12:31
As I slide through a black curtain that enters the expo.
"HAYMITCH ABERNATHY, THE WINNER OF THE 50TH ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES!" I hear Ceaser Flickermen. As I am walking in, I wave and attempt a pleasing smile back at the crowd. I am on-top of the whole world, well, it feels like it. A breeze of cold minty air hits my face. Am I on top of a podium like an arena? Like one they used to use in the olden days... that's it! Where in the first Arena ever used. old, rustic but full of history,.... Bad history. Millions of people are on the stands, and all of the cheerings, some say "MAGS!" Some say "WOOF!" It is quite strange to be in an open arena with people yelling unknown names. Still, as I continue to walk straight to my designated seat, I notice behind me are all the tributes from previous games, ages ranging from teenagers to seniors. "wow," I whisper to myself, the crowds all saying my name at once and all the tributes looking at me, the attention I don't deserve. I look back to the crowd and give a good wave as I sit down next to the 49th hunger games winner, Lily Tomson.
Lily smiles and waves to the crowd, her eyes look calm, and she appears to be a pro with the cameras. Lily says, smiling and waving and between her teeth, "so how's it been, any nightmares, have you almost killed yourself?" her hand buzzes, and a shock hits her first, and she says "ow!" I say as we are waving, "What's that" she says, "if they don't like what I say," she points at her golden bracelet, "they shock me" I say, "oh wow, smart".... She says, "so answer the question," I say, "your upfront and personal. All I got is some panic attacks and mental stuff," she says, "you've become addicted to something, right?" I reply, "well, I wouldn't say," says "Chaff, 45th hunger games, he has an alcohol problem, Jon Loi 48th... drugs, Wiress and Beetee and just insane. Everyone has something expect mags," I reply, "who's mags," she says, smiling but pouting at the screen where they display a 50ish-year-old lady with dirty brown hair with gray roots coming out, she points at the screen "sweetest person alive" I reply "ok?" She says, "no, she's really good, she helps," I respond, "taking note."
The anthem continues, but we all stop waving as we all sit down. Lily fixes her dress, and I glance at her arms for a second, and I notice that there are scratches on her forearm.
They look like they are from a cat, but a cat wouldn't directly scratch her on her inner forearm. I say to her, bluntly, "cat?" She replies, holding a very thin needle that is as sharp as a knife, between her fingers.... She says, "this little thing..." I reply, "so no cat?" and says, "we all have something, Haymitch Drugs, Alcohol look at me, self-harm. We always tell ourselves 'just this one time' but that one time turns into two times the four times, then eight times. Here in the capital, they will bring you every freaking doctor and ay you are on the train for recovery, but far be it from that we are on the train to hell." She says all this with a smile, and still portrays to the crowd happiness. I can't believe it.
My mother taught me to value others. My Mentor taught me to lie to others. The Hunger Games taught me how to kill others.
The only lesson I value from all this is, no one is coming to save you. You have to save yourself.
I say back to Penelope, "nothing they ever teach us is real, isn't it?" She says, "it's all one big lie, or a joke," I say back to her, "what keeps you going" she replies, "my grandfather, he will die any day now, but I don't want him to go because of me" I reply 'and after?" She says while the music softens "cannons fire."
We all sit down, and the bright lights shine on the 49 Victors. A children's choir sings the national anthem, and we all are forced to sing it. I sing the melody with the words "stupid capital, stupid capitol," and soon enough, Lily says to me, "shut up my bracket, it buzzing me! It should be buzzing you!" I laugh but continue to sing the melody. Adolf Heavensbee stands upon the old podium and says, "welcome, today we honor the victors that we have with us, today we celebrate the rebellion and the war, how we fought and how we got!" I can't make up the words he just said, but the millions of people applaud and cheer for him. Plutarch continues, "I would like to ask Adam McFarland to stand up." The first victor of the first hunger games, an older, shorter man that is going bald. Around his later 60s. Adolf introduces every tribute one by one and explains how they won the games and who was president.
My turn, Adolf says aloud, "Haymitch Abernathy, winner of the 50th hunger games, the second quarter quell, Haymitch won the games by smashing an ax between a young girls skull, Haymitch is brilliant, and he received a total of five sponsored gifts throughout the two-month-long hunger games, I bet he was hungry!" The crowd laughs at his insulting joke because I was hungry, I was starving, my friends were toothpicks by the first month, and I also. Not true... it's all a lie because I outsmarted Adolf, month-long the game makers, which is so bad. This is truly going to be a long day.
A note is passed through, and it says, "take a deep breath, - Mags" I poke my head forward a bit and smile back at her.
My Family, My family. My family is on the big screens! A bolt of happiness is bolted through my body when I see Dahlia, Louren, and Mom. My eyes bug out in excitement! Mom looks fuller, and so does Louren. Dahlia stays with her thin figure, but at least they have been fed by the capitol or fed at all. I hear Dahlia scream, "HAYMITCH! HAYMITCH! HAYMITCH! OVER HERE! LOOK LOOK OVER HERE!" I can't move very much, but to make them realize that I see them, I make eye contact with Dahlia and look her way, and they stop. Dahlia presses her bodies against Mom, and so does Lourens. I never thought Dahlia showed emotion towards me or anything towards anyone. I was just "Haymitch," but as I see the tears falling down her face, I know she still has room in her heart for her younger brother. The anthem Plays, oh no. the man of the hour walks up.
President Snow. I can already see Alma's face covered with fury when he enters the stage. President Snow wears a dark green suit lined with gold on its edges. A white rose is pinned on the side of his suit. And his eyes seem to be briter than ever. Maybe he's wearing contacts to fancy some capital lady. President snow moves the microphone and begins his speech.
"Good Afternoon, Country of Panem. In celebration, today we congratulate our newest Victor. Haymitch Abernathy, a 16-year-old boy from... *cough* district *cough* twelve. I personally would like to say, well done to our victor, this year's games were like no other. A year ago, an old Game-maker and friend of mine had given me the news that our President, bless his soul, had been poisoned by snakes, and I was up for the presidency. Instantly my heart fell in mourning for our president, he was a dear friend of mine, but I knew that the country of Panem needed order, needed direction, and needed a president. I told Dr.Gaul that I would be obliged, and I accepted. I have to admit, I was scared, but Snow lands on top, my cousin had told me that evening when I had mentioned my presidency. Snow lands on top. I had hope, and I had fear entering this job, but what I have come to realize during my presidency is that hope is the only thing that can overcome fear." The crowd applauses for ten minutes straight, crowds chanting "SNOW LANDS ON TOP!" Over and over again. I whisper to Lily and say, "well, aren't they stupid" her eyes are moving from side to side. She says, "snow." That's true, Lilys hunger games were in a snowed-in Arena. I say to her "lily" her eyes bug out. She takes out a shark needle and begins to carve on her arm. I can't stop her. I want to because she's hurting herself but, that's her therapy. I say to her "lily cameras are watching" she says "they wouldn't play this on the screen and me doing this gets me off the screen." Something dumb, Nickolai did that in the Arena, a distraction. A painful one on her part, and all of us... but I can't blame her... that's what they do to us.
Crowds cheer and cheer for president snow as he continues talking, but I zone myself out of the arena. I picture myself in a place far away from here, far away from traumatized teens and adults, in a place where no reaping existed. I was with my family, on a couch singing old tunes and talking...in a place where we could buy actual Christmas presents and serve a real thanksgiving meal.
I see Chaff, five rows aside from me, and I see him take out a flask and start to drink. Huh, that's a good idea...... I notice almost every tribute is doing something. Wiress is drawing on a piece of paper with a red crayon, Doula Danes with a rope in-between her fingers making knots. All of them seem to be doing something. Even Mags is tying string between her fingers and weaving something. They all receive a shock at the same time and stop. All of them look forward into the crowd like nothing had ever been done.
Lily turns to me and says, "buzz" she points at her wrist. She adds, "well, do you have any special gadget," I reply, "watch," she says, "ahhh, yes, this year was watching! I would keep it in your hands, it would hurt if they buzzed your heart, now would it." Ah makes sense, again little details. If you do something or say something, that key thing in the arena or anywhere would buzz you. Makes sense. Lily says, "here" she gives me her gold bracelet, "it looks better than you carrying around a watch," I say, "thanks?" And I place the gold bracelet into my pocket. It looks similar to the one that Effie gave me.
"and now for the crowing of our victor of the second quarter quell, and 50th annual hunger games! Haymitch Abernathy" oh gosh, my turn. A bright light shines on my face and Stands up, almost falling, and I wave, and head down a case of stairs and make a way to the front of the stage. President Snow has an Avox holding the crown with white gloves, and I get nearer.
I walk up to the podium, and President Snow, standing at least over 6 feet, looks down at me and stares at the pin on me, and he says, "I was never fond of birds" and places the crown on my head, I reply "well. It's never over until the Mockingjay sings, is it?" He gives a faint laugh and says, "no, it's not." Crowds cheer, and I sing the melody of the hanging tree very softly. As president snow fits my crown, President snow looks at me with his eyes questioning my action. He gets near, and he says to me, "you aren't going to start singing, are you?" I reply, "no, I was saving the concert for later this evening," he replies, "good idea." The crowd is gazing at me, and I wave and leave the stage.
I go back to my chair while the children's choir continues their rendition of the national anthem for the hundredth time, and lily says to me, "nice crown," she fixes hers and says, "mines are uncomfortable. Your looks pretty sturdy, I am not going to lie."
The children's choir leaves the stage, and the ceremony has ended. We are directed to leave the stage, and one by one, we are all escorted by our escorts to a room.
All forty-nine of us are quiet and frightened in a way, but we are told that whatever we are here for, well, it's for pictures.
Several pictures are taken of me sitting on a chair with the crown, and a watch as the backdrop says instead of numbers, "the quarter quell 2x." Evian directs me on how to place my hands and how to make myself look normal, but I straight up give a serious face throughout all the pictures. An older man says in a loud microphone, "now, all the victors get it, make sure to have your crowns on... and make sure to change onto your assigned clothing racks." I move towards the men's room, and they're black suits for all of us. Chaff is next to me and says, "they never get my size. I swear they never get it" putting mines on, I say, "too long," he says, "want to switch?" I say, "sure" we switch suits, and we get dressed in the all black attire they have for us. I say to chaff, "who's voice is more annoying, your escort or Ceaser" he looks at me and says, "neither. President Snow's voice makes me want to vomit every time I hear him say the word equal or unity," I reply, taking my flask out "here here," he looks at me laughing, "here here," and we drink.
We all leave the room and enter the same photo studio that has a huge gray backdrop. The ladies wear short-suited dresses alike, we wear black suits, and we all have a gold complemented item and our crowns. "CHEESE!" The photographer screams! But we all stay serious, just looking straight towards the camera.
We all are escorted by our escorts into different rooms and get dressed again by our prep team into different outfits. Looking around at all the females, they remind me of Penelope... Mag's curly brown hair reminds me of the bangs that fell on Penelope's forehead, and the girl's outfits remind me of Penelope getting ready for the interviews... I hadn't realized how much I missed her. I miss having a friend, someone to talk or argue with.
As we get out, Chaff says to me, "too tight," I say, "that's the liquor buddy, not that suits fault" he pushes his blazer down s and says, "you might be right," I say proudly and loudly "I am" we both laugh and take another sip of our liquor. Beetee comes closer to us, and I say to Chaff, "are we going to need a dictionary for this one?" He says, "probably an encyclopedia" Beettee comes closer to us and says, "how is the tribute, conjugations Haymitch" I reply, "thanks?" He says, "you did win" I respond laughing, "by killing people, we all should know that," beetee says, "we all know that because we had to do it, but I congratulate you for doing so," I reply nodding my head, and bette excuses himself out, and Chaff says to me "I don't know what he thinks most of the times" he mimics beetle voice "congratulations Haymitch, you killed 27 people I hope you have a lovely life" I reply laughing and say "thank you chaff now, shall we have a drink in celebration" he replies "yes!" And as soon as we are gulping the liquor, Lily comes out of nowhere and says, "hold up, you have interviews," and she snatches the flask away and drinks some of her own. Chaff says, "oh yeah, last year Lily went to the interviews drunk.... Let's just say her reputation hasn't been very good since," she says "I left an impression, and that's what matters," I reply, snatching the flask away from her hands and say "ah your the 'I want to be different type'.." she says "I'm the I want to get out of here type, once this is done, the next time you will see this lovely face is in the 51st hunger games as a mentor... again."
I reply, "well, you got good feelings towards the games" chaff replies, "she's just sour because A)she doesn't like the games, B)her tribute died within the first day. And C) she got assigned one of the youngest" he laughs mocking Lily " I reply "who?" Lily says "see okay, don't make fun of me yet Chaff, look there are five victors, and there were four tributes this year so what they did was they drew in a bowl the names, I got Felicity" I reply "felicity?" She says "yeah... what's so crazy about that?" I reply "no, a tribute... Fauna, she was friends with Felicity" Lily looks at me and says, "that's right, she killed Felicity in the Eden" chaff says, "I was too drunk to remember.."
I don't want to show my emotion towards them, even though they, of all people, should know what I'm going through, but I rather them see me drunk than they see me mourn over Fauna's death. This is hard, all of this. Talking to them like nothing had ever happened, like I wasn't in the games a couple of days ago... like all of this is normal. Now it isn't about making allies. More like friends. The people I am surrounded with are the people I am most likely to be with for the rest of my life, year after year.
A red, dark-haired man, about forty-six years old, Is looking at me. I say to chaff, "who's that" Beetee comes out of nowhere and says, "he's from district 11, he was Penelope's mentor, and he won the last quarter quell," Chaff says, slowly moving away from Beetee. "His games, he got nominated to be in the games; no reaping was used that year," I reply. "I saw that in the pamphlet," Lily says "ugh. That awful pamphlet, it's like you a food item and your picking which snacks you would like to take a bite of, but instead its for victors. It's horrible," Chaff says. "I can't lie. They messed up everything. In the pamphlet, it doesn't even say the real ways how most of us stayed alive or anything," Beetee says, "well, for some, yes. Other no. it depends how much you were liked and how smart you were if you are well them like.." He points at Kirk from district five and says, "well, your whole story will be on display" He turns to me, and he says, "but if your smart like this one, they might change the whole games for you" Lily says "that right, you figured out the forcefield" we all get buzzed at the same time the conversation dies down.
We are all ordered to take pictures of us with one another. Airick and I are ordered to take pictures together, both winners of the quarter quells and hated by the capitol. Well, at least I am. I'm not sure if he is, but nobody seems to like him. He wears black eyeliner making his eyes look darker but bigger. He looks at me almost as if I were getting inspected for war! I look at him and say, "does my hair shine when the light hits it, or are my eyes glistening" he looks at me and says, "you look nothing like you did in the games" I say, "well, I've had better days since then..." he looks at me dipping his glasses to the top of his nose "that watch... familiar" I reply "it's not Penelope's, its Fauna's" he looks at me and says "ah yes, little Fauna." He doesn't say anything else; he just gives me stare after a stare and gets creepy.
Mags, the older woman, gets closer to me as I am alone getting water in the water fountain. The older lady pats my shoulder, and she says, "how are you, Haymitch?" So sincere, so real. Her eyes full of honesty and truth, almost as if I could tell her my whole life story and just tell her what I feel. I look at Mags and say, "I'm doing. How are you" she looks at me, and she says, "I'm good, thanks for asking" His hand goes around my waist. She begins to walk with me down the hall. She says, "Haymitch, I don't know you, but I do know you have a heart for others. You treated Penelope in the games as an equal, and I appreciate you for that. you have a heart of gold." I reply, "thank you," she says, "now again, nobody is here, Haymitch. How are you doing?" I look at her and say, "compared to yesterday, and this morning I'm doing better. I'm on meds and comfort well comfort drinks" she looks at me and says, "what have they diagnosed you with Haymitch?" I reply, "everything that could be wrong with me mentally," my heart starts pounding, and mags look at me and say, "Haymitch, things are going to get better. It's just time," I reply, cutting her off. "I don't understand how everything can just be talking and giggling. things don't seem to be getting better for them." Mags tucks the hair side of my ear and says, "you will get on a train Haymitch, and you will be left with no medicine and no contact to the capitol. Haymitch, what happens here is that the good stuff they give you is for only when you're here. Now the capital is never going to be here for you, Haymitch. They might all now be calm and collective right now, but that is only because they are putting on a show, like what you were taught. They're giggling and having a happy time now, well because, for the rest of the year, our lives look pretty low," I reply "how can you talk about the games like they are nothing" Mags replies, "it doesn't get easier. Still, they've been doing this for years; I've been doing this for 29 years, Haymitch," I reply. "I don't understand still," Mags says, "you don't. I didn't. None of us did until years later when the whole thing gets settled into our minds a little more, just give it a try Haymitch, I am not saying to love it and to look forward to it just deal with it" I look back at Mags, not quite getting what she says, not understanding but getting what she means clear.
"HAYMITCH ABERNATHY, REPORT TO THE BACKSTAGE IN 10 MINUTES, INTERVIEWS WILL BEGIN SHORTLY"... mags look at me, and my hands start to shake, she grabs my hand, and she says "good luck Haymitch" and gives a sincere smile, and I leave.
Evian and Heather escort me, and Effie does my makeup as I walk towards the stage, touching up the scars on my wrist from the buzzing and the puffiness of my eyes caused by the ceremony's lighting. Effie says to me, "be yourself," Evian turns to us and says, "now, don't take that too seriously, Haymitch." I reply as Effie fixes my hair, "I won't... Maybe"
and I exit backstage. I walk on to the stage, awkwardly, all the tributes in the back of me in chairs, and I am escorted to the front like a king. Ceaser Flickermen wears dark green hair with gold eyelashes and a purple suit, he looks genuinely awful, but I manage to complement once we sit down. The interviews start with greeting each other and asking questions about other clothing and the story behind the colors and such. Ceaser Flcikermen asks me, "so! Haymitch Abernathy, you mentioned the last time we talked to one another that every tribute was well, 'Stupid!' now, let me ask you, who was the smartest" I reply, "well, you happen to be talking to him right now!" The whole crowd burst out laughing, and Ceaser says, "well, I might be the 'stupidest'!" I reply, "oh no, just the game makers!" He says, "now don't get cocky on me, Haymitch!" I reply, "no, Ceaser, I believe the word is proud!" I smile at the crowd and manage to fix the position of my hair. Ceaser and I continue the conversation on basic things, my favorite foods, what have. I enjoyed most about the capital, and he asks me several times to touch upon the topic of Fauna, but every time, I revert the conversation to him and his riddles and such. Ceaser ends the interview with, "Haymitch, it was a pleasure having you! We cannot wait to see you be a mentor!" I reply, "as do I," and I leave the stage waving and blowing kisses to the crowd.
Heather and Karma await me at the entrance to the stage, and they both come to my side by side and escort me to the apartment. On the way there, Evian says, "Haymitch, it's time for you to leave," I reply, "really?" Karma says, "yes, you have been granted to leave early," she opens the door to the apartment. Heather says, "all your things are packed. I left a couple of things for you, extras, of course. Jasyn and I added some clothing that will fit you now and some extras," Heather says, "I left a comb and some toothpaste that you will like... the minty kind, you seemed to like that one, didn't you?" I reply, "that's fine, Heather, thank you" I'm leaving! I'm leaving. I want to leave, but Karma and Heather seem so sad. Their eyes fill with tears as they talk to one another and call for orders. My prep team comes in the whole prep team. Karma and Heather Stand up and line with the others. A chorus line stands Evian, Alma, Karma, Jasyn, Veronica, Liam, Lucero, Connor, Heather, Effie, Mystique, and Leslie. Evian starts to cry, and she says between tears, "I'll go last," and she leaves the room out to the hallway. Mystique, Leslie, Veronica, Liam, and Connor all say bye to me first, barely giving a hoot, but it feels nice to be appreciated by them even though I hardly knew them.
Jasyn comes to me, and he says, "Bye Haymitch, enjoy twelve," he gives me a nice shake in hand and leaves the room with the extra helpers to the prep team. Heather, Karma, Effie, and Alma are all in front of me, Karma comes closer, and she says with a little black box in her hand, she says tearing up, "Haymitch, I don't like goodbyes so, here is a farewell, until next time gift." She opens the miniature box and the Mockingjay pin. Karma says, "Maysilee had told me that she wanted the pin to go to her sister in twelve if something were to happen to her, would you give this to her?" I reply, "yes," Karma hugs me and then leaves the room. Heather looks at me and says, "you had the best hair out of all the tributes I have dealt with, and I am forever grateful! Now hug me!" She reached out for me and gave me a mama bear hug like what gran used to do when I was younger. Heather says, "now! I will see you next year and that hair! You hear me?" I reply, "yes, Heather," she says, "now, do not cut it!" I reply, "I'll try to keep myself controlled,"... she pants my back and leaves the room. Alma looks at me and says, "you know me, don't do anything stupid and don't kill yourself, see you next year, big guy" not a hug or anything, she flat out leaves the room and looks back at me and says "you'll be the best mentor, don't listen to that crap" and she leaves the room. Effie can't even make eye-contact with me, her eyes juggle around, and I catch them and says to her, "Effie, do you want to come to the train station?" sHe head nods, and I grab my bags and loop my arms with hers, and as we leave the room, I give a last look at the apartment. Many good and bad things have happened here, so many good memories and so many deadfall ones. I can see all of us laughing on the couch, all of us reciting our scores, Alma screaming at all of us kids but internally enjoying it. As I open the door for Effie, I hear the loud sniffles of Evian in the hallway; Evian says, "to the train, Haymitch" us three walks for the last time to the train station. Not one of us says a word. Not a word is spoken throughout the whole maze. The tension between us three speaks for itself. We get to the train station, and as I put my bags down, Evian looks at me, her eyes full of tears, and I can hear her heart pounding at a billion miles per hour. She says, "Haymitch, thank you." She wraps her arms around me and kisses my cheeks. She says, "Haymitch, don't tell anyone.. well, if I were, to be honest, who wowed you tell, anyways Haymitch... you will forever be my favorite tribute and victor." I reply, "you are my favor escort now, don't tell anybody that!" She laughs and gives me another grandiose hug. She squeezes me and places her hands on my face, and says
"now, be good" as she is about to walk away, she says-
"now, I will leave you Alone, Effie would you like me to stay over there waiting for you?"
Effie nods, and Evian leaves.
Effie, oh, Effie. The spoiled brat, the one I called ugly... the one who always randomly was with me, the one who got me mad, the one who made me happy.
Effie is wearing a dark blue off the shoulder dress with pearled stockings and a pearled headband, her hair is white and curled in a sort of bob style, she looks "pretty" I must say.... I guess her skin is still white as snow, and her eyelids painted blue for a capital girl.
I have to admit, I like the headband, and I say to her, "I like the headband, it goes with your hair, is it new?" Effie looks at me and says, "yes," I say back, "is the dress new? I like it" she replies, "yes, I bought it for the crowing... well I designed it" I reply, "it's pretty Effie, I like it" she looks at me and says "take these clothes off when you get to twelve and forget about all this, forget all this happened. Plus, you never looked good in glitter," I reply, laughing, "well, somebody has an opinion!" Her eyes widen, and she looks at me smiling and says, "well, I learned it from somebody, didn't I?" I reply, "nobody in particular..." Effie wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me, my body lies flat, stiff like a brick... she says, "bye Haymitch, until next year," I say
"bye, Effie" I pick up my bags, look at Effie for the last time, and the doors of the train go.
I am on my way home.