LIVING ROOM
Harry Spangler and Ed Zeddmore were sitting in easy chairs in front of a fireplace, dressed in formal wear and holding brandy glasses.
"I am Harry Spangler," Harry said.
"And I am Ed Zeddmore," Ed stated. "Now if you have received this tape, you must be some sort of bigwig network executive. Well, today is your lucky day, mister."
"Because the unsolicited pilot you are about to watch is the bold new future of "reality TV.""
"Mmmm. We know you've had it hard during the crippling writer's strike."
"Lazy fat cats."
"Who needs writers when you've got guys like us?" Harry gestured and reached for a cheap dimmer switch. "Our team faced horrible horrors to bring you the footage that will change your world forever. So strap in for the scariest hour in the history of television."
"In the history of your life..."
"Strap in for..."
"Ghostfacers!" Ed and Harry cried.
CAR IN SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD
Harry and Ed exited an AMC Gremlin with a Wisconsin license plate, each carrying a metal briefcase with a "Ghostfacers" sticker.
"You know, it can get kind of hard balancing our daytime careers with our nighttime missions," Ed said.
"Yeah, but Ed and I pretty much call the shots at the Kinko's where we work, so we can usually pretty much get off by six every night?" Harry questioned.
"Yeah, six o'clock. It used to be just, you know, you and I taking on the cases -- just Harry and me."
"Two lone wolves."
"And two lone wolves need, uh... other wolves."
PHASE 1: THE HOMEWORK
GHOSTFACERS "OFFICE" - DAY
"Morning, 'facers," Ed greeted.
"Good morning, Ghostfacers," Harry said.
"It's seven p.m., dude," Spruce informed.
"It's morning to a Ghostfacer. Corbett, what do we got, buddy?" Harry asked.
"Oh, I'm just putting up some of the-" Corbett began.
"Yeah, this has got to go up here," Ed finished. "That's got to go here. Got to see the whole field. Markers, eraser -- good job."
"I first saw Ed putting up flyers down at the -- the outlet mall in Scogan, so I-I read one, and I thought to myself, "huh". Where do ghosts come from?" And now here I am."
"Ed, your sister's abusing me," Harry tattled.
"That's adopted sister, thank you very much," Ed corrected.
"Ed has been obsessed with the supernatural since we were kids, you know, and then he meets Harry at computer camp... and love at first geek," Maggie said.
"Spruce here. What up, playaa?" Spruce asked.
BALL CART ON DRIVING RANGE - DAY
Spruce continued. "I am 15/16 Jew, 1/16 Cherokee. My grandfather is a mohel, my great-grandfather was a tallis maker, and my great-great-grandfather was a degenerate gambler and had a peyote addiction.
GHOSTFACERS OFFICE - DAY
"Okay, people," Ed called. "Let's cut the chatter and get out on a mission. Okay? Morton House... one of our big fish. All right, we all know the legend. Every four years, supposedly, this becomes the most haunted place in America."
Harry continued. "The leap year ghost, some call it. The ghost returns at midnight just as February 29th begins."
"And no one here has ever stayed the night, right?" Maggie asked.
"Yeah, well, every testimony that we dug up, every eyewitness has cut and run well before midnight."
"Well, that's all about to change, baby," Ed said.
"Absolutely true, Ed. Absolutely true."
Ed was handed a coffee. "Mmm. That's good."
"It's French vanilla," Corbett told him, "'cause the other day, you said how much you liked it, so..."
"Thank you."
"You are welcome."
DRIVER'S SEAT OF CAR
"I like Corbett," Harry said. "Shows up early, does his job, lot of good hustle out--" Corbett knocked on the window and waved. "I think he's got the hots for Ed, and that could spell trouble for the whole team."
OFFICE
"Ed's kind of the more rugged, with that really golden... beautiful sort of beard," Corbett commented. "Definitely nice. Uh, and Harry's nice."
"29th is the Friday, 'facers," Ed informed. "We want this mission, we got to move on it now, or guess what -- He's gone for another ten years." Suddenly, there was a loud noise, and Ed's whiteboard crashed to the ground, caused by the garage door it was attached to opening.
"Oh, watch out!" Someone cried.
"Who is that?" Someone else wondered.
"Dad! Come on!" Ed complained.
"Just cut the cameras," Harry instructed. "We don't need that. We don't need this part. We don't-"
PHASE II: INFILTRATION
OUTSIDE CHAINLINK FENCE - MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT
"Stay low," Ed told his crew. "Follow formation. Okay, as suspected. A lot of people have tried to break into the Morton house. The local authorities have just gotten fed up."
"Looks like the cops have got this place pretty well fenced off," Harry noted.
Maggie frowned. "Wait. Didn't you guys get, like, a permit or something?"
"A permit? That's a good idea for next time."
"Yeah," Ed agreed.
"Car!" Spruce yelled.
"Car," Harry repeated, "shh, shh! Flashlights off."
"Keep totally still," Maggie said.
The loud rumble of a car engine approached, with the radio playing We're an American Band by Grand Funk Railroad. It was the Impala, driven by Dean, slowing to a crawl, with Sam in the passenger seat and Saoirse in the back shining flashlights towards the Morton House before they drove away.
"It's okay," Spruce told them. "Not cops -- just hicks."
"Ed's got it," Harry stated.
Ed opened the gate with wire cutters. "Guys, let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Go! Go!"
FOYER - MORTON HOUSE
"Hear that people?" Ed asked. "Let's keep it quiet."
"There's the kitchen sink?" Harry noted.
"Copy that. Copy that."
LIVING ROOM - MORTON HOUSE
"All right, everybody," Ed called. "Ghostfacers, let's line up. Everybody. We'll set up camp right here. This is command center one."
"We're gonna call this the Eagle's Nest," Harry decided.
The Ghostfacers started setting up equipment.
"Hallway cam one up and running," Corbett informed.
"Looking good, Corbett," Ed complimented.
"Copy that, Ed."
"Uh... uh, you're welcome. All right, Spruce, how are we doing there, buddy?"
"Checking basement camera two, mein fuhrer."
"Maggie, I got no visual on you, Maggie."
"This is Maggie," she said. "Do you copy?"
"There you are. Hello. Harry, are you alive?"
"Upstairs, Ed," Harry informed. "Camera one."
"Looking good. I can smell syndication. All right, fellas. Let's regroup at the Eagle's Nest."
MORTON HOUSE 10:40 PM - BASE CAMP
"All right, Spangler," Harry said. "Battery check, battery check. Check. Okay."
"Check," Spruce stated. "Check. Yo, Corbett, dude."
"Lookin' good, Corbett."
"You're Robocop."
"R-robocop?" Corbett repeated. "You think I -- you think I look like Robocop?"
"Everybody, bring it in," Ed called. "Bring it in. We've all been here before. Standard walk-through. Team one, west. Team two, east. Spin the tires, light the fires. Ghostfacers on three. One, two, three..."
"Ghostfacers!" the group cried.
PHASE III: FACE TIME
MORTON HOUSE 10:51 PM
1ST FLOOR TEAM ONE - ED and CORBETT
"Hello!" Ed said. "I'm speaking to the restless spirits of the Morton House!"
"Okay," Corbett stated.
"Hello! My name's Ed. Careful. Watch my back."
"Okay. Okay."
"What's your name?" He looked at the EMF meter. ".3, .29."
"Is there an entity or entities here with us now? Can you give us a sign of your presence?"
"You got to breathe, buddy."
"I can't breathe."
"Corbett, night vision."
"Okay. Okay. Yeah."
"Calm down, buddy. Breathe, all right? Calm the whirlwinds of your mind."
2ND FLOOR - TEAM TWO - HARRY, SPRUCE, MAGGIE
"We're doing a basic EMF, EVP, temp-flux sweep," Harry explained. "Looks like we've got all of our ducks in a row here." There was camera interference and EMF noise. "What?"
"I don't know," Spruce replied. "It's weird. It's gone."
"All right. Get this. Get this." Harry tried unsuccessfully to kick in the door.
"Turn the knob."
"All right... that's a good idea." He opened the door, before suddenly running away and yelling. "Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"
"It's just a rat, dude."
DRIVER'S SEAT OF CAR
"I really don't like rats," Harry said. "They're gross. Rats are like the... rats of the world."
2ND FLOOR - MORTON HOUSE
"What -- was that an apparition?" Harry wondered. "Was that a spectral -- was that a .4? What do we got, 'cause the EMP was just off the-" Spruce threw a dead rat at Harry. "Oh, God! Oh, that s so not funny, Spruce!"
1ST FLOOR
"Oh, God," Corbett said. "Okay, it was just... I think it was just this branch... Okay... in the window."
"This is spooky, man," Corbett commented. "This place..."
"Okay. Oh, no!"
Corbett and Ed were confronted by three figures approaching with flashlights.
"Freeze!" Dean ordered. "Police officers! Don't move!"
"All right," Sam said. "All right. All right. Take it easy, take it easy."
"Let's see some identification," Saoirse demanded.
"Come on. Let's see some I.D."
Corbett frowned. "What -- are we under -- under arrest?"
"We are unarmed," Ed told them.
"Oh, God. Oh, God."
Dean eyed the two. "Want to explain that weirdo outfit Mr., uh, Corbett?"
"I know you," Ed realized.
"Yeah, sure you do. Give me some identification."
"Yeah, ho -- whoa, hold on a second. I know the three of you guys. Yeah."
"What?" Corbett asked.
"Yeah, huh," Ed noted.
"Holy shit!" Sam exclaimed.
"What?" Dean and Saoirse wondered.
"Uh, West Texas... the... the Tulpa we had to take out. Those two goofballs that almost got us killed... The hellhounds or something?"
"Fuck me," Dean muttered.
Saoirse narrowed her eyes remembering them and pointed at Ed. "Vaffanculo, piccola merda." She pointed to Corbett. "Non tu."
(Fuck you, you little shit. , Not you. (Italian))
"Yeah, we're not the hellhounds anymore, okay?" Ed told them, frowning at her words. "It didn't test that well."
"Ed, what's going on?" Corbett asked.
"They're not cops, buddy -- no, not at all."
"Ed, Ed, you had a partner, too, didn't you -- A different guy," Dean remembered.
"Oh, yeah, yeah."
"Is he around here somewhere?"
"He's running around, chasing ghosts."
"Okay, well, listen, you and Rambo need to get your girlfriend and get out of here."
"All right. Listen here, chisel chest, okay? We were here first. We've already set up base camp. We beat you."
Dean glanced to Sam and Saoirse. "They were here first."
"Mm-hmm."
Saoirse rushed towards Ed and pinned him to the wall, holding her sword to his throat.
"Oh, God."
"Ed..." Saoirse began in a deadly soft tone.
"Yeah?"
"...where's your partner?"
2ND FLOOR
"10.6," Harry informed. "10.7, guys. The EMF is really spiking here."
"Temperature's down, like, 11 degrees," Maggie noted.
"All right, all right, keep your eyes peeled. This could be it. Maggie, can I get a reading in here, please?"
There was camera interference and Spruce said, "Something keeps messing with the chip. I don't know what's going on here."
There was more interference, then suddenly a man in a 50s-style suit and hat appeared.
"Guys. Guys. Guys," Spruce called.
The apparition of the man in the hat said, "Look buddy, I'm sorry. That's it. I'm telling you, that's all the money I-"
LIVING ROOM
"What are you doing in the Morton House, Ed - on leap year - what are you thinking?" Dean asked.
"We're here to spend the night, okay?" Ed answered. "It's for our TV show."
"What? Great. Perfect," Sam muttered.
"Yeah, nobody's ever spent the night before," Corbett told them.
"Uh, actually, yeah, they have," Saoirse corrected.
Ed frowned. "Uh, we've never heard of them."
"Yeah, you know why? 'Cause the ones that have haven't lived to talk about it!"
"Oh, come on, I don't believe you."
Sam pulled out a bunch of papers. "Look -- missing-persons report going back almost a half century. John Graham stayed on a dare -- gone. Julie Wilkerson -- gone. There are tons more. All of them came to stay just the night though, always on a leap year. The only body they ever found was the last owner, Freeman Daggett."
Ed looked at the papers. "These look legit."
"They are legit. Look, Ed, we ain't got much time here, buddy. Starting at midnight, your friends are going to die."
Harry, Maggie and Spruce ran down the stairs and into the living room.
"Oh, my God!" Harry cried. "Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Guys! Guys! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! We got one! Corbett! Corbett, we saw one! We saw one!"
"Get outta here!" Ed exclaimed.
"It was a full apparition! It was like a class four. It was a spectral illumination! It..."
"It was amazing!" Maggie yelled excitedly.
Harry noticed the trio. "Hey, aren't those the fuckers from Texas?"
"Yes," Ed confirmed.
"All right, let's have this reunion across the street, guys," Dean suggested.
"Crap. What are you guys doing here?" Harry asked.
"Come on, come on. We'll get you ice cream -- our treat. What do you say? Let's go."
"Yeah, I say no."
"Look at this," Maggie said. "Look, look. Ed, Ed. No. No. Look at this. Okay, honest-to-God proof, all right?" She showed the group their footage on the laptop.
"Are you kidding me?" Ed questioned.
"Yeah, no, not kidding," Harry replied.
"What kind of reading did we get?" Spruce wondered.
"Uh, it was a 10.9."
"10.9?" Ed repeated.
"Yeah, it was a 10.9. It was almost 11. I came out and I was like, "what's going on?" And I was like -- wait, watch this. Oh! He got blasted. It was crazy."
Sam, Dean and Saoirse walked away from the group to talk amongst themselves. Spruce followed, still recording on his camera.
"Think we were off on this?" Sam asked. "I mean, that was just a death echo."
"Yeah, but what's it doing here?" Dean wondered. "Did anybody get shot here?"
"No, not that I could find."
"What's a death echo?" Spruce questioned.
"Look, we got a problem here. That ghost ain't it."
"Yeah, that's real," Harry said. "Like, that happened."
Spruce repeated his question. "What's a death echo?"
"Echoes are trapped in a loop, okay?" Dean explained. "They keep replaying how they died over and over and over again, usually in the place where they were ganked. It's about as dangerous as a scary movie."
"So maybe the echo's not dangerous, but something else is." Sam guessed.
"You're right," Saoirse said. "All right, we need to get out of here, guys. Come on. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Pack it up."
"Guys, time is running out!" Sam warned.
"We're moving!" Dean and Saoirse ordered.
"What about all of our equipment?" Maggie asked. "What are we gonna..."
"Lots of fun," Dean interrupted. "Let's go."
"We got more material. We got all kinds of stuff. We'll make you guys recurring guest stars," Harry offered.
"Wait! Wait! Where's Corbett?" Ed wondered.
2ND FLOOR
"I wish to communicate with the restless spirits here," Corbett said, getting camera interference. "Uh, lights out? Oh, I think I got night vision here."
Corbett switched to night vision. As he pointed the camera to himself, a tall ghostly figure suddenly appeared behind him.
"That's better."
LIVING ROOM
"No man left behind," Ed told the group.
An anguished scream sounded in the distance.
"That was Corbett," Ed realized.
"That was Corbett!" Harry repeated. "Corbett!"
"Corbett!" Maggie called. "It's okay!"
Ed, Harry and Maggie ran upstairs while Sam, Dean and Saoirse protested.
"We'll get him!" Dean said. "Go back!"
"Guys!" Sam yelled. "Shit!"
2ND FLOOR
"No! Where are you, dude?"
"Tell us where you are!"
"Corbett!"
"Let me go!" Corbett cried. "Guys!"
"Corbett, you need to come back," Ed said.
Corbett screamed. "No!"
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Come on," Dean told the group.
Corbett's screamed continued and faded away.
MORTON HOUSE 11:59 PM
MORTON HOUSE 12:00 AM
"Corbett's... He's not here," Sam said. "Let's go. Let's go."
"No. No. No. But that's Corbett. No, that was Corbett. Didn't you hear that?" Harry asked.
"Go, go, go, come on," Dean replied.
"Guys. Guys. Guys," Sam repeated. "He's that way." He continued after a moment. "Here we go. Here we go. Keep it moving. Keep it moving."
"Corbett?" Ed called.
"Hey, hey, hey. Watch him. Watch him," Sam instructed.
Dean thumped Harry with his flashlight. "Go. Go. Move. Move. Turn it off!"
LIVING ROOM MORTON HOUSE
12:04 AM - FEBRUARY 29TH
"Oh, God, what's happened?" Ed wondered. "Oh, God. He's gone. He just disappeared."
"Okay, let's just go through all the angles," Harry suggested. "Let's go through all the cameras we have."
Sam frowned at his brother and friend. "Well, it's 12:04, Dean, Saoirse. You two good? You two happy?"
"Yeah, I am happy," Dean replied.
Saoirse huffed. "Oh, sta zitto."
(Oh, shut up. (Italian))
Sam frowned at her. "Stop it." "Let's go hunt the Morton House," you said, "it's our Grand Canyon.""
"Sam, I don't want to hear this," Dean argued.
"You got two months left, Dean. Instead, we're gonna die tonight." He picked up a chair and smashed it against the sealed front door.
Saoirse started kicked at the door and pulled at the door, but nothing worked. She let out a quiet growl and the temperature dropped a few degrees, though not because of a ghost.
"Whoa!" Spruce cried. "What the hell is going on guys?"
Saoirse turned and her eyes flashed momentarily. "I'll tell you what's going on. Every door, every window, I'm guessing every exit out of this house -- they're all sealed."
"But w-why are they sealed?" Maggie asked.
"It's a supernatural lockdown, okay?" Dean said. "Whatever took Corbett doesn't want us to leave, and it's no death echo. This is a bad mother, and it wants us scared."
"Or it just wants us."
The EMF went off and there was more camera interference as Harry sidled up to Maggie, secretly holding her hand.
"Uh, guys, the camera's fritzing again," Spruce informed.
"Whoa. Whoa. Guys, the EMF's starting to spike," Ed told them. "This is a big one!"
"Everybody stay close," Sam instructed. "There's something coming."
Another apparition appeared and everyone cried, "Whoa!"
"Is this the same echo you guys saw earlier?" Dean questioned.
"No, it's a different guy," Harry replied.
Saoirse frowned. "Multiple echoes? What the hell's going on? And I can't even do anything. Something else is going on here."
Sam glanced at her. "Yeah, maybe."
"Okay," Dean said. "All right. All right. All right."
Dean began yelling at the apparition. "Uh, hey, buddy! Hey. Hey. Wake up. You're dead! Hello!"
"What's he doing?" Harry wondered. "What's he doing?"
"It's rare, but sometimes you can shock an echo out of its loop ini you can talk to the part of the ghost that's still human, but usually you have to have some kind of connection to the deceased," Sam explained.
Dean continued yelling. "Come on! Wake up! Be dead!"
There was more camera interference. The apparition flickered and turned around.
"You guys hear that?" Harry questioned.
"What's that sound?" Ed asked.
"You guys hear that?"
Dean was still yelling at the apparition. "Snap out of it, buddy, huh? Come on, what are you waiting for? You're gonzo! You're dead!"
A bright line shone on the apparition and the sound of a car horn approached. The apparition flew backwards, as if hit by an invisible vehicle.
"Where the hell did it go?" Harry wondered.
2ND FLOOR
The group followed Sam, Dean and Saoirse down the hallway.
Dean spoke to his brother and friend. "Dude, Seri, there's no records of any of this here. No one got shot here. Obviously no one got run over by a freaking train."
"Stay close," Sam told the Ghostfacers.
"Did the echoes take Corbett?" Maggie wondered.
Saoirse met her eyes. "Yes. No. We're not sure. We don't know what doing what here; that's what we're trying to figure out, okay?"
"All right, stay close," Sam instructed. "Okay, look, um, death echoes are ghosts, okay? Now, ghosts -- they usually haunt places where they lived or where they died."
"Except these mooks didn't live or die here," Dean said.
"Right," Sam and Saoirse agreed.
"So, what are they doing here?" Maggie asked.
"Hey, give the lady a cigar," Dean commented. "All right, seriously, does looking at this nightmare through that camera make you feel better or something? I mean..."
"Um... I, uh... Well, yeah. Uh, yeah. I think so."
"Oh."
The group continued walking through the house, passing a deer head on the wall. They entered a room full of stuffed animal heads on the walls, as well as file cabinets.
Sam held up a broken framed certificate. "Freeman Daggett, house's last owner, officially commended for 20 years of fine service at the Gamble General Hospital."
"He was a doctor?" Dean questioned.
"Janitor."
"This looks like his den," Saoirse noted. "When'd you say he died -- '64?"
"Yeah, heart attack."
Something caught Maggie's eye. "What are these, c-rations?"
"Yeah, Army-issued, three squares -- like a lifetime supply," Dean said.
"God, is that all he ate?"
"One-stop shopping." He tried to open a cabinet. "Hello, locked."
Ed frowned. "Oh, come on, guys. This is ridiculous. I mean, how the hell is this supposed to find Corbett, huh? We should be digging up the friggin' floorboards right now."
Sam held up a dusty pamphlet. "Huh. "Survival Under Atomic Attack." An optimist."
There was a loud bang as Dean and Saoirse pried the safe open.
Dean and Saoirse leafed through a file box as he said, "Crap. Crap. Taxidermy. Okay. You said Daggett was a hospital janitor?"
"Yeah," Sam replied.
"Eww. Got three toe tags here -- one, death by gunshots, train accident, and suicide."
Saoirse grimaced slightly. "Oh, that's pleasant."
"Ewwwwww!" Sam cried.
"What?" Harry asked.
"Well, that explained why all the death echoes are here," Sam said. "They're here because their bodies are here... somewhere in the house."
Dean glanced at the still-confused Ghostfacers. "Daggett brought the remains home from the morgue. To "play"."
"Ewwwww!" Harry and Ed groaned in sync. "Ugh!"
"That's nasty, dude," Spruce commented.
"Right," Sam agreed.
They continued walking and Saoirse stopped. "Wait a minute."
"Corbett," Maggie stated as she startled herself by coming across her own reflection in a mirror. "Okay, Maggie."
"Closer to the herd, okay?" Dean told her.
"Maggie? Maggie?" Harry called.
"She's fine."
"Harry," Ed said. "Harry, I got an 8.6 and climbing fast. Something huge is coming. Look. Something big is coming."
There was camera interference.
"It's past 11, you guys," Harry informed.
"What? Nobody moved!" Dean ordered. "Hold on. Hold on. Stay quiet."
There was more camera interference and suddenly, Sam and Saoirse, who were standing next to Dean, disappeared into thin air.
"It's really cold in here," Ed noted.
"Harry?" Maggie called.
At the same time, Dean called, "Sam? Saoirse?"
"Some kind of surge," Ed said.
"Where'd he go?" Spruce asked.
"Oh, no," Maggie muttered.
Dean found Sam and Saoirse's dropped flashlights and picked them up before he cried, "Sam! Saoirse! Sammy! Seri!"
"Corbett! Sam! Saoirse!" Ed yelled.
"Corbett! Talk to us!" Harry said.
"Sam! Saoirse!" Dean called again.
"Corbett! Corbett!"
"Sam!"
Maggie and Harry were in a another room.
"God, I am so scared. I'm so scared," Maggie admitted.
"It's gonna be okay," Harry reassured. "It's gonna be okay, Maggie."
Maggie and Harry began kissing.
"Corbett!" Ed called.
Maggie and Harry were still making out.
Spruce was filming them. "Bom-chicka-bow-wow... whoa."
Ed found Maggie and Harry. "My best friend... And my best sister."
"Ed," Harry said.
"Harry."
"Ed."
"Harry."
"Ed. Listen, Ed."
"Are you banging my sister?"
"No! No!"
Ed turned to Spruce. "Hold my glasses."
Spruce took the glasses. "You got it."
"Ed," Harry called again as Ed started attacking him. "Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed!"
"Guys!"
"Get off Harry!" Maggie cried.
Dean showed up and broke up the fight. "What the fuck are you doing?! Cut it out!" Dean yelled. "We're down by three people. Sam! Sammy! Saoirse! Seri!"
"Great," Maggie muttered.
"Sorry," Harry apologized.
Ed also apologized. "I'm sorry. Did he knock my -- my tooth there?"
"Uh, no," Spruce replied.
"I won that, right?"
"Yep, you're good."
"Thanks, Spruce," Harry said.
"Yeah, it's my fault."
Maggie frowned. "That's real great. That's nice. Thanks."
ROOM
It's My Party was playing in the background. There was a table with cake and confetti.
"Corbett," Sam and Saoirse called. "Corbett. Hey. Corbett, hey."
"Sam?" Corbett asked.
"Corbett, hey, you got to keep listening to my voice, okay?" Sam said. "We're right here. Stay awake."
"Don't listen," Daggett said as he picked up a knife. "It stops hurting, so don't worry."
"Corbett, stay with us. Stay with us, you got it? We're right here. Hey. Stay with us. Don't. Don't." Daggett stabbed Corbett through the heart. "No. Corbett! No! Corbett!"
Saoirse sighed. "And now he goes to the Underworld for judgement. Fantasma psicopatico!"
(Psycho ghost! (Italian))
HALLWAY
"Corbett!" Ed yelled. "Where'd you guys go?"
"Where are you guys?" Maggie asked.
"Dean, what are you doing?" Harry wondered.
"Okay, so Daggett was a Cold War nut, okay?" Dean said. "He was -- he was an amateur taxidermist. He liked to slow with dance with cadavers, and all he ate were c-rations, so what the hell are we looking for?!"
"Horrible little life," Maggie commented.
"Yeah, a lonely life... A Cold War life. He was scared. He was scared... he was scared."
"Scared of what?" Harry asked. "What? Dean, where are you going?"
"Wait, don't leave me in here, you guys," Maggie said.
ROOM
"Get away from me," Sam and Saoirse demanded.
"This won't hurt," Daggett told them. "It's okay. It's okay. Relax. Relax."
Daggett strapped a party hat onto both Sam and Saoirse, who were both tied to a chair, while Corbett slumped dead at the other end of the table.
STAIRWAY
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going?" Maggie asked.
"Guys like Daggett back then, the ones who were really scared of the Russkies -- they built bomb shelters. I'm guessing he's got one. I'll bet you it's in the basement."
The door slammed behind Dean, cutting him and Spruce off from Harry, Ed and Maggie.
"Whoa!" Harry cried.
"Whoa!" Ed repeated. "That is not funny!"
"Um, who closed the door?"
"It did," Dean replied. "It wants to separate us. Ed! Listen to me!"
"What?" Ed asked.
"There's some salt in my duffle. Make a circle and get inside."
"Inside?" He turned to Harry.
"That's stupid," Harry commented.
"Inside your duffle bag?"
"In the salt, you idiots!" Dean cried.
"Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah."
Dean continued down the basement stairs.
"Harry, hurry up," Ed said. "Get in the circle. Get in the circle. Come on. Come on. Quick quick."
Harry did so and began saying, "Guys, guys, I don't want to die, okay, and I don't want you to die."
"Harry, listen -- listen to me, okay? Listen. If we don't die... it's totally okay if you, uh, do my sister." Maggie pushed Ed. "Ow!"
"Nice," Maggie told him as the camera interfered. "Hey guys, hey guys, it's coming again."
"Oh, God. Oh, okay. Guys. Get in close."
"Oh, God," Harry mumbled.
"Oh, God, oh God."
Lights continued flickering and the group saw Corbett standing in front of them, bloody and unable to speak.
"Oh. Oh, C-Corbett," Ed stammered.
BASEMENT
"Hey, can I ask you something?" Spruce asked.
"What?" Dean responded.
"Earlier, you, Saoirse and Sam -- he said you had two months left?"
"Yeah, it's complicated. A little while ago, Sam... No. No. No. I'm not gonna whine about my bitchy problems to some bitchy reality show. I'm gonna do my fucking job."
"Is it cancer?"
Dean glanced at Spruce. "Shut up. You hear that?"
ROOM
"I've been waiting for some more friends," Daggett said. "I get lonely. But you're both coming to my party, aren't you?"
BASEMENT
"Is that music?" Spruce asked.
"Yeah, it's coming from behind this wall," Dean noted, pushing a cabinet away from the wall.
"Wow, you're strong," Spruce said.
Dean flipped him off.
ROOM
"You'll both stay a good long time," Daggett told Sam and Saoirse.
Dean broke open the door to the bomb shelter and cried, "Sam! Saoirse!"
Dean shot Daggett, then untied Sam and Saoirse.
"Oh, God," Spruce muttered, seeing the long deceased party guests and Corbett's corpse. "Oh, no, Corbett."
LIVING ROOM
Ed, Harry and Maggie were still in the salt ring.
"Oh God, what have we done?" Ed asked. "Oh God."
"Ed. Ed," Harry called.
"Yeah?"
"Corbett's a -- he's a death echo. He's reliving his own murder."
"Over and over forever," Maggie added.
BASEMENT
"What's this Daggett guy's problem anyway?" Spruce wondered.
"Loneliness," Sam and Saoirse replied.
"What, he's never heard of a Realdoll?" Dean questioned.
"No, no, no, Daggett was the Norman Bates, stiff-your-mother kind of lonely," Sam said. "We mean, that's why he lifted these bodies from the morgue, threw himself a birthday party, except they were the only ones who would come. Anyway, so, at midnight, he sealed them in the bomb shelter and went upstairs and o.d.'d on horse tranqs."
"How do you know this?"
Saoirse met his eyes. "'Cause he told us."
"Oh. Yeah. Okay, so now that he's dead, what? Same song, different verse, trying to get people to come to his party?"
"Pretty much, yeah. Stay forever."
"Are those real bullets?" Spruce asked.
"It's rock salt," Dean told him.
LIVING ROOM
Harry sang softly, "Ghostfacers... we go to places the others will not... Ghostfacers... stay in the kitchen when the kitchen gets hot."
There was camera interference and the lights began interfering.
"Oh, no," Ed muttered.
"Guys?" Maggie called. "Corbett..."
The ghost of Corbett appeared to the group again.
"Guys, it's -- it's Corbett," Ed told them. "He's -- he's -- he's trapped. He's in a lot of pain, you know? We got to try and... we got to try and pull him out of his loop. We have to." Ed stood and faced Corbett.
"Ed?" Harry said.
"Corbett. Corbett, it's -- Oh, God." He stepped closer to the edge of the circle.
"Don't cross the line of salt."
Ed hesitated, then stepped over the salt line, confronting Corbett's ghost. "I gotta do it, Harry. Corbett, listen to me. Okay, I'm not gonna hurt you. Listen. Listen. Oh, God. Corbett. Oh."
"Get back!"
Corbett's ghost began flickering and Ed quickly retreated as he said, "Oh, God. Whoa. Oh, I can't, okay? He's not hearing me. He won't stop dying."
BASEMENT
Dean was attempting to break down the basement door that was separating Dean, Sam, Saoirse and Spruce from the others.
Sam frowned, glancing at Spruce. "Seriously -- you're still shooting?"
"It makes him feel better. Don't ask," Dean said.
"Ah, hell, guys. Get in your ghost-role thing. Something's coming," Spruce warned.
Daggett appeared and knocked Spruce and his camera to the ground.
"Oh, my -- OH!" Spruce cried.
Daggett approached Spruce, but was shot and dissipated by Sam.
LIVING ROOM
"I... I know how we can get through to him," Harry told his friend.
"How?" Ed wondered.
"Ed... He had feelings for you."
"Huh?"
"He wanted you."
"Wa -- wanted me to do what?"
"You know." Harry demonstrated with a slight grunt and pelvic thrust. "And you know what you've got to do. You can do it, Ed. You've always been the brave one. Yes, you can. You make us brave -- Maggie, right?"
"Yeah," Maggie agreed. "Yeah you do. You totally do."
"Ed... You got to go be gay for that poor, dead intern. You got to send him into the light."
Ed approached Corbett's ghost again. "Corbett."
Maggie started leaving the line of salt and Harry called, "Maggie, no, no."
"It's okay," Maggie said.
Ed was still trying to get through to the dead intern. "Corbett, look. Hey, it's just Ed, buddy. It's just me. Hey, hey, Corbett, listen to me. Listen to me. I -- we... Okay. You meant... Corbett, you meant a lot to the team. You meant... You meant a lot to me. You know, never back down... Never say a bad word, okay? I remember that, Corbett. I-I remember because I love you, Corbett. I really, truly love you. Do you remember that? Do you?"
"Hey," Corbett greeted, coming out of his trance. "Ed?"
"Yeah. Yeah, Corbett, it's... Corbett, yeah, it's me. It's me. Look at me. You got to help us, man. You have to help us, Corbett. Please. Please. Please help us right now."
BASEMENT
"Take it easy," Sam said. "You all right?"
The camera began interfering and flickering. The ghost of Daggett appeared behind Dean and Saoirse.
"Uh, guys..." Spruce began.
Daggett threw Dean, then Saoirse, then Sam against the wall and was about to attack Spruce.
"This is bad -- very bad," Spruce muttered.
The camera interfered again and the lights began flickering. Corbett appeared behind Daggett.
"Corbett?" Spruce called.
Corbett's ghost attacked Daggett and they both disappeared in a blinding flash of light.
"You all right, dude, miss?" Spruce asked.
Sam, Dean and Saoirse picked themselves up off the floor.
"You all right?" Spruce asked again.
"God," Sam muttered.
Dean looked back at the camera, and covered the lens with his hand.
EXT. MORTON HOUSE - DAY
The door to the Morton House opened and Ed, Sam, Dean, Saoirse, Harry and Maggie exited. Harry and Maggie paused to hug while Sam gave Ed his phone number on a scrap piece of paper.
"Leap year, February 29th, the Morton House," Ed said. "A tragic day. A day of souls bound in torment, of lives held in cruel balance. But the Ghostfacers, they did the best that they could."
"We lost a beloved friend, but we gained new allies."
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Ed continued. "We know this much: that every day, including today, is a new beginning. We learned more than we can say in the brutal feat of the Morton House."
"The Ghostfacers were forced to face something far more scary than ghosts," Harry said. "They were forced to face themselves."
"War changes man."
"And Maggie."
"War changes man. And one woman... You know Corbett, we just... ah gosh, we just like to think that you're out there, watching over us."
"As far as we're concerned, you're not an intern anymore. You have more than earned full Ghostfacer status. Plus, it would be cool to have a ghost on the team."
"Yeah. Heh heh. And here we were thinking that, you know, we were teaching you and all this time you were teaching us about heart, about dedication, about about how gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day. Thank you, Alan J. Corbett."
"Go well into that starry night, young Turk. Go well."
BACK OF VAN
"Come on, Spruce, I gotta get all this stuff packed up!" Corbett cried.
"So, pack and talk!" Spruce told him.
"I don't know what to say."
"Say what comes to mind. This is one of our confessional moments, Corbett, so confess. What did you think was going to happen tonight? What do you thing is going to happen on this trip?"
"I think tonight, I really do, I think all of our dreams are going to come true. Does that sound stupid?"
"Kind of does, yeah."
In memory of Alan J. Corbett, 1985-2008. King of the Impossible.
Sam, Dean and Saoirse were watching a monitor, along with the remaining Ghostfacers.
GHOSTFACERS HEADQUARTERS
"So, guys, what do you think? Are you all right?" Harry asked.
"You know, I kind of think hit was half-awesome," Dean said.
Saoirse nodded. "Sure. Half-awesome works."
"Half-awesome?" Maggie repeated. "That - that's full-on good, right?"
"Yeah, um, I mean it's bizarre how you all are able to honor Corbett's memory while grossly exploiting the manner of his death," Sam replied. "Well done."
Dean secretly slipped something into a backpack under the table. "Yeah. It's a real tight rope you guys are walking there."
"Yeah, all right, guys."
"Nah, that's reality, man," Ed corrected. "Yeah, Corbett gave his life searching for the truth, and it's our job over here to share it with the world."
"Right," Sam said. "Well, um, our experience, you know what you get when you show the world the truth?"
"A straitjacket," Dean answered. "Or a punch in the face."
"Right," Sam and Saoirse agreed.
Harry glanced between them. "Oh come on guys, girl, don't be 'facer hers just because we happen to have gotten the footage of the century."
"Oh yeah," Ed said.
"Well, you got us there," Saoirse stated.
"Yeah," Sam said.
"Yeah, well we'll see you guys around," Dean told them.
"Peace out," Spruce replied.
Sam, Dean and Saoirse left and Ed shut the door behind them.
"Dicks, bitch," Harry muttered.
"Oh, yeah," Ed agreed.
"Totally," Maggie said.
"Let's start laying off some DVDs," Spruce suggested.
"Sounds like a good idea, Spruce," Ed noted.
Harry glanced between the team. "You know, I think we're gonna need a bigger office here, you know? Because we're going to go national, and then it's going to go international, and then-"
Ed found the backpack Dean left under the table. "Hey, Menudo and their secretary left their dance bag behind. What's inside, huh?"
Ed opened the backpack and removed a large magnet strapped to a large battery. Suddenly, the computer video playback started breaking up.
"Whoa," Harry said. "What the hell is this?"
"Uh... seems to be having some technical difficulty over here," Spruce told the others.
"Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait."
"No, no!" Ed cried.
"Wait, wait! No operating system found?"
OUTSIDE
As the trio walked to the Impala, Sam and Saoirse asked, "We clean?"
Ed was heard in the distance. "No! Are you kidding me?"
"Electromagnet wiped out every tape and hard drive that they have," Dean said.
"The world isn't ready for the Ghostfacers," Saoirse told them.
"It's too bad. I kinda liked the show."
"It had its moments," Sam commented.
Saoirse nodded. "Yeah, it did."
They started the Impala and drove off.