: you're a gun, 'cuz i like to keep you by my side at all times... to keep me safe :
༄
☁️ Michael ☁️
"Am I doing it right?" Loyalty questioned while lookin' down at her white high top Forces that was glued to my skateboard while we were at the skatepark, and she wanted to try and learn. She kept a tight grip on my forearms as she tried to keep her balance, with my hands placed along either side of her hips.
It was almost noon and we'd been hanging out since about nine this morning since I took her out to breakfast like I said I would, just so she wouldn't feel trapped at home.
"If you would actually move, then yeah," I say to her, while the board stayed in place on the concrete. She was struggling to actually make it move and I thought it was the funniest thing ever. Bringing her eyes from the board and to me, Loyalty then pouted.
"How do I move?" she questioned hopelessly before glancing back down once again, "You, Rock, and CJ probably do witchcraft to make this shit move."
"It's not hard," I chuckled at her, "This all you gotta do, Tee."
Slowly startin' to move to my left and Loyalty's right, my hands remained on her waist while she was still holding onto my arms and she started to move on the skateboard. But I could tell from how her grip on me tightened that she was close or anxious to losing her balance.
"Stand up straight, gorgeous." I tell her, noticing that she was starting to lean over. "The board can sense fear."
"Mmcht," Loyalty smacked her teeth at me, as she gradually stood straight while we continued to slowly move along the concrete. "If I fall I'm suing you."
"If you sue me you won't live to see the next day," I tell her, and she just laughs before laughing beginning to step off of the skateboard causing me to stop walking so she could do so. Once she was now standing next to me, I then picked my skateboard up off of the ground and tilted my head to the side at her.
"You ain't even try."
"To break my neck? Bye." Loyalty waved me off before letting out an expressionless sigh. I watched her eyes as they briefly and inattentively scanned the area, before bringing her attention back to me.
"You look bored," I spoke. Because she really did look bored.
"I'm not, there's jus' usually more people here..." Loyalty pointed out, and that's when I looked around myself noticing that there was in fact less people present than normal. Shrugging, I fixated my eyes back onto her.
"Thas' a good thing though, right? You hate big crowds."
"True," she confirmed, "Probably feels weird 'cuz when I come here I'm wit' CJ."
"You ain't talk ta' her since yesterday?" I asked, and Loyalty just shook her head.
"Nope," she casually said popping the P, "she prolly still wit' Reese."
"Not surprised," I replied, before I saw Rocky walkin' up to the two of us with her skateboard tucked under her arm. Once she approached us, she didn't hesitate to talk to us.
"Hey, Michael," she greeted, dappin' me up as I gave her a head nod in response and she turned to Loyalty afterwards bringing her in for a side hug, which Loyalty didn't seem to have a problem with. "No CJ today?" she curiously asked, lookin' between the two of us and Loyalty shook her head before I said something.
"She's busy bein' pathetic." I sardonically answered, causing Loyalty to giggle and earning a smile from Rocky. Dramatically huffing, Rocky then rolled her eyes. "Welp... we were s'posed to go to Smoothie King after hangin' for a little bit. Either one'a you wanna offer to take ha' spot?"
"No, thank you." Loyalty politely declined.
"I would," I started, "But I got things to do."
"Well shit. Now I'm jus' bout'a go home and watch Supernatural." Rocky said, referring to the show she'd been watching for the past few weeks now. It never fails to find a way into our conversations, 'cuz she talks about it nonstop. Just as she was about to say somethin' else, Rocky then squinted her eyes as if she saw something in the distance. That's when she perked her eyebrows, before lightly hitting me on the chest to get my attention. Once I looked to my left, thas' when Rocky told me what she was lookin' at.
"Thas' the dude who was lookin' for Tee the otha' day."
Walkin' down the street was a boy who looked about our age, with an almond colored skin tone. He had a fade, and his hair was braided into four cornrows. Adjusting the collar of his black OutKast graphic tee, he continued to walk with a couple of his friends and it looked like they were nearing where we were in the park.
"Tee," I called out to Loyalty before she looked up from typing on her phone and at me with confused eyes.
"Hm?"
"You know him?" I questioned her, my head gesturing towards the guy that carelessly proceeded to stroll the sidewalk with his friends. Darting her dark brown eyes into the direction Rocky and I were jus' looking in, Loyalty then blinked with her eyes back on me as she shrugged afterwards.
"I just know his name but thas' it..."
"Enzo?" I perked my eyebrows and Loyalty slowly nodded. The three of us then watched as he and his friends walked into the skatepark, their main objective clearly being to approach Loyalty. Once they finally reached us, I didn't react right away—I was just observing to see if they'd be stupid enough to do somethin' as such first.
"Hey, Loyalty, right?" Enzo said, and Loyalty nodded with a friendly smile comin' to her face.
"Yeah. I go by Tee, though."
"Okay then, miss Tee," Enzo flashed a quarter smile, causing Loyalty to chuckle as well. Turnin' to me and Rocky, thas' when Enzo held his hand for me to shake. When I didn't and just dauntingly pierced my eyes through his mugging him, he then awkwardly cleared his throat but he didn't let that stop him from tryna' be respectful.
"Enzo," he nodded his head at me and all I did was blink, remaining quiet.
"Rocky," Rocky introduced herself to ease some of the tension that lingered, before she pointed at me. "The rude one is Michael."
"Oh, I know..." Enzo replied to Rocky, "Alore told me he was the one who–"
"Stabbed him? Beat his ass?" I nonchalantly finished his sentence, and that's when Enzo's eyes cut into my direction. "It's cute ta' know he talks about me." Narrowing his eyes, Enzo then slightly tilted his head to the side as his homeboys were havin' their own little conversation just a few feet away from the four of us.
"Yeah...?" he trailed off, sounding slightly confused.
"So you friends wit' Alore? Out of all people?" I sneered, knitting my brows together. Sensing a little tension, Rocky then walked over to Loyalty grabbin' her by the rest and leading her away from Enzo and I, and the two of us watched as the girls walked away from us to mind their business elsewhere. Bringing my eyes back to Enzo, I scrunched my face up at him not letting my guard down.
I hate niggas who can't be straightforward.
"Watchu' want wit' Tee, man? I'on got time fa' fake ass introductions," I poked at him to get to the point as to why he was tryna' get a conversation outta her, and all he did was quickly look to the side and bring his eyes back to me as if he was actually confused.
"I jus' think she's cute thas' all... why? You her boyfriend or somethin'?" Enzo questioned, and I just tilted my head to the side.
"No, but I am her friend. Whatever Alore is tellin' you about me or Reese, keep Loyalty out of it." I sternly told him, still not trusting a word he was saying.
"I'on even hang out wit' Alore as much as you might think I do, 'ight?" Enzo tried to reassure, "We were jus' comin' from the store one day, Tee happened to be there and I thought she was cute—like I said."
"Mhm whateva'," I was dismissive of him, before I noticed Rocky and Loyalty comin' near us again. Feeling a tug at my arm, Rocky pulled me aside from Enzo and Loyalty as they started to converse. Furrowing my eyebrows at her, I looked at Rocky as if she was insane pullin' at me the way she was.
"You must be insane."
"Uh, says you?" Rocky perked her eyebrows at me while crossin' her arms, "Why you actin' like some helicopter dad?"
"I'on trust 'em," was all I said while I watched Loyalty continued to give this dude the time of day. Sighing, I saw Rocky shake her head in the corner of my eye while she stood beside me.
"You don't trust any damn body."
"Glad you know."
"Loyalty is eighteen, Michael," Rocky started, "she's able to think for herself, let alone talk to niggas."
"Niggas thas' friends wit' Alore?" I cocked an eyebrow, glancing over at her and she rolled her eyes before I continued. "Thas' weird to me, Rocky."
"Is Michael really Michael if he ain't paranoid about somethin'?" Rocky playfully remarked, and I shot her a dirty look causing her to laugh although I kept a blank expression.
"Nobody paranoid, I'm jus' bein' cautious."
"And you can be cautious without someone feeling like you gon' kill 'em on sight," Rocky proceeded to lecture and she shrugged, "He's just being nice."
"Nice my ass." I retorted.
:::
☁️ Loyalty ☁️
"Surprise, shawtayy!" CJ exclaimed walkin' up to me while I was in the barbershop, waiting for Kam to finish getting his haircut. It was later on in the day and Michael had to go to work, so I decided to just stick with my brother until he got off. Or at least until I got fed up with Kan's presence and just suck it up and go home. I haven't been home all day, simply 'cuz I don't feel like encountering my mama's triflin' ass. Looking up from where I was sitting by the door, I furrowed my brows at CJ in confusion before she continued. "Me 'nd you goin' shoppin'."
"Wit' whose money, miss girl?" I cocked a brow at her, and CJ then shifted her weight to one leg and crossed her arms proudly.
"Reese lettin' me use his card."
"Is he lettin' you or did you take it?"
"Bitch, you'n need nobody's details. Just know I got it." she jokingly turned her lip up at me, causing me to laugh.
"What, you took his car too?"
"And did. Now c'mon, chile." CJ said to me while making her way back out of the barbershop, and once I said bye to Kam and Lennox I was on my way out as well. We eventually got settled it, and as she started the car CJ smacked her teeth while the air blasted before she began adjusting the seat.
"How can this nigga even see over the fuckin' windshield, dawg?" she stressed to herself, pulling the little handle on the side and once the driver's seat met with her back as she sat up straight, she began to adjust it a little more to her liking. "Bro be laying the fuck down and switchin' lanes, my God."
"You know he tall as shit, C." I laughed.
"Then this nigga need to ride a bike or somethin'," CJ mumbled, finally putting her seatbelt on. Soon enough, she pulled out of the parking lot and we were on the main road while engaging in conversation and singing along every now and then to the music that played at a loud volume. Turning down the music, CJ then slowed down to stop at a red light before she looked at me with a look indicating that she was about to ask me somethin'.
"So I heard from a little birdie you made a new friend." she teasingly said, and when I tilted my head at her she rolled her eyes. "Girl, don't be playin' stupid. You know who I'm talkin' about."
The only other "friend" I could think of was Enzo, even though we ain't even really friends like that. Earlier today he just asked me for my number and asked to hang out some time, that was about it. He seemed genuine and although that was the case it still took me a minute to get over my guard.
"Enzo?" I asked, and when CJ nodded she started to slowly accelerate behind another car that was stopped in front of us once the light turned green. "Who told you?"
"Michael," she answered, very comically. "He called me on his way to work 'nd he sounded mad as shit."
"Why would he be mad? Does he know something I don't?" I inquired, immediately starting to grow nervous. I could tell right off the bat that Michael didn't like Enzo, even before he met him—when he told me that Rocky said Enzo was askin' about me.
"Well he was more so mad at the fact that somebody who's known ta' be with Alore is tryna' fuck witchu'. He'n trust 'em." CJ informed me, "You know him and Reese don't even play around wit' bullshit like 'dat."
"What did he say?" I curiously asked her, just because I'm nosy.
"Jus' ranting and shit sayin' stuff like 'If he tries to blah, blah, blah, this and blah, blah, blah, 'dat I won't hesitate to fuckin' kill his ass'." CJ lazily summarized, making her voice deeper to mock Michael. My eyebrows drawing together, I felt my eyes slightly grow in shock... although there's not really much to be shocked about, Michael's always been like this.
"Oh my..." I mumbled to myself, makin' CJ laugh at my reaction.
"Girl, he jus' lookin' out fa' you thas' all." she said, "You wanna know what Reese thinks?"
"Um?" was all I replied, lettin' CJ know that I was wanting to know what Maurice thought, but at the same time I was mentally preparing myself for something out of the ordinary.
"Reese said he thinks Michael like you." CJ said to me, and I felt my expression fall hearing those words. I can barely even talk to him without me feeling like my heart's beating so fast that I'm gonna throw it up—I'm even surprised that I manage to keep my composure half the time, really. Talking to any guy makes me anxious—especially attractive ones.
And I've had my fair share of failed situationships. I was definitely planning on friend zoning Enzo, just because the thought of even trying again with another nigga sounds boring. They've all ended similarly for me.
Either their ex gets in the way, they get bored and find a new girl, misunderstanding when it comes to how I feel emotionally—it's all a mess.
Not even that, but there's also experiences I've had with guys that make me uneasy. Like they all just seem so snake-like to me relationship-wise.
I mean don't get me wrong Michael is highly attractive and he's a great friend, but honestly what would he get out of dating someone like me? A mentally unstable pothead?
"Did he... tell him that?" I asked coming from my thoughts, as CJ then took a right turn at an intersection beginning to near the mall. Letting out a small chuckle, CJ then shook her head.
"Nah he didn't, but we can definitely tell."
"We?"
"Tee, the signs are all there if you think about it." CJ started, "He always starts conversations with you and he treats you like y'all are something already anyways."
"Ain't friends supposed to talk?" I smartly replied, trying to slowly shift away from the idea or possibility. Smacking her teeth, CJ then groaned as she finally pulled into the parking lot of the mall starting to slowly drive around to find a space.
"Loyalty, you literally went to prom with this nigga."
"As friends!"
"Bitch, friends don't slow dance to Keyshia Cole songs!" CJ exclaimed, before we both fell into a fit of laughter. "Me 'nd Reese saw you layin' all up on his chest swayin' side to side and whatnot–"
"I did not have my head all up on his chest," I denied, my mind gradually fading back to prom night back in May. The four of us did almost everything together when we were still in school—originally, we weren't even gonna go to prom but CJ lectured us about teenage years and how when we're older barely able to walk to the bathroom and back, we'll regret not doing the little things. And I figured since it was out senior year anyway, why not?
Not like she'll be draggin' me to sorority parties...
"And you very much did," CJ opposed, finally finding a parking space. "Me and Maurice not even tellin' you straight up he likes you like we know one hundred percent, but wouldn't it be fun to find out?" she finished, while pulling up into the space and once she began to straighten out the car in said space, I huffed.
"I'on know, CJ. Like fa'real. What do people in relationships even do?" I furrowed my eyebrows in thought, "Sometimes I jus' feel like Michael's there outta pity. 'Cuz he knows I'm... not right."
"Then let 'em help you get right," CJ said, turning off the car once she was done parking. Lookin' over at me she then perked her brows, "There might be a chance you like him too. Just a little bit."
"No I don't," I quickly said dismissively, and I could feel my heart speed up just thinking about him. Or the possibility that there may be some type of connection.
"So why you gettin' all nervous while he's the topic of our conversation right now?" CJ asked, and just when I was about to say something she gestured her head towards my necklace. "You gettin' all fidgety with yo necklace and shit. And you only do that when you talk to Michael or about him."
Looking down, I did see my hand picking at my necklace just casually swirling the golden L that hung between my index finger and thumb. Interlacing my hands, I then placed them in my lap not knowing what to do with them. I knew she was right, because I was starting to get nervous and the nigga ain't even here.
Even if there was a chance I liked him I wouldn't tell him... 'cuz I'on like feeling exposed. The silence afterwards be too damn loud.
"I was fixin' it." I lied to CJ, and she smacked her teeth once again.
"You jus' woke up and chose cap today," she lightly laughed, "Watchu' like about him?"
"Huh?"
"What. Do. You. Like. A-Bout. Him?" CJ repeated herself in a more monotone manner, while blankly staring at me. I heard what she said the first time, it just caught me off guard.
"Um..." I started, going into thought just because being asked that question right on the spot made my mind go blank. I eventually felt myself messing with my necklace again while I started to think about him, and I blew out an expressionless breath. "He always makes sure I know he'll protect me whenever we're together, so he makes me feel safe with him. Like we won't do anything he knows'll make me uncomfortable." I said, avoiding eye contact with CJ and now speaking lower than I was before.
"Thas' it?" CJ cocked an eyebrow, and I blinked twice before awkwardly shifting my eyes away just for them to land on her again as she proceeded, "Favorite features, traits, anything?"
"He has pretty eyes." I simply said, and CJ snickered.
"And?"
"And what? I thought we was comin' hea' ta' shop, foo."
"Girl, c'mon." CJ shook her head with a smile on her face, unbuckling her seatbelt then grabbing her phone and keys. Once we climbed out of the car the summer heat hit me all up in my face and exposed skin. CJ had the air blasting on three the entire ride here, and I wasn't really complaining. I refuse to ride around in hot ass cars wit' this fuck ass weather, I'm not tryna get no tan lines like I took a beach vacation in Florida.
As we began to walk towards the building I felt my phone buzz in the back pocket of my light-washed & slightly distressed jean shorts. Pulling it from my pocket, I glanced at the notification to see that it was a text from Enzo—but part of me was lowkey hoping it would be Michael.
enzo🧍🏾♀️: yooo
:hello :)
enzo🧍🏾♀️: watchu doin shawty
:lmao ppl still say shawty?
:and i'm at the mall w a friend
enzo🧍🏾♀️: now u makin me feel like a millennial 😟.
:plssss not a millennial 😭
"Car," CJ warned, causing me to look up from my phone and to my left to see a black Jeep wrangler driving near, most likely to go the route to exit the mall. Once it slowed down to let CJ and I across the street before they proceeded, we did so and when we made it to the other side CJ and I walked into the building. "Who you textin'?" she asked me while we walked through the food court, because that's the entrance we came through. The different smells of various and limited restaurants filled my nose, and it made me realize just how hungry I actually was.
"Enzo texted me," I told her, before she dramatically swooned and I just rolled my eyes at her feeling my phone buzz once again in my hand.
enzo🧍🏾♀️: shawty is casual. i know a lotta niggas that say it still
:it jus don't sound right LMFAOOO
:fuck is a shawtea
enzo🧍🏾♀️: girl 💀
enzo🧍🏾♀️: watchu wanna be called then mama
:that'll do i guess 🙄
enzo🧍🏾♀️: PLS
I didn't know how to reply to him, just so I just read the message from my notifications and called it a moment. I turned off my read receipts the moment he texted me when he got my number the other day, just because I don't like people knowin' when I ain't feel like texting anymore. It makes me feel bad kinda. 'Cuz what if people waitin' on a text back and I'm over here straight up leavin' they ass on read?
CJ and I walked into H&M, and I didn't even notice how crowded it was for real until I caught myself sayin' "excuse me" to at least seven different strangers to keep up with CJ.
"You think this would look good on me?" she questioned me, looking at an orange tube top that was on one of the racks with a bunch of the same tube tops with various different colors. Looking at the shirt myself, I then nodded.
"Girl, yes. Orange is definitely yo color."
"Thank you," CJ smiled, before taking the shirt off of the rack and shifting her body to look at some of the other clothing choices. While she was doing that I started to look for some things myself, simply because I hate leaving the mall empty handed. It makes me think what was the point of coming to begin with?
Loyalty Ulani Hendrix does not like to window shop.
Does that make me dominantly materialistic? Maybe.
After what felt like long, useless minutes of glancing at things that were cute but weren't super appealing to me I then found a black, spaghetti strap tank top that was cropped. I had a couple of these in a different color but I lost my other black one, so this was my opportunity to grab onto another.
I knew at some point I would find a few more things that would catch my eye, so I continued to search around the store while CJ and me eventually drifted lookin' for things that fit our styles.
Almost an hour and a half passed, and eventually CJ and me were out of the mall with what felt like tons of bags. I didn't even mean to get as much stuff as I did although it honestly wasn't much, but the shopper in me got carried away. Maurice'll be okay, though. It's not like he already don't be spendin' excessive amounts of money on himself anyway. We went back to CJ's house for a couple of hours, just talking, scrolling through our phones, and eating on snacks. The two of us gave each other mini hauls of what we'd gotten from the mall, and afterwards we were headed back to Maurice's place to return his car—which I'm sure CJ just snatched to begin with.
Knocking on the front door, I stood beside CJ with a couple of food bags from Chick-Fil-A in my hands while she held our drinks in the cup holder. Before we came, Reese and Michael asked us to stop for food so here we are. Chick-Fil-A was everyone's go-to, so I knew the boys wouldn't mind that this was our food choice.
It felt like forever before Maurice finally came to the door, shirtless of course, and me and CJ invited ourselves in to see Michael entering from the kitchen sippin' on a Caprisun. Feeling the cold hit up against our skin the moment we stepped inside, I was relieved to know that Maurice finally got the damn AC fixed.
"You bought that shit wit' my money too, I'm guessin'?" Maurice questioned CJ, pointing towards the food bags and I giggled while CJ smacked her teeth at him, and I sat the bags down on the mahogany coffee table in front of the couch, CJ doing the same with the four drinks in the cup holder.
"And did. Now what about it, mista' sir?" CJ shamelessly admitted, and Maurice then shook his head.
"Now if I go to the store tomorrow and my shit decline..."
"It won't!" CJ assured, and Maurice held that "yeah okay" expression on his face.
"Everything we bought was like six hundred in total." I joked just to mess with Reese, before he then straight faced me and I saw the slight panic in his eyes. "Please say you jokin', Tee."
"I am," I laughed, making my way to the couch to get comfortable. "It wasn't over two hundred. We jus' got clothes and... other things."
"Other things like?"
"What you a cop now, Reese?"
"Mmcht, man..."
"And I got a new AirPod case." CJ excitedly said, holding up her AirPods obnoxiously in Maurice's face, that she'd already put in her new case that was a metallic gold. Smacking his teeth once again, Maurice then waved her off. "Fuck yo AirPods. Gimme my fuckin' card, ma."
Tossing her AirPods on the couch, CJ then went to pulling out her wallet that was in her back pocket, and then opened it up before takin' out Maurice's card. Handing it to him, Maurice snatched it back with no hesitation and shoved it in the pocket of his white basketball shorts, before he held his hand out to CJ once again. "My keys too. You off'a vehicle privileges."
"I-?" CJ furrowed her eyebrows at Reese, and I started to laugh along with Michael who was now sitting next to me on the couch to my right, watching everything take place between Maurice and CJ.
"Aw, look who's bout'a get put in tha' corner." I falsely pouted just to instigate, making Michael and Maurice laugh some more and CJ just rolled her eyes at me.
"Okay, then let's talk about all them shoes you bought miss Loyalty." CJ pointed out, causing me to duck my lips to the side for a quick moment. Narrowing my eyes at her, I scratched the back of my neck while the three of them went dramatically silent waiting for my response.
"Now why am I in it?"
"You was in it the second you hopped in the car wit' her," Reese retorted, "Fuckin' hijackers."
"Thanks for the new crocs," I innocently cheesed, and Maurice just gave me a playful dirty look.
"Girl, fuck yo clogs." he said, causing my jaw to drop as he received his keys from CJ, then walked down the hallway to his room to put the items away. Laughing, CJ then joined Michael and I on the couch as we began to distribute our food between one another. Lookin' at the receipt on the wrapper of the sandwich I ordered, I then frowned looking at the items that were listed.
"Whas' wrong, gorgeous?" Michael furrowed his eyebrows at me, and I just shook my head.
"They put tomatoes and mayonnaise on here," I responded, and I could hear the complaining tone in my voice. "I just wanted pepper jack cheese wit' pickles 'nd ketchup. Now it got all this extra shit on here that I didn't ask for."
"Bitch, you'n like mayonnaise?" CJ asked as if she was shocked, eating from her thing of fries as I then shot her a blank look.
"Mayonnaise is fuckin' disgusting, C."
"Mayo is bomb."
"Mayo is fa' white people."
"You foul," Michael let out a light chuckle, before glancing at the list of condiments on his own sandwich which he didn't open yet. Once he was finished, he held it out to me. "We can trade if you want. It still got tomatoes on it, but it's ketchup instead of mayonnaise."
"You don't have to–"
"Chile, we know yo picky ass ain't gon' eat that shit," CJ chimed in, still goin' in on her fries. "Trade wit' 'em, girl."
She right, I wasn't gonna eat it but still-
Mmcht.
Michael and I traded spicy chicken sandwiches, and Maurice eventually then came back into the living room taking a seat beside CJ on the further end of the couch.
"Damn, y'all started eatin' without a nigga?"
"And did." CJ replied, before Maurice just smacked his teeth at her before he'd gotten his food out of the bag.
Once he did so, he then turned on the TV and we watched Sister, Sister which had been put on Netflix a little over seven months ago. CJ was obsessed with the show when she was younger and finally talked us into watching it since reruns no longer ran on cable, so now it was something that we watched as a group.
⚜️
"Why you lookin' like that, Tee?" Michael curiously asked me, entering his bedroom while I sat on the end of his bed while I waited for him to come out of the bathroom. Him, CJ, and I left Maurice's not too long ago and Michael dropped CJ off at home—bringing me here because I wanted to hold out on going home for as long as possible. Nobody was here other than Janet who was on the phone with one of her friends, so it's not like she was paying attention to us.
He closed the door behind him, and he then walked over to his canvas before taking the incomplete painting off of the stand. My mind processed what he said just seconds later after he acknowledged me, and I gradually brought my eyes to him.
"You said what?"
"Why you lookin' like that?" he repeated, sitting the painting on his personal white desk while lookin' down at it for a few seconds—as if he was unsatisfied with it. Shooting his eyes over at me, he then shifted his body into my direction. "You got somethin' on ya mind, gorgeous?"
Although I did, I didn't know how to go about it. I was still thinking about what CJ told me at the mall earlier today, but I didn't wanna bring it up to him. Just because I didn't wanna embarrass myself and be proven wrong.
But I just decided to rip off the bandage. We all gon' die one day anyway.
"Um..." I started, not really knowing how to word it. "CJ told me earlier that she and Reese thinks, y'know..."
"Nah, I don't know." Michael jokingly replied after I trailed off. I tried to suppress a smile because I knew he was tryin' to make jokes so I wouldn't grow uncomfortable, but I was still kinda nervous. Leaving his painting, Michael then approached me before sitting down beside me on his bed. Tilting his head to the side, he held a kind look on his face. "Wassup?"
"I dunno, I could be wrong 'cuz it's just CJ and Reese bein' CJ and Reese," I tried again, "But they think that me and you..."
"That you and me..." Michael repeated, waiting for me to finish.
"They think you like me." I simply said, and Michael's eyebrows immediately shot up in a way that was hard to read. Seconds went by as Michael's eyes danced around the room, his brows soon being drawn towards one another.
"They think I like you." Michael echoed once again in a statement-like manner lockin' eyes with me again, which only made my heartbeat fasten even more and I started to look away. If I've never felt instant regret, I was definitely feeling it now.
"Why are you repeating everything I say?" my voice grew quiet, the timidness laced in it not being difficult to spot.
"It jus'... caught me off guard, thas' all." Michael expressionlessly shook his head, and I bit down on my bottom lip before I felt myself reaching for my necklace—which wasn't there. I forgotten I'd taken it off to try on another necklace I bought at the mall, so it was still in the pocket of my loose jacket. In alternate, I started playing with the strings on my jacket before hearing myself speak again although I didn't want to. It felt like at this point I was just running my mouth to make it less awkward than I felt it was.
"Reese and CJ were jus' makin' assumptions 'cuz you know they like to play around, and then I was like, thinkin' to myself, well why would he like me if we're just—?"
"I do." I heard Michael's voice cut me off, and I felt my heart drop instantly. I stayed quiet for a brief moment, pretty much speechless.
"You do?" I responded, me now the one with the look of shock on my face. Letting a quarter smile come to his face, Michael then lightly laughed at my reaction.
"Why is that so surprisin' ta' you?"
Shrugging, I felt a smile creeping onto my face as well. "I just thought you were being nice."
"And it's genuine," Michael told me, "Me likin' you is just a bonus."
"So what does that mean?" I sublimely inquired, and he cocked an eyebrow.
"I'on know, you tell me." he shrugged, "You didn't exactly confirm that you liked me back, gorgeous."
If I'm being honest, I really couldn't confirm it. Before answering I had to ask myself if I like him, or the idea of him. My emotions were skyrocketing and I hated it.
"I don't know." I honestly told him, "There's just a lot that goes on when it comes to me and relationships."
"Like?" Michael urged for me to continue, and I expressionlessly huffed before looking up at the ceiling.
"Lots of... emotional baggage," I basically summed up to him. I once again found myself talkin' although I didn't want to, "That I don't know how to control. And then I get told that I'm too needy, or never satisfied—'nd I'on know what to do ta' fix it."
"You don't have to 'fix it'," Michael told me, as I managed to blink back the tears that threatened to fall before I brought my gaze from the ceiling, and to him while he proceeded. "Embrace it. Ain't nothin' wrong with bein' intuitive, gorgeous."
"No?" I mumbled, almost inaudibly.
"No," Michael shook his head, "You s'posed to have feelings, Tee. One, you're human in case you forgot. Two, bein' aware of yo emotions shows you got a good heart."
"You think so?" I questioned, feeling my nerves starting to calm.
"My Scorpio moon can tell you all about it," Michael said followed by a light laugh, and another smile spread across my face with Michael returning the expression seeing that I was less tense. Once the brief joy started to die down, he looked at me with serious eyes once again. "I understand if you not ready, Loyalty. We ain't in a rush, 'ight?"
"I jus' don't wanna feel like a burden, or like I'm wasting your time–"
"You're not," Michael placed his hand on the right side of my face, and began to caress my cheek with his thumb. I'd be lyin' if I said my heart didn't skip a beat feelin' his touch.
"And don't ever feel like you are, despite what other people project onto you."
"Why were you in my room to begin with?" I instantly grew defensive, my emotions all out of whack. I got little to no privacy in this damn house, and my mama snooping around in my room only made my rage grow. You can call me names, talk down on me, but I fuckin' draw the damn line at invading my space—especially when you don't have a reason to distrust me to begin with.
"Why was ya door locked, Loyalty?!" my mama raised her voice at me, standing up off of the couch now in front of me where I'd been standing the whole time since I came home, after Michael dropped me off not too long ago.
"Because thas' the only place where I can get away from yo controlling ass!" I argued back, completely disregarding the fact that this could get ugly real fast. But I didn't care, in that moment I was so mad I felt like I was bout'a fuckin' explode.
"Controlling?!" my mama repeated, now becoming offended. "Trust me, little girl, you haven't seen controlling from me! You always runnin' the streets witcha' little friends, lockin' yo door every time you leave my house, and now I found out you stashin' weed, pills, and whatnot in ya fuckin' room? Really, Loyalty?! How have I failed you as a parent to the point you start usin' drugs?!"
"Do you even hear yo'self right now, dawg?!" I looked at her with one hundred percent vex in my eyes, "You paintin' ya self as the victim, all surprised that I'm even doing drugs to begin with, when you were the one who didn't wanna get me professional help! You watched me fall apart day by fuckin' day and you did nothing, mama! Nothing!"
"I did nothing?! I'm the one who's givin' you a place ta' sleep, puttin' clothes on yo back, and making sure you have meals to eat!" my mama weakly reasoned, and I rolled my eyes before I started to sarcastically applaud her.
"Congratu-fuckin'-lations, mama! You do what every other damn parent is supposed to do! It's your job to do that as a parent, and the fact that you flat out just tried to invalidate me—again—just proves that you don't care!"
"Y'all need'a chill the hell out," Kam started to step in, standing from his place on the couch where the situation was quickly unfolding. "Sit down and talk to each other, yo. All this yellin' ain't fixin' shit."
"Shut up," I groaned in irritancy, before I darted my eyes into Kam's direction. "You don't know what the fuck it's like to be emotionally and mentally strained by someone thas' supposed to be carin' for you! This woman done treated you like a king for years and you fuckin' know it, Kam!" I began to lash out on him, and he remained quiet but I could tell from the look in his eyes that he wanted to say something. "Actin' like I'm such a menace, and for what?!"
"Loyalty—" Kam started, but I didn't let him before lookin' at my mama who was still holding a hard glare at me.
"Is it 'cuz I look like you?!" I started to ramble once again, "You try to live through me, in a weak ass attempt to undo yo mistakes? I look so much like you that it reminds you what a troubled, junkie, whore you used to be?!"
By that time, tears were already streaming down my face and my voice was breaking from how hurt I was, receiving such resentment from my own mother. She didn't hesitate to send a hard slap across my face, and when I looked at her again she was letting out uncontrollable tears.
"Don't you ever say some triflin' shit like that to me again, y'hear?!" she scolded, and only a few seconds passed while my breathing started to quicken and my anger only seeming to grow. Without thinking, I shoved her with all the force in my body causing her to fall onto the glass coffee table, which shattered once her body collided with the furniture piece.
Words cannot describe how much hate I hold in my heart for that woman.
I then rushed over to her, watching as fear completely took over her demeanor but just before I had a chance to do my worst, I felt Kam's taking a firm grip on my upper arms as he stepped between my mom and I.
"Loyalty, what the hell?!" he looked at me in a concerned manner, almost as if he didn't recognize me at all. Opening my mouth to speak, my mama then beat me to it and what she said made me regret not putting her in the hospital right then and there.
"Look at yo ass, you fuckin' crazy!" she shouted, still lying on the glass not daring to move because if she did, the small pieces would cut into her skin deeper. "I will never understand why yo dad was taken from us instead of you. You're the problem."
"Mama!" Kam yelled at her wide eyed, completely in dismay that she would have the audacity to tell her own daughter that she wished I was dead. Noticing that I was still in Kam's hold, as soon as my mama said those words I swatted at Kam to get off of me. Once he did so, I didn't hesitate to storm right back out of the door and disappear into the night. I heard Kam calling for me to come back, but I tuned him out.
All I see when I look at him is a mama's boy, and it just made me more infuriated than I already was. The amount of jealously and hatred I feel for my own brother feels so surreal. I know Kam means well, but it still doesn't take away from the fact that my mama will always favor him over me. How am I supposed to grow to love someone I'm constantly being compared to?
Sometimes I feel guilty about the way I feel towards him, but I can't help but to envy him. Why was it so hard for my mom to give me the same amount of love she gave him? I'm her child too, but she barely acts like it.
Wasting time worrying about being a burden to other people, only to find out that I was hers.
☁️
Lorenzo (Enzo) Walker : 18
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this chapter is quite a little more lengthy than i intended 😅☝🏾
also i decided that this wasn't gon be like a hella drama story, jus a cute little love story or whateva. imma give y'all a break i guess 🙄.
sike!
there's very little drama planned for this story, but best believe it's trifling as fuck 😁.
excuse any mistakes 👩🏾🦼💨