warning: nsfw, mentions of addiction
I awoke to the sound of my phone buzzing on my nightstand. I fumbled for it in the dark before mumbling a "hello?"
"It's Hotch. We have a case and it's urgent. Get here as fast as you can."
"Okay, be there in 30." I hung up.
The clock on my phone said 4:37am. I groaned before reaching to turn on the lamp. I threw on a pair of slacks and a sweater, meanwhile dumping out my go bag and stuffing it with clean clothes. I'm thankful that I showered a couple hours ago after getting back from Spencer's.
I sped to the BAU while using every red light to put on what little makeup I could. I parked and giggled to myself in the rearview mirror. I felt like a teenager again, putting on concealer to hide the fresh hickies on my neck.
I exited the elevator and walked through the glass doors to the BAU, not stopping at my desk before making a beeline to the break room. I needed coffee. Now.
"H-Hey, Reid." Of course he was the only other one in the room.
He didn't so much as look up at me as he dumped copious amounts of sugar in his coffee and abruptly said "I think this goes without saying, but don't tell the team what happened last night."
I chuckled. "I may not be a literal genius, but I'm not stupid." I playfully jabbed him in the side with my elbow before fixing my own cup of coffee.
Still not meeting my eyes, he smiled, "good," and left, walking up to join the team for the briefing.
"Good morning, everyone. Our next case is in Great Falls, Montana. Three brunette Caucasian women have been reported missing over the last 14 months. A fourth woman just went missing from a local grocery store."
"Montana's requesting our help?" questioned a man I presumed to be Rossi. I knew little about him other than the books he wrote about his time at the FBI. Garcia told me he was joining the team; I was just surprised it was for one of our early morning cases.
"40 minutes after the abduction, Troopers spotted her car on the highway. When they tried to apprehend the driver, he blew himself up with a grenade, sending one officer to the ICU." Hotch added. "We'll discuss more on the jet. Wheels up in 30."
----
After in Montana, it didn't take us long to figure out who the dead unsub was. Now, our main priority was finding the fourth victim alive.
Reid and I pulled up outside of the dead unsub's neighbor's house. There was trash strewn across dirt patch out front, and the walls surrounding the door were plastered in signs saying things like "keep Montana armed" and "no solicitors" scrawled out on pieces of cardboard.
He knocked on the screen door and I stood a few feet behind him.
A man approached and warned "what the hell do you want? Can't you read?"
"Sir we're not salesmen, we're with the FBI." I stated as we both flashed our badges.
"You're not serious." He turned and gestured towards Reid. "You look like a pipe cleaner with eyes."
I tried my hardest to contain my laughter, but I couldn't help but smile at the comment. He wasn't wrong.
We found the fourth victim, recently killed, behind the unsub's house. Her body was laid among rose bushes, blood staining her shirt. How fitting, I thought. I know that red roses typically symbolize love, beauty, romance, etc., but to me they only ever seemed to be surrounded by death.
Disappointed that we didn't find her alive, we met back at the cheap motel for the night. Hotch handed us our keys and I went to my room.
I hopped in the shower and as soon as I finished, I heard a knock at my door. Hair sopping wet, I quickly threw on an oversized t-shirt and some shorts before answering it. It was Reid. He nervously looked around to ensure no one saw him as he asked, "can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure." Stunned that he knew what room I was staying in, I stood back and opened the door enough for him to slide past me.
I stood with my arms pressed against my stomach, scratching them anxiously as he began "I-I can't stop thinking about last night."
"I guess we should probably talk about that, huh." I sat gingerly on the edge of the bed with Spencer following suit.
"I really enjoyed it and..." he trailed off slightly before continuing in a register I could barely hear, "I wouldn't mind if we did it again."
"Are you suggesting what I think you are, Dr. Reid?" I joked.
"Depends."
He obviously was not going to take the next step in the conversation without any indication of my thoughts on the subject.
I followed, "so, friends with benefits?"
"What's that?"
Man, for a genius with an IQ of 187, he sure was clueless about some things.
"It is what it sounds like. We'd just stay friends but have sex occasionally, hence the 'benefits.' If that's what you wanna do, I think we should come up with some rules first."
"I want to," he stated before pausing, the gears turning in his head. "Rule number one, the team can never know."
"And two, no feelings allowed." Even though I added that rule, I had a suspicion I had already broken it just as carelessly as the others.
But just as with every other anxiety-inducing thought I had, I put it in a neat box and on a high shelf in my brain. Maybe that level of compartmentalization wasn't healthy, but damn did it work.
We finished making the rules and shook on it. Even germaphobe Reid understood the social importance of a handshake every once in a while. He left my room soon after. The chances of getting caught by the team right now were too high for either of us to want to risk it.
----
The case ended before any more lives were lost. As far as they go, this one wasn't as bad as most. It was quick too; we caught the unsub after a few days.
I propped my head on my hand and slowly drifted off to sleep on the jet. Man, did I need that nap. Prentiss gently shook me awake as we landed back at Quantico.
Back in the bullpen, Prentiss suggested we all go out for drinks. Much to no one's surprise, Morgan, JJ, and Garcia all happily agreed. I, however, decided to sit this one out. All I wanted to do was grab some takeout on the way home and curl up in front of the TV all night.
Like usual, I was the last one left – save Hotch and Spencer – working on paperwork for the case. It was a lot more complicated than what I had to write after cases back in Kansas, so I was still getting the hang of it.
I finally finished and handed it to Hotch. I walked back to my desk and gave Reid a nod goodbye as I gathered my things and waited for the elevator. The doors were inches from shutting until Spencer barreled into the elevator with me.
Out of breath, he panted "so, what are you doing tonight?" His tone hinted that it was less a question and more of a hopeful statement that he would be the one I was doing that night.
"I don't know, I was thinking I would grab some food and take it easy."
"Mind if I join? There's a good ramen place nearby that I think you'd like."
"Sure!" I understood that we weren't just going to dinner, so I added "but could we go back to your place? Mine isn't exactly the uh... cleanest."
I lied through my teeth. I kept my apartment spotless; I just didn't want him to get any ideas about me based on the stuff I owned. I needed to control what my coworkers knew about me because if they knew too much, they'd look at me with pity: something I had grown accustomed to over the years.
Spencer nodded and smiled at me. He didn't seem to pick up on my lie.
----
Dinner was almost as great as the company I shared it with. He barely knew me, yet the words he spoke and the way he spoke them would suggest otherwise. It's like everything he said, every tangent he went on was a direct result of my thoughts in that exact moment. I knew he was a good profiler, but he wasn't that good.
He told me a bit about how he came to work at the FBI. "I graduated high school at 12 got PhDs in Math, Chemistry, and Engineering. I also have two BAs in Psychology, Sociology, and I'm working on my third in Philosophy."
"Wow," I whispered. I knew he was a genius with an eidetic memory, but that's still a lot for anyone to accomplish before the age of 30.
The conversation took on a serious tone when he disclosed that he had been addicted to hydromorphone, or Dilaudid. I didn't know how to respond. I remained silent and reached across the table to grab his hand, telling him through my actions that I was here to listen. He only had to share what he was comfortable with.
He understood the meaning of my movements and continued to tell me how he was kidnapped and tortured by an unsub, Tobias Hankel. Hankel had three distinct personalities, one of which took pity on Reid by injecting him with Dilaudid to ease the pain the others inflicted.
My heart broke each time he revealed a new detail. I wished I could take just a little bit of his pain for myself. I knew how to handle it, and above all, I knew he was the last person who deserved it.
No one chooses to become dependent on drugs, just like no on chooses to relapse after getting sober. The DSM-5 classifies it as a chronic, relapsing brain disease in which the person compulsively seeks drugs, despite the harmful consequences that accompany them.
He finished communicating everything he wished to, to which I responded in a low voice, "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, Spence. I know that I – or any of us – will never truly understand, but I'm here for you. I always will be. You know that, right?"
"Yes, I do." A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he looked down at our empty ramen bowls.
We split the bill and I drove us back to his place. I left my bag in my car so that I wouldn't allow myself to spend the night. Assuming he offered again, that is. He had barely closed his door behind us before I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his lips down to meet mine.
This time was more hurried and intense as my need to feel him became all-consuming. We simultaneously unbuttoned each other's shirts while I led him over to the couch and gave him one strong push back onto the cushions. I looked him in the eyes as I kicked off my shoes and pulled down my pants, leaving my unbuttoned shirt and bra on.
"Have you been tested recently?" I interrogated.
His eyes scanned up and down my body as he watched me undress. "Yes, I'm clean," he replied.
"So am I. I'm on birth control, so I'm okay with not using a condom if you are." I breathed out, moving to straddle him on the couch, bringing my hands to his head and twirling my fingers through his curly brown hair.
I didn't ask if he was sleeping with anyone else because I already knew the answer. He wasn't that kind of guy.
His bulge was straining against the tight confines of his pants as I started rubbing against him, looking in his eyes as I waited for an answer.
"Yes," he said through a big grin on his face as he leaned in to kiss me again. His hands reached up to cradle both sides of my face.
My hands released his hair and dragged down along his face, chest, and torso before unbuttoning his pants. His hips raised slightly to allow me to tug his pants down and expose his hard dick.
I lowered onto it slowly and moaned into his mouth as I felt my walls stretch with every inch. I raised my hips back up to where his tip was barely inside me. I began riding him at an excruciatingly slow pace.
He pulled his head away and sighed "fuck, you're such a tease," as his head fell against the back of the couch. Soon growing tired of my games, he thrusted his hips up as I came back down on his dick. I gasped and grabbed the back of the couch to stabilize myself.
As I settled into the new rhythm he kept, I put my hands on his chest and dug my nails into his skin, sure to leave marks the next day.
One of his hands snaked down and began rubbing my clit as he continued fucking me.
I noticed him studying my reaction every time he touched me. I wouldn't be surprised if he stored the information away in his brain, ready to use it at any moment.
I felt my orgasm bubbling inside me as a mix of incoherent noises and sobs left my mouth. He raised his head and opened his eyes before he growled in that same voice I heard once before: "look at me while you come, y/n."
I nodded in response, instantly getting lost in his light brown eyes. I knew this was a bad idea, it was too intimate for friends who just fucked every once in a while. But as I saw his mouth slightly open, sweat beading on his forehead, eyes looking back into mine, I couldn't help but wish I could exist in this moment with him forever. Fuck.
I cried out his name among a string of curse words as I came. My body started shaking from overstimulation as he continued fucking me from underneath through my orgasm until he finished, filling me with his cum.
I finally collapsed onto his chest and he tenderly kissed the top of my head. We sat there for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to disturb the calm that we created.
But sadly, all good things must come to an end. I swung my leg over him and flopped down onto the couch next to him. He pulled up his pants and stood to go to the bathroom. I sat with my eyes closed, afraid if I tried to stand my legs would crumble underneath me.
Soon, Spencer returned with a warm washcloth. He kneeled between my legs and gently wiped the mess he created on my inner thighs.
I eventually stood and put my pants back on, buttoning up my shirt in the process.
"Are you sure you don't want to stay? It's getting pretty late."
"Yeah, I'm sure, thank you though. I left my bag outside anyways." Thank god for past me thinking ahead for this exact question.
I grabbed my phone and keys and walked to the door. He stood in the middle of his living room, watching me. I turned around as I twisted the doorknob to leave. "Goodnight, Spence."
"Goodnight, y/n. I'll see you tomorrow."