I take off my armour when you love me harder
All my defences come down
sweet surrender
~ atc
⋅⋆∘✯∘⋆⋅
Jeongguk swore his mind went blank.
Perhaps it was the adrenaline that polluted his mind with false courage. He couldn't utter a word when the brunette asked for their destination. There's an embargo on the thoughts traveling from his brain to his mouth; an iron grip on his tongue.
His feet moved on their own, one in front of the other and repeat.
"Jeongguk?"
There's evident worry in Taehyung's voice as he trailed next to him, unsure of his intentions.
When they reached the end of the concrete road, Jeongguk was haste with kicking off his shoes and pulling off his socks. He motioned for the brunette to do the same.
Taehyung stared up at his boyfriend, who had boldly stepped onto the sand. His jaw was set, the muscle on his neck pulsing. Taehyung wanted to climb into the pretty ravenette's head and sought out his untidy thoughts.
Cause he knew, very well, that the beach terrified him, yet here Jeongguk stood.
Why?
"What are you doing, Bambi?" Taehyung asked with knitted eyebrows.
It seemed like Jeongguk was too choked up to answer, so instead he grabbed the other's hand and led him along, discarding their shoes under a bench.
Taehyung was suddenly very aware that Jeongguk was striding towards the shore.
"Woah woah woah hey—" The brunette jumped in front of him. "What are you doing?"
"Tryna be brave."
Every grain of sand dug into the soles of his feet like needles and the smell of salt flooded Jeongguk's airway with bad memories.
Speechless, Taehyung let Jeongguk pull him along, but there was resistance— perhaps his boyfriend instincts telling him to keep the ravenette far away from any body of water. Jeongguk noticed.
"It's okay," The ravenette told him, "Trust me. I'm okay."
"I..."
I don't want you to have another panic attack. I don't want you to feel scared or unsafe.
"It's okay," Jeongguk insisted, "You're with me." He squeezed his hand.
How is it that Taehyung was the one being reassured right now?
The ravenette took them to the far end of the beach, where no one was near, no children's wails or adults' chatter, a few feet away from the shoreline rocks.
"Jeongguk," Taehyung whispered in a warning tone.
The ravenette strode closer to the edge, his heart thumping. The water brushed against his toes and instantly a familiar wave of panic consumed his chest.
Mom. Drowning. Pendant. Pendant.
Jeongguk reached for it, but found Taehyung's fingers instead.
He didn't have his pendant, but at least he had Taehyung's hand to hold.
Suddenly, with a burst of newfound energy, he waddled into the water, the temperature washing over him like a cold sweat, and he squeezed his eyes shut, hollering his lungs out.
"It's not my fault."
Taehyung, startled by the outburst, wrapped an arm around the ravenette's waist like a protection barrier.
What the fuck is he doing??
The water reached above his ankles, and he felt like he was drowning, but Jeongguk persisted.
"It's not my fault!" He shouted again, out into the ocean for the world to hear.
For Taehyung to hear.
And god, it hit him.
Jeongguk blamed himself for his mother's death the same way he blamed himself for his brother's assault.
He was doing this for Taehyung's sake.
"Jeongguk—"
"It's not my fau—"
The ravenette didn't get to yell out the rest of his sentence before Taehyung had grabbed his waist, spun him around and kissed him.
Time stood still to watch; Every overlapping wave froze in midair. And Jeongguk thought he might melt into his arms like candle wax to a flame. The flutter in his chest intensified— maybe the butterflies grew more wings.
His hair was soft Ranunculus petals swept across his forehead, every touch calling him darling and making him feel pretty.
Taehyung pressed the ravenette's frame against him by the small of his back and moved his lips against his with fervor, savoring him. He kissed him with the feeling that his heart might explode with adoration and he welcomed that possibility.
He just— he refused to believe that someone loved him enough to march towards his greatest fear and scream victory over it.
Jeongguk opened his eyes when he felt Taehyung pull back slightly.
"What were you doing, Bambi?" There was a mix of a chuckle and disbelief in his words, but it was a serious question nonetheless.
Jeongguk gulped before jabbing a finger at Taehyung chest to emphasize his point. "I wanted to show you— It's not your fault, you u-understand? Stop blaming yourself."
"I'll stop," Taehyung replied with equal amounts of tenderness and determination, "For you, I'll stop."
Jeongguk cupped his cheeks, dried tear tracks from earlier on the brunette's face, and Taehyung claimed his lips again.
The ravenette's knees grew weaker under him and he shivered when Taehyung's fingers slipped under his shirt and caressed his skin. It was so unreal, being kissed by this handsome boy until, for the first time since he'd known himself, he felt whole again.
Like he wasn't drowning in his doubts and failures, and he was fishing Taehyung out of his as well.
"Bambi. I love you," The brunette murmured against his lips.
He loved him in a capacity that could drain the entire ocean in front of them.
"I love you too, Tae." Jeongguk left a kiss on his cheekbone, his nose, his chin. "I mean it. I love you."
He loved him in a capacity that could block out the sun and ease out the stars and maybe even bring them back to the night they first met, laying under the night sky.
"You're so brave," Taehyung gushed, pressing their foreheads together, "Just standing here, knowing how terrifying it must be..." He gestured to the water that pooled at their feet. "You're so incredible. You make me want to do better."
"You make me want to do better," Jeongguk echoed in return, "You make me feel like... like I'll be okay, even if she's not here."
"Fuck, Jeongguk, I love you." He kissed him again, mumbling. "I love you. I love you."
Maybe this was what the universe intended.
Far into the distance, the line where the sky met the sea, was where it all came together. The gentle waves scattered the sun like shiny sequins and the wind danced to the rhythm of their breathing. Just two souls kissing the daylights out of each other by the crafted shoreline.
Jeongguk will never be afraid anymore. He could be damaged, but never broken, not when Taehyung held him like a last breath of fresh air.
Not when they were too immersed in their own bubble to notice the pair of eyes that were watching them from afar.
__________
i'm so single
ha
ha ha
but then again the idea of marriage and children terrifies me so i'd rather stick to my lifelong dream of being a cat lady
cats >>> a partner
in my opinion
sooo how was this chapter?
i've been dying to write this chapter since i started this book. like i was so so excited for this part of the story. i'm sorry i'm lowkey addicted to writing kiss scenes sometimes. no shame.
also no one asked but i have a video project for government class due in 13 hours. it is 7pm. my partner is sick so i gotta get my shit together and finish this and present it at my 8am class. however everyone knows i'm a film student and expects me to pull off some insane editing skills or whatever and i feel ✨pressured✨ but it's okay i will get it done and it will be the end of finals and i will be proud of myself yay.
i love you!! and i never feel like i say it enough— thank you for wasting your precious time on my story. it honestly blows my mind, especially now that we're almost at 4K reads like whattt the heckkkk happened
always grateful for you 🥺
see y'all later
i wonder who's watching them...