years. Silence for the rest of our lives. We would both end up staying silent even if it killed us. Because refusing to speak was the only way we could contain our feelings at that point.
~
Originally I was going to make this the part where they got together but changed my mind soon after because I had a better idea for the future. I instead replaced it with this sort of confusing scene to make their relationship more complex and to emphasise that neither of them were ready.
This wasn't exactly a rejection I think. I liked this idea of Kurapika's emotions taking over him, all of his bottled up desires finally tumbling out and leading him to kiss (Y/N). But he regrets it soon after, afraid that he'll never be good enough for her. He'd rather keep you as a friend than lose you as a lover. But dw, soon he'll hate the decision he made as his desires rule over anything else after he wants you to himself ;)