AAAA I'm so excited about this chapter, things are gonna start to get a bit weird
I hope you guys will like it, also listen to the chapter's song!!! (it's so good, Scared to live, The Weeknd)
Let's goooooo
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Star's POV :
When I got to the door of the hotel room I got a strange feeling. Some "deja vu" type of feeling. It was almost 9pm and Tom hadn't called back, probably too exhausted and hungover to do anything else than sleep or watch TV. I told Harry I was gonna go back, just to make sure he was all good. He wanted to drive me back but I told him it was fine. I didn't want to bother him.
When my hand reached the door knob I got a strange feeling. Some "deja vu" type of feeling. The door was open. Maybe Tom ordered room service at some point and then didn't close it properly. Or maybe someone else came. No. That was impossible. No one else had the key anyway.
When I pushed the door and saw what was standing on the little table under the TV I got a strange feeling. Some "deja vu" type of feeling. My whole body shivered, suddenly covered in goosebumps. Flowers. Red roses.
When I read the note on the flowers I got a strange feeling. Some "deja vu" type of feeling. My knees went weak and I collapsed to the floor, bringing them to my chest and rocking back and forth, my heart racing, a cold sweat coming down my back. It was him. He had been in here before I came back. He had been in this room. He found me. And he wanted me to know that he was still gonna find me.
Always.
That's the thing about sinking. Sometimes you think you're finally gonna reach the surface again, and you're giving everything you have to swim back up. But then you feel something grabbing your ankle. Something that's even deeper than you knew. Something you thought wouldn't come back. Something you thought you had left at your lowest point. And this thing pulls you back down. Deeper than before. Faster than before. Because you can't fight it. It doesn't give you the chance to prepare yourself. It just pulls you down. Deep. So deep. And in a second, the surface disappears. No matter how hard you try to keep your eyes open and look up. No matter how hard you try to scream under the water. No one hears you anymore.
And you start drowning.
-The next morning-
Harry's POV :
Star opened up yesterday.
I know how hard it was for her. To tell me about her ex. To explain in detail all the things she felt when he left her with no explanation. To let me in and show me a part of her that she hides deep inside. But I'm so thankful that she did. Because it just confirmed to me that we are indeed very similar. Because I've known all the emotions she told me about. Because I know what it's like to want to scream all the time because the place that felt like home is gone. And to know that it's never coming back. Because I know what it's like to lose yourself, thinking that the person you loved was everything you had and everything you were. And because I know how hard it is to finally admit that it's not true. That you don't need this person to live. That you need to start living again actually. That you can't be scared to live again, because of your past. It took me a long time. And I know she's probably still figuring things out. But she's on the right path.
I don't want her to be scared to live.
I haven't really been able to sleep. Part of it was due to the fact that I couldn't stop replaying everything she had told me and hating the man who dared to hurt her this much. But also because I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I almost kissed her. Twice. And that some part of me thought she wouldn't have pulled away from me. But I had to keep that out of my mind. She mentioned being a bit uncomfortable at times with her ex, she didn't say why. I don't know what he's done to her. So I can't get ahead of myself. If she wants to kiss me, she will. I don't want to be a complete dick and force things to happen. I don't want to be like her ex boyfriend. I can't be like him. No matter what happens. I'll never be like him. I'll never hurt her the way he did.
'Jeez. Listen to yourself Styles, you sound like you're already happily married to the girl' I tell myself, realizing how far my thoughts are going. But I can't help it. Because I know what I want. I want her. With me. For as long as possible. For as long as she wants. I can't let her down. I can't let her go. I just hope she won't let me go.
Fuck.
It hits me. That's what I said when I drunk called her and left a message. That's definitely what I said. I'm a fucking idiot. I literally left her a message asking her not to let me go after knowing her for three days. I can't remember anything else. I'm just sure that I said something like that. I feel stupid. Not because it isn't the truth, but because the last thing I want is to scare her off. And being this pathetic is probably not gonna help with making her fall for me.
'Come on Styles, she was obviously not too bothered by what you said' I try to reassure myself and think rationally.
I need to get up. I look at the time. It's almost 8. Maybe she's up. Maybe she's going for her usual morning coffee. Maybe I could meet her there again. I don't want to waste the time she has left in London, she probably has stuff to do, but I can't help it. I need to be around her. Because then she won't be around anymore. She's leaving tomorrow. Going back to New York, or wherever they're headed to afterwards. And I'll be in New York too, just a week later. But seven days is a long time when you have 6 hours of time difference with the person you'd wish to talk to all day long.
I get up and head to the bathroom, throwing on sweatpants and a hoodie, then grabbing my phone as I'm brushing my teeth. I tap on her contact and decide that calling her would be nice. It rings, again and again, but she doesn't pick up. I spit out my toothpaste and sigh. I call her again when I grab a cereal bar in my kitchen before walking out the door, but she doesn't pick up. I clench my jaw and try to breath in and out slowly to calm my nerves. She's probably still asleep. Or she doesn't have her phone with her. Or James is responsible for it. No. I can't think of that. I really need to stop overthinking.
I drive to the coffee shop, pulling up in a hurry in front of it and walking in quickly. James is talking with a customer. A short girl with light pink hair. He's very obviously flirting with her. Looking at her the exact same way that he looked at Star at the bar the night of her birthday. This guy's a jerk. His eyes slowly move from her to me and he looks at me with his usual 'I'm the biggest asshole you've ever met' grin. He gives her a wink as she walks out, his smirk fading when her eyes widen as she sees me. I give her a quick one arm hug and ask her how she's doing, a bit distracted, my mind on Starla still. She's not here. And she didn't answer the phone. I need to calm down.
After the pink haired girl -Meghan- walks out I come up to James.
"What's going Harry? D'you wanna drink something?" he asks me, raising an eyebrow, the cocky grin back to his lips.
"I don't. Have you seen Starla this morning? Did she come earlier?" I ask him, ignoring the fact that I want to punch this fucking grin away from his stupid face.
"And why would you think that Styles? You're afraid I would have more chances to get her in bed than you do?" he chuckles, leaning onto the counter, eyeing me from head to toe.
"You're lucky we're in public you know. Very lucky. You don't even know her. So don't fucking talk about her that way. That's over the fucking line, James." I tell him with sharp words, my hands balling into fists on my sides "And, unlike you, no, I'm not trying to get her to sleep with me. You're pathetic. I don't even know why I came here." I whisper, spitting each word out and resisting every instinct in my body that's telling me to make a scene and knock him out.
I start walking towards the door, as fast as I can, my hands shaking out of rage, my jaw clenched when I hear him chuckle again behind me. I can't help it. I turn around quickly.
"What's so funny James?" I snap, trying to keep my voice low.
"Nothing. Nothing Harry. Just- don't think that you know her more than I do. Remember that." he says, before I turn around and storm out of the coffee shop.
What the fuck does that mean? 'Don't think that you know her more than I do'. I know I still don't know a lot about her, but she hasn't told him the things she said to me last night. There's no way. They've literally just chatted for a few minutes each time they've been around each other. There's no way. What does he mean?
I don't even think about it. I just drive to the hotel Tom and her are staying at. What am I even gonna say to her? I can't just show up like that and act normal. I start freaking out. What if she's not okay? What if something happened to her? What if James has something to do with it? Or said something to her. Fuck. I almost run in the hotel and out of the elevator when I reach her floor.
When I get to the door I get a strange feeling. I slow down and take a deep breath in. My hand moves up to knock but I notice that the door isn't properly shut. It's not shut at all actually. I push it and walk in, a cold sweat washing down my body. I let out a strange noise, in between a sigh and a desperate groan, when I see her, laying on the floor next to the small table underneath the TV screen. What the fuck happened to her?
"Starla? Starla. Star. Wake up. Wake up, darling." I mumble, kneeling next to her and cupping her face with one hand. Her eyes start opening and I feel a shiver move her whole body when she finally opens her eyes completely and feels my hand on her skin. She almost jumps out of my touch and I feel like someone's stabbing my stomach. She's scared. Scared of me.
"It's me. Star, it's me. It's Harry. Look at me, darling. Look at me. It's just me. You're safe." I whisper, not moving, bringing both of my hands in the air next to my face to show her that everything's alright.
"What the fuck is going on?" Tom asks, sitting in bed and we both snap our face to him. "Star? Did you sleep on the floor?" he adds, raising an eyebrow.
"I- I- I don't know. I don't- I don't remember. I don't know what happened. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing on the floor. I don't- I just- I-I-" she mumbles, running her fingers through her hair, tears filling her eyes as she starts panicking again. I want to move. I want to hug her. I want to reassure her and calm her down. But I can't move. I don't want to scare her more.
She walks past me and slams the bathroom door behind her. Tom and I look at each other in complete incomprehension. He gets up and knocks on the door. I turn around to look at the other thing that caught my eye when I walked in. Flowers. Red roses. And a note, on the floor, next to where Star was laying. I reach down to grab it and walk towards the window, pulling the curtains open to see what's written on it. My jaw clenches and I can't take my eyes off the words.
'Happy Birthday Star. Too bad I couldn't be with you today. But I hear you're having fun without me.
You're making me sad Star. Why do you have to break my heart again?
Remember, he'll leave you the moment he realizes you'll break his too. You had it coming.
I'll see you soon sweetheart.
Can't wait.'
I read it over and over. It's him. It's Tyler. Not only is he a fucking dick for breaking her so much, but he's also completely insane. How did he get in here? How did he know she was staying in this room? How did he find her? Tom taps on my shoulder and I turn around, the piece of paper in my hand.
"What does it say? Did you get her the flowers? What's going on Harry? I leave her with you for a day and wake up to this mess?" he asks me.
"No, I didn't get her the flowers Tom. And I didn't do anything. Certainly didn't write that." I say, shoving the note in his hand and walking to the bathroom door.
"Star? It's Harry. Can you please open the door? I don't know what happened Starla, but we can talk it out. Just talk to me. Or talk to Tom. I can leave if you want me to Star. I can leave. Just say something. Say something darling, please..." I say, my voice breaking, my forehead pushed against the door.
"Fuck... Starla. Get out of this bathroom, baby." Tom says behind me after reading the note.
I hear the door unlocking and move from it to let Tom open it. I don't want to overstep. He pushes the door open and she walks out, tears running down her face, her fragile body shaking as she sits herself on the bed. I find it hard to breath. Seeing her like this is killing me. I nervously play with one of my rings, waiting for her to say something.
"How did he get in?" she just asks.
"I don't know Star, I was in the room all day." Tom tells her and she nods.
"I know Tom. But when I came back from Harry's place last night I-" Why didn't I come back with her. This is my fault. I'm so fucking stupid. "I- Um- I kept having a weird feeling. And then I realized the door wasn't shut. So I thought maybe you had gotten room service and you didn't close it properly afterwards. But then I got in and I saw the- I saw the flowers. Fucking red roses. And then I read the note on them. And that's it. I think I had a panic attack and then I blacked out. It scared the shit out me. He was in here Tom. He came in the room. He knows where I am. How the fuck did he know Tom? Why is he doing this to me? Why can't he just leave me alone, the way he fucking did when I didn't want him to. Fuck this. Fuck him. Fuck!" she almost screams, starting to cry again.
"I don't know Star. I don't know baby. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Starla. It's gonna be okay. He won't hurt you again. He won't. I won't let him. We're gonna find another hotel for our last night here alright? And then we'll go back to New York, not home. We'll go to New York, stay at my dad's apartment for a while okay?" Tom says with tears in his eyes, hugging her against him.
"You guys can stay at my place." I think out loud.
"Wait really? No Harry, we can't bother you with this that would be insane, you're too kind. We'll just find a hotel, it's just one nigh-"
"Tom. We can go to Harry's place." Starla says, looking straight in my eyes for the first time since I woke her up. I feel a bit of warmth coming back to my chest as I dive in her eyes, red from crying, but still beautiful.
"Oh. Okay. I'll go tell them that we're leaving early. Are you okay? D'you want me to stay here with you?" he asks her, gently rubbing his palm on her back.
"I'm alright. I'm not alone." she says, her eyes not leaving me.
Tom gets up and walks out, making sure to shut the door this time. I don't move, still awkwardly standing next to the bed. I don't want to get any closer, unless she asks for it. I still see the fear in her eyes when she woke up.
"I'm so sorry, Harry. You shouldn't have seen me like that. I'm sorry." she starts mumbling, looking down at her hands.
"You have nothing to apologize for Star. I'm serious. I should be the one apologizing. I scared you. I'm sorry." I tell her and she holds her arms out for me to hug her. I bend down a bit and she wraps her arms around my neck. I try not to touch her though. I place one hand on her arm and let the other lay flat on the bed sheets next to her.
"I don't want you to think that you scared me Harry. You're not responsible. I just- it brought back some old stuff and I wasn't fully awake so I freaked out. It wasn't you." she explains, her face in my neck, making it hard for me to keep a clear mind and my hands away from her. I want to hold her close to me and never let go. But I don't move my hands.
"It's okay Harry. You can hug me. I'm not scared of you. I promise." she mumbles and I sigh in relief, reaching down to wrap both arms around her waist, pulling her up with me and swinging her around, so that I'm standing again and she's not sitting on her bed anymore. Her feet not even touching the ground. I breath heavily, humming her perfume and she giggles in my neck, one of her hands hitting my chest, straight on my heart.
(how cute is that?)
"Try not to have a heart attack Styles, I wouldn't know how to get rid of your body." she jokes and I laugh, so relieved to hear that she's better. I don't even care that she knows how much she makes my heart race and hammer in my chest. All I care about right now is her.
"That would be a shame Starla Robinson." I whisper, bringing her down, her feet hitting the ground again and she looks up at me with the most adorable pout ever.
"I should've stayed last night." she says, almost in a whisper.
"I should've come back here with you last night. Or... I should've made you stay." I tell her with a smirk and she laughs, as I let go of her body, unwrapping my arms from her and pushing her hair behind her ear. "Are you okay?" I ask her, lost in her eyes.
"I- yeah...I'm alright now." she mumbles and I bring my hands up to her face, stopping myself right before touching her. "It's okay" she says and I cup her face in my hands, my thumb slowly grazing over her cheekbone.
"You don't have to lie Star. You know this right? If you're not okay, you can tell me. If you're sad or scared or uncomfortable you can tell me. M'not going anywhere. Unless you want me to leave you alone of course." I whisper, my forehead against hers and she wraps her arms around my torso.
"I'm not uncomfortable. And I don't want you to go. I don't want you to leave Harry. But I am a bit scared. Because I feel like- I feel like he's never gonna give me peace. I'm thousands of miles from him and he found me. And I know how he can be. I know what he can do. And I know you read the note...so if you wanna leave before- before it's too late, I would understand Har-" she mumbles.
"No. I'm right here Starla Robinson. And I don't care if your ex boyfriend says you'll break my heart. I don't care if he approves of the way I feel about you...and the way you feel about me. He's no one to me Star. And you can't let him in your head. You can't let him win. I know it's hard. I know, trust me. But please, don't be scared to live darling. He took that away from you for long enough. Now is the time you start living again. And I won't go anywhere. I'll be by your side, every step of the way. This is a promise Star." I tell her, tears filling my eyes.
I can't seem to stop my words. I just told her that I have feelings for her. She probably thinks I'm insane. But what's new ? If she hadn't gotten it before, now at least it's crystal clear. I just told her that I won't let her down. Ever. And that's true. I just promised. And I'll keep that promise.
"Thank you Harry. Don't know what I'd do without you rockstar!" she says, finally giving me a real smile and pulling from me to look in my eyes.
"Don't know what I'd do without you Starla Robinson" I say and she laughs.
There's a knock on the door and Star sighs, pulling her arms from my body and walking up to the door to let Tom in. They both start packing immediately. There's one thing I don't understand. How did the flowers end up in their room? Was it really Tyler, who came in person to put them here, or was it someone else ? Someone who knows him. Someone who knows Tom. Someone who knows Starla....'Don't think that you know her more than I do' I hear James' voice repeat inside my head.
James.
What if he's the one who got in. He brought Tom back the night of Star's birthday. He was drunk. He could barely talk or walk. James could've taken his key and Tom wouldn't have noticed. And since he spent the next day sleeping because of how hungover he was, James could've gotten in the room. And set up the flowers. That sounds insane. But possible. The one thing I don't know is how he would know Tyler, or Tom and Starla.
"D'you guys have two keys for the room?" I ask them and Star stops packing, her face turning to me, and then to Tom.
"Yeah, we asked for two cause we knew we might go out at different times. Why?" Tom asks.
"Do you have them right now? Do you have the two keys?" I say, walking up to look on the table that Star points at. There's a key on it. A single key. "Is that yours?" I ask her and she nods. "Tom?"
"Wait um- wait. Shit. Shit! I- I don't have my key I- I don't know I haven't done anything yesterday, the last time I used it was...well I don't know but probably when I came back from the bar on your birthday night." he starts mumbling, throwing everything out of his suitcase to try and find the key.
Fuck. I might be right. He doesn't have the key. Because James has it. James stole it.
"Tom. Do you remember who walked you back to the hotel that night? D'you remember coming back up here with James?" I ask him, trying to remain calm. The last thing I want is to make Starla freak out completely.
"Um- no, who's James? I- I just- it was a guy. Blond hair, light eyes I think. But I don't remember his name or how I ended up coming back with him..." he admits.
Blond hair. Light eyes. James.
"Wait? Did he get in the room too?" Star asks suddenly.
"No he didn't. I was here. You fell asleep and I heard a knock on the door. Thought it was just Tom, so I grabbed my soaked clothes in the bathroom and opened the door. It wasn't just him. James was with him." I tell her, my jaw clenching. His name coming out of my mouth makes me sick. Star brings a hand to her mouth, confused. "He wanted to get in. I told him I'd deal with Tom. I shut the door and that's it. I got Tom in bed, made sure you were still sleeping and left. James was gone." I finish explaining to them.
"Shit. Who's that guy anyway?" Tom asks. He doesn't remember a single thing, which doesn't really make it easy.
"James is the guy from the coffee shop I've been going to since we got here. Why did he bring Tom back? Why him? Why would he steal the key? How would he-" she asks, starting to breathe heavily before stopping in the middle of her sentence. "James. James...Tom! James !" she almost screams, her eyes widening.
"What? Star I don't understand a single thing that you're saying." Tom says.
"James. Our James. From when we were young. He moved to England remember? When we were six or seven. D'you remember him? Blond hair. Light eyes. Grey eyes. Shit. That's why his eyes looked so familiar. But why would he do that?" she rambles again. She knows him?
'Don't think that you know her more than I do' his voice says in the back of my head again. That's what he meant. But he doesn't know her now. He knows the girl she was when they were young. This is insane.
"Wait. Star, you know him? Are you sure ?" I ask her, grabbing her hand to stop her for a second cause she's walking around in the room and I need her to focus completely.
"I mean I could ask him. It sounds insane I know. But the first day I went to the coffee shop I thought his eyes were familiar. I told myself that the only person I knew who had grey eyes like his was a childhood friend. And yesterday when you walked in, I had just thought that his smile was familiar too. But I couldn't put my finger on it. Because it doesn't make sense. I mean, what are the chances of running into him in London? We were so young when he left and we never saw each other again after that. Never got in touch or anything. But I really think that it's him." she explains.
"And what about Tyler ? Was he a childhood friend of you guys?" I ask, watching Star cringe at the name.
"Um- yeah. Yes he was. I don't know if he ever saw James again. I don't know. Not when we were together at least. Not that I know." she mumbles and I can tell she still finds it really hard to talk about anything that has to do with him.
"It's alright, Star. I'll go talk to James." I tell her. I don't want to talk to him. I want to beat his ass. How could he do that to her? She was so nice to him. She's always so nice to everyone. She doesn't deserve all of this.
"I'll come with you. He won't tell you. I don't think he likes you very much..." she says and I laugh. That's one way to put it. I hate that she's gonna be in the same room as him though. But I know she won't let it go. It's okay. I'll be right there.
We leave Tom in the room to pack everything up. He's obviously still confused about the whole James situation. I drive us to the coffee shop and I notice that Star's anxiously picking at her nails. I hold out my right hand and she lets me interlock my fingers with hers.
"You don't have to talk to him Star. I can do it. You can stay in the car." I tell her but she shakes her head. I had to try.
"No. First of all, I don't think leaving you alone with him would be a great idea. Second of all, I need to know. I need to know why." she says, looking straight in front of her.
"Alright. Well, we're here darling. Let's go." I say, pulling up in front of the shop and getting out of the car. I open her door for her and her hand finds mine again as we walk in. I feel my heart hammering in my chest. Time to know who James really is.
'Don't think that you know her more than I do'
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SOOOOOOO? How do we feel about all of that? I know that was a lot but I think things were a little too cute and calm. Time for some dramaaaa !
Don't worry, Harry isn't gonna make a scene and knock James out in the middle of a coffee shop, even though he really wants to. Treat people with kindness (but make it a bit Tommo way...) right?
Anyway, they're going back to New York very soon how do you think this is gonna go?
All the love <3
Marie