TWENTY-TWO - LISA
I stand at the front door, waving Jennie off until the taxi disappears from sight. No more than a minute later, the door swings open and I am being dragged into the house by my arm. I leave the suitcase in the doorway and I find myself more concerned with moving my feet up the stairs swiftly rather than getting Rosie to stop.
"You are gonna tell me everything," I hear her say before we get to her room and she pulls me in before slamming the door. She does a short skip to her bed and jumps onto it, facing me with anticipation.
"Uhm, hey, Rosie," I toss my bag to the floor and make my way to the bed. "What happened to 'hello'?"
Rosie shakes her head. "I don't care about hello. I only care about who, when, where, how, why, and all the important questions."
I avoid her gaze and sit opposite her. "I don't know what you mean."
She looks at me unamused. "Fine. Let's start simple. Who was the girl you were kissing goodbye to in the taxi? The same one you took to Jeju I assume. I hope. What's her name?"
I sigh, defeated. I had full intentions of coming clean to Rosie sooner or later. Mostly because the whole thing was eating me up and Rosie is the only person I trusted enough to tell. But I would have preferred to tell her once Jennie and I were exclusive. This whole situation was just embarrassing to me, especially saying it out loud.
I sigh deeply, trying to find the courage to say the words. I look at her eyes before looking away immediately. "It's bad, Rosie."
"What do you mean?"
"The reason I haven't told you about what's been happening. It's because it's bad. It's a bad situation and I'm an awful, selfish fucking person who deserves to.."
"Hey, hey!" Rosie snaps me out of my tangent, holding my arm probably to soothe me but once she hears what I've done she may not be so keen to touch me. "It can't be that bad, Lisa."
I find the courage to meet her eyes as I assure her; "trust me, Rosie, it is."
She sighs, her shoulders slumping. "Okay. Fine. Just tell me."
I take a deep breath, part of me wants to remain mute forever, and the other part wants to rip the bandage off.
"It's Jennie," I say bluntly.
Her eyes flicker, a slight shake of her head, her arm retreats. "What? Jennie who?"
"Jennie. Kai's Jennie."
Her eyes widen this time and her jaw drops open. She closes it quickly out of cautiousness toward me most likely. "Lisa... I--" She shakes her head again. I say nothing, waiting for her further reaction. She continues shaking her head. It looks rather amusing actually. Like she's a broken bobblehead. "Wha- I mean Kai, as in your brother Kai."
I nod my head very slightly. Rosie looks at me with wide eyes and finally a still head.
"Say something."
Her stupid head begins shaking again. "I don't know what to say, Lisa. I mean, I just don't know." She pauses for a second. "How?"
"How?"
"Yes, how?"
"I don't even know. It's a blur."
"Did you know her before?"
"No."
"Okay. Then what? You met and there were sparks? You couldn't control it?"
"Something like that," I mumble meekly.
"Fuck me, Lisa. I mean Kai is your literal brother. You're having an affair with your brother's girlfriend."
I roll my eyes. "Thanks. Yes, I am aware."
"Why doesn't she just break up with him."
"She's going to," I quickly say. "I mean, she's working up to it."
"She sounds like she's full of shit."
"Easy. I'm the one sleeping with my brother's girlfriend, remember."
"Yeah, well, you're my best friend so it's easier to be mad at her. And she's cheating on her boyfriend with his little sister, so you're both as bad as each other in my eyes. In terms of loyalty, you both owe it to Kai. Poor guy. I feel sorry for him."
My stomach turns, and my eyes drop to the bed.
"Sorry," she says gently, her hand going back to my arm as she shuffles closer. "I'm sorry, Lisa."
"No, you're right." My throat tightens and my eyes begin to sting.
Rosie sighs and cradles my head in her chest. "No, Lisa. It's not that simple. I know you would never do this if you could help it." I shut my eyes tight but the tears still stream. Rosie strokes my hair and hushes me gently.
"You don't need to sugarcoat it, Rosie. I know what I've done."
There's silence for a few minutes. Rosie just holds me and soothes me until finally breaking it.
"What are you gonna do?"
"She's gonna break up with him," I say again.
"When?" I say nothing. "Lisa, if she hasn't given you a time she's fucking you about."
"It's complicated, Rosie."
"Don't let your feelings for her cloud your judgment, Lisa. If she really cares about you, she would have ended it with him by now. And don't give me shit about her working up to it. She's playing you both at the same time."
"It's not like that Rosie, I swear. She's not like that."
Rosie sighs. "Okay. I trust you. You know her better than me. But, Lisa, you deserve to know when. And if it's not sooner rather than later I think you need to reassess your judgement about this girl."
I sigh, with no words of rebuttal or response because I know she's right and I have no clue what I'm gonna do if Jennie refuses to give me a date or if it is later instead of sooner. I should take Rosie's advice and walk away, but I don't know if I'll find the strength.
At the very least, I felt much better having come clean to my best friend and having her support. I would deal with the next steps as they came.
+
It was Sunday afternoon and after spending the weekend at Rosie's I had finally returned back to my own house, much to my mother's delight. Kai came home the night before and left late this morning to spend the day with Jennie, as she had messaged me to inform me. I kind of wish she hadn't but don't mention it because I was feeling argumentative, as I often am when she is around him, which is pretty much all the time.
I spent the day rewriting lines in my head and replaying scenarios. I was going to take Rosie's advice and confront Jennie tonight. Enough was enough, and she had to tell me what she was planning to do.
Kai comes home in the evening. I usually do my best to avoid him but Jennie hadn't told me that he had left so I find myself being ambushed by his arrival in the living room where I sat with my parents.
"Hey everyone. Hey, Lisa," he singles me out. I just nod, acting as though I'm immersed in the television when in reality I'm hanging on to every word he is saying.
"How's Jennie?" My mother asks him as he sits in the space next to me.
"Good," he says. "Better now she's seen me probably." I grit my teeth, forcing my eyes to stay locked on the TV. "Kidding, but yeah she's good. Things are going good."
"That's good. So it's serious?" My mum asks.
"Well, I mean it's always been serious."
"I know, but I imagine it's getting more serious. How long has it been now?"
"Six months. It feels like I've known her longer. I'll probably propose after a year."
My heart stops.
"Oh? That is very serious then."
"It's good, Kai. You should settle down with Jennie. You're on the right track," my dad decides to chime in.
My teeth begin to grind and I find myself strangling a pillow to death.
"What about you, Lisa?" My head turns to Kai. "What do you think? You like Jennie, right?"
Oh boy.
"Yeah, so?"
"So, what do you think? About me settling down with her?"
"Too soon," I manage to spit the words without too much bitterness.
Kai chuckles awkwardly. "Well, yeah, but I'm not talking about now. I'm talking about in six months. Give or take."
I stare at him, managing no more than a pathetic hum of agreement before leaving the room without another word.