"I need my pills.'
" My pills. Where are they ?"
" I need my pills."
A hand on my shoulder made me step back in the present moment. My nerves calmed down and I exhaled, blinking twice to get a clearer view of my surrounding. My heart's fast pace was gone and I turned around to look at the person. It was Clara.
" Mia? Mia? Are you okay ?" she asked and I nodded in response.
" Here." She extended a paper bag to me. " I always carry an extra pair of clothes." I looked away without responding. I didn't need help but I just needed some time alone to be back to normal.
" Change into these, Mia. You will catch a cold in these drenched clothes." She reasoned with me. I shook my head as 'No'.
" Don't worry about Tiara. She will be alright. After all, she is your daughter. She is strong."
I looked at her and she gave me an assuring smile. I knew if Tiara would be awake, she would ask me about my state and worried about me. I took the bag from her but as I took a step; I felt a jolt of pain on my ankle.
" Are you okay, Mia ?" She asked holding me by my arm.
" Yeah. I am fine." I replied as I took another step, trying not to make it obvious.
I walked into the nearby washroom to change into dry clothes. I splashed some water on my face as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Nothing breaks me more apart than my reflection. My eyes burned a bit when they came in contact with water and my nose still had a tint of pink. I pity myself. I pity every single pain that I felt when no one was around. I pity how once I used to look in the mirror and fix my hair as I smiled happily. I sighed, looking down at the sink because I can no longer look at myself. I need to pull myself together. I need to...
" Do you even call yourself a mother ?" his voice ringed in my ears.
" NO. NO.NO. NO. NO." my head hurts as I try to assure myself.
" Where have you been ?"
" You are not thinking about it. You are not thinking about it. You are not thinking about it."
" Its better Tiara stays with me."
"It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay." I patted my chest lightly to assure my heart to calm down as I breathe in and out.
A few minutes later, I was able to get back to normal and walked out of the washroom. I saw Mrs Kim rushing over to me. She hugged me assuring me that Tiara will be okay. I nodded along and looking over to Taehyung who looked away.
" Don't worry, Mia. Doctors said she will be okay. She just needs to be under observation for tonight. They will shift her to a normal ward tomorrow morning. So don't worry."
" Yeah." I nodded.
" Mia, if you need any help. Feel free to tell us." Mr Kim patted my back.
I smiled a little to assure them both. They stayed with me a bit before heading home once they were assured that I, Taehyung and Clara will handle things here. I didn't get to see Tiara even for once. Doctors told me that I have to wait till next morning. I sat down against the steel metal hospital chairs. The night was long and so was our waiter.
Taehyung and Clara sat in a distant much nearer to the room where Tiara was kept under observation. I closed my eyes but the cold seems to make me shiver. I couldn't sleep as my neck became stiff and back pain came in as I tried to get some sleep. I looked over the Taehyung and Clara. Taehyung was awake too but he was just rubbing his hands together to keep himself warm. Even my hands were cold as I looked at my open palms.
I decided to get hot coffee for both of us to keep us warm. Though, my pain in ankle hasn't lessened but I guess I would be fine with such a short distance walk. I ordered two coffees and the cups were too hot to even carry but I just managed to carry them up to the second floor. As I walked past a clock, I noticed it was 3:45 am. As I reached where Taehyung and Clara were waiting. I saw Taehyung pulling Clara closer as she rests her head on his shoulder. He covers her upper body with his coat to keep away the cold.
A shiver ran down as I turned away quickly, not to make it obvious. Though, Taehyung was oblivious to my presence so I decided to get out of that corridor. I walked away as fast as my legs could walk. My palms burned as If I had held a burning paper in my hands. I went back to the cafeteria and sat down on an empty chair. Few other people have been sitting there so I didn't felt alone but the truth was that I was alone.
I kept the cups on the table as my palm became red with stinging sensations on it. I breathed out heavily and looked away. My eyes became teary so I looked down on my knees. The steams from the coffee evaporated and the coffee become cold but I didn't touch it. I just kept my head low and wiping off the tears now and then. It was raining again. The darkness outside slowly faded as the light of the morning came in.
" Mia." A voice called me. It was Clara.
" You are here. I was looking for you. " She said standing across me.
" Why? Is there anything you want from me ?" I asked in a normal tone.
" No. I was thinking to get a few stuffs from home since we will be staying here. So I thought you and I can go back home together."
" oh," I said softly.
" You can bring all the things Tiara would need as she will be staying here for a few days." She suggested. I nodded and followed her to the car.
We drove silently. She dropped me at my place first then told me she would pick me up soon. I thanked her and went inside. I took out a bag and put in Tiara's favourite storybooks and few of her soft toys. Next, I went into my room to pack some of my essentials. I was packing my stuffs; when my eyes fell on the calendar; which I used to mark the days left for final hearing of the custody. I marked the yesterday's and counted the days left. One...two...three...four...five There were only five days left for final hearing. My hands became sweaty and I realized I haven't asked for a leave from my work.
" where were you ?"
" What was so important that you couldn't be there ?"
I dialed my boss's number and told him I would resign from this job. I didn't want anything but if only my daughter could be healthy again. I will be okay with whatever little money I have. I searched for my medications but I was unable to find them and Clara was already back to pick me up so I forgot about it. I and Clara drove back to the hospital. It was still cloudy and cold outside.
" You go ahead first. I will find a spot and park the car." Clara said as she stopped at the entrace of the parking lot. I nodded and got off the car.
I took the bags with me and went inside the hospital. I went to the room Clara told me to go because they shifted Tiara when we were at home. I opened the door and found Tiara still lying unconscious. I kept the bags on the sofa and rushed to see her. She was still not awake. I held her tiny hands that had few scratches. I looked over to Taehyung who slept resting his head beside Tiara's hand. He was sleeping soundly and without a blanket to cover him.
I went back to my bags and searched for something that could keep him warm. I found my jacket and turned around ...
To find Clara already covering him with a warm blanket.
My eyes lowered as...
the grip on the jacket got tighter.
I turned around facing my back at them.
I looked down at the jacket that I held...
and let out a chuckle.
Laughing at myself .
Laughing at my foolishness.
I kept the jacket back into the bag.
' I don't have to worry for him now.
He has someone to care for him.
I must've lost my mind.'
I told myself.
He has Clara.
She will take care of him.
" What about you ?"
said a voice in my head.
" I will be all by myself."
was my answer.
"What a pity!
a lonely mother...
with no stable job or health...
promising to take responsibility of her child.
At this stage, I think Tiara deserves to be with her father.
He is at a better position to take care of her than you.
if not for you,
Do it for Tiara!
Give him the custody."