Frozen in my spot, I stare endlessly at the floor in the hallway. Hands trembling, I push them up against my sides to hide them. The shouting from the crowd outside turns me cold, yet my heart feels the need to burst out of my chest.
Never have I ever felt as nervous as I am today. My team depends on me, my coach, and to make it worse, half the town. This does not feel like a soccer game, more like a battle in an infinite war. It's never going to end, whether we win or lose today, but losing is not an option.
However, it brings me to a conflict knowing that the girl I love is playing for our greatest rivals. The best goalkeeper in the country for our age. It makes me proud; of course, it does. She is incredible, and she deserves to go to England and play for a great team. It's an opportunity and an experience only a few can dream about in their lifetime.
My team comes in behind me, waiting for the same as me. A tap on my shoulder makes me turn in my place to Lynda.
"Are you okay?" She asked, and I only nodded; I don't know what to say. I'm too nervous and worried to form words. As my team and I stood still and patiently, we could hear shouting coming from down the hall. The Griffiths come up next to us and, of course, like always, the captain first.
Nico turned to me, but with no smile, more like a concerned look. I think we are both nervous, but then again, we shouldn't really smile when we are together like this. In the first game, she did interact with me and smiled, but those were different circumstances. We didn't know each other, and certainly, we weren't in a relationship at that time.
The referees come in between us and look down the hallway at both teams.
"Okay, let's go," Said the main referee, Nico and I following after the older woman into the evening. When we stepped onto the field, the cheering turned loud to the point you can almost hear the echo going through town. People banging onto the bleachers as if they were drums, wearing either blue or red. Who would have thought that girls' soccer would make people go so crazy in a small town?
Both teams stand on a line next to the referees, the captain first like always. She indicates for us to shake hands with them as much as I don't want to. I know it's a must. I look up at Nico, who offered a small smile as she took my hand into hers.
As we went through the awkwardness of greeting each opponent, I ended up with Aubrey, who ignored me by not watching me nor accepting my hand. I shook it off, and the rest of my plays kept themself active as Nico and I met with the referee.
"Heads or tails?" She asked Nico.
"Heads," She answered quickly as the lady had already thrown the coin.
"Heads it is," The referee said.
"We take that side," Nico pointed to the goal behind me and gave me a little wink. I know she chose it because of the light breeze we have. I hate running against the wind; hopefully, it will change early on.
"Okay, good luck" The older woman takes Nico's hands in hers and then mine, then Nico and I. She smiles again before running past me to the goal as I walk down to the middle of the field where the referee has placed the ball for me to kick off the game.
It's like the whole place is holding their breaths now as we wait on the referee to blow the whistle. The quietness is a sort of relief, as if it's all a dream, but then it all exploded. The match started with me kicking the ball over to Lynda, the defensive midfielder. Then, Abby, Sally, and I ran up to our attacking positions. Abby is central, Sally is right and I am left-wing like always.
Lucy, my partner on the left side, kicked me the ball, and I shot it back as she runs up the side. I rush up to her but lost the ball as someone kicked it out on the sideline.
"Nice, Lucy," I said and gave her a thumbs up while she picked up the ball for a throw-in. She tossed it to me, and I snaked past a girl only to try and get past Aubrey. I kicked the ball beside her and started to run for it, but only to get pushed onto the ground.
The referee blew the whistle as I sat up to fix the caption armband on my arm that has slipped down. Number six gave me a cold look as the referee brought up her yellow card to Aubrey. Maybe this will make her leave me alone for the rest of the game.
The rest of the team seems to disagree with the referee about the card so early in the game, but she has made her statement. Abby hands me the ball as I got back onto my feet. The rest of my team find their place up at the line of the penalty area. She blew the whistle, and I kicked the ball with all force to let it go into the box hard, yet Nico picked up the ball like it was a ballon.
Everyone ran back to their positions in a hurry, and Nico winked at me, grinning as she knows what she has done. I'm not sure if I am impressed or annoyed that she caught it so easily. The ball literally went in like a bullet nobody has ever held my shots that easily; they usually lose the ball. I smile to myself as I went down the side. Nico is amazing; no wonder everyone wants her so badly.
As the game went on, we go to halftime with no goals scored. There have been a few chances on each side, but nothing major yet. A lot of arguments and yellow cards, though. People always cheer when someone makes a rough tackle, encouraging the players to do it more. I don't like it, they can get injured, and we can't afford that in this game.
We all sat down, listening to the coach on what we need to improve. Everyone was trying to catch their breaths, drying the sweat, and drinking water bottles.
"We need to be more creative in the middle, try and find holes through the defense and attacked needs to run in between more often," Warren said.
"You are aware their goalkeeper is a freaking wall, right?" Abby said, and I had to bite my lip to keep the smile away.
"Yeah, I know," Coach sighed in defeat. Nico has everything, reflexes, strength, grip, speed, and height, making it hard to shoot up in the corners. It's usually a weakness for goalkeepers, but not Nico; she is too tall. I almost chuckled at the thought, which made Lynda look at me strangely, but I shook it off.
"Try and make more chances and shot smartly when you get the ball," She looked at Abby, Sally, and me; we all nodded in a union. I haven't even had a shot at goal. I have mostly been creating passes for Abby, but each time she shot, Nico saved. I don't know if I am avoiding it or if that is just how the game has turned out to be.
***
After the break, we went back into the game, and as the first half, it's been the same. Strong tackles, shouting at each other, which is destroying the game. One of Nico's teammates is lying on the ground, along with one of mine, as they had an awful clash.
I shook my head only to see Nico appearing next to me as she looked at the blond girl being checked for injuries.
"Are you okay?" She asked lightly as for no one to hear.
"Yeah," I nodded as the blond girl stood up on her feet and seemed to be fine after all. Nico and I looked at each other for a short second before turning to go back to her goal. She is so close, but yet so far. It's unfair.
During the game, I tried providing passes to Abby, but Nico always kept the goal clear. The Griffiths has had a few shots as well; however, they can't seem to get the ball in the goal like us. It's been a struggle the whole game, and everyone has lost patience, even the people on the stands. They have become quieter than how it normally is.
I froze in place as the referee blew the whistle to indicate that the game is over, but it can't be because we would be tied in the league. The coach is shouting at the referee about what is going to happen now.
She runs down to the sideline to talk to both of the couches; as they take their time, we all go down to the bench to get water, and a few are getting ice packs on their ankles or thighs. Games like these tend to wear us out; injuries can occur. Coach has already used up all three substations, and we might play an extra round.
The two coaches started to shout at each other, which is not a nice sight, but the referee comes in between them to calm them down. Eventually, Warren comes back to us, and we all gathered around her.
"With all the injuries we have had in this game, the referee concluded that we skip to penalties," I felt my heart sunk to the bottom of my very core. This is not happening.
"Neither of us wanted that, but it's the referee's call," She explained with a sigh. I can understand the frustration on both parts. The other team has a great goalkeeper, but they are horrible penalty takes. Yet we have good penalty shooters, but they have a goalkeeper who can't be matched against. So this could go either way. I don't want to do this with Nico in goal.
"Abby, you go first," Warren said to my surprise, but I don't mind at all.
"Sally, Lynda, Anne, and then Wilder," She said, then added the rest of the line in case we don't win on the first five. I wanted to ask why she put me last of the five, but then I thought that maybe I am a safe card if something goes wrong. The five first have a good shooting ability, yet that doesn't help on our nerves.
The referee blew the whistle, and we all went onto the pitch, a few of the girls jumping up and down, by how nervous they are. Yet I can feel my hands tremble as I stand next to Anne, number four in the line.
Our goalkeeper, Jane, found her way over to the goal, finding the right position as The Griffiths number seven places the ball down onto the circle. She clearly took a deep long breath and not long after, the whistle went off. Number seven ran and kicked the ball hard down in the left corner of the goal. We all sighed in disappointment as she hit, and the other team cheered in happiness along with the ones on the bleachers.
Nico went into the goal as Abby prepared herself. I can hear my own heart beating in my ears, almost so loud that everything around me got blurred out. Abby kicked the ball in the far left corner like the other one as Nico went to the right side. Our team grinned in happiness while I reminded neutral. Nico seemed unhappy that she let it in.
As more penalties are taken, Anne and Sally missed to Nico, who saved them perfectly. So now we are left with 3-2 to them. I need to hit it to be able for a tie so the next in line can have a chance to save us; if not, we have lost.
I pick up the ball, watching it for a while as I have been begging for this moment not to happen for the past few minutes. Hoping that the other team would have missed many goals, so I didn't have to face Nico this way.
I laid the ball onto the ground, which was easy enough, but then I made a huge mistake looking at her. She appears just as uncomfortable as I am. For the first time in my life, I have never felt the need to run away from a soccer game. Wishing I was somewhere else, perhaps hidden away with Nico anywhere else but here.
Nico smiled weakly at me as she stood her ground in the middle. Then without warning, the referee blew the whistle. Not ready and frozen to the ground, I looked down at the ball for a slight second. Then I took a few more steps back to stall the time. But like everything else, things have to come to an end.
I looked upon the far right corner of the goal and then quickly back onto the ball. My feet went forward, and before I knew it, I hit the ball with all force. If time could slow down, that is how the last second felt like. The ball flew up into the air, but Nico hasn't even moved. She was still as a statue in her place while the ball went higher and higher. To the point, I noticed that it was too high. It hit the top corner of the pole and bounced back out. Nico looked at the ball, stunned as it flew away. She looked at me, not understanding what just happened. But neither do I.
Half the crowd broke into a loud cheer and triumphed that the Griffiths won the game and the league. Nico stepped towards me, but I felt a push on the shoulder that made me stumble a little to the side. They all went over to Nico, shouting in happiness. She didn't smile, though, as she looked at me before I turned in my tracks.
With my head low and a clenched jaw, I stepped through my teammates. They all reminded silent, and there was no anger on their faces; it was all pity. Like they understood my pain, but I don't really know what I am feeling right now.
As I entered the changing room, I hide in the showers, seated on the floor with my back against the wall. I don't want to see or talk to anyone. The silence from my team is unbearable. We all know we lost, and I could maybe have prevented it if I hadn't missed my chance. I haven't missed it in years, and of all days, it had to be today. Yet, I feel more guilty for not knowing if I accidentally missed or that I might have done it on purpose. I don't think I did, but then again, I can't tell.
I turned my head as the quietness broke into loud talking and a few shouting.
"Here," I heard Lynda say, and not long after, Nico came into my view. She bent down next to me, and I clenched my jaw as I stared at the floor.
"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with your team," I said, and then she moved in next to me. Then, placing her hand onto my cheek, she made me turn to face her.
"Yeah, well, there are more important things in this world," She smiled lightly as she leaned her forehead on my temple. I don't know how she does it, but her presence always makes me calm down.
"You want to talk about it?" She asked, but I shook my head, and she nodded. Then she kissed my forehead, which was nice and comforting. We both know she shouldn't be here, but I don't care. It's over now.