Three weeks after the Winter Dance ...
On a Tuesday evening in March, clouds gathered over Hogwarts and darkened the sky. The few students who had been outside despite the cold wind had mere seconds to sprint to the castle before the gates to the heavens opened. Rain began to pour down, drenching everyone. You were one of those students.
You cursed once you got inside and whipped out your wand to cast a drying spell while hoping your Potions book wasn't completely ruined. Even though Snape was no longer around to retract at least fifty housepoints for it, you still didn't want to deal with Slughorns disappointed look that he'd give you. "Oh thank Merlin," you mumbled when you saw that it was fine.
"Here, you lost this."
You almost dropped your book when you heard the familiar voice. "Hermione!", you said surprised.
The brown-haired girl stood in front of you, holding out a quill that had slipped out of your bag when you reached for the wand. She smiled awkwardly.
"Thank you." You took the quill from her. She nodded but stayed silent, burying her hand in the pocket of her jacket. It had been three weeks since you last talked to her. The morning after the Winter Dance, you had tried to get her to talk to you. She refused and sent Ginny to let you know that she needed space. You tried one more time a few days later but still – Hermione didn't want to see you.
Your own emotions shifted from guilt that you didn't tell her, to anger that she didn't want to speak to you for three freaking weeks, and then back to guilt because you knew you screwed up with your lies. Now that she was here, you understood that you just missed her. You missed not being able to talk and laugh with your friend.
"Where are you going?", Hermione asked.
"To the common room."
She hesitated and looked back and forth between you and the stairs behind you. "Can I come?"
Relief washed over you. That could only mean that she wanted to talk. "Sure," you replied and smiled at her.
You walked together in silence for the first pair of stairs. Only when you turned a corner and entered the hall that lead to the next stair, did she speak up. Her words surprised you.
"I'm sorry."
You looked at her, stunned. "What for?"
Her gaze was fixated on her shoes. "For not coming to you earlier. I was embarrassed."
You frowned. "I'm the one who lied to you, Hermione."
"I know," she sighed, still not looking at you. "But I overreacted."
You snorted. Not because you found this situation particularly amusing – to be honest, it was ridiculous. You stopped walking, Hermione did the same.
"You didn't." You shook your head. "Seriously. I should have told you the day it first happened. You're my friend and what I did was wrong." You paused. "I hurt you. And I'm deeply sorry for that."
For the first time since you started walking, Hermione looked at you. She pursed her lips but there was no anger written on her face. When she spoke, there was certainty in her voice: "I know. What you did wasn't okay."
You couldn't agree more. "You're right."
"I'm not mad that you slept with him, you know."
"You're not?"
"No. Although ... it's a little weird." She wrinkled her nose and you chuckled softly.
"No, but I'm not mad about it", you friend repeated herself. "He didn't cheat on me. We weren't dating then and ...", she hesitated, "I had my fun as well."
You raised an eyebrow at her confession. "Oh?"
You could have sworn that a soft shade of red colored her cheeks but then again, it was rather dark in the hallway. Hermione gave a dismissive wave of her hand. "I'll tell you about that later."
Before you had the chance to say anything else, she continued: "Both of you obviously didn't handle ... the end of your whatever it was that you two had very well. I had my suspicions to be honest. You were both acting strange and not talking to each other for months."
"Why didn't you ask me?"
Hermione shrugged. "I thought that if my suspicions were correct ... you would have come to me."
You looked down when you heard that. "I'm sorry, Hermione."
"Also, it sucked hearing it from Malfoy. Of all the people who could've told me." She shook her head. "See, that's the next thing. Malfoy knew, Ron knew, Ginny and you knew ... It hurt being the only who didn't know."
"I'm sorry." You didn't know what else to say.
"It's fine," Hermione replied, her voice a little softer now.
You looked up at her. "It's not."
"It is," she smiled at you. "Honestly, I'm not mad anymore. It just took me some time to realize it."
You stared at her, somehow expecting this to be a test or a joke. You couldn't believe she would forgive you for lying so long so easily. However, Hermione simply stood in front of, waiting for you to react.
"I missed you so much." The words came from deep down within you, along with the relief and happiness that flooded your mind right this second. You pulled her into a tight hug.
Hermione laughed before returning the hug. "Missed you too," she then mumbled.
"What about Ron though?", you asked after a while and took a step back.
"What about him?"
You tilted your head. "Did you talk about it?"
"No," she said calmly but couldn't hide the way the corners of her lips twitched. "No, he deserves to suffer a little longer."
Only one more lie left.
***
Four weeks after the Winter Dance ...
"We already had a lesson on Amortentia in our sixth year, Professor," Pansy whined and the sound instantly caused you to roll your eyes.
"Your exams are here sooner than you think," Professor Slughorn replied, facing the blackboard. "I believe a little repetition will do you good."
Exams. The word caused you to crinkle your nose. They were so close and yet you felt so far behind. It seemed as all you did was study but between the fight with Hermione and the drama with Astoria, your attention was certainly split.
Astoria ... You looked over to her table where she stood next to Millicent Bulstrode, nose buried in the Potions book. Draco had told you some of what went down between him and her in the Room of Requirements. He said that he knew the reason why she wanted to marry him but he had also no right to let you know. It didn't help your restless mind. You spent hours speculating and brooding over it. Was she sick? Would her parents disown her if she didn't marry Draco? You wouldn't be surprised by something like that. Was she pregnant?
None of your theories made any sense to you and Draco was steadfast. He didn't comment on them or give you any more clues. You had to respect his ability to keep a secret.
"I think I did it wrong, can you smell anything?", Theos voice pulled you from your thoughts.
The Slytherin came up to your table. Since the Winter Dance, you had spent increasingly more time with Draco and he had sneaked you in their common room on more than one occasion. It had resulted in you becoming friendly with Nott.
"Where's Blaise?", you asked as you stirred the liquid in the cauldron. "Isn't he supposed to help you with it?"
Theo shrugged. "Probably off and begging Astoria to go to Hogsmeade with him."
You chuckled and when you looked over to her table, sure enough, Blaise leaned against it, talking to her. "That's still going on?"
Theo followed your gaze. "Very unsuccessfully, but yes." He looked back at you. "Sorry."
"For what?"
"The part of where he's unsuccessful," he explained. "She's set on marrying Draco."
You shrugged and reached too add the missing ingredient. "I'm set on having pudding for dessert tonight but it probably won't be served, so let's see what happens."
The potion was supposed to be finished now and you leaned over it, carefully.
"You smell something?", Theo asked again.
You closed your eyes and sniffed. Irritated, you opened them again and looked to your side, expecting Draco to be there. The scent of his cologne, mixed with mint and the smell of summer rain, was overwhelming. He wasn't there. No, he stood a few feet away, talking to Professor Slughorn. Huh.
"And?", Theo began to sound a little impatient.
"Yes," you nodded, still slightly confused. "I smell something."
He groaned. "It's my mistake then and not the book's." Before he went back to his table, he asked curiously: "What do you smell?"
"Your shampoo, Nott, what else?", you joked. Just in this moment, Draco came back, catching the last bit of your conversation.
Theo chuckled. "Not in front of Draco, darling." Then he winked at you and turned around.
The smile still on your face, you looked at Draco. "And? Did Slughorn know?"
Judging by the sour look on his face, the Professor hadn't been able to answer his question.
"Seriously?", Draco asked.
You tilted your head. "What?"
"Did you smell his shampoo?"
You stared at him. He avoided your eyes and instead flicked through the pages of the book, pretending as if he was reading something about Amortentia. You saw right through him.
"Are you jealous, Malfoy?"
His hand stopped in mid-air of the page for a second before he cleared his throat. "Of course not," he replied quickly.
Your smile returned, turning into a full-size grin. "You're jealous!"
"What would I be jealous about?!", he sneered. "We're not dating so ..."
The grin stayed plastered on your face. "Right, we're not but still you're –"
"Don't we have work to do?", he interrupted you and sat down abruptly. "We still need to write down what we did."
You giggled softly before you sat down next to him and grabbed your quill.
"It was just a joke," you whispered while writing.
Draco didn't reply and you were wondering if he had heard you. "What does it smell like for you then?", he said after a while.
You hesitated. The smell of mint still wafting over to you. "I can't smell anything today," you lied. "Still fighting that cold from last week, I suppose."
"Hmm," Draco made.
"What do you smell?"
"You, Y/L/N."
"Right," you chuckled at his joke. "No, seriously, what do you smell?"
No more words came from him, only a wink. You rolled your eyes and chuckled again, pushing down the strange feeling emerging inside of you. When the class was over, you walked to the Great Hall together. Dinner was served and you had pudding for dessert.
***
Five weeks after the Winter Dance ...
"Do you love him?" Hermione sat down across from you and dropped her books on the table.
You didn't look up from your own studies. "Draco?"
"No."
You looked up. Oops.
"Ron, of course," Hermione explained.
"Of course." Why on earth would you think of Draco first at that question? But more importantly right now – why on earth would Hermione think that you loved Ronald Weasley?! You shook your head. "No, why?"
"I'm trying to understand ... your thing."
You closed your book. "Can I be honest?"
Hermione raised her eyebrows. "Are you serious right now, Y/N?"
Right, honesty was probably the only thing she expected from you these days. "I had a crush on him. I admit that," you shrugged. You tapped on the cover of the book in front of you with your fingertips, before you continued. "And it hurt when he just dropped me like a hot potato." The memory, even though it began to fade and become more and more irrelevant, still stung a little. "I don't love him." You looked into her eyes. "Never have."
Hermione nodded slowly. "What about him then?"
"He loves you." You smiled. "Everyone knows that."
"But when he's around you ...", she began.
"He doesn't love me," you interrupted her. "He's just pissed that I'm with Draco."
Hermione slumped against the back of the chair. "You really think that's all?"
"Yes." It was the truth. "His ego is hurt and he got confused. He loves you though. Did he apologize to you?"
Finally, Hermione smiled. A soft, shy smile. "A thousand times. He sent me love letters. God, they were so ridiculous." She raised a hand to her mouth to hide the smile.
You grinned and reached for her hand. "I think you should give him a chance."
"I love him so much," your friend admitted with a soft sigh. Then the smile on her face vanished. "But what if ... what if it happens again? With a different girl?"
"Then I will personally kick his butt." You squeezed her hand tightly and Hermione chuckled. She looked down at the table as if she was thinking about something.
"Do you love him then?" She raised her head again.
"Who?", you asked, knowing damn well who she meant. However, you were certain your friend knew the answer to her question already.
***
Six weeks after the Winter Dance ...
It was cold in the dorm that Draco shared with Blaise and Theo. The fact that you were wrapped in nothing but a black towel, didn't help much with it. You shivered when you closed the bathroom door behind you and quickly ran over to the warm bed where your pretend-boyfriend still waited under the covers.
"Can you believe it's almost April?", Draco asked while he reached for the sweets on his nightstand. "School is nearly over."
"Exams are almost here," you replied, climbed over him and slipped under the blanket.
The Slytherin rolled his eyes as his chewed on another piece of candy. You wondered if they were still yours from the first weekend in Hogsmeade last year. Then Draco turned to face you and propped himself up on his elbows. "Stop playing scared," it was almost a demand, "you'll do great and you know it. I barely got to see you these last few weeks."
"We saw each other every day, Draco," you countered with a grin.
"It felt less." He let himself fall on his back and put one arm behind his head.
"Did you make a decision yet?" The question left your mouth before you had time to think about it. This was a sensitive topic for him. Too many uncertainties in his life.
"I always have the option to marry rich," he joked, looking at the ceiling.
You snorted. "Ha ha."
***
Seven weeks after the Winter Dance ...
"You're staring. Again."
Draco and you had found yourselves in his dorm once again. Theo and Blaise spent an awful amount of time at the library lately, giving you the freedom not to rely on the Room of Requirements so often.
It was a Saturday morning. You wished you could tell whether it was a beautiful spring day with birds chirping and beams of sunlight falling through the window – but from here, you were only able to see the green water of the lake.
"I'm not staring," Draco mumbled. "I'm admiring."
You smiled and when your eyes met his, a warm feeling spread in your chest. A feeling, you had experienced a lot more often in the past weeks. Sneaking up on you, always in the back of your mind as it tried to tell you something. Something, you already knew but were too scared to put a name on it. So instead, you pushed it back and tried to ignore it. "What are you admiring then?"
"You." He whispered. "You're beautiful."
You pressed yourself closer to his body.
"I love you."
At first you thought that you had accidentally fallen asleep again and this was some sort of weird dream your brain produced. But your eyes were open and you felt how Draco stopped breathing next to you; surely, this wasn't a dream. The words had actually left his mouth. He had said them. They were out.
Oh Merlin.
You sat up abruptly. "I'm sorry, what?"
His eyes were wide as he got up as well, turning his back towards you. He walked over to the closet with stiff movements and frantically searched through his drawers. "I don't know where this came from," he said in a hardened voice. "Forget it."
I love you.
The words rung in your ears like the sound of a pot crashing to the ground. You stared at his back. And then, when his eyes flickered over to you, the ringing stopped
I love you.
You were suddenly very calm. "Draco –"
"Forget it," he interrupted you and slipped over a black shirt. "Just do me the favor and pretend I never said anything."
"Draco –"
"Draco!" The door flew open and crashed against the wall. You flinched.
Theo stood in the doorway, breathing heavily as if he had just sprinted up the stairs. "Oh, shit, sorry guys," he exclaimed when he saw you and quickly looked away.
You needed a second to realize that you were sitting in Dracos bed – completely naked. Letting out a surprised gasp, you pulled up the covers.
Draco quickly stepped in front of him, blocking his view. "What do you want, Theo?", he sneered, making it clear that this was not the right time.
Theo cleared his throat. "Okay, uhm," he began, "Don't panic but ..."
Draco crossed his arms in front of his chest. "But what?"
You would later on call it intuition – but a part of you knew that the moment Theo stepped in, something would change. The tranquility and happiness between Draco and you had been going on for way too long already. You had pushed away the fears and uncertainty and allowed yourself to simply be. You should have known that it would come back to bite you in the ass.
"Spit it out," Draco demanded.
Over his shoulders, Theo looked at you the same way he had a few weeks back during that Potions lesson. Fear gripped your heart. Sorry, his eyes seemed to say.
"Your mother is in the common room, Draco. She's talking to Astoria."
So this was the way it ends.