In all honesty, Taehyung would've much rather Jeongguk had stayed with him. But they both agreed this was a conversation that needed to happen between just him and his brother.
"You'll be okay, angel," Jeongguk had told him lightly, "I'll be at the dining hall with Maddie but I'm just one text away, okay? I'm not abandoning you."
"Last one, please." Taehyung pouted, hands straying from the ravenette's arms to his hips.
Jeongguk scoffed, but Taehyung could feel him smiling through the kiss he pressed against his lips.
"Now go before we get carried away again," The ravenette chortled, giving Taehyung's chest a gentle push.
"Can we get carried away later, Bambi?" The brunette asked, a sly grin plastered on his face.
"No. Go. Bye."
Taehyung looked down at his feet and chuckled just thinking about the pretty ravenette. It was like the thought of him lessened the weight on his shoulders, but he couldn't ignore the heavy silence that decorated the walls of the cabin when he entered.
His eyes trailed up the stairs and settled upon his mother standing outside a locked door. She descended quietly down to greet her son.
"Mom," Taehyung said with furrowed eyebrows, "I'm sorry—"
"It's okay. You're forgiven." Ahnjong pulled him into her embrace and rubbed his back. "It was a lot for all of us, I know, But please, talk to your brother. He tried very hard to keep you happy despite having so much to hide."
Taehyung gulped, nodding before making up to Seokjin's room.
It was a strange feeling to have any type of tension between him and his brother. They weren't the type to argue— and even if they argued, it would be topics of stuffed animals, wallpaper and memes, not sexual assault.
"Jin." Taehyung knocked softly on his bedroom door. "It's Tae."
A few seconds passed and the brunette was beginning to think that he spoke too quietly for his brother to hear until the door unlocked with a click.
Taehyung pushed it open enough to slip through and found himself facing a puffy-eyed Seokjin standing awkwardly in the middle of his room. And while it was not the first time he saw his brother like this, the fact that he was the cause of those tears sent remorse jolting through his body.
"I'm sorry."
Seokjin just nodded, lips pursed like he was unable to choke out any coherent words.
"I shouldn't have yelled," Taehyung carried on, "I should've tried to understand instead of accusing you of things."
His brother nodded again, stiffly.
"I just couldn't believe— you— you were—" His voice cracked.
Taehyung didn't plan on crying. He really didn't. But this sudden realization that his brother's body was violated in such a way, by his own father, just stabbed him in the chest. And this conversation felt like he was pulling the dagger out and letting it bleed into their relationship.
Seokjin shook his head rapidly. At what? Taehyung couldn't tell.
But the instant his brother held his arms out for a hug, Taehyung went and collapsed against him.
"I shouldn't have shouted either," Seokjin mumbled against his shoulder, "I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay."
The older drew in a breath before motioning towards the bed. "I don't mind talking about it if you want to listen."
Taehyung obeyed, taking a seat on the edge of the mattress and pulling his feet up to sit crossed-legged. "Do you want to talk about it? I'm not forcing you."
Seokjin let out a dry chuckle. "I don't think there's ever gonna be a time in my life where I'd want to talk about it, Tae, but I believe you deserve an explanation."
"Okay."
Taehyung's head fell against his brother's shoulder, waiting patiently for him to start and not knowing what to expect.
"I don't know where to start," Seokjin admitted, pressing his hands against his chest get in case he starts fidgeting.
"Is this why you're majoring in psychology?" Taehyung prompted.
"Basically, yeah," Seokjin answered, "I get to help people who've gone through something similar you know."
"That makes a lot more sense," Taehyung said quietly, "So... when did... how did it stop?"
It took a second for his brother to understand his question. "Mom and I— We were having some kind of causal conversation— I don't remember what cause it was years ago, but she went in for a casual hug and I flinched. I flinched really hard and she started asking questions and I ended up crying and all that. And, well, she kicked Dad out as soon as he walked through the door."
"Where was I?" A line appeared Taehyung's brows as he tried to figure out how the hell he wasn't aware of all this happening.
Seokjin shrugged. "In your room with your Barbie dolls. The ones where Mom superglued the clothes onto their bodies because you kept taking them off and showing them to every guest came to visit."
"I did what?"
"You were especially attached to Ken."
Taehyung gave his brother a push. "Shut up we're having a serious conversation right now!"
"Sorry. Humor is a coping mechanism," Seokjin said with a little huff of laughter.
"Fine. But did you get actual help after that?" Taehyung planted his head back on the older's shoulder.
He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Yeah. Had therapy for about a year and a half, Tuesdays after school."
The brunette raised an eyebrow. "Wait... but you had badminton practice on Tuesdays."
"That was a lie."
"No wonder you suck at badminton." Taehyung punched him on the thigh this time.
Seokjin smiled, feeling less jittery than he was seeing that his brother didn't treat him any differently. "I'm a lot better now."
"You mean at badminton?"
"No. I mean a lot better in terms of... managing my PTSD," He clarified, "Mom didn't want me taking meds at such a young age so I went through a phase of meditation and yoga and all that. It's nice. I still do it from time to time. You should do yoga with me."
Taehyung made a face. "Yoga hurts."
"That's actually the point of yoga," Seokjin told him, "You twist your body in all different uncomfortable positions but it's your job to find peace in your mind despite that. It's about balance and managing stress."
"You sound old."
"You're the one not taking this conversation seriously."
"Sorry." Taehyung turned and caught sight of the grin on Seokjin's face. "I'm glad you're okay now, I just wish I could've helped earlier. I wish I knew."
He patted his hair fondly. "It's okay. You've done a lot for me, you know," Seokjin reassured him, "Just as my brother."
"Just promise to tell me next time something happens. Please? You know I care about you."
"I promise. And I care about you too, Tae."
"Thanks." Taehyung stayed resting against Seokjin's shoulder. "I love you."
"I love you more than you loved Ken."
"Ugh." The brunette immediately removed himself from Seokjin, who was busy laughing. "I really didn't need to know about that."
"Too bad Jeongguk replaced him." Seokjin crossed his arms and didn't miss the way his brother's face flushed. "Awww."
Taehyung opened his mouth to throw a remark back at him before his phone pinged with a text message.
"Who is it?"
___________
i watched Souls on disney+ today
i recommend it. really made me think about what it means to live a fulfilling life.
i've never written a book till chapter 50
holy cow
and we're not even close to the end—
anyway, this authors note is short cause i'm tired and in my feels
see ya next chapter :]
- hay